[beyondblessed]

I don't have the time to go into it at the moment, but when I have more time, I will further explain the title of this thread, beyond the obvious.  It truly is a wonderful life, but there's also a new holiday tradition that Popeye and I started a couple years ago that goes along with it.

Plus, it's Thanksgiving eve and I'll be up to my elbows in pies, turkey, dinner rolls and preparing a couple of small sides lol  I look so forward to spending the day with my family and Popeye, so I truly don't mind a bit of the work that goes into making it a memorable affair.  I hope you all have a wonderful day surrounded by your loved ones ❤️

Previous Thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11682 - UM

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I think it is a great thread title. It is one of my favorite movies and Jimmy Stewart was one of my favorite actors. In the movie, George Bailey has lots and lots of setbacks, but he manages just to keep his head above water. He was a hard worker and he persevered.

I know you put in the work. You stick to your workout regimen and put the same passion into your baking as well.

My son once told me, "Before you, my mom dated a lot of crap men. It was so sad to see her go out hopeful and be hurt again and again. That's why we are so happy that you are part of her life. You have made her a confident person again."  My wife persevered and never gave up.

I went through my ups and downs as well. That's why I am so happy with my wife. We know how much a broken heart hurts and we work to keep each other safe. That doesn't mean we don't argue, but we fight with respect and it is more to communicate our feelings-not put the other person down.

I know you have had your own fair share of crap. Your passion and positivity during this time saw you through. That's why I read and celebrate your thread. Not everyone is going to reconcile and we need to be prepared to accept any outcome.

Enjoy your day with Popeye and family. I know he feels just as blessed as you are,

(((Ready)))

[UrsaMajor]

Attaching - and looking forward to hearing about your new tradition...

I linked your threads for you too while I was at it....

[beyondblessed]

So, just very briefly and true to my trajectory of forward movement, the theme and title of this thread speak of the ups and downs of everyday, normal life.  Life is not good, nor bad, but rather what you make it and of how you perceive the events that take place.

Ever since Popeye and I have been together, we've made it our tradition to settle in front of the tv on Christmas Eve and devour a homemade pizza, while watching, you guessed it, It's A Wonderful Life.  I had never seen this movie in It's entirety until we got together, so that makes it all the more meaningful because he's only added to my life and brought it to a fullness it's really never had.

If you've seen the movie, you know Jimmy Stewart's character, George has had quite a life.  Like all of us, he's seen and done a lot and gets a glimpse of what life would have been like if he'd never existed.  My husband also quotes the line "one life touches many" and that's the truth.  Anyway, I've always expressed gratitude that Universe has granted me the lessons it has and also that I've been wise enough to learn them as gracefully and quickly as possible.

[thissucks7788]

Great title beyondblessed!  I love hearing how well you're doing.  I actually just saw that movie for the first time last year. Maybe this year I'll watch it again and eat some pizza thinking of you guys   Thank you for sharing -- I hope you and Popeye have a wonderful holiday/new year!!!!
B

[Biscuit]

It's an amazing film - and I haven't seen it for years. I'm going to watch it with S this Christmas, thanks for reminding me of it!

[Standing Strong]

Hi BB 

I've never seen that movie..... or Miracle on 34th St.

One of my favorite channels had the last theatrical Popeye cartoon made and showed it...... 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QL-pE6x5Lg&t=735s
It's at 6:09 and Olive Oyl is in it too.  (The whole video is fascinating, he talks all about Popeye and old old film). History rocks!! 
HA!!

Pizza and a movie sounds delightful.... what a wonderful life 

-SS

[PJ Ames]

Following along.

[Biscuit]

I went with D11 and her whole year group from school to an operatic version of the film today, performed by the ENO in London.

I was in charge of 6 kids getting to and from school on the tube, of a group of 90 kids.

The opera was wonderful, the kids were well behaved and kind of appreciative of the event. All in all an amazing day with a group of lovely kids!

[beyondblessed]

Great title beyondblessed!  I love hearing how well you're doing.  I actually just saw that movie for the first time last year. Maybe this year I'll watch it again and eat some pizza thinking of you guys   Thank you for sharing -- I hope you and Popeye have a wonderful holiday/new year!!!!
B

Thank you, TS!  I'm glad to share this tradition with everyone because  I mean, pizza and a classic holiday move....that's a win-win.  I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season!

