[AlvinTheMaker]

Then offer her $25.00 for all of it.
Then pawn all of it.

Hmm.... that moment could very well be worth the effort 
ROFL.

Alvin.

[Standing Strong]

Sounds like you're a busy bee Alvin 

Cruising right along. It's really good to see you doing so well. 

-SS

[AlvinTheMaker]

Sounds like you're a busy bee Alvin 

Cruising right along. It's really good to see you doing so well. 

-SS

Yes, I've definitely been a busy bee.

Today I signed the papers for the move.  Total cost of 4K$ - yikes.  But what else should I expect when moving interstate

I've also scheduled appointment with the child welfare services.  Time to make the "no alimony" and "meeting schedules" official next monday....   STBXW said she wants to re-think the "no alimony" deal once more. I just said you are free to think about it as much as you want, but please do understand that if we don't reach the proposed deal, then I'm willing to change the rules of game significantly  (because so far I've been playing very nice and generous, but it is a choice).  Regardless of what STBXW decides, I do have a plan that "plays" for me.   I just wish she would understand that if it goes to court,  it is gonna be way worse deal for all of us (kids included). 

The house appraisal...  Finally something's happening with it.  The appraiser sent a number of additional questions,  and then asked me "how would you feel of value of 90k"?  I just wrote back "that is IMHO way too low" and then argumented my view properly.  Some time later he sent another email "oops, I though your house was older.  This changes the appraisal more in line with what you thought"...  I then asked on how many data points the appraisal is based upon, and he said "not many".... I guess he had no idea of what the real value might be and was just fishing my perspective.  Too bad I didn't  add extra 50k  to my own opinion

School season's now on...  I've been messaging with three different school principals about the upcoming arrangements.  So far green light from all of them.,  two of them actually said "nice to see somebody who's thought this through well"... I'm also bit sad as this is the last/final school season (so far) that I get to see my kids enroll.... When taking S5 to school, I ended for walk with with STBXW-former-BFF.  We had a lengthy and deep talk about the changes this does for everyone's life as well as life moving onwards.  It was propably the most profound talk the two of us have had in these 10+ years we've known each other.  But better late than never.

I had a couple of lengthy chats and calls with G19...  I sense something's pressuring her.  Maybe beginning of school season, maybe sleeping issues, maybe boyfriend issues. Maybe all of those. But I'm not poking - just giving her the space to come forth when she feels for it.  And listening and being there...

Last but not least... This has been brewing under the hood for good time.   I think I am approaching the point of "not standing still", maybe the point of "not standing at all"...  I do notice that I've got some new dreams, and they do not include STBXW anymore.  The door is still open for her to try a comeback, but like most here have read, possible reconnections are rare and slow and difficult processess. Possibly the only reason I might be interested to put my head into such brutal process would be kids/family.   But not for love, as I think I've finally learned to love her from the distance.  But umm, this decision needs bit more time to bake.

Alvin.

[Thunder]

Yes Alvin moving costs are very high, but what else are you going to do?  Maybe check out more than one mover to get the lowest price for you.  During this Pandemic companies are hurting for business.

If your W wants to rethink this alimony thing, let her talk with a lawyer to get information.  Most offer a free consultations.
They will enlighten her to what this all involves.  It may not be the best for her but let her see her options clearly and what it will mean for her and the kids.  She isn't going to believe you.

Alvin don't just reach an agreement that plays good for you, reach one that is good for both of you and the kids for their future.

Just a warning, as far as the appraisal, most judges or a second party, will need to see a few appraisals and will decide on an amount in between them.  Not just one from one party.

Alvin you are still pretty early into her crisis.

I know the feeling of standing, then not standing...back and forth.  We cycle too.

I know you do not like advise but I would just suggest take you time with some of this stuff before you make any real life decisions.  You have time.
Be kind and try to work with her, she will remember that.  She will remember your fairness, maybe not now but in the future.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Hi Thunder,

And thanks.

Moving costs.... Actually I went service of quality first, not looking for lowest price. Money is something I can always make more (I hope ).  But still, it's pricey.

Alimony deal...that's pretty much the advice I gave to her: seek knowledge. But I want her to have solid opinion by end of week which way things roll. No point of us meeting if it turns into "I need more info/I don't know" (different set of officials for that). And IMHO it is essential she knows that this is one of those issues where I have firm goals and boundaries (with consequences) on number of levels. Not really my issue if she hasn't done her part of homework.

Appraisal...let's see what way things roll. As there's not much past sales data nor established market, this is to large extend a how long is a piece of string question.

