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Author Topic: My Story Living Through The Ghost

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My Story Living Through The Ghost
OP: June 11, 2022, 05:34:53 PM
New thread time.  This thread is brought to you by Shinedown's "Through the Ghost"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek1nZ8JsC-I

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Speak of the devil look who just walked into the room.  The guilted and faded notion of someone I once knew.  All the perfect moments are wrong.  All the precious pieces are gone.  Everything that mattered is just a city of dust covering both of us.

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Did you hide yourself away?  Are you living through the ghost?

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So many silent sorrows you never hear from again.  And now that you've lost tomorrow, is yesterday still a friend?"  All the bridges we built were burned, not a single lesson was learned.  Everything that mattered is just a city of dust covering both of us.

Every time I hear that song it makes me think of MLC. 

Journaling:  S17 has said that his F has built a new house with a bedroom for every kid.  His 3 and covid wifey's 2.  S17 is the youngest.  Does he still think that they are 10, 13 and 15 as when he left the marriage?

S22 owns his own house.  D20 lives there with him.  When S graduates next year he is planning on moving out .  He's ready to be on his own with some roommates.  I've told him that once he graduates, he is totally free to make whatever decision best suits him.  He doesn't have to move out right away but I will understand if he does.  And if he chooses to move in with his F, that's his choice to do so as well. 

Still, why on earth build a bedroom for kids who are all in their 20's other than S17?  Just seems so weird to me.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Back to me.  I was able to get 2 lake days this week.  Thursday was a lovely evening after work on the water with D20 and my BFF and her D17, S11 and her nephew who was visiting and is early 20's I think.  We did some paddle board yoga, lots of laughing and messing around.

Friday I was so sore!

Today my M and I went out to the lake for my adopted step-sister's birthday party.  I brought a really comfy lounger chair for M and she was even able to get in a nice nap while I was out on the water.  My SS and I had a lovely time paddle boarding on the water and then came back to shore and went back out for a nice swim for a while.

Then I dropped my M back at home and I am over at my BFF's house sitting for one night while they go camping and to spread her BIL's ashes.

Tomorrow is my M's birthday, so I will swing back over to pick her up for church in the morning and then we will go get a nice lunch afterwards, in celebration of her birthday.  In the evening we will have some homemade cheesecake and will likely sit out on the patio with a glass of wine (For me, my M is a tee-totaler)

I've barely seen S17 this week.  He's been working hard at his cadet firefighter volunteer job and at his actual paid job.  He picked up two 12 hour shifts at the fire department he did the internship through this week.  I think he got about 30 hours at his job this week, so he's been pretty tired when I've seen him.  Still, when he came home last night from work, he took the time to sit with me and chat for about an hour.  Tomorrow he heads to his F's for a week over there.  Now that we are back from Germany and into summer hours, it's week on week off.  During the school year he is just gone every other Wednesday through Sunday.  In the Summer he is gone Sunday evening to Sunday evening.

D wanted to make it out to the lake with me today but she wasn't able to with work, so she wants to do another lake day next Wednesday or Thursday.  I am also hoping to get some time in with S22 next week as well.  He's switched to days at his job so that he can spend the evening's doing an EMT training course so it's really hit and miss right now when we can get together.

Well, I don't know what thread number this is, but I enjoy continuing to post.  It's pretty much all about my journey now.  With MLCer being 2 years into a new marriage, there isn't much focus on him at all.  Just a glimpse now and again.

I stay because I hope to be a help to other's going through it, and keeping connections with my LBS friend's, and also to show that I am a different kind of success story.  I have become very content with my life.  The new marriage was my red line in the sand.  It's when I felt the finality of my bond shredding.   Definitely felt like a finality to me.

I have my passport now, so I am hoping to be able to make it to the next lbs meet up.  I was so wishing I could have gone to Tuscany.  I hope we get another one on the books at some point.

In the meantime, I can't believe that I have a Senior.  We most likely will go somewhere next Summer for S's Senior Trip.  D20 and S22 are hoping to be able to both go as well.  I've got a couple other places in mind for some vacations as I get the time and funds to do them.  I'll have to check to see if there are any LBS to have a coffee date with in those areas.

