Allie,
This is where doing your own work for healing and growth becomes so important. We can it in cute little catch-phrases like "Getting Life" or "Living like they are not coming back" but that really is a velvet-covered way of saying that we (the LBS) needs to put the priority on themselves growing forward. We (the LBS) can not control what the Mid-Lifer is going to do and it is 99.95% of the time stuff that we would NEVER have thought them capable of doing but there they go doing it.
As far as the "D" being "just paper," that too is out of your control in terms of the Mid-Lifer. You get to decide how YOU want to consider it (the ultimate red line, a brick wall or just a "piece of paper.") but the Mid-Lifer also has their own will and their own choices to make. With those choices come consequences that they (and ONLY they) can be responsible for, just like we (the LBS) are responsible for the consequences of our actions/choices.
You have as much of a chance of knowing whether he will "come out of it" or "regret his decisions" before his D is final as you of tasting green with your elbow and it is about the same usefulness to use your own precious energy and time letting his decision (which you have ZERO influence or control over) occupy your brain/life. He is going to do whatever it is he is going to do.
What concerns me/us is what are YOU going to do? How do YOU see yourself moving forward, growing, getting back on your feet and recovering YOUR equilibrium, regardless of what he does because, in the end, THAT is what truly matters - NOT what his decisions are, not what path he chooses to take. His actions and choices do not need to necessarily dictate YOUR actions / choices except as far as it goes to secure your own financial stability.
Last but not least, hope is one thing. Expectations are another. We can hope that the Mid-Lifer will someday pull their head out of their ..... fog.... but if we are expecting it, we are setting ourselves up for further disappointment in the event it doesn't happen. So hope for it, yes. Expect or wait for it? No.
AllieKat has better things to do with her life than to waste it sitting on her porch in a rocking chair surrounded by a pile of snotty tissues and crocheting lace doilies while waiting for her Mid-Lifer to finally "see the light," which may or may not ever happen.....
UM
Me - 61, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 17, D - 13
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for NewbiesSite Map A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A
REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
