[in it]

October in the USA is Domestic Violence Awareness month.

What have I done to heal from this in the last 5 years:
Started a Facebook page and posted educational material about it.
Told my story to the people at my local DV office where my side of what happened was officially registered.
Told any one and every one I could ( and in an email told my children) what happened.
I did not have the time to attend counseling. I had to work.
I spent at least three months after the incident getting weekly adjustments at the chiropractor for my injury.

Let out most of my anger here on HS. I have a few friends in RL I vented to and one who knows what it's like to go through that. I have told most of anyone I thought would care in my family. I have a cousin who is a tenured psychology professor at a college in NYS who helped me a great deal.

Due to being stuck in the anger phase of grief I underwent hypnosis so I could get some sense of peace and safety.

I have since moved 1100 miles away from the village I was brought up it. Part of the reason was the ex still lives there. The other part was I met a wonderful man.  Took me three days to drive it.  I never lived any further away from it than 1/2 hour. Now I am away from the bad memories and triggers. The trauma is healing.

I have actually met more women in RL who have encountered the same thing..who shared their story.

This does not keep me stuck it helps me heal. I will heal in my own time..I do not allow it to define me. I put up with zero amounts of crap from anybody.

[Anjae]

Here it is November.

November 25 is International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.

We have other domestic/couple violence awareness days/months, like for young people and kids, older people and for couples/violenci in dating on Valentine's day.

Yet, every year women are still killed by a partner.

[in it]

Still happens here too Anjae..way more than it should.

I think for years woman might call the authorities when being abused then not follow through with pressing charges etc..so the authorities don't see a reason to treat it with any kind of seriousness.

Not sure what the numbers are this year that have been killed. I could have been just another statistic.

Get's your life into perspective pretty damn quick.

[Anjae]

I think for years woman might call the authorities when being abused then not follow through with pressing charges etc..so the authorities don't see a reason to treat it with any kind of seriousness.

That does happen a lot here as well. It is not so much authorities not treat it with any kind of seriousness, they do - Domestic Violence is a public crime here, anyone can report it. Buf it there are no charges, not much they can do.

I have called the cops a few times. There is a very worrysome couple, read husband, around the corner. They go to the flat, nothing happens because the wife does not report the husband, And then, it is worst because he becomes more aggressive and beats her more.

The guy is a piece. He is involved with other women. There has been terrible scenes in the street. The wife finds texts and so form other women in his mobile, she starts to scream, the whole thing escalates, the cops come, separaet them, try to talk her to go with them, no luck.

The couple is younger than I am and they have small kids. The guy is a serial cheater and drinks. One day it is hell, the next the couple is throwing a party for friends. It is awful and I can see it from the terrace or from the window if they are in the street.

Not sure what the numbers are this year that have been killed. I could have been just another statistic.

Here, this year it is already up to 21, same as at the end of last year. You could, I could, LP could, Savy and others could. We were fortunate adn ww weren't.

Get's your life into perspective pretty damn quick.

It does.

Thanks for telling what you did to overcome, or try to overcome, what happened.

[in it]

Thank you Anjae for being brave enough to share your story. Yes Savy and LP too. Very small group we are.

Maybe there are more here. But there is a certain amount of shame that goes with admitting it , so some don't or won't. Some worry about being judged due to it.

 And I think about it this way. How I have handled my healing maybe it can help others. Any ideas that might help.  I'm open to also. I'm now back to being creative - hand-painting on fabric for enjoyment.

2017 - 72 deaths in the US. Not sure about the count this year.

That sounds like an awful situation nearby you.

[Mitzpah]

We are facing presidential elections here in Brazil. The candidate who is supposed to win is a misogynist, yet promises to address the fact that this country I love is the fifth in the world for "feminicide", a word that describes murder on account of the female gender. Reference:https://vestibular.uol.com.br/resumo-das-disciplinas/atualidades/feminicidio-brasil-e-o-5-pais-em-morte-violentas-de-mulheres-no-mundo.htmfor those who read Portuguese.

I have always stood up for women abused... offered to take to the police station and make sure the claim is registered. I have yet to be successful they have always asked me to stop the car and let them go - 'he didn't mean it'; 'I am fine'; 'there is no need...'

I have hugged and held, hurt and sobbing women, who have been attacked and abused. I, perhaps, never understood properly as I was NEVER treated in this way - one of my dreams before BD was to learn how to support women who suffer this kind of abuse... Now, I have to work fulltime to survive and don't really have contact with people who suffer in this manner. Sometimes I drive by a woman who is clearly upset but cannot stop due to my commitments. All I can do is send a prayer her way

As a mother of a daughter, I am particularly attentive to her vulnerability and I think I drive her mad with my constant insistence on knowing where she is and how she is

My sons also know of my attention to the females in their lives - even the alternative forms of the female gender, if you get my gist. One of my middle son's friends was badly beaten up because of her 'choice' and had to go to hospital to be patched up. I was horrified and told him that I would take her to the authorities to report the incident. She thanked me but refused my help, saying that she was afraid of what the police might do to her because of her 'choice'.

