[LBS_Les]

Thanks guys for replying.

Today is my FINAL wedding anniversary, before its no longer “legal”. 

I met with a couple of lawyers.  One wanted to pursue but another was very direct and frank with me.  Yes, I can go after her for equalization but for the amount of turmoil and fees, I would only come out ahead with just under $10K, take home.  I decided against it.

My life has been very content without my ex in it and moving forward with a contest of her divorce would put me in a position to open myself up to trying to work with her, or having to deal with her on getting financial disclosures together.  And coming out with $10K was wholly dependent on her not contesting and just agreeing.  If she decided to fight me back, I obviously stood to lose more.

So I have not and will not respond to her application for divorce.  She will then have to take the next steps in a couple of weeks, to prove she had me served, and pay the remaining fee and finalize the filing.  She hasn’t been willing to work with me in the past and didn’t even want to make a decision when I said I was ready, all while she was with her BF, so I dont feel bad about ignoring her paperwork.

I will admit, I had to struggle with feelings of “how can she get away with this, its unfair” however I needed to pull up my pants and do what I knew needed to be done.

On today, my anniversary, my bank funded me a loan I applied for.  All the debt will be paid off in the next couple of days and I have a small loan payment for the next 4 years.  If you recall, I changed jobs and financially, I am in a MUCH better place.  I could pay the loan off in the next 18 months however I am going to take a few months to put the extra money I have, into investments and savings.  I will likely start making double payments on my loan payment to shorten the amortization.

I’ve been at my new job for 7 months and I already got a raise.  Money is no longer an issue for me, but was a gesture to get back at her.  And I’m so much more than that.   I can settle this all and still live quite comfortably and protect my peace by keeping my ex out of my life by not proceeding with a contested divorce.

And so ironically, on my anniversary, our debt is paid, Divorce is in motion, and I couldn’t think of a better way to close this circle.

So I will celebrate with some bubbly, the sun, and a smile on my face.

I have so much to be grateful for, and my future is looking so bright, I need some designer shades. 

[Curiosity]

LL - you sound like you are in a wonderful, healthy place. You have truly, truly done ALL the work and you are finding the peace and happiness that you deserve.

[MadLuv]

LL- feeling comfortable financially with your future is huge. It has been extremely helpful for me. You do sound good and strong!! 

[LBS_Les]

LL - you sound like you are in a wonderful, healthy place. You have truly, truly done ALL the work and you are finding the peace and happiness that you deserve.

Thank you!  It hasn’t all been sunshine and roses.  I definitely spiraled when I got the papers “out of the blue”.  Ex is blocked everywhere and I discovered she did try to email me the week prior, pleading that we do this in the “most amicable way”. STFU

I did have a conversation with her sister and it was definitely alcohol driven, where I said some things that I would have preferred to keep to myself.  Unlike my ex’s family, I held myself accountable and apologized as it was unfair of me to “dump” my emotions on her.

But some snippets of the convo included “if you blocked her, why are you upset she surprised you?” And “X (my niece) doesn’t understand how you just abandoned her the way you did”. For real?  If it was important to you and my niece to maintain a relationship, y’all had my number.

But I digress.  I’m not going to sweat the small stuff. 

I was going to look up your thread to see where you were with your updates, but I got caught up in Watchers 2022 

[LBS_Les]

LL- feeling comfortable financially with your future is huge. It has been extremely helpful for me. You do sound good and strong!!

Thank you!  It took a lot of time and work, but I wouldn’t trade this experience in, for the world

And to anyone lurking or new, you can have a much more fulfilling life once you master the art of detachment, and in extreme cases, letting go.

[beyondblessed]

LES, your update is another example of all the good things that can come of this insanity when the LBS drops the rope and puts the focus themselves.  You are doing all the right things and life loves the fighter who perseveres.  Get ready for all the good things that your about to attract.

[sachat3]

Just stopping by to say I’ve finally caught up. Praise be to Jesus. And u agree you are doing SO well. Detachment for the win

[LBS_Les]

Long time no see!

Popped on to give a brief update.  I received my Divorce Order and will be officially divorced next month!!!!!  I felt relief that my ex actually took the steps to finish her filing but a tinge of sadness appeared at the thought of having a failed marriage under my belt.  Then a wave of excitement that this chapter is officially and legally closed!!!!  I celebrated with some bubbly and sharing the news with friends.

Life has been good.  I mentioned S a few times in my journey.  We started dating in the summer and this weekend, we agreed to take it to the next level and enter a relationship.  Is that how you say it? LOL. It’s been far too long since I’ve done this.

She’s been patient, kind, empathetic and my cheerleader for these past almost 3 years.  She was the first one I shared the news with because a) she’s been my rock and b) I wanted her to know that its all finally over, and we get to move forward without that shadow in the background.  We have had chats about me being “legally” married while we are dating, and I wanted her to know that I have no desire to reconcile with my ex.  Because she’s been through this all with me, she knows the ways in which I have grieved, processed and grown, and my marital status was a non issue for her as she knew I was never going back, or that I had a desire to go back.  I’m glad to have her in my life and I’m excited to see what the future brings.

But more importantly, because nothing is forever and that includes love, I celebrate my journey as I have navigated through this all and how much Ive grown.  If things between us end at some point, I know it will hurt, I know it will drudge up some past pains and feelings, but I know I will be okay.

Lastly, I had unblocked my ex everywhere because a) I didn’t want her to think she still had that hold on me, because she didn’t and b) I figured she may need to reach out since the D was underway.  Well she must have noticed that I recently unblocked her because she’s now gone and blocked on me on WhatsApp LOL!.  Imagine being that mad, 3 years later. 

Anyways, I’m sure I will return to post things as they may or may not come up.  But I expect to close this chapter out.  My ex is clearly in a way if she wants to block me.  We will be legally divorced next month, and so this book comes to an end.

A happy ending at that, and those are my favourite kind of reads.

[Standing Strong]

Hey LBS 

You sound very healthy 

How things have changed, and next month it all comes to a close. Well, you will have a totally fresh new year, that has to be exciting.
I'm go glad you're doing well. I'd wondered what had happened, and it's so normal to disappear for a bit toward the end.

See, there's plenty to be thankful for at Thanksgiving (and everyday). 

-SS

[MadLuv]

Sounds like your are headed in a good direction!! Best of luck to you going forward and come back and update us on how life hoes for you