Skip to main content

Recent Posts

1
Our Community / Re: Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
« Latest by Ready2Transform on Today at 01:27:35 PM »
Quote
All in all would be interesting to know if any MLCr has started HRT treatment and what the effects were. At least I don't recall reading a single storyline here or other mlc forums where that would have been explored.

Actually, there have been! We used to keep track of that better on some of the old research threads (some go back 10 years or more) that always seem to get buried. Off the top of my head, there was a member named Smitty (with some numbers after it) whose husband got T treatment and improved. They ended up reconciling I think. I'm not seeing her in the member list, but when I search for "Smitty" the name "Battlefield" comes up, so that may be the same person (I'm really not certain).

It's a strong belief of mine that my xH suffered a big andropausal T drop in his mid-30s that contributed to his situation. I remember reading from a reliable source that a drop in estrogen or testosterone doesn't equal an increase in the other, but rather for both it will elevate cortisol, which can cause a ton of problems like anxiety, mental fog, weight gain, etc. I had my 'crisis' right before my xH did, and it aligned with when hormonal birth control (and subsequently going off of it) did a huge number on me, which has taken me years to start to improve from (progesterone being the problem). I had a huge amount of swelling, hair loss, weight changes, and an identity crisis. Fun stuff.  ::)

I'm not a huge fan of his books other than this one, but John Gray's "Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice" does a really good job of laying out some of the hormonal and neurotransmitter differences among the sexes and how to naturally improve both. It echoes a lot of our experiences (though most not as drastice) in the parables of the book, so it felt like good research to me years ago when I found it. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7849906-venus-on-fire-mars-on-ice
2
Our Community / Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
« Latest by WHY on Today at 01:22:32 PM »
I have read some theories that hormonal changes probably do play into MLC for both men and women.  Men's levels tend to drop more slowly over time--I wonder if this means that they slide into MLC more slowly as well?  I don't have the answers for sure, just curious about the potential biological contributors to the "storm."

I have no doubt of hormones being a contributing factor. It is frightening how many "fell out of love for spouse/kids overnight" stories are on the site above even in their public section.

Of course not everyone in menopause decides to divorce and go grazy, which I think links to FOO. You either have or don't have the tools to navigate dark waters without totally nuking family around you.

As for men....I think it is highly individual, just like  with women. Some go slow and easy, some fast and hard, some crash and burn.

All in all would be interesting to know if any MLCr has started HRT treatment and what the effects were. At least I don't recall reading a single storyline here or other mlc forums where that would have been explored.

Alvin

If we could test every MLCer and measure hormone levels.   I don’t believe we’d find a pattern. Otherwise MLC would be easy to diagnose and even be treatable.

I also question chemical imbalance and affects on depression.  It’s highly complex.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326475

All I know is that my MLC is living in an alternative universe.  It’s psychosis.  And I wish I knew would causes it.  Hopefully in 100 years someone will figure it out. 

3
Our Community / This is getting tiring
« Latest by Lostinthewoods on Today at 10:20:39 AM »
Hi madluv,
Thank you for sharing your experience. I understand this is soo unimaginably crazy.
I don't want to live like this given a choice. I also know making the choice is in my hands and the abuse can stop.
There are many ifs and buts. I know i will get to a place of healing. Right now priority is the house , sons college.
Update: I've gone dark grey like I told you'll earlier.  He behaves himself,  he is also mostly to himself.  Both of us extremely busy with work.
I'm studying and completing certifications to help my career. Even though I have a tough boss she is happy with my work. Spend Lots of energy at work. I actually enjoy work. Have lots of fun.
( completely God's grace).
I watch q movie or some program before hitting the bed.
Am I over it? No. There qre tears some days  sandness comes and goes, I manage.  I am doing better than I thought. Except for the loss of this part of my life I'm ok.


4
Our Community / Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
« Latest by AlvinTheMaker on Today at 09:29:24 AM »
I have read some theories that hormonal changes probably do play into MLC for both men and women.  Men's levels tend to drop more slowly over time--I wonder if this means that they slide into MLC more slowly as well?  I don't have the answers for sure, just curious about the potential biological contributors to the "storm."

I have no doubt of hormones being a contributing factor. It is frightening how many "fell out of love for spouse/kids overnight" stories are on the site above even in their public section.

Of course not everyone in menopause decides to divorce and go grazy, which I think links to FOO. You either have or don't have the tools to navigate dark waters without totally nuking family around you.

As for men....I think it is highly individual, just like  with women. Some go slow and easy, some fast and hard, some crash and burn.

All in all would be interesting to know if any MLCr has started HRT treatment and what the effects were. At least I don't recall reading a single storyline here or other mlc forums where that would have been explored.

