[KeepItTogether]

Happy Birthday!  Mine is another who will try to get my attention when he thinks I've "moved on." I equate it to a petulant teenager who doesn't want me, but doesn't want anyone else to have me either. It is beyond childish.

[em5731]

Thanks  Puzzled

I just read your thread we do have a lot of similarities, Its sad what are children had to go through because there dads don't have there crap together. I have had a lot of issues with my daughter to. She will not admit that she is angry, she also has outbursts. It sad that she doesn't trust anyone. I guess I don't either, but its sad to watch as my ex basically ruined her childhood

[em5731]

Thanks KIT

My Ex is also a petulant teenager. Mine also try's to help me around the house or buy things that I need. He will hear things from my older daughter, I guess that helps with the guilt. I don't really talk to him, I do respond if he asks a question but other than that I'm no contact

[em5731]

Journaling

Ex shows up 2 hours late for his visit, he did email to say he would be late, unlike him to let us know. But he did this time,  He said to my daughter will you please forgive me I know I have made alot of mistakes, (that knew for him to admit). My 12 year old daughter said NO. You are an adult you should know better, she came in locked the door and never went back outside. I m glad she was able to express how she feels. And for him I hope that hurt like hell !

[em5731]

My older daughter called today, she is very close to her dad (ex). She said that he would help me more financially if I would be willing to sit down and talk to him about things. I don't know what that means. Thats all she said and I didn't want to push it. I guess he said he knows I won't talk to him. But he wishes we could a conversation.  He has never reached out to me. I don't know if I can talk to him as he has done so much to me and my kids. I don't know if he thinks we can be friends. He is still with ow as far I know. Its kind of thrown off my day today. Maybe he wants to talk about my younger daughter.

[megogirl]

Awe em

I guess I’m just a sucker or perhaps a glutton for punishment but I almost feel bad for him.  It sounds like he’s trying at least but I certainly don’t blame your daughter for being pissed.

Again - I’m probably just a wicked sucker.

[em5731]

Mego

I don't see it that way. Talk is cheap. I haven't seen any effort on his part. Trying to be a human after 5 years of crap, he needs to do the work and make amends for what he has done. My daughter really can't stand him. I stay away from it and let them deal with it.

[KeepItTogether]

Agreed. He needs to man up and be the father worthy of this forgiveness he seeks.  Asking Mommy (you) for help is certainly not the answer.  And not reflective of someone who has put in the work. It's definitely sad. But not something we (LBS) can fix for them. Nor should we. These things make me spin too Em. I get it.

[Philadelphiagirl]

Hi Em,

These things make me spin too! I really don't like the triangulation stuff where messages are passed through someone else because the ML'er does not have the courage to speak with us directly. I have had such conversation via teachers and the kids when he was in touch with them. It is not our job to fix their mess. Sorry if I am sounding cynical but saying that he will give you money if you would sit down and talk to him sounds manipulative.  Agreed - he needs to man up and be the father worthy of this forgiveness he seeks.......I get it too - 5 years of hurt cannot be fixed in a 10 minute conversation. PG xxx       

[Treasur]

The 'I'll meet my financial obligations if you will talk to me' thing? And via a third party?
Well, you don't get what Chump Lady calls a b!tc# cookie for meeting your basic obligations imho.
And I would tell your daughter that you are only going to pay attention to anything when he a) acts first and b) speaks for himself.....y'know like a grown up 
Not bc you don't respect her, but bc you refuse to be triangulated via her.....
And yes it is manipulative. And yes by 'talk', he likely either means listen, be nice or fix my problem for me.....

With a detached compassionate eye, em, there is no doubt that your xh is in a pickle and has no idea how to even get your youngest to give him the time of day. Which is sad....but still not your problem....he has plenty of ways he could find ideas on what he might do from Google to books to professionals.....and quite rightly your priority if you have to be involved at all is to support your daughter and validate her feelings whether you agree with her actions or not. Well, quite the conundrum for your xh......he's tried rage, self pity, now attempted bribery and using a 'flying monkey' to speak for him.....I wonder what he will try next?