Re, standing, cycling, timelines.... I know it is early for her crisis. But this is more about me stepping out of the MLC wheel as part of my own healing. We are what we focus and think about, and I choose to step out of the crisis or post-crisis mode and resume normalcy in my life. She knows where to find me if interested, and I'm leaving the door for reconnection open permanently (but not awaiting anything)... But I do feel I have walked my path, and it is time for me to focus on other things in life once all the loose ends are finished. Hopefully by end of 2020....

Alvin.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Just a quick update...  The past 10+ days have been one crazy rollercoaster ride.

The alimoney and parenting deal... it kind of fell apart and then it got back together.... yikes. It was totally crazy, and I went both high and low during those days.   The childrens wellfare worker wanted to make sure STBXW understands what she is agreeing with, which she didn't really. And the whole thing was torn open and this worker started proposing her own "more traditional model"...  But I stood my ground, argumented my views properly with additional "I'm prepared to leave the matter in hands of court", and eventually (after interviewing the kids etc) both parties agreed that the plan I was suggesting was more than fair and generous...But it was really WTF-moment.   I genuinely doubt that if I was a mother I would have received same kind of scrutiny. 

Anyway, we did hold three family meetings over these topics and were able to solve these things all on our own. It was not always nice or comfortable, but at least there was lots of honest and straight talk, and kids now understand more than thoroughly how the parenting and alimoney system works. Eventually G19 had a private talk with STBXW, and it turned out she was simply agreeing to social workers view to "please her". She just was not able to say it out aloud. Sigh.

All in all I'm not abandoning my kids financially (or otherwise).  For me the "no alimoney" just means that I don't have "official schedule" that I have to follow. Now I can focus more on the aspect of "giving as a gift/support" to people I love whenever I feel like.  Anyway, tomorrow morning we are signing the deal on both parenting and "no alimoney" (unless some new hardball emerges from thin air). 

Division of assets .... is almost completed.  The only thing missing is the signature, which will be done in two days.... STBXW has secured the mortgage, she is buying me out.  So financially speaking I'm on very firm ground.  Heck, I'm actually doing well.   For the first time in my adult life I am about to have way more money than I could imagine using (but I'm sure it will be solved easily, LOL)...  And I got some really nice items (art etc design pieces) in exchange of some machinery I have zero use in the city.  So I definitely feel like I'm on the winning team.

Packing stuff and moving... almost completed, just few random items here and there remaining.  Though moving company will take care of the practicalities and all the heavy lifting, , all the kids are joining the process of giving birth to our new home.  They are travelling with me to spend first 5 days there.

Have been saying godbyes to friends and acquintances.   Possibly the saddest part remaining....

On the other hand I'm already starting to build up new social life. It is... interesting.   Amazing. Funny.... what comes out of it all... I really don't know.  But at least I'm having a blast.

So much other stuff as well... from kids going to school, having talks with me, covid precautions etc etc.   But right now it feels that everything is falling into their proper place.  Life's beginning to feel good once again.

One piece at a time...

Alvin.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I genuinely doubt that if I was a mother I would have received same kind of scrutiny.

Nope, whenever an outsider becomes involved, they like to shake the tree to see if any apples remain. Just be thankful you are not in California or worse yet, New Jersey. From what I have read on Watcher's case, they would have made you assume the mortgage and let your MLCer stay there for free and still have her on the title to the house. Yikes!

Glad you are sorting things out. When everything is signed and done, you can take a deep sigh. One major road crossed. Now on to the fun filled life of parenting with an unhinged MLCer.

High Five!

Ready

[AlvinTheMaker]

Journaling.... Second day on new home. Still smiling very happily. No regrets.

Alvin.

[Thunder]

I'm glad you're happy Alvin. Nice to end things like that.

Hope your kids like your new place.   

[AlvinTheMaker]

I'm glad you're happy Alvin. Nice to end things like that.

...and also nice to begin new things like that. For better or worse I've got a date coming up. This is  one of those boy meets a girl by accident stories. Or maybe it was her hitting routine, LOL...but two complete strangers bumbed into each other, started talking, found out mutual ground (her living close to my new home, both recovering from end of long marriage, same hobbies etc), exchanged  contact details, chatted bit more, and then agreed to go on date (beach, some hot choco, our cameras) once I'm all settled in.... Needless to say, she looks and feels like a really nice gal   and I don't think we'd be going out if there wasn't some interest on her side as well ...  In this era of tinder etc it's nice to see that things can happen organic...and it was so easy, all natural... And I know, keep expectations low and just have some fun time (with acknowledgement that both of us have been through some rough times).

Hope your kids like your new place.   

So far so good ,😊