I have not realized how much time has gone by! I keep saying to myself to get in an update and to see how everyone else is doing! Then I don't get it done!
So now.....nearly 6 mos later....here is an update on how things have progressed in MLC land for H. He is still there! Things seem oddly worse too!
So, after the holidays (TG, Christmas and NYs), H started to become more distant. Less visits. Less phone calls. It was nothing to go weeks and weeks on end without hearing or seeing him. On one occasion he showed up for PB at the same location as me. He stayed 2 hours and didn't once communicate. Not a hi or anything. I saw him choose courts far from me. I followed his suit and didn't attempt to get near him or communicate with him either. Later I realized that this was a period of drought. He actually went over a month with no communication and the only time we saw each other was that one time at PB.
Oddly....I wasn't hurt by it. I was playing PB and that makes me happy. He could do nothing to spoil my night!
He has not been around for Easter, Memorial Day or July 4th. Just gone. No attempts to want to be with family at all on those days.
Sometime in mid to late May, he suddenly showed up at the house unannounced. Since they, he is back to popping in for a day or two for either a visit or a call and then disappearing for a few days to a few weeks. I did notice some changes in him since he started popping back in.
1. He is starting accept responsibility for things. If he plays bad, he says he played bad. Before he would blame it on others.
2. He has occasionally asked me to do things. Such as go to another town to play PB or ride along to daughters house so we only have to take one car. Just little things like that.
3. He used to say he wouldn't play in tournaments because it didn't fit his work schedule. Now he says he won't play because he lets his nerves get to him and he doesn't want to let his partner down.
4. He will occasionally, call or text and tell me where the better players are playing so that I can show up and play. They are a little secretive because they want their play time to stay competitive. I am not in the group because I can not play regularly with them since I work.
5. His mower broke down and he asked to use mine. I allowed it. In return, he would do my weed whipping and fill my gas tanks and when time allowed, he mowed my grass.
6. He notices things around the house and points them out. Instead of being critical that some things are not done or telling me how he would do things, he says things like "I can't believe it needs week whipped again already" or "I'll take care of that the next time I am in the area and have my tools with me"
7. He talks about needing a pb practice partner and says he asks people but they have different schedules...then says we might have to rely on each other to practice drills.
That is a sampling of things. They are very small and few and far between.
Other big developments:
Son and DIL are having some growing pains in their relationship. They are working through it but DIL tends to use H as a place to vent. H just recently told her that she is the source of all of son's unhappiness (not true, she is a contributor but he is also not happy about things other than her). Told her to just get a Divorce now because they will never be happy or have a healthy relationship. Per DIL, he went on for about 45 mins about how terrible a person she is. DIL told son when son confronted her and said I know something is bothering you....time to share and not keep it bottled up. So she did share some of it. Son has not talked to H since then. H keeps trying to reach out and son is avoiding him for now. Son wants to confront him about it but wants to man up and do it face to face. He wants to get some time and space between them for now so he doesn't act out emotionally with anger. H doesn't understand why son is avoiding him. He gets angry that son won't take the time to talk to him. Son keeps saying that H has no right to say that and no matter what he feels, he should support them and if he can't then there is no place in their life for them. He wants to tell him that H is not a role model and in fact, son wants to be just the opposite of H. He wants to work on and fight for his marriage but run off with floosies that come along. this is what he says he wants to talk face to face with H about.
DIL tried to call him out on projecting but it didn't phase H. He said he feels bad that he left me after all those years we were together. Yet he is still with ow1 and ow2 per DIL. He is cheating on each of them with the other and he has no intention of committing to either one.
I asked H to dog sit for me when I went on a family vacation. I had someone else lined up and 5 days before vacation they bailed. I tried other options and H was the only one available. During that week he stayed at the house and did a lot of work on the outside. He was so proud of himself. Said he has been wanting to do some of this stuff for years.
A few weeks ago I got a bad bacterial infection that was on the verge of sepsis. There was talk of me needing to be admitted to the hospital for some treatment for a day or 2. My daughter called H to TELL him that if I ended up in the hospital that he was going to have to take care of the dogs for me. She said she told him it was time for him to step up and help out that I couldn't take care of the house and dogs while I was sick and possibly in the hospital.
He responded and said he would help. He told her that he loved me. He doesn't want to hurt me. If he wanted to hurt me, he would have divorced me years ago. Said he will always love me but that he can't live with me. Then told daughter to let him know what I need and he terminated the call. She was flabbergasted because he has not used the word love at all since before bd. Doesn't even tell the grand kids that he loves them let alone daughter. She recalled how he used to tell her all my faults...even some that I didn't have and now she can't believe that he said what he said. She was afraid to tell me for fear I would read into it. I didn't. It is just the Mad Man of MLC talking. Today it is love....tomorrow it is not.
During a recent ride together, I said something to H about doing what is best for him and he responded...I keep thinking about what is best for me and I can't figure it out.
m y brain is messed up. I said what do you mean....he said his thoughts are foggy. He can't keep his thoughts straight.
The few times I do see H, he is either looking good and appears happy or he looks like crap. There seems like there is no in between.
Long story short.....H might be making some progress. He might not. Only time will tell! I still hope he heals.
Onward and Upward is better than Rinse and Repeat!
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