Journaling
Been a little bit since I’ve written anything. Got through the holidays with minimal drama. Soon to be ex-wife has been living the partying life and unfortunately for her built a poor reputation for herself. She has been so dating crazy that she had to be reprimanded at work for constant phone use and lack of any real work ethic. She apparently is having a fling with a co-worker there who is also married. That makes 2 married men she’s been with that I know of. I have a friend who works in her building and some of the other women don’t have the nicest things to say about her.
As for me I continue my healing journey. I still get really upset some days, but they are getting further apart. I have realized that following advise here about allowing yourself to grieve is really the best medicine. I am pretty much no contact as recommended. She still doesn’t even say hi when I see her at kid drop off and that’s fine at this point. She has her own demons to deal with. I have come to understand that she is a dismissive avoidant and that’s never going to change. It’s amazing how time goes on you really start to see all the things your subconscious mind hides about the real person they are. I have begun to really see how our ending wasn’t due to anything I did or didn’t do. It was her feeling overwhelmed and never voicing it. She has never been a great communicator, and I didn’t have strong boundaries with that. I have replayed many of our final words and realized that there was never going to be a different outcome with her leaving.
These past few weeks I have set my own personal journey to find real forgiveness. I try to accept that I’m starting my life over. I have come to really appreciate all my friends and family that have been there for me this past year and change. I hope in my life I can provide them comfort when they are in a time of need. I said to my kids that I believe God puts us all on a path which we need to learn from. Good or bad, it’s all there to teach us things.