[UnconditionalLove]

Ok, I hope I did this right because I haven’t started a new thread in a long time.  I truly believe this will be my last.  I finally after 9 years found the closure I needed to let go completely.
Let’s start here.
In February I have a procedure on my liver.  It was a Bland Embolization to stop the blood flow to a big tumor that was causing me some issues.  Lowering my blood pressure to the point where I thought I was going to pass out.  Hopefully, it will work.  Then in March I had to have to procedure again on the other side of the tumor.  I had my brother fly down on the first procedure.  While he was here.  I started talking about how my care in this state is not very good.  I feel like I’m making the decisions and my physician just follow.  I also can’t have my brother flying to this state every time I have to have some sort of procedure for this rare cancer.  Once I realized the main reason for a possible move back to my home town I also realized that I have spent my last 9 years here things somehow God would turn my ex’s heart around and some how put us back together.  I know, I know I shouldn’t have thought that but I wasn’t even admitting it to myself.  Then, when I put my health first I realized there is no other reason for me to be here. None and that’s when I had a break through. It’s time to leave this state. And once I made that decision all these pieces started coming together. I started applying for jobs, just a couple and this week I had a first interview for a job in my home town. Yesterday, I got another call for an interview next week.  I am following God.  We will have to be the one to make this move happen.
And then out of know where, after 9 years and saying I was ready to move and done down here God gave me an amazing gift.  He finally gave me what I had be praying for. Closure and it came in a very strange way.
Earlier this week I received a message from no other than my MLFer’s other women’s BROTHER. He wanted to take to me.  I will try to keep this part short but all these years reading all these story and how the MLFER gets himself a new life a destruction and because a whole other person and of course it’s not good.  Their life is so dysfunctional.  Here is what is going on with them.
9 years ago she quit school to take care of her mother who had a stroke.  My MLFER followed her to her hometown to help. 
Last year mother has diagnosed with early Dementia and right away and the girl and my ex took the mother to an attorney to have her change the power of attorney to girls name first and then my MLFer. Also put his name as her primary physician on all papers. 
My MLFER also borrowed money from mother to supposedly pay my alimony early into the move to other state
Other woman is crazy and was in a car accident which wasn’t bad but thought she was going to get a million dollars from the accident.  Then somehow my MLFER diagnosed her with brain damage from the accident which is crazy. 
I did ask the brother who the relationship between them as been.  He said that girl has been verbally abusive with the mother and the brother finally got her.  That girl tell my MLFER to do everything and they think it’s weird how he takes it.  I’m guessing she’s abusive to him because the brother really thinks she a very evil person.  She has to keep MLFER around even though he’s back here in my state working because she needs him for the trial.  But, the kicker here is she has a new boyfriend that my MLFER doesn’t know about yet.  Also, they have ran up the mothers credit cards.
Long and short of this is….it’s everyone else sad story.  I never saw my ex doing any of this stuff.  I am appall, embarrassed and now wished I changed my name back to my maiden name.  I am done and have no desire to be with someone like that.  I kept him on the straight and narrow.  He followed her into a world of desperation, lies, and pure evil.  He is still in the same place he was 9 years ago.  Everything is about to go down so I’m guessing this is where they will turn on each other when court comes.  God’s timing was perfect as I am working towards moving to another state.  We don’t fit! He’s completely gone and me writing that message in my last thread shows he’s clues and will be.  There is no way in his head is he every going to take responsibility for what he has done.  I am now FREE!







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[Treasur]

Wishing you all the best with your move, and a good new season in your life, UL.
Your x’s life sounds pretty horrid, a lot of turmoil and destruction, and i’m glad that hearing about it give you some sense of closure. It’s easy with Vanishers to believe that their new lives comes without consequences, particularly when we are wading through the rubble they created in our own lives, but all too often events in the longer term seem to show that it is far from what we would see as a magic happy.
I don’t know why this relative of ow contacted you, told you this or what - if anything - they want from you? But I hope you will take the closure for what it is without getting drawn into what is, after all, lives that are not your business and messes not yours to fix. 

