[Helpnewc]

It is so odd.

We spoke for the first time in months. Our dog passed away last night and I wanted to discuss how to speak with the kids. Initially, the would not talk to me as I confess I had told her to f%#k off in a text. I know I should not have but it felt good.

Anyway, when she realised what had happened she kept ringing. And I asked if she could ask her lawyer to cut me some slack. She said it was just paper work and professed to ignorance to some of the behaviour. I asked if the lawyer was not acting in accordance with instructions. It was all a bit cray cray.

I was struck by the fact it seem revelatory that her behaviour was impacting on my well being. She literally did not seem to understand that. She really is completely self absorbed.

Anyway, hopefully I will not have contact for a while.

[Evermore]

I was struck by the fact it seem revelatory that her behaviour was impacting on my well being. She literally did not seem to understand that. She really is completely self absorbed.

I’d guess that because what we do and how we act doesn’t impact them in any way, they assume the same goes for us. Of course I don’t think they actively think about that. As you say they are completely self absorbed. I don’t think they think much about us at all most of the time. And yes, it is very weird.

[Helpnewc]

Yes. I think that is correct evermore

[Helpnewc]

It is so strange to think of your wife having a boyfriend. And to hear from them that you did not love them or care for them when they are alone in that view. It is as though 13 years of love from you did not exist.

And yes, I understand there is blame projection and it is easier to blame someone else for your unhappiness. But all those happy photos and moments were not a lie.

The death of our dog was a rare moment where something pierced through and she seemed genuinely sad. But not sad enough to leave her secret boyfriends home.

I have made the hard decision to not go to my daughter’s 10th birthday. I know I am not strong enough. I decided not to lie to her and explained I just can’t be that close to mum at the moment. They said it is because you love her and want to hug her. I said yes, and they my eldest said have you told her? I said she knows.

But the total destruction of a person and remaking of a story is something to behold. It is interesting how you regain your footing and do realise that while you were not perfect, this explosion is not about you. But there is nothing you can do.


Nearly 2 years in and I still can’t quite believe it. It is just so odd.

[Atari25]

It is so strange to think of your wife having a boyfriend. And to hear from them that you did not love them or care for them when they are alone in that view. It is as though 13 years of love from you did not exist.

And yes, I understand there is blame projection and it is easier to blame someone else for your unhappiness. But all those happy photos and moments were not a lie.

The death of our dog was a rare moment where something pierced through and she seemed genuinely sad. But not sad enough to leave her secret boyfriends home.

I have made the hard decision to not go to my daughter’s 10th birthday. I know I am not strong enough. I decided not to lie to her and explained I just can’t be that close to mum at the moment. They said it is because you love her and want to hug her. I said yes, and they my eldest said have you told her? I said she knows.

But the total destruction of a person and remaking of a story is something to behold. It is interesting how you regain your footing and do realise that while you were not perfect, this explosion is not about you. But there is nothing you can do.


Nearly 2 years in and I still can’t quite believe it. It is just so odd.

I'm only 4 months in since my wife left - I have many many more months of misery and confusion ahead I can see.

My wife has no boyfriend yet but I'm sure she will at some point or she will hook up with one of the dudes at the golf club she works at. She is all about herself and her own satisfaction. I feel for you and fear for myself.

Everything feels like a lie, even when you know it's her re-writing history. It's hurts a lot.

[FrenchHusband]

I was struck by the fact it seem revelatory that her behaviour was impacting on my well being. She literally did not seem to understand that. She really is completely self absorbed.

I’d guess that because what we do and how we act doesn’t impact them in any way, they assume the same goes for us. Of course I don’t think they actively think about that. As you say they are completely self absorbed. I don’t think they think much about us at all most of the time. And yes, it is very weird.

What you write could be written by parents speaking about their teenage children, IMHO. It is so true for our spouses under MLC, yes.

[Hopeful5]

It is so strange to think of your wife having a boyfriend. And to hear from them that you did not love them or care for them when they are alone in that view. It is as though 13 years of love from you did not exist.

And yes, I understand there is blame projection and it is easier to blame someone else for your unhappiness. But all those happy photos and moments were not a lie.

The death of our dog was a rare moment where something pierced through and she seemed genuinely sad. But not sad enough to leave her secret boyfriends home.

I have made the hard decision to not go to my daughter’s 10th birthday. I know I am not strong enough. I decided not to lie to her and explained I just can’t be that close to mum at the moment. They said it is because you love her and want to hug her. I said yes, and they my eldest said have you told her? I said she knows.

But the total destruction of a person and remaking of a story is something to behold. It is interesting how you regain your footing and do realise that while you were not perfect, this explosion is not about you. But there is nothing you can do.


Nearly 2 years in and I still can’t quite believe it. It is just so odd.

So many similarities in our stories. I also have a most likely STBxW who rewrote our entire history over night. What was in the eyes of me and my 4 kids a GOOD marriage of 23 years, has been rewritten in the most absurd way.  Neither me or my kids buy it. And the childish, passive aggressive behavior -- neglect, witholding, stonewalling etc, is infuriating to no end.  But the worst is the parental alienation, and talking sh%$ about you to the kids behind your back, which is the nastiest trick in the book.

I really is the twilight zone. Keep hanging in there, I know there are better years ahead for all of us who are in the middle of this.