[beyondblessed]

Ready as you know, like your wife, I came across the same type of men your wife did before she met you.  There is definitely a heavy population of "frogs" out there and a true scarcity of "princes".  Just one of the many reasons I am truly blessed to have found a great husband and life partner.   Midlife seems to have done quite a number on both the men and women floating around the dating pool.

Biscuit, I'm glad you are going to watch it again and that you had the opportunity to experience a live performance of it with your D and friends.  It sounds like you enjoyed it very much.  You are a brave man to chaperone that group of youngsters lol

SS,, I've never seen Miracle on 34th either, so that may kick off another tradition to add to this one.  Popeye is quite the movie buff, so although he's never mentioned it, I'd be surprised if he hasn't seen it.  I will tell you that It's A Wonderful Life is absolutely worth the watch.  It has such a universal message, and having been through what we have as LBS, I think it is especially important to embrace the message that some things in life are simply beyond our comprehension or control, but we must never lose hope or give up the faith.

PJ and SB, it's good to have you both continuing on with me.

[Biscuit]

BB,

The message behind It's a wonderful life is just that, life is wonderful and despite the trials and tribulations, each of us, especially kind and thoughtful people, touch many others throughout our lives. Which by itself is a wonderful thing.

Just by the virtue of being here on HS, I know each of us cares for those around us and enrich their lives. Despite what our MLCers might tell us, that is the truth and we shouldn't forget it!

[beyondblessed]

Agreed, Biscuit.  It is so easy to lose sight of our blessings when we are being held to the fire, but life is about preserving, surviving and overcoming things we never thought we could.  I've surrounded myself with so much love, support and encouragement and so many genuine and solid people.  How could my life be anything than wonderful and blessed?  When you've weathered life's biggest storms, seeing the beauty in it and practicing gratitude for all that you've endured are the best side effects.  We do not become bitter, defeated and broken like the MLC'ers, and that in and of itself is a true blessing.

[Dragonfly33]

When you've weathered life's biggest storms, seeing the beauty in it and practicing gratitude for all that you've endured are the best side effects.  We do not become bitter, defeated and broken like the MLC'ers, and that in and of itself is a true blessing.

Beautifully said BB. I hope you continue to share your story. It’s inspiring to read stories of LBS that have moved on, that survived Divorce and that have found a new love of their life. It gives me hope that despite all the heartaches that I had to go through and still going through, there is an end to it.

[beyondblessed]

DF, I'm always happy to share my story and provide a glimpse of how good life can become for the LBS once they work through the steps of healing and moving forward.  You will get there too, DF.  I've read enough of your journey to see similarities in us.  You have a really good grasp of who your Xh has chosen to become, and you don't try to convince yourself he is someone he isn't.  That, to me, is the first part of acceptance.  Once you accept that, it frees you to look towards working on you and who you are now that you are free of his nonsense.  You get to do things that interest you and will grow you and open all kinds of doors you never knew existed.  Getting a life is a good start, but MAKING a life is where the magic happens.

[Dragonfly33]

Thank you BB. I think Im just too hard on myself. I just spoke to my therapist two weeks ago and I told her I hate myself for not moving on and for being so focused on my xh. I am tired of this drama and I just wanted to bury it. She reminded me just like what you said now, that in fact I wasn’t focus on my anymore. She told me that in the beginning I was so focused on him and the whole therapy revolved around him. But now, I am working on myself, trying to work on my childhood issues that was triggered by the actions of my xh. I didn’t see that. I see that I am having a hard time making a life. All the things she said that were positive about me, I didn’t see them. My brain is so wired towards the negative. But when I read your story and that of ready or ursa or treasur, it gives me hope. It pulls me out of that rabbit hole. Thank you so much for sharing. I wish I was able to read your journey but I can’t find them anymore.

[beyondblessed]

DF, my story isn't mych different than most, coming up on 7 years since my xh made the announcement he was done.  Every word after was a lie.  He had been hooking up with is boss at work for at least a few months prior, but to this day he'd probably still deny it to me, although back then, many of his coworkers knew and said he and his  ho-worker bragged about the affair at work. 