[Nas]

It’s so interesting the many ways news finds us. I can honestly say if a relative of my former husband’s girlfriend tried to contact me, I don’t think I would talk to them. I am glad that you feel that this has given you closure, so in that sense it’s a good thing. There was a chance that had he called you at another time in your life, in the past, where his call and wanting to talk to you about them and giving you information would have been upsetting for you during a time when you are already under stress, and so I’m glad that is not the case here. But it doesn’t seem that he took that into account before making the call to you. That’s just what struck me as that he was looking for someone to vent to and possibly to get information from you of some kind, but did he really take into account how hearing all of this would affect you? They never seem to think that, these people who seek us out, they never seem to wonder where we are in life, if we are dealing with cancer or other difficult things, before they show up unannounced to spin a tale of toxicity and drama.

What I took from your update is that YOU are in a good place and have good things ahead. I was so happy to hear that you have a brother who is willing to fly to another state to help take care of you, that you have the possibility of a life living close to people who love you and are willing to be there for you. That is fantastic and will make everything feel so much easier for you. I’m so happy for you and wish you all the best with your move.

[xyzcf]

Thanks for your update UL. I hope that the surgeries that you have had will help with this rare cancer you have. My brother also flew to my state when I had knee replacement surgery. Thank God for brothers! 

Good luck on finding a new job and moving! A new and fresh start for you.

Let us know when you move and how settling in goes.

I wanted to send you a word of encouragement and this verse popped up..which "coincidentally" has been a favourite of mine for many years.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Good luck UL!

[UnconditionalLove]

Thanks everyone! 
This question was asked a couple of times.  Why did the brother contact me?  He did so because he thought I might have some insight which I didn’t.  I think he might have thought that my ex may have played a more important part in so decisions but i told him from who I knew for 30 years. He’s a follower and not a leader.  He’s follower her direction and not the one probably coming up with the plans.  He tend to understand that because she’s always bossing him around.  So classic midlife relationship.  It’s like out of the book. 

XYZCF,  Thank you so much for the verse!  It’s my verse, has been for years.  I love it!
I will keep you updated on the move whenever it happens. 

So, this is weird.  My ex showed up on one of my professional social pages.  It shows he stopped by.  Weird after talking to the brother.  I messaged the brother to see if he had told anyone we talked and he said no.  It might be a coincidence and yet kind of weird.  He went on to tell me that the other woman his sister needed to get out of her apartment lease when she left my state and he just found out that she accused the maintenance man of stalking and harassing her to get out of it. I don’t know if she is Borderline Personality or what but she has some sort of mental unstableness.  Crazy how my ex has spent 9 years with the crazy person.  Once this court thing goes down about the mother it’s going to be a she said, he said thing. He’s probably in my state now because he had to get away but is still wrapped in the relationship because of all the deception.  I now see how God protected me.  We could have still be married and he could have gotten himself into a mix of things that would have affect me in some way and I wouldn’t have known for a long while.  So, grateful!

[in it]

Well if you are interested in the name change I'm not sure where you are.
 Where I'm from: I kept mine for 3 years after the divorce, then changed it.
You could check with your divorce attorney and see what they say.
Maybe there's some info online about it?

I must say it's a lot of effort but worth it, it will empower you.

[Reinventing]

UL, so glad you are not unwittingly enmeshed in that and that you are free.

[MomOfSteel]

I love hearing closure stories.  If MLCer is a physician it sounds like he risks having his license revoked for what he is doing.  I hope the move opens many new doors and the cancer treatments go well.  Thank you for updating.

[Standing Strong]

Hi UL, 

I hope that closure brings peace. Thank you for sharing, MLC is incredible, what a journey for you.

All the best, and an exciting next chapter and journey 

-SS

[UnconditionalLove]

Thanks everyone!
I have had a couple of interviews with the same hospital where I’m going.  Once all the interviews from each area is done, I will know more.  I could be moving in 4 weeks.  I’m pretty excited.