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Our Community / living is an opportunity
« Latest by Treasur on March 21, 2024, 08:31:53 AM »Yes, upholding is le bon mot
Yes, fwiw - although I understand your reasoning - I think you may be being a little rigid on the ‘dit bonjours’ or equivalent. Why? Bc you can only control you. You can treat her with resoect and politeness, you can want to be treated with respect and politeness but you can’t make her do it just bc it matters to you, can you? Bc perhaps it is a ritual that does not entirely reflect her reality. Maybe not yours completely? Bc there may be practical conversations you need to have and your boundary may make that harder. Above all, I think the fact that you are asking yourself if it is too rigid probably suggests that your instinct is that it may be.
But perhaps there is a similar boundary which is in the neighbourhood of that?
I’m not quite sure what the boundary is about for you, assuming you are not trying to ‘make’ her ‘behave nicely’? Are you informing or asking for something from her? Is it about her attention or participation? Is it about not tolerating being ignored or talked to in a rude way? Idk. But if you think about it, I’m sure you can adapt the boundary to fit what the issue really is.
We can all see how measured and increasingly detached you are becoming as your wife moves forward with her ‘plans’. (I say ‘plans’ bc obviously there are a lot of holes and secrets lol) What a blessing to get some advice from your lawyer/friend as things unfold and to have the time to think about what your future boundaries might be eg her taking S6 with her. I’m a little confused though….ha ha it’s an LBS habit …with this talk about lawyers, not wanting matrimonial property and taking S6….is she still planning for a half time in Switzerland and half at home which I think you talked about earlier? Or has it evolved into a full Switzerland escape?
How are your kids reacting as her ‘plan’ starts to become a bit more real? I wouldn’t worry too much about the why when she increases or improves her level of interaction with the kids as long as it does not add to their distress. Whatever her reason is, most likely it will be a self serving one rather than a deep concern about the kids bc, well, MLC right?
The most important thing probably is how you will support your kids, and their own feelings and preferences, as things move forward so you can continue to be a safe and stable place for them regardless of what your wife chooses to do or not do. I hope you feel a little proud of how far you have come, my friend, bc you are coping remarkably well from what you post.
Yes, fwiw - although I understand your reasoning - I think you may be being a little rigid on the ‘dit bonjours’ or equivalent. Why? Bc you can only control you. You can treat her with resoect and politeness, you can want to be treated with respect and politeness but you can’t make her do it just bc it matters to you, can you? Bc perhaps it is a ritual that does not entirely reflect her reality. Maybe not yours completely? Bc there may be practical conversations you need to have and your boundary may make that harder. Above all, I think the fact that you are asking yourself if it is too rigid probably suggests that your instinct is that it may be.
But perhaps there is a similar boundary which is in the neighbourhood of that?
I’m not quite sure what the boundary is about for you, assuming you are not trying to ‘make’ her ‘behave nicely’? Are you informing or asking for something from her? Is it about her attention or participation? Is it about not tolerating being ignored or talked to in a rude way? Idk. But if you think about it, I’m sure you can adapt the boundary to fit what the issue really is.
We can all see how measured and increasingly detached you are becoming as your wife moves forward with her ‘plans’. (I say ‘plans’ bc obviously there are a lot of holes and secrets lol) What a blessing to get some advice from your lawyer/friend as things unfold and to have the time to think about what your future boundaries might be eg her taking S6 with her. I’m a little confused though….ha ha it’s an LBS habit …with this talk about lawyers, not wanting matrimonial property and taking S6….is she still planning for a half time in Switzerland and half at home which I think you talked about earlier? Or has it evolved into a full Switzerland escape?
How are your kids reacting as her ‘plan’ starts to become a bit more real? I wouldn’t worry too much about the why when she increases or improves her level of interaction with the kids as long as it does not add to their distress. Whatever her reason is, most likely it will be a self serving one rather than a deep concern about the kids bc, well, MLC right?
The most important thing probably is how you will support your kids, and their own feelings and preferences, as things move forward so you can continue to be a safe and stable place for them regardless of what your wife chooses to do or not do. I hope you feel a little proud of how far you have come, my friend, bc you are coping remarkably well from what you post.