He lived at home for 3 months and I still thought like an idiot he might come to his senses, but I think she pressured him to make a choice, and he filed for D.  I straight kicked him out of the house, pushed the D and never looked back.  Of course the lying, stealing, and all that happened in between, but our D was done in 6 months time from BD, so it's been about 6.5 years since any sort of contact besides selling our house a year after he'd started this mess for himself.

While I haven't had contact and actually now don't live near him, my family will occasionally see him places, and they say he runs the other direction lol. So, after 7 years he hasn't changed a bit.  Still running and dodging lol  I absolutely made the right choice not to stand for my dead marriage, but rather to stand for me and create this wonderful life in the here and now.

[stillbaffled]

Continuing on with you, BB. 

[FaithWalker]

Attaching - so glad I get a front row seat to your happiness via FB.  Seeing you and Popeye living life together just gives me all the feels.

[beyondblessed]

Good to see you still around, SB.  I hope your winter freeze over wasnt too bad last week.  It was as cold here, as I ever remember lol, but will be 60 for New Year's Eve tomorrow.  I'm glad because Popeye has made dinner reservations for us at our favorite Italian restaurant....another tradition we started years ago.  I've been blessed with so many new and great opportunities, without a doubt.

I do have a surprising update about the new job I accepted at the beginning of this past year.  It was a huge change and upgrade, as well, with great pay and an amazing benefits package.  A week before Christmas though, the hospital HR informed us that the department was being outsourced to a private hospitality company, ans as such, anyone staying in the department would lose employment with the hospital.  So, I have been interviewing within other departments in the hospital because, while I love my job and wanted it to be my last, until retirement, the hospital is where I want to stay.  As of now, I have a very good chance of landing in their case management dept., which is actually what my official college degree was geared towards anyway.  Plus, it would mean I would be transferring to the hospital campus that I initially wanted anyway because it is literally 10 minutes from my house and not in the inner city campus, as it currently is.  So, fingers are crossed for that position, but I'm still interviewing for others, in the meantime.

Not much else to update.  Christmas was wonderful.  The tradition of pizza and It's A Wonderful Life continued.  Popeye surprised me with a gorgeous Amethyst ring, which is my birthstone, among a few other gifts.  All in all, it was an amazing time spent with family.  We are planning on a dinner with friends tonight and then our dinner tomorrow, but other than that, it will probably be a low-key New Year's for us.

[MadLuv]

BB- Your Christmas sounds like it was perfect and the job change sounds like it may. Work out better for you as well. Good luck!!

[beyondblessed]

On my last post, 2022 was winding down, and Popeye and I were celebrating a wonderful holiday season, despite the looming fact that my department at work was being outsourced and because of that, I stood to lose all the amazing benefits my current hospital employer was providing.  Being outsourced by an employer like that was a betrayal similar to being BD'd in a weird way.  I truly could feel so much empathy for my co-workers who'd given years, decades of their lives to this company, only to be told 10 days before Christmas  their services would be no longer an asset and if they wanted to remain an employee, rather than go with the company taking over, they'd better figure out a place to transfer. 

Of course, I was surprised, but oddly enough, I was rather unfazed.  Maybe it's because I had slightly less than a year committed to this entity or maybe it's because I've been through what we've all been through here.  Either way, it sucks just the same, but I also knew that the only way out was through it.  So, I got busy applying for different positions within the hospital that I knew I was qualified and skilled to perform.  In a lame attempt to lessen the blow, the hospital sent a couple HR people and a director to proclaim and promise they would help to try and ensure anyone who wanted to stay with the hospital.  Similar to the MLC'er, that promise wasn't kept, and again, I instantly knew I'd be the only one helping me if I wanted to keep my employment and benefits safe.

My time frame was small.  We were informed on Dec. 15 and the last day of employment was going to be Jan. 18, so just about a month's notice....even though, just like our BD, this had been in the works for months unbeknownst to all of us.  So, I guess what I'm getting at is betrayal works the same regardless of the situation.  One person is always way ahead of the game, and that's what leaves the one left behind so off kilter and disjointed. 

