Journalling
The games women play... pt. 1, as I suspect there will be a pt. 2

I'm always looking through old photos and saw that a year ago I had casually asked through text TPB for a photo. So one night I saw she was up after 10pm which I know is rare and I sent "How are you still up?" to which she replied "barely, lol". I said "Go to bed, and then send me a pic." to which of course she didn't. I immediately backtracked and deleted the photo request. All previous texts between us had been about music as that is a subject we have in common.

Well in the car one day I asked KA to send someone we were meeting a reply, with my phone and when she was taking a long time, I asked what she was doing and she replied "Reading your texts with TPB". She said "How would you like it if I was texting a guy after 10pm". I said "I wouldn't and won't do so again". KA has always said she doesn't trust the woman, but in reality I'm more the instigator there and TPB the recipient.

Kayak season started and with surprise neither TPB, nor her bestie JKR attended. Complete silence from the two women who are my closest women friends. Then week two came, which was a really great paddle location, and more silence. My next party was coming up (It was great fun of course). KA and I discussed after the last party she would prefer I host them when she's not available to come... which gives us another date night each month, which is what she craves... alone time with me.

JKR texted me her and her bestie would be there if their power came back on. (We had tornados here in IN and many homes were knocked out). Found out later one of the two had power when they arrived at the party. I had a sense of distance from the two that night and they left early but JKR and I did have a short unfinished conversation. Then a day later JKR actually quit my kayaking group. 

So a few days later I texted JKR how her foot and arm were as they had been keeping the duo from attending my hikes and I now assumed kayaking as well. Her reply had nothing to do with herself but TPB (whom I've been told they share everything).

"I did tell her I should not have been the one to pull out of kayaking to take a stand (for her)"

. A stand for her? But she's still in my kayaking group.

"She won’t leave it, she loves kayaking. I eventually want back in the kayak group.  I just was “tired” of listening, so I took a stand, not my place, but I knew she would not. If something bothers me, I will let a person know or I just will pull back in conversation. She typically does not let someone know. She is just hung up on you flirting with her when you have a girlfriend.

I said I will leave her alone.
"She has said you have.  She appreciates it. I think at some point TPB will message you. In a weird way I think she will miss the attention."

So from what I can gather they are trying to stay away to teach me a lesson at their own detriment by missing kayaking and hikes. I think the arm and foot thing may be an excuse being used for avoidance. The party was 'too good' of them to miss and they caved and attended that. I have unfollowed and restricted social media on TPB so she sees much less of me. I'm taking steps to move on from my crush which built over two years.


Another friend who is a therapist out of the blue sent me this text chain...

You would be good with TPB. You and her would be the best together. Well, she’s fun, loving, wild, and crazy likes to party, likes music. Has a stable job. Pretty and skinny. You guys have a good relationship

Yes.

Tonight is the New Moon for June....

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Tonight is the New Moon in the sign of Gemini. This New Moon is all about connections and expressions with others and ourselves. We may hear from people we haven't heard from for a while. There will be reunions with friends and family. We sometimes need to have deep personal conversations with other people and ourselves to figure out where we are and where we are going. Our emotions will feel raw at this time, Don't hold back your thoughts and feelings on this New Moon, let them out and tell people how you really feel.
This is a time of great transition, it is a time to let go of the past and to look to the future. Life is moving forward swiftly now, embrace changes and steer them in the direction you want them to go in. Allow a fresh perspective to take hold of you. Let today and everyday be the first day of your life. The past does not equal the future. There is unlimited potential in the spirit. Keep your mind open. Open your heart and let the light in. A new day is dawning for you.
The Gemini New Moon is about communication and using your intellect. Be smarter and wiser, look at your life in a new way, make plans for the future, use the Gemini influence to help you reach a higher understanding and propel you in a direction you want to go. There will be choices to be made coming soon, leaving you with decisions to make about your future. When you come across multiple choices or two choices and are at a cross roads, rather than becoming scattered like leaves blowing in the wind, quiet down and be still, connect with your spirit and your higher consciousness and ask for the answer.
This is a dreamy New Moon filled with possibilities and promises. The past few months have been challenging for most of us, many of us had a rude awakening in one form or another and life may have seemed rather hard of late, but with this New Moon things will start to look up. Enjoy the new energy as the Moon starts its waxing phase after tonight and will bring us into a new place of positive and good energy. Expect answers to any unsolved questions.
This is a good time to go deep within yourself and see things as they really are. Listen to your intuition. Your instincts will never fail you. The logical mind can be deceived, the eyes and ears can be fooled. They see what they want to see, they hear what they want to hear. However, your Inner self cannot be fooled. Live your life from your authentic self, from inside out. Only you know what you really need and what needs to be done. The power is in your hands.
The New Moon in Gemini is a time for calm and peace. The Cosmos is in perfect harmony at this time. This is a brilliant time to make dreams and wishes come true or just spoil yourself with luxury and enjoy the peace and tranquility. Meditate on any questions you may have and the answers will come to you. Let the winds of change from this air sign blow over you and take you on a journey of discovery. This is the perfect time to start any new projects or learning something new.

Hello everyone, just thinking of you all on this beautiful Saturday in June.  Things are good here.  Mom turned 80 yesterday and we had a lovely time up on the Mesa, fishing, eating lunch at a lodge and enjoying nature.  There were about 10 of us able to celebrate with more celebrating to come with other family throughout the Summer.  Mom was able to catch 4 fish!  We had to all keep encouraging her to reel it in because she would stop lol and she had a little trouble casting at first, but she did really well!  Better than I expected and a good reminder that I need to get her out there more often.

I started officially in my new position April 20th, after taking a week in the Caribbean first.  I cruised with my B and SIL and a married couple friend of ours.  One of my other B and SIL's came and stayed at the house with Mom.  I had no trouble being the 5th wheel on the trip.  We did Grand Bahama, Dominican Republic and Grand Turk.  Realized while I was in the Caribbean that it was the 10 year anniversary of my Divorce.  Wow, time flies!

Turned 48 in May (I was 37 at MLC Bomb Drop) and have been really disturbed by my weight and the effects of aging and pre-menopause so I started the 75 hard.  I've only made it to day 2 once since I started the day before my birthday but that's okay, I'm out there trying lol.  I'm going to continue to go after it and hopefully at some point there will be some pay-off.

D turned 24 and S turned 26.  And my 30 year HS reunion is in July.

I hope everyone is well!  Let me know how you're doing and what's new with you.   

So nice to read an update from you!  He is losing out with the kids (and you).  Glad to know that you are doing well!

I just think some love deeper and are more acceptable to faults in others. Have better communication skills and most of don’t need that high of a new car, new person, big trip…..that’s mature love and relationships. To be grateful with where you are. Who you are with. I don’t think anyone in a marriage doesn’t at times look at their spouse and think “ who are they?” There are pikes and valleys. Comfortability with time and I think MLCers get bored. Harbor resentments. Chase those high school
Romance feelings. They aren’t ever happy or satisfied. When I asked my XH a year after he left if he was happy he stated “ I hate when you ask me that” I think that says it all. They are never truly happy.  I also think it reverses. They first find the exit as relief when we are in shambles, but then we grow and learn and survive and that’s when all their pushed aside emotions and escapes stop working. We pay at the beginning. Theirs is delayed. That’s how I feel now.