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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by Helpnewc on February 08, 2025, 05:04:11 PM »
Thanks very much.

The research is very clear but nothing rational is going ton. My girls know I want to see them more.

I will just will have to get through it.
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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by Helpnewc on February 08, 2025, 11:51:39 AM »
Thanks Ready, I am well advised.

The main challenge is there is no allegation of domestic abuse or any risk factor for our children. Unfortunately, that means it will take years and she is crafty.

I have decided to go high. Going after your partner tends to be counter productive so I have not done so. I am just a high earning successful male lawyer so the constant narrative is me beating up on a woman who earns less money than me. She feels a lot about control so she sees me wanting to see the girls equally as me being controlling and me not doing what she wants as me having to be right.

I will just have to trust the process and listen to advice.


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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by readytofixmyselffirst on February 08, 2025, 08:55:03 AM »
Hello,

I can't figure out the system either. I spent almost two years creating, writing, and getting a Qualified Domestic Relations Order so that she could get part of my retirement. She would not sign anything. I had to get a judge to sign off on it which was another motion and appearance in court. All of this work so she could get a part of my retirement. Nine years of work. It was like building the plank that you were going to have to walk.

I don't know child custody in Australia and even in the US, the laws vary from state to state. However, they all try to keep both parents involved with the children. To help you bring balance to your argument, you may need to be prepared to go after her judgment and her ability to provide a stable home for the children. Afterall, has she introduced the children to OM? Doing so quickly can have a huge adverse affect on the children as they are trying to cope with the divorce and now have to navigate a new relationship. Also, a new male in the household is more likely to abuse the children.

If you are going to introduce this in court, you have to be careful that the court understands that this is in the best interest of the children. You don't care one bit about your ex's dating life-unless it adversely impacts your children. I would argue that they need to be with you more, so she can have the time to figure out her relationships and can provide a stable home.

You are in a fight and she is not your ally at all. Think of yourself as on a debate team- you want your points to be valid and sound and within the context of what the judge will rule on. Be passionate for your children and calm in regards to her. Please discuss this and any other aspects with an attorney first. I am not a lawyer, not aware of the local laws, and I do not know your judge and all of that factors in when preparing a case.

I really do wish you the best. I have two daughters as well and I had to navigate a lot during the dark years of my ex's MLC.

Keep posting,

(((Ready)))
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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by MadLuv on February 07, 2025, 05:19:59 PM »
I’m so sorry. I will never understand how they dont think through the chikdren aspect. It’s all so selfish.
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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by Helpnewc on February 07, 2025, 04:39:20 PM »
The family law system in Australia is delightful.

Despite giving my wife 75 percent of our assets, and paying $50k a year in child support and school fees, she has applied that I pay for the private family consultant for her application to reduce my time with my children from 5 days to 3 days.

I am trying to just get on with things but is quite difficult. I can only try to be a good father.
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Our Community / We’re not married but I think my partner may be in a MLC??
« Latest by MadLuv on February 07, 2025, 02:26:22 PM »
After my XH was fired he moved and we haven't see him in 3 years and when I read others that have interactions or sightings I am reminded how lucky I am in many ways. You’re feeling are normal. It’s got to be so hard to have to see them in their bot so normal state and wonder WTF.  I would dip also. Thats what normal is
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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by MadLuv on February 07, 2025, 02:20:12 PM »
My XH OWife goes by my dame name add an A to the end. Let me tell ya. Thats a hard one, but I think no matter how news hits you it’s ok. Acknowledge it and process it. I think the only way through all this mess is to admit what affects us and work through it. Ignoring or dismissing just hits us later in a different way.
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Our Community / How did you meet someone else?
« Latest by MadLuv on February 07, 2025, 01:58:49 PM »
Great points by Ursa. Much like the MLCer and their new OW or OM. They are with people often not of the best caliber. They may very well think they are amazing, but they aren’t seeing anyone for who they are. I have not dated at all in the 4 years. I am under a firm belief that you need to heal and get to a content place on your own before you can be the best version of yourself and attract what you deserve. I am engaging in life again and doing things I enjoy. Meeting new people doing so and maybe I will by chance meet someone that way, but  I know that I am perfectly fine alone if this is where I land. There is a comfort in that and it takes a lot of pressure off trying to get to a place you think you should be or where you want to be. Just letting life unfold while you start to explore and engage in life in a new way.
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Our Community / a journey towards myself
« Latest by FrenchHusband on February 07, 2025, 01:58:37 PM »
Thank you ML and B1, Happy New Year to both of you ! Let's go back to journaling.

S6
S6 will turn S7 in a few days. He is a very good boy and brings joy around him. At school he continues to steadily his grade-skipping : he spends half-time in a new class (Y2) and half-time in Y1 classroom with his fellow friends from kindergarten. He feels very comfortable in this situation but the Y2 teacher (also school director) tells me he will have to choose. He has the competencies, no question and he is already skilled for Y2.
He has seen twice the school psy, and he told to her he wants to work for the NASA. I was a bit surprised by this job choice, I thought first it comes from the many space books he is reading. Actually it is D15 who gave to him the idea.
I am thinking about getting him to see a psy so that he can talk freely about what happened in last 2 years

D17
she will turn D18 in a few weeks, and she decided to go for the weekend at our home, for S6 birthday. That will be a very nice weekend ! She is very mature and she grows fine.
D17 wants to participate to the W championship in her sport this year. I am not sure it will be possible because we will need the agreement from her mother birthcountry federation. I will do my best and try to collaborate with W in order to get the agreement.

D15
she will turn 16 in one month. I have realised that I have neglected her the last months in comparison with the time I have spent for D17 (new University life, a lot of support needed) and S6 (well, he is 6 yo :)). So I have decided to spend more time with her and I now usually come back in the living room after the usual bedtime (around 1/2 h) with S6 almost every evening. The living room is her usual room in the evening where D15 does her homework and gymnastic exercices. So we have more time to chat, it is nice for me and her. She asks me support for her homework even if she does not really need it. What she really needs IMO is to have a decent parent available for her. 

FH
I am well, a bit tired to take care of everything, but all in all my life is great.
The 3 children are very close to me, I am glad to see them very often, to share good and bad moments with them, to trust them and be trusted. We express our needs and wants in an healthy way.
I will be in holidays next week and with D15 and S7 we will spend one week in the Alps at my dad's home. Very nice moments are expected !
I love my life.

W (for the record)
she is still deep in MLC. In January she has spent 3 days with us at our home, the amount is slowly decreasing. After the court decision (May ?) the amount of days at our home should become zero.
In February D15 and S7 will go 3,5 days in Switzerland. D17 has not seen her mom since Christmas and does not plan any holiday with her mother in February or April.
Only slight change for W : she calls now regularly every day my phone around 8pm (previously it was really irregular), I give the phone to the children. And at the end of the call, she says to S6 : thank dad for the phone.

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