To make an already long story short, I was determined not to be dismissed and left to start with a company I did NOT choose as my employer.  I CHOSE the hospital and my current position and I wasn't just going to roll over and accept the $h!te sandwich everyone was being served just because it was there.  Any of you who have followed my journey know that's not how I roll.  I hustled and applied for as many positions as I could and in that small time frame had 7 interviews and 2 call backs.  I'm happy to say that, as always, being my own best advocate and showing my persistent nature helped me to land a position as an office assistant in a family practice less than 5 miles from my house.  So by doing everything I could do within my control and power and by focusing on the most important thing at hand:  keeping my same employer and fantastic benefits, I was able to move forward and gain something even better than what was lost.  See the connection?  Life lessons are your last best teacher.  Use them wisely and to your advantage.

[UrsaMajor]

No other words needed.....

[beyondblessed]

Thank you, UM.  Life's unexpected twists and turns are much easier to navigate these days.  And, it doesn't hurt to have an emotionally and mentally stable spouse by my side to rely on.

[UrsaMajor]

And, it doesn't hurt to have an emotionally and mentally stable spouse by my side to rely on.

That DOES tend to make a difference, doesn't it? <snort!>

Even

can be dealt with when the proper support is available...

[beyondblessed]

UM, thankfully, the BPD ups, downs and upside-downs are thing of the past.  I like my my smooth and steady sailor and the calm waters so much better lol. No more motion sickness for this girl.

[beyondblessed]

Update time from a 2016 class member.  Life is still rolling on.  My new job has provided lots of challenges and growth opportunities.  As with anything in the medical world, it's ever changing and no day is ever the same.  I have already moved positions from the tiny, once privately owned family practice back to the much bigger(and busier) family clinic I trained in for a week back at the beginning of February.   Another MOA who had started there a couple months prior to me was struggling with the pace there and I was bored to tears at the smaller place......which BTW was such a toxic environment, so our supervisor ended up having us switch places.  I have never been so glad to leave a place.  I almost feel sorry for that lady, but am also glad that she wanted something slower because I would have looking for another job if I'd have been forced to stay.  Apparently, the hospital admins have had lots of trouble with that particular office and heads are aboit to roll, so I'm glad to be away from that drama.  The clinic I'm in now has 6 providers as opposed to the 2 at the smaller practice, so we see triple the patients in a days time, but it passes the day much quicker too.  And, my 8 am start time allows me to get my 4am gym time in first thing every day, so that makes me super happy.

On the homefront, everything is still even keel  and drama free with Popeye.  I dare say we are like a boring old married couple lol. We definitely have our differences of opinion on some things, but the key difference is that we talk them through like mature, and well adjusted adults.  And, we tend to agree and think alike on most of the important issues.  He is definitely the calmer voice of reason to my sometimes fiery light 'em up approach, so we balnce each other in that respect as well.  We are 2 weeks shy of our 1st wedding anniversary and will be heading back to our Charleston wedding destination the beginning of May, with a weekend layover in the Smokies.  With all the changes, this girl is ready for a vacay 🙌   I still have very vivid memories of how incredible our wedding day turned out to be and look forward to our beach time again.  We spent every morning just wakling along the shoreline hand-in-hand and talking about the future, and I know we'll be doing the same this time around.  Having that kind of connection is priceless.  It's protective and it's peaceful.  Even in the horrible fallout and aftermath of what my xh did, my trust and faith in Popeye has never wavered.  I realized a long time ago that what my xh lacked  was all on him.  It didn't reflect on me and it certainly didn't reflect on the other men in this world.

[Dragonfly33]

Nice to hear an update from you BB.

[thissucks7788]

Great update BB.  Thank you for checking in and letting us know how you're doing.  Have fun in Charleston--it sounds fabulous!!
B

[beyondblessed]

Holy cow, has it really been 8 months since my last update.  That was right  before Popeye's and my 1 year anniversary and our 2nd honeymoon to the beach we were married on in 2022.  Time really does fly when you're having fun, I guess lol

I still do hang around here from time to time, when it allows, mostly hoping for updates from old friends on here, but also just to keep reminding the newbies that this chapter is absolutely not the end of your life, but really just a new beginning that can be exactly and only as you make it.  It is up to you and you alone to use the precious time to your advantage and to move forward in your new found strength and purpose.