Alvin
5
Our Community / 25 years and my wife walked out the door
« Latest by Treasur on Today at 08:14:53 AM »
Glad the walk helped.
Have you already taken legal advice about what a legal separation means in practice and requires from you? If not, that’s probably a priority. Getting the info gives you time to think about it and consider how you want to tackle that.
I’m sorry bc I know it wasn’t what you wanted to hear but you may find that it breaks the sense of limbo too. 

I wouldn’t ascribe too much into her tears or hugs tbh. MLC or not, these kinds of conversations are emotional for everyone involved to some degree, right? Keep reminding yourself to focus on her feet not her mouth.
6
Our Community / 25 years and my wife walked out the door
« Latest by Atari25 on Today at 06:55:45 AM »
I’m sorry for that shot of anxiety. Horrible feeling, isn’t it? Never felt anything like it before BD but fortunately it’s a long time since I’ve felt anything like it since too.

Try to do something, ideally physical, to get the anxiety out of your body. Go for a run, a long walk, dance in the kitchen - doesn’t matter, just give your system a way to vent it. As my gran used to say, better out than in!

I took your advice and went for a walk in the mall before I came home to see her. It's definitely helped a little. Good idea!

So as expected she dropped the legal separation bomb.

She said this is what she wanted but I asked her if this is really what she wanted and that she was happy. She then said 3 times "I'm trying to be happy". A lot of strange things came out of her but that struck me,  She did expand on this thought and said "I'm happy sometimes and not happy other times - I'm trying". I said again she should go see a therapist - maybe I shouldn't have but she has a lot unresolved issues from childhood and beyond. A lot of tears.  She actually didn't have a ton to say, only that this separation "had been a long time coming" and that "she was sorry". I told her to do what she thought she had to and that while the door is open, she had to want to come back and I know she is not there.

When she left she was in full tears and she gave me the tightest hug I have had in years. I was really taken back. So hard to read her and so much confusion in her thoughts. I am 99% sure her single friends are prompting her to push forward with legal separation - then divorce but there is nothing I can do to stop it all if it's coming. You have to wait one year before filing for divorce in Canada. I just said ok to everything... I guess I now wait for the next shoe to drop.
7
Our Community / Everything hurts.
« Latest by FrenchHusband on Today at 06:00:15 AM »
Quote from: Treasur
And tbh, if you were to believe what all of the MLC folks have said as they blew up our lives and ran out of the door, you are dealing with the most horrible, worthless, controlling, burdensome and plain mean set of LBS humans here. Awful people. Terrible partners. Not worth spit.  :) including me.  :)

Oh yes thanks for these words. I almost forgot it, here in this forum we are the worse gathering of villains that the world has ever seen, all of us are second cousins to the devil , and LBS actually means Loathsome Brothers & Sisters 8).
8
Our Community / What am I dealing with here?
« Latest by OffRoad on April 17, 2024, 09:21:55 PM »
So, I got to a point where I just did all the divorce work myself. I had the advantage of having worked for a divorce attorney for 3 years, but in my case he didn't want to spend a small fortune either. I laid it all out on a spreadsheet, said you take this and I'll take that and it's about even and he agreed. I made him file first and I responded. Hardest part was getting his financials because he thought he was hiding money from me, but I knew it was there and preemptively  balanced the other bank accounts and he either didn't notice or was OK with it. Since mine spent 20000+ in one month, I wanted the finances settled. I was more than fair.

My advice? Don't wait. Get your financials settled and make her have to pay her attorney from her share. If your attorney is decent, they will do their best to speed up what they can. If you are ready for it, sometimes it's good to be done.

9
Our Community / Re: What am I dealing with here?
« Latest by Ready2Transform on April 17, 2024, 08:38:44 PM »
Totally agree with Marvin. I spent years "studying" because, in hindsight, that was an active way for me to continue to participate in this process. But especially once you're going through the legal end of all of this, you absolutely have to take a position that is not about MLC. It puts you at a huge disadvantage in mitigating the damages and preparing yourself for the rest of your life (ask me how I know!  ;) ). To answer your question as to whether you have a right to stop the financial bleeding, that's something you and your attorney need to discuss. Sometimes instead of the tug-of-war of maintaining the living situation and status quo, we have to open our minds to what choices would we have if we were participating in our own best interests. There is no outcome that will be the total end of the world, so long as you believe that you will be able to rebuild your life and be happy again, no matter what. The thing that sucks the most has already happened, for all of us. Embrace the change.
10
Our Community / Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
« Latest by Happylight on April 17, 2024, 11:45:23 AM »
I have read some theories that hormonal changes probably do play into MLC for both men and women.  Men's levels tend to drop more slowly over time--I wonder if this means that they slide into MLC more slowly as well?  I don't have the answers for sure, just curious about the potential biological contributors to the "storm."

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.