There is a lot of violence out there and I totally agree that it is a deal breaker

[Anjae]

You're welcome, In It. One Hot Mess is having to deal with a difficult MLCer. He is bad, nasty monster. Not sure if he ever got physically violent, but he has been taking her for court tons of time and now she is going to file for " file a protective order for the harassment  on my own to save me money." So, he is not being nice at all and is using at least one type of violence, financial. 

Very interesting article, Mitz. Portugal is the 4th safest country in the world, but when it comes to domestic violence we still need to improve a lot. Also when it comes to violence agains elderly people.

The Brasilian candidate to the presidency that is said to be the one for the win is so problematic in many ways. I know there are problems with the other candidate as well and that things seems a real mess in Brazil right now, but the favourite is a not a god news for women, and many others, including several that are voting for him.

If I lived in Rio I would also always wanted to know where my daughter is and how she is. The overhaul level of danger is much higher than in Porto. 

[in it]

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic abuse is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior that is a pervasive life-threatening crime affecting people in all our communities regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, social standing and immigration status.

Abuse is not love. It is one person in a relationship having power and control over the other person.

Domestic violence takes many forms: physical; emotional; economic; stalking and harassment; and sexual.

Are you suffering from domestic abuse?
If so, please call The Center for Family Justice’s hotline now, 203-333-2233.

Characteristics of Domestic Abuse
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse does not always leave marks or cause permanent damage:

Scratching, biting, grabbing or spitting.
Shoving and pushing.
Slapping and punching.
Throwing objects to hurt or intimidate you.
Destroying possessions or treasured objects.
Hurting or threatening to hurt your children and/or pets.
Disrupting your sleeping patterns to make you feel exhausted.
Burning.
Strangling.
Attacking or threatening to attack with a weapon.
Any threats or actual attempts to kill you.

Emotional/Psychological Abuse
Emotional/psychological abuse is a behavior your partner uses to control you or damage your emotional well-being. It can be verbal or non-verbal:

Name-calling, mocking, intimidation and making humiliating remarks or gestures.
Yelling in your face or standing is a menacing way.
Manipulating your children.
Telling you what to do or where you can and cannot go.
Placing little value on what you say.
Interrupting, changing topics, not listening or responding, and twisting your words.
Putting you down in front of other people.
Saying negative things about your friends and family.
Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives
Cheating or being overly jealous.
Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior by blaming others or saying you caused it.
Monitoring your phone calls, texts, car and computer use.

Economic/Financial Abuse
Economic/financial abuse happens when the abuser makes a victim entirely financially dependent on the abuser, with no power or say in the relationship:

Forbidding the victim to work or attend school.
Sabotaging employment opportunities by giving the victim a black eye or other visible injury prior to an important meeting.
Jeopardizing employment by stalking or harassing the victim at the workplace.
Denying access to a vehicle or damaging the vehicle so that the victim cannot get to work.
Sabotaging educational opportunities by destroying class assignments.
Withholding money or giving an allowance.
Denying access to bank accounts.
Hiding family assets.
Running up debt in the victim’s name.
Stalking and Harassment
Stalking and harassment can happen between strangers or in relationships, where the abusive partner or ex demands your time even after you make it clear you do not want contact:

Making unwanted visits or sending you unwanted messages (voicemails, text messages, emails, etc.).
Following you, including installing GPS tracking software on your car or cell phone without your knowledge or consent.
Checking up on you constantly.
Embarrassing you in public.
Refusing to leave when asked.

Sexual Abuse:
Sexual abuse does occur in committed relationships and marriages.

[OneHotMess]

There has never been physical abuse yet but he continues to act crazier as this goes on. I never know what he is capable of. I believe he has caused major emotional and financial abuse. Because of the fact that he was never physical, I had no idea how to stop it. It’s crazy how this kind of stuff messes with your head. I once called the domestic violence hotline and told her what was happening. It was terrible at that time and he was still in the house. They said that it was a very bad case of gaslighting.

 According to the department I talked to yesterday for the protective order, he definitely needs some boundaries set in place. He started using the court to harass me when I started giving the attorneys copies of his text messages. We have been to court 4 times since the beginning of August and 12 times since November of last year.

[Anjae]

Emotional and financial abuse are also domestic violence.

He started using the court to harass me when I started giving the attorneys copies of his text messages. We have been to court 4 times since the beginning of August and 12 times since November of last year.

That is over the top crazy. You have every right to show his texts to your lawyers.