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Author Topic: My Story JohnnyBravo's story

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My Story JohnnyBravo's story
#110: September 22, 2021, 12:55:29 AM
JB,

I can tell you from my own personal experience that xW's lawyer wanted her to go after my retirement and have an "equitable distribution"  and xW's TGF's convinced her that was the way to go... I told her that I was willing to forego all the discovery and so on and we would each just keep our own retirement funding but no, she wanted her money....

In the end, it turned out that she owed ME 30k Euros out of her retirement because she earned MUCH more than I did for the first 1/3rd of our marriage (although the bills were split 50/50 plus I paid my own degrees out of my salary) and was sticking money away in a retirement fund that she didn't tell me about....

All the $$$ that she imagined went up in a puff of smoke....
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

J
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JohnnyBravo's story
#111: September 26, 2021, 02:57:27 PM
Ursa, what does TGF stand for? (I assume GF is Girlfriend...)

I put out the halloween decorations today. (It seems early, but the neighbors are already at it...) W was the big halloween decorator. She had made some cute decorations, some of which we tossed when she left. (I'm wondering if we shouldn't have, but they were easy enough to make again.) There was one set that she did want me to save for the house, that we both worked on. I wasn't going to put them out, but decided to anyway. The neighbors like them, and in case she decides to do a drive by, it will be a little connection. (While we were packing up her stuff, she said she might do the drive by, but I doubt it.)

I've been fixing the landscaping in the front of the house, and was sieving out gravel and re-laying it on weed block fabric. One section I had to work on is at an angle, and after the wheelbarrow got about half full of gravel, it fell over. So, I put a block of wood under the low skid, and started again. Then it fell over the other way. At that point, I needed to come inside and cry for a minute. Before BD, I would have thrown a temper tantrum at the wheelbarrow, but haven't done that since then. I've never yelled at people, only things, but that's something I need to fix. I was doing it more often as the pandemic dragged on, and I feel bad about that for W's sake. After BD, when she said she expected me to be angry, I replied, "That's why I get mad at the stupid little things, so I can handle the big things." At least I'm learning to take a breath instead.

Well, that's it for now. No news is good news.

JB
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Re: JohnnyBravo's story
#112: September 26, 2021, 03:42:19 PM
Garden cart- less likely to tip:) Weed cloth is a fraudulent product.
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JohnnyBravo's story
#113: September 26, 2021, 04:40:39 PM
Garden cart? Shoot, I already have two wheelbarrows... :)

I've heard about the weed cloth fallacy; I use it as much to keep the gravel from sinking into the dirt as for weeds. They had plastic under there before (from 30-40 years ago), and I wanted something that would let the water through. It does keep weed roots from getting too deep so they're easier to pull out, though.
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JohnnyBravo's story
#114: September 26, 2021, 11:59:02 PM
TGF = Toxic Girl Friend - read my Tagline about enablers and accomplices..... Toxic Friends are the Mid-Lifers best buds because they are the quintessential enablers and accomplices but at the same time, for the exact same reasons, they are the LBS's worst enemies....

I used "Weed Blocker Cloth" under gravel in a couple of different places with very (so far) good results. Like you, I needed something to let water through (also like you, there was a plastic sheet there before so the water pooled) and to keep the gravel form vanishing into the dirt and leaving the paving stones sticking out. There are several different kinds available (at least here in Germany) and the one I had is like a thin felt. We'll see how long it lasts but also, it does make it easier to pull up what weeds do grow....
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

J
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JohnnyBravo's story
#115: September 27, 2021, 06:20:06 AM
Thanks, Ursa. My W does have a TGF, who thinks she's still a good friend to me as well.

If she wanted to remain friends with both of us, she would have stayed out of it.
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JohnnyBravo's story
#116: September 27, 2021, 06:30:57 AM
Thanks, Ursa. My W does have a TGF, who thinks she's still a good friend to me as well.

If she wanted to remain friends with both of us, she would have stayed out of it.

Na ja... or told MLCW to get her head out of her .... fog... But then she wouldn't be W's friend anymore because MLCW would have cut her off too.....
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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JohnnyBravo's story
#117: September 27, 2021, 11:24:51 AM
My weed blocker works just fine. Until enough dirt settled on top of it that the weeds can grow. ;D ;D. That is the part they didn't tell me, that it doesn't take very long for organic matter to settle in between the rocks.....And that if you use bark, once it started to break down, then it become something for weeds to grow in. If I blow it around once a week with a leaf blower, no weeds. Go figure.

And wheel barrows and rocks... ugh. I understand the concept of wheelbarrows and they work really well for a lot of things, but that tippy thing they do if you aren't on perfectly flat ground with a perfectly balanced load..... I feel for you. There have been times when I wondered if I could make a tripped wheelbarrow into some kind of garden art.
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When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

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JohnnyBravo's story
#118: September 29, 2021, 05:48:17 PM
Well, I was hopeful a couple of weeks ago when W's first atty turned her down. But I got a message from my attorney today that she has been contacted (by a different attorney, I assume) and they will be talking tomorrow. I know this is just one step in the process and it isn't over yet, but I'm very sad.

JB
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Re: JohnnyBravo's story
#119: September 29, 2021, 07:49:21 PM
Well, I was hopeful a couple of weeks ago when W's first atty turned her down. But I got a message from my attorney today that she has been contacted (by a different attorney, I assume) and they will be talking tomorrow. I know this is just one step in the process and it isn't over yet, but I'm very sad.

JB

JB I am so sorry. No matter how much you know things it still is painful when confronted with the crazy stuff. I still have tinges like this and this is still early days for you. And this is a big one. Completely get feeling sad.

Hang in there.
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No Kids, 23 years at BD1 (4 years), married 21
First signs of MLC Jan '15
BD 1 Jan '17, BD 2 Mar, Separated Apr, BD 3 May,BD 4 Jun '18
First Sign of Waking up-Dec '17, First Cycle out of MLC Mar '18-Jun ‘18, Second cycle Jul '18-??
Meets OM Jan '17 and acts "in love," admits "in love" Jun '18, asks for divorce Jul '18

 

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