Well, that's it for now.  Welcome to my new thread.   :)

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11810.150



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« Last Edit: June 11, 2022, 05:39:30 PM by FaithWalker »
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Living Through The Ghost
#1: June 12, 2022, 03:13:48 AM
Welcome to your new thread FW. I’m glad you’re still posting. 😊
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M: 52 (48 @ BD)
H: 54 (51 @ BD)
Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 23 (19 @ BD)
D: 21 (17 @ BD)
'Extra D': 21 (17 @ BD)
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW (45, now 49) - he (supposedly) met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her.
Jun 20: H plans to buy a block of land and build a house with her (never happens).
May 22: Movement... (likely T&G? Time will tell I guess)

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Re: Living Through The Ghost
#2: June 12, 2022, 03:29:13 AM
Welcome to your new thread, Faith.

"Living Through the Ghost" was one of my favorite MLC songs.   :)
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Living Through The Ghost
#3: June 12, 2022, 06:18:28 AM
Thank you Evermore and Thunder. 
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

M
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Living Through The Ghost
#4: June 12, 2022, 06:47:28 AM
Great update FW. The song….One I listen to as well.  I also feel finding out about the marriage ( 10 month in ??) was a huge turning point for me. I only wish I would have learned in real time. So many more lies and time lost on not knowing my reality.

You BFF and lake time sounds perfect. I really want a place on a lake. It is my goal!!
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Her prize is a man who ran out on his wife and children. His is a woman who is too stupid to understand that she is not special, she is simply there.

s
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Living Through The Ghost
#5: June 12, 2022, 03:33:01 PM
I'll be sticking around with you, FW!

I don't post much but do read here often. 

Sounds like your Germany trip was very fun.  I enjoyed the pictures. 

I'm headed out west this next weekend.  Another week of hiking in Rocky Mountain National Park.  I always love staying in Estes Park and hiking. 

Just curious......are you still doing any of the work from home that you did in the past? 

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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

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Living Through The Ghost
#6: June 12, 2022, 06:22:22 PM
Lake time sounds lovely.  I’m following your new thread as well
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Living Through The Ghost
#7: June 13, 2022, 03:02:18 AM
Attaching too - gotta keep up with the Colorado people
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Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Living Through The Ghost
#8: June 13, 2022, 04:34:03 PM
Welcome ML, SB, LaB and UM.

SB, the work at home gig was temporary while they built the computer that would take over that job.  It was very helpful while I was making pennies as a Special Education Para, but made for some long hours.

Now that I work in the District office, and year-round work at that, I can't imagine how I would fill my plate with anything else work at home too.

Speaking of the position I am in now, looks like another COLA raise (6.5% cost of living) and possibly moving a few steps in July.  Our department is also under a market review for the first time in an absolutely long time, if ever, so we might even get a bigger raise than we are anticipating, we shall see.  It would come in at a very crucial time, with approaching 7 years from the D date.  Next June will be the final CS and spousal support payment and then I will be flying solo.  Thankfully, M is my roommate now, so she is able to help out.  We are trying to decide what to do with S17's room after he moves out and whether we would take on another roommate or not.

I am feeling really good about the decision I made at the end of 2016 to buy this townhouse though.  My house payments remain low, even though our HOA dues keep increasing just a bit.  If I were to buy a grander house, I would be stuck with the upkeep and payment, rendering me definitely unable to travel.  I am loving the travel possibilities continuing to open up to me. 

SB, enjoy your week in RMNP!  We would love to get back to Estes again for a visit, but next year S17 has his sights set on learning to surf in Cali for his graduation trip and I have yet to make it up to Alaska to visit my B, so with being able to stay with him and my SIL in their home, that trip is going to be on the books for next year too.  I still want to go back to Estes and RMNP again though.  Perhaps in Summer of 2024 we will take a week to do that and see what adult kids can take the time to come with.
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

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Living Through The Ghost
#9: June 16, 2022, 08:18:35 AM
Attaching FW!
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0

 

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