It's funny because I titled this thread last Christmas after the movie that's become our new tradition of the  past few years together and not too long from now,  it will be time for Popeye and I to cuddle up on our couch on Christmas eve and watch it again.  It is a truly wonderful life, and I appreciate all the blessings I have that much more today because of the hell I went through to get where I am now.  And, I know for some of you just fresh into this that seems unfathomable, but trust the process, use your time wisely and do the things necessary to heal and you'll get there, too.

[Biscuit]

BB,

I read many of your posts when I was new here and always loved your moniker. Hope you and Popeye enjoy the festive season watching one of the greatest movies ever. Do you eat spinach rather than popcorn whilst watching it?
Lovely update.

[beyondblessed]

BB,

I read many of your posts when I was new here and always loved your moniker. Hope you and Popeye enjoy the festive season watching one of the greatest movies ever. Do you eat spinach rather than popcorn whilst watching it?
Lovely update.

Hello Biscuit!  Although both Popeye and I are huge gym rats, we skip the spinach, and I will make us a huge, loaded pizza, 100% from scratch.  Just another tradition we've started and happily continue.  Makes me smile, just typing this out.  Wishing you and yours very happy holidays!

[Biscuit]

Makes me smile too!

Enjoy your homemade pizza and beautiful company, I think you’ve earned it.

[titleholder]

Good to hear from you BB! Glad to hear everything is going well! You've always been an inspiration for me in quickly choosing your own path after BD. It's good to hear that even after everything that has happened you're living your best life wit popeye!

[beyondblessed]

Good to hear from you BB! Glad to hear everything is going well! You've always been an inspiration for me in quickly choosing your own path after BD. It's good to hear that even after everything that has happened you're living your best life wit popeye!

Thank you, TH, I'm happy you can take something positive from my journey.  I definitely used a different approach than most at that time, but I saw enough from my xh and read enough similarities from other's experiences to see the forest for the trees, and I wasn't about to waste anymore years of my life on anyone who I couldn't trust to have my back, in good times or bad.  Life is too short for that, and if you don't go after what you know you desire and deserve, you will always be waiting because it isn't just gonna come to you while you stand around with your hands in your pockets.

My BD was almost 8 years ago, and I am a completely different person than I was at that time.  The people who didn't know me then still marvel at it all when I tell them, and then I show them the pictures of just my physical change and I don't even "look" like the same person, so it was all types of growth:  physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.  It wasn't just one thing, it was many things and it took everything I had to make it happen and to make something good come from such horrible circumstances.  And, that's exactly why I sill come back from time to time.  I feel like the newbies need to know that lots of us have been there, done that and have lived to tell the tale and share our story of not just merely surviving, but thriving and living our best lives yet.

[FaithWalker]

Very well said BB.  I've really been enjoying seeing the baking you've been doing!  Just a few short days away from that pizza and movie!  Love it.

[thissucks7788]

Wonderful BB!! I love reading your updates and am thrilled to hear how well you're doing.  Enjoy every moment of your "new" life!!
B

[beyondblessed]

Thanks for continuing to folllow, FW and TS.  After tons of baking and planning, another Christmas is winding down.  The tradition of pizza and It's a Wonderful Life was carried out, once again, along with exchanging a few gifts.

Today was spent with our family, and was one of the best Christmas celebrations ever.   There was so much conversation and laughter, that we all had to catch our breath at times.  It makes me even more grateful and thankful because will all the bad that's come and been endured and survived, there is peace, love, devotion and joy in these everyday moments.

[stillbaffled]

BB - thanks for the update.  I did see that you were doing lots of fabulous looking baking! 

Best wishes for a healthy and prosperous 2024.   

We've come a long way! 

[MadLuv]

I have also always followed you BB and have learned a lot. Your journaling gives hope that you can find love again as well. If you want it

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

My BD was almost 8 years ago, and I am a completely different person than I was at that time.  The people who didn't know me then still marvel at it all when I tell them, and then I show them the pictures of just my physical change and I don't even "look" like the same person, so it was all types of growth:  physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.  It wasn't just one thing, it was many things and it took everything I had to make it happen and to make something good come from such horrible circumstances.  And, that's exactly why I sill come back from time to time.  I feel like the newbies need to know that lots of us have been there, done that and have lived to tell the tale and share our story of not just merely surviving, but thriving and living our best lives yet.

