I would sell/end the lease and get one just in my name.
Which tbh is probably a good guiding principle right now for a bunch of things. That might mean some tough choices but the less dependent you can be on anyone else, the better. Bc you can control your choices but not others…and particularly not the kind of man who walks away from three young children and is seemingly ok with that.
He has a history of debt, so anything you can do to separate yourself from his financial affairs is a good thing. And it can protect your own credit score if you need to move house eventually etc etc. basically shut down as much as is in joint names as possible. Get things like household utilities etc in your name where you can. And imho aim for as clean a break settlement as you can, other than child support, bc no one wants keeping the light on to depend on someone who has already proven to be deceitful and unreliable.
I think you are in the UK? My best advice would be to make an appointment to go see your local Citizens Advice office as they may be a good source of guidance on places you might look for the legal and financial support you and your kids need. You might also want to Google if there are some women-centred sources of support and legal advice where you live, if you haven’t already done that.
There’s no shame in needing help for a little while, or in asking for help. It’s for a chapter in your life, not the whole book. And a reminder that you are not alone - you are not the first person to be dealing with a horrible situation feeling on the back foot, and others have found ways to get past this awful time to an other side where life feels safer and more in your control. Sadly though, we all have to pull our wellies on and wade through some s$it first in order to get there and it doesn’t happen with one mighty bound unfortunately! But you are not alone and there are people out there in the real world who get it bc they have worn those same wellies and waded through very similar s$it. I’m not sure why that alone can give us a bit of strength as humans, but it often does.
The most important thing to swallow though is that your former h is NOT on your team. He is not your friend. His children are not his priority as they are yours. And his word is worth nothing at all. He may not be your enemy, time and events will tell, but he is not your friend. Which means crafting a route forward that is not contingent on his opinions or actions as much as you can. Triage him out of your life as much as you can, bit by bit. He may end up being one of the rare birds who takes his responsibilities seriously and who wants to be as fair as possible towards his ‘old’ family, but it doesn’t look like that so far, does it? So, you plan and act accordingly…you can always be pleasantly surprised if you (and me) are wrong 😝
T: 18 M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg