Hello,

So my wife secretly found a new place to live and now is pressuring me to accelerate the divorce because she needs cash.  She actually told her lawyer that it's hard to live in the house together and very stressful.

Yes, you can tell your own lawyer that maybe why she is so stressed is due to the heavy drinking and spending a lot of time with a married man. All that sneaking around sure is stressful.

I told my lawyer if she wants out she has to remove the my car insurance from her car because I am not assuming her risk as she boozes up a lot lately and stays out to the wee hours.

Absolutely, you don't want your name on the title or on the insurance. You maybe on the hook if something happens. As soon as I paid off my son's car, I had my name removed from the title.

Yes, there lies become an issue and soon everyone sees it.

Sad part for her is that he is not leaving his wife, and I really think she doesn't see it.
People, when people on this site say don't believe anything they say you really need to accept that.  I can honestly say I don't know any truth in her anymore.

He sounds like such a great guy, a true keeper, a man of high virtues and a family man to sport.

Yes, it is unbelievable what they say and even more so in their actions as well.

Let her run and focus on you and your family. You are doing an awesome job. Remember the divorce is all business. Treat it as such and don't give anything that you don't have to give. It's her choice and she needs to deal with the consequences. Therefore, no soft landing.

Have an awesome day!

(((Ready)))

I cant really answer your question just wanted to say how sorry I am!  I’m 46 and my spouse is 44! We have also been married 19 years. Mine left this June and filed for D 8/10! He has no communication with me. I know the wifeexpert has several videos on kids and mlc. Not sure if she has those on youtube or just on her website!

LC,

Often neighbours and friends don't know how to act around any kind of change in the status quo. It's tricky! Think about how we all feel awkward talking to someone we know, but not really know, if theres a bereavement or any kind of serious life challenge, as opposed to the usual small talk and niceties. I wouldn't read too much into it unless these are people that are in your close circle of friends. If they are just people you say hi too when putting the bins out on a Monday morning then they just don't know what to say right now.

MLC has been amping up behaviors that create chaos in our home. I have been calm and metered in my responses. He has responded with additional chaotic behavior comparable to a toddler tantrum.

Our children have remained calm and followed my lead.

We started this journey in earnest in 2016 and have experienced shattering BDs in September 22 and June 24. I have considered all of the options and when MLC seems to have a partial awakening I adjust. This is a long time and his behaviors are super unexpected and atypical.
I have no barometer to determine if this is even an ok path to be on. I know I have made many mistakes and I continue a healing journey separate from his chaos and pain.

Our kids. How will our kids fair through all of this? They seem to be mostly ok but I worry.

Any experiences to share with how children have faired through the mlc journey into their own adulthood and relationships?

Thanks for this very interesting discussion regarding love, that is really inspiring for me to read your different comment and visions

As anyone can guess it reading my signature, I am in the "unconditionnal love" team, and in the same time I also believe that an healthy relationship means boundaries and limits.

In my LBS interior path, after BD I have reached the conclusion that the true sense of my existence is to learn to love as God loves us. So, how does God love us ? I have read, and I believe that God does not give us what we want, but what we need.
So for me to love as God loves means to give to the people I love what they need. And (as per my signature) to give without expecting return.
Then the question for me becomes : how to know what the people need ? I mean, what they really need. The answer is not easy, and I feel humble because often I don't know what people around me really need. To understand it, I have to really listen to them and try to understand them. Accept and respect who they are.

As it is written here, the best example for unconditionnal love is the "ideal" parent child relationship.
It is easier to undersand children, for sure. They need care, attention, a safe space to grow. And they need boundaries, they need limits. Who has tried to educate children without giving boundaries ? I believe those children will be very unhappy. For me, giving boundaries to the children is part of loving them.

The bible is a great love story between God and His people, we can see that God is setting up limits and boundaries. And God forgives also. In the story of the prodigal son, the father loves unconditionnaly his child, he gives the share of the estate without expecting return. The father "lets go" the ungrateful child, that is a big act of love. And in the same text, there are limits : the other share of the estate is a limit, it is out of the reach of the prodigal son : everything I have is yours, says the father to the eldest son (who is a bit bitter). There are likely other limits that are implicit in this text : it is not possible to have a dissipated, lustful and squandering life in front of the father. That is why the prodigal son goes to a distant country.

Now, what about our spouses ? Clearly we are not in a parent-child relationship. And I believe I can continue to love my wife even she is in the way to become soon my ex wife. I am not sure to know all the needs from W currently because she doesn't confide much, but I strongly believe she needs to go on her own path, and I give to her this freedom.

One other word about love. It is written "love your neighbour as yoursef". And I try to do this. My understanding of this verse is that the beginning of love is loving myself, knowing myself (gnothi seauton) and understanding my needs. In my LBS's path  since BD, as other LBSs in the forum, I have progressed on the love for all other people around me by beginning a work on myself and by increasing my daily prayer time. Working on myself is the greatest gift I have made to myself.