[UrsaMajor]

Heart,

Most US banks and many others will  do an EFT (Electronic Funds Transfer) at the request of the account owner. I know that Wells Fargo offers this service as I used that to pay my Student Loans and everything else. It is not an automatic debit (unless the account holder sets it up that way).

My question for you though is, if it is NOT automated, will you then end up having to chase him to pay? My guess is yes if he is as bad about finances as you say he is....

[LearningIamOk]

HT, if he is paying thru the court system, I don't think you can legally accept a paper check. And, having it come thru the courts gives you more protection. They will go after him for you. All you have to do is complain. My xH was really late one month. I called the court and the money came in toute suite.

[Ready2Transform]

Listen to UM and Learning! This will be the beginning of more headaches for you. Ignore him. His problems are not your problems. <-- my mantra!!

[Anjae]

His problems are his problems, not yours.

[forthetrees]

I wouldn´t accept a paper check b/c it then becomes a "must be lost in the mail or delayed by the mail" excuse. With a preset automatic withdrawal there´s no room for error and YOU don´t run the risk of bouncing a payment (not that you would be in that boat, but you get what I mean about knowing your finances). If he does a wire transfer, there may be a wiring charge for that.
And even if you were willing to take a check, he´d have to send it by a certain date and keep track of his balance and still run the risk of an overdraft because you could cash it before he thought you would. A paper check is not going to save his financial patoot. Perhaps it is time for him to become responsible. He could think of it as a mortgage with a late fee penalty:)

Well, it does show that they are not sharing a bank account. Maybe ow figured out his MO in that arena.

Please go beyond protecting your address and insist on timely electronic transfers.

Hugs,
FTT

[calamity]

Hi HT,
I'm a little behind on your thread [I agree with the others by the way, not your problem].  Anyway just to say I still read your thread even if I have nothing to add.
We are about the same age and both working when we didn't expect to...but, I'm glad to be working in many ways; it means I'm still part of life you know?  I think it would be far more difficult and lonely to be home all the time.

[HeartTattoo]

Thanks for following along, Calamity. Yes, I never expected to be doing this kind of work again, especially at this age. But, for me too it has on the whole been positive. 

I have hesitated to discuss another part of my recent journey because I am doing fine & have great support from family, friends, & co-workers. After a routine mammogram this spring I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was small & caught early & does not appear to have spread. I had the necessary relatively minor surgery (lumpectomy is kind of an ugly word). Genetic testing on the tumor confirms that chemotherapy is not warranted, but I have begun radiation treatments to decrease the chances of recurrence later down the line.

One of my reasons for bringing this up on HS is to remind all of us once again, to be vigilant in self-care. Even years down the line, once all the crazy painful panicky angry depressed effects are winding down & you are “moving on” with your life in healthy & happy ways, stay vigilant.

Our LBS symptoms are so severe I often marveled at how healthy I remained, with hardly a cold, let alone more damaging physical effects. So it gave me a bit of a chill when my oncologist was talking with me & casually mentioned that this tumor “has probably been forming for 4-6 years”. Bomb drop was 5 ½ years ago.

Now, I have a pretty strong family history for cancer (although not breast cancer) & we all know the statistic that 1 out of 8 women will experience breast cancer in her lifetime. (Heart disease still kills more women though.) So, I’m not going to blame my H or his MLC. One can never know what environmental factors trigger crazy genetic mutations. The larger point is Take Care of Yourself. Keep Taking Care of Yourself. Keep up with a primary caregiver. Get those mammograms & then get the mani/pedi. Take your BP meds even if you feel fine. Return to counseling if you’re depressed. Call a friend or a suicide hotline if you have ANY thoughts of harming yourself.

We have all lived through one of the most traumatic events one can experience. This sort of stress has an effect. Somewhere. Some how. Some day. Perhaps in a way we least expect. Take care out there.

Hugs,
HT

[Ready2Transform]

Hugs, HT! Yet more proof how strong you are (and how much more absurd it is for your MLCer to prod you to help HIM out at a time when he could be offering YOU support instead). I do believe the emotional turmoil we experience can manifest physically. I am very glad you are doing all of the proper self-care to continue your success story.

[limitless]

HT,

I have just caught up on your most recent interactions.  (I don't come here as often as I used to, either).

Great response on your part!  NO!  I would say that some people have all the nerve...but we are talking about an MLCer...and they have more than just that.

Sorry to hear about your recent health scare....it is good that it was caught and fixed.  Very strange to hear that it possibly started about the time of BD.  I remember (and don't remember) how I felt at that time!  How we all felt!  Our lives completely in upheaval....the shock, the overwhelming sadness.....It's amazing how many of us have been able to get to the other side...in one piece!

He expected you to say no....but he had been "told" to ask.  By whom, I wonder?   

Take care of yourself.....you did a great job of standing firm to your own needs.

Hugs,

L

[Anjae]

I'm sorry to read you had a big health scare, but glad to know you are doing well.

I too believe this terrible emotional experience can show physically.

But it is indeed impossible to know it your husband's MCL was the reason.

Big hugs.