This June would be 26 years of marriage. My husband started last year of saying I can’t cook or can’t do this or that and it progressively got worse. On Feb 3 he left the house. No contact for the who,e time he was gone until he came back to the house March 4. On March 16 he said he loves me but is not in love with me and doesn’t think he ever was. He then left and hasn’t been home since. He does not text or call. Needless to say like most everyone I am very hurt, sad depressed, and angry. I cry all the time and when I am working if someone asks about him I about cry. I go talk to my attorney next week about a separation or divorce just not sure which way to go yet but will figure it out when I speak with her. Does it get better, am I jumping the gun to soon with the attorney, so many unanswered questions.

Similarly my wife of 25 years walked out in early January so it's been 3 months now. It's just starting to feel a little less painful now but I'm still in shock and I feel sad a lot of the time.  I still lie in bed at night 2-3 times a week with tears.

Good idea seeing an attorney, I did the same just for a consultation, knowledge is key. I will not make any moves unless my wife does. I'm holding steady.

Protect your finances also.

My wife has actually rented an apartment. Where is your husband living? Or do you know?

How wise of you to gather some legal information early on. I hope that the meeting was useful. Imho, when a spouse pretty much vanishes and refuses to communicate about their intended next steps, they will avoid dealing with the adult practicalities leaving you in limbo and/or file out of the blue catching you off guard. In either situation, knowing your legal rights and obligations is useful. Sadly, you should also prepare yourself that there is an ow in the mix - it is incredibly unusual if there were not, and vanishers imho vanish off to someone/somewhere - and sometimes the ow’s agenda influences legal moves by a spouse. And of course ow does not care about your legal or financial needs or those of your kids if you have them. So you have to, and to find a decent lawyer who will help you to do that.

And to your main question. Yes, mostly. It takes longer than you (and others) might think. It is not a straight line. It changes your perspective on lots of things and sometimes in ways that surprise you. Again jmo, but I think it is like grieving a significant bereavement. Hard, messy, confusing, exhausting. But I agree with others that the pain ebbs and flows and, over time, eases into something different. It will not always feel like it does right now. And tbh stabilising the other parts of your life as much as you can helps tremendously.

So sorry you’re here, im  13 mo post BD and it does get better. Like everything else it takes time to heal. I(we) were all at the point of crying at work in the beginning. After all those years of being with someone how could you not be. In going to jump on and agree with the advice given: take care of you, take care of the kids. Shift your focus towards those two things to help you get through this. It helped me tremendously to have something else to focus on.
Speaking to a lawyer is great advice, it doesn’t hurt to know your options. It’s doesn’t mean you have to exercise the options now but knowing your rights isn’t the worst thing.

Good luck

Hi B1, yes we could laugh of the similarities btwn our Ws if the story was not a destruction of our families. High energy vs low energy ? Same craziness, same timeline until now.

So a bit of journaling for today
Last week W talked to D17 and D15 during my absence, and told them that I said they will come with me, said the lawyer. So they were upset at me and talked to me aggressively. They complained also that they were not informed about the divorce. So I told them that W talking without me knowing was unfair, then I told them about the OM. During 16 months I have been able to protect them about that shock, and I wanted to continue to protect them. But I am relieved I finally unloaded  the information, it was too heavy for me.
For D17, it was a shock and she did'nt want to believe me. D15, I think, was already aware of the situation.
 
Then W joined our discussion and the daughters blamed both of us. During this convo, the daughters behaved like adults ; W and I were more like teenagers.
D15 asked me about my position on divorce, I said we were free when I married, and W is free to leave the marriage : I will let her go.
I was blamed for snooping and I said I stopped and that makes me no good.
D17 and D15 blamed W for not talking at all, locking herself in the room and always phoning in Africa. W said she will make efforts.
I said then that the minimal politeness (hello, thanks) is important for me, and I don't want to be ignored as if I were a piece of furniture or an animal. W then said that she gave me the choice for the days with S6. I said I don't remember her giving me this choice. And she talked about the sale of the appartment.

The next days, W said hello to me, but made no effort for the daughter request ( ) : she continues to lock herself in the bedroom and rarely talk to the girls. D17 and D15 are still very close to me after the big discussion : they come to me for their concerns and their daily needs.
I talked with my lawyer who said to me that he did'nt say to W's lawyer that the daughters will come with me. I don't know who lied in this story, I understand that W was afraid that I talked to the girls behind her back. Well I did'nt.

Yesterday W asked me for a talk today, I said : about what ? And W said "about everything". This is totally new since more than 1,5 year : W initiating a discussion and warning me before. So this evening I will do my best to be quiet and listening. I expect mainly a discussion about W's "projects".

For what it is worth, I agree with what is said by the others.

I have seen too often trouble when things blow up outside your country of residence. I recall acting in a case where a husband took the passports of the children and it took years for the wife to get them back to her country given the laws in the country they were in.

I would just think very carefully about the trip to Turkey. I do not know about the laws there but I would suspect things might be difficult for you if you are a non citizen and something happens.

And your husband is in the throes of the crisis. He is not who he was at the moment and I would urged caution about leaving your home jurisdiction with your kids.