[megogirl]

Bewildered, you nailed it.  Every word.

There is nothing worse than the person who barges into someone else's thread to announce, “Yoo-hoo! I had my OWN MLC!”

Um....the thread was NEVER about you.  It was, and is, about the MLCer we were already discussing - ShockSis. If you wish to discuss your “own MLC”, kindly start a thread of your own, then have at it.  We will then choose whether or not we wish to hear it.

Until then...we only wish to hear from ShockSis!

[Caroline]

Standing strong... such an interesting point about attachment... my H has always had issues with attachment to others.. when his brother was born (he was 10) he made it clear ( according to his family) that he wanted nothing to do with him...when we began dating his brother was a senior in high school and for a few years he discussed his dislike for him. According to them... if their dad wanted to take them both fishing he wouldn't go if the younger brother went.. He was full of hatred for his family and would often run away for weeks as a teenager and his mom would cater to him when he returned... But he didn't attach to anyone...

He had an accident where he broke his back and the friends that he partied with suddenly were not around and he turned his life around and began to attach to his family... he had one girlfriend after that who he fought with all the time...

I was the next girlfriend and they said I was the first goal he showed affection to and they were shocked how interacted with me... Your observation Standing strong this has given me a word to explain this ...and I would say that is why he has never had any friends and would guess that this is definitely a part of my H MLC... thanks for sharing....

I would love to hear SS incite on this in her experience...

[Finding Joy]

My h also seems to have attachment issues.  He just dropped people for barely any reason, but I was in his inner circle and was an exception.  Until I wasn’t.

[Helpingme!]

I think some people need to take a break. Good lord. 

SS  is helpful. Some like her thread and they are getting Vetter by reading and posting.  GOOD!!!

Now if you don't like SS thread?? Why in the world are you posting on it. Just don't read it.

It's not any of our jobs to  judge anyone.

It's easy to me. If you like this thread. Read it and post.  If you don't, stay off of it.

JMO.  Have a good one my friends.

[marvin4242]

My h also seems to have attachment issues.  He just dropped people for barely any reason, but I was in his inner circle and was an exception.  Until I wasn’t.

FJ this is also true of my wife, but I also always knew she had borderline traits, which meant she would idolize people, then completely devalue them. Borderline includes some attachment issues. Slight variant of the same, but some part of me always knew and used to even say to her "one day you will turn that towards me."

Honestly I still feel for her, it must be an awful state of being, to not be able to accept a person and connect to them fully, good and bad.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I was going to stay out of this. Shock's Sis seems to be doing fine without any of us defending her. But I can't stop myself from jumping in because there is more misinformation being posted than I can stand. I apologize for prolonging the controversy.

Please cease and desist antagonizing the ONLY ex-MLCer that is here now.  I don’t care how many were here 1, 3, 5, or 10 years ago, because that was THEN.  ShockSis is NOW!

No offense intended to Mego but Shock's Sis is not the only MLCer or ex-MLCer who is here now although she is the most verbal. Most of us don't say much about our MLC experiences. Some of us have learned that it's safer not to mention them.

Cleary, some LBS are not able to understand SS's has been treated the same way every former MLCer that come on here has. The others were fine with the questions and LBS were not in up in arms because of them.

The first sentence in the above quote is partially true. The second is completely false. I've seen several MLCers come here, post honestly, develop devoted followings who appreciated their posts, and then stop posting because of the antagonism displayed on this forum towards MLCers in general and towards the specific MLCer who was posting. Several LBSes have been and continue to be extremely hostile towards MLCers who post about their experiences. I'm surprised Shock's Sis is still posting but perhaps she continues to post because it isn't true that she's been treated the same as all of the others. As hard as it is to believe, she's been treated better than most MLCers. Previous MLCers haven't had nearly as many LBSes who were to willing to protect and defend them. Members like Mego and Helpingme! and SS and Bewildered and many others have been inspirational.

Do not judge? Savy, eveyone is judged on HS on a daily basis. And has always been. Not judge when LBS daily judge their MLCer, insult their MLCer, the MLCers alienator?

A more true statement has never been posted here. This is what I hate about this forum. So many judgmental LBSes posting here. This one thread is almost like an oasis on this forum. Why would an MLCer want to spend much time on this forum when they are typically scorned and treated like the enemy. If you believe that they're going through a crisis perhaps you could find some sympathy and compassion for them. If not, perhaps this is not the right forum for you.

I have never before been in the presence of so many perfect people. I know the people on here who are so judgmental must be perfect because if they had flaws then they wouldn't be so quick to judge other people so harshly for their flaws.







I believe those of you who have started discussing attachment are on the right track. Here's a fairly basic article on attachment styles to get you started.

https://www.verywellmind.com/attachment-styles-2795344

I would also suggest you take a closer look at disorganized attachment. Here's a pretty good article about disorganized attachment and some of its effects.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychotherapy-matters/2018/04/disorganised-attachment/

For more in-depth information I would suggest reading some of Dr. Dan Siegel's works in the field of interpersonal and developmental neurobiology.

https://www.drdansiegel.com/books_and_more/

[Finding Joy]

Marvin, I always had a fear that if my husband could turn so hot and cold towards others, someday he would do it to me.  Here we are.

[Stand Tall]

  My H is another one with this attachment issue. It seems that everytime he gets close to someone and they accept him for who he is he drops them from his life. I also told him that one day it would be me. The thing is he always put him and I into his bubble and he always told people that we would never break up. That we were to close and knew to much about each other. He did allow one other man into the inner circle, but since MLC took over he has dropped this friend too. This man is also very troubled and very hurt by this.

Stand

[barbiedoll]

Understanding my own attachment style and my husbands was a turning point for me . There are many free quizzes to identify your attachment style ( and many can "guess" to identify a spouses attachment style ). Just adding this link to the great info from MBIB. Invaluable to research and understand your attachment style.

https://thepowermoves.com/attachment-style-quiz/

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I'm looking forward to hearing what Shock's Sis has to say. I have lots of thoughts about attachment but don't want to hijack Shock's Sis's thread. This would be a good topic for a discussion thread if anyone wanted to continue.