[forthetrees]

You could just say that you have already made plans based on the pre-arranged custody schedule and that you´re sure he´ll understand. My worry would be that the feeling of being a chump for helping them have their romantic get-away would eat away at you, so as to preserve your equilibrium you won´t trade so that you can maintain your sanity- as much as one can in the circumstances. It may look like to them like you being difficult but they are not thinking at all about you and your situation, plans or feelings. You´d actually be doing him a favor to decline as he would learn to plan ahead.

[Hollie220423]

You could just say that you have already made plans based on the pre-arranged custody schedule and that you´re sure he´ll understand. My worry would be that the feeling of being a chump for helping them have their romantic get-away would eat away at you, so as to preserve your equilibrium you won´t trade so that you can maintain your sanity- as much as one can in the circumstances. It may look like to them like you being difficult but they are not thinking at all about you and your situation, plans or feelings. You´d actually be doing him a favor to decline as he would learn to plan ahead.

This is my thinking because if I try and communicate a boundary to him he just get on the defensive and Is rude or nasty to me so this way it sets a boundary silently - next time think about it!! Out of courtesy more than anything, I’m also not replying until the week - he always sends me messages when it’s my weekends and it ends up upsetting me when dealing with the kids etc it’s not fair on them so I’m gonna set coms Monday - Friday only unless an emergency

[UrsaMajor]

You could just say that you have already made plans based on the pre-arranged custody schedule and that you´re sure he´ll understand.

Exactly. You already have plans that were made based on the already agreed-upon schedule..... If he wants to change that, he needs to plan ahead with you involved.

You´d actually be doing him a favor to decline as he would learn to plan ahead.

As if.....
It does, however, establish a good boundary that he needs to communicate in advance if he wants to change things.... Which does mean planning ahead in the end  but ... you know.... those mean old consequences.....