This is great for our newbies because detachment is about living your life and being open to all potential outcomes. I know that in the beginning most of us (me included) that the only outcome we wanted was our marriages being saved. Yet, it doesn't always end up with that. We have marriages saved, members that still stand, and those of us that have moved on into new relationships. All of the outcomes are great, and I am so happy that you post about your new life and love. I am remarried and so grateful to have my new wife in my life. We are just about to celebrate six years. Keep working out, baking goodies, and loving Popeye. You are the best at getting better. You just be you!!

((Ready)))

[beyondblessed]

Great to hear from you,SB.  I've thought of you quite often lately and hope all is well.  And, maybe you'll find time for an update? 😁

Madluv, I'm glad you've found something worthwhile in my posts.  I feel as though you and I are very much alike, especially in how we have both overcome so much loss, yet still keep digging deep to push forward and make the best of our lives despite it all.

Ready, nice to have you around again, as well.  Your recent trips sound amazing and have me wishing for more travel myself.  We do have our now annual trip to the Carolina coast coming up in a few months...this time to celebrate our 2nd anniversary.  So, of course, I'm looking forward to that! 

I also briefly want to mention that when I first came to this site almost 8 years ago to this very day, I ONLY wanted to find that magic fix to keep my marriage from falling apart.  At that time, in those very early days, I never wanted to be divorced from my then -husband.  He had been my entire life for nearly 20 years at that point, and I was certain we could survive whatever was going on....except I had no idea the extent or the duration of what was actually going on, at that time.  Only in the following weeks and months was I able to piece the puzzle together bit by bit and get the true picture of it all, and boy, it was an eye-opener to say the least.  To this day, I am still dumbfounded by all the cheating, lying and stealing that was happening without me having any idea because I had such faith and blind trust in my xh.  The absolute disrespect I felt from his betrayal was the turning point for me to say enough of this $h!te and proceed to make every effort to take my life and make the most of from then onward.

Today, I am happily married for almost 2 years to the most wonderful, thoughtful, caring and loving man I have ever known.  He takes care of me in ways I never even knew I needed.  I couldn't have imagined that 8 years ago, but that is the beauty in all of this tragedy.  When you are in the midst of it, you can't see the good that is on the other side, until you start taking steps towards it,  in faith that something good will come from all your pain.  I knew back then that God wasn't trying to destroy me by bringing such pain and suffering in the form of my xh's betrayal, but that He could see the things my xh was doing that I couldn't, and this was His way of saving me from any further damage from it.  Today, with all the blessings I have  received, I can look back to 8 years ago and be thankful for the journey because without it, I would not be who I am today.

[amazinglove]

what a wonderful, inspiring post to read! thank you for sharing that hope with us!

[beyondblessed]

Back with a little life update 😁   This week is my last in my role as a medical office assistant, as I applied for a promotion in the hospital's purchasing and logistics department about a month ago and was offered the position just 2 days after I'd interviewed for it.  It is a great job, with better hours (at least for me, early in and early out) with no weekends, every major holiday off...which is almost unheard of in healthcare, and nearly 4 weeks of PTO...almost unheard of anywhere for only being with this organization a little over 2 years now.  It is a job very different from what I've done as an office assistant, but similar to many inventory positions I've held over  the years. And, if anyone remembers, I basically took the office assistant job as a means to an end last year, in order to stay with this particular hospital after they outsourced their dietary department,  and the purchasing role I held at that time.  So, I will be back in a similar position as when I first started, finally. 

It's ironic how much change came out of being left by my ex H that continues to carry over into this amazing life I've continued to build for myself.  Back then, I could never  have imagined accomplishing a fraction of the things I've done since then.  I've made more moves, literally and figuratively, that have changed my life for the absolute better.  My gym habit has become a lifestyle that will only stop when I'm in the ground, I have a wonderful and amazing man, who I am so proud and blessed to call my husband, my family is all well and healthy and now after this week, I will be embarking on yet another new journey with this job.

I say all of this to let the newbies and those of you still struggling with the up and downs of this jLBS journey, to impart that life will get better with time .  You will not always be hurt and devastated, as in the beginning.  As difficult as it is, you have to let your MLCer to his/her own journey and go your own way.  You have to fix what needs fixing with you, and hope they can do the same, and then even if they can't, it will be of no detriment to you.