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Author Topic: My Story Not new, but still learning about this!

B
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My Story Not new, but still learning about this!
OP: March 06, 2023, 02:14:14 AM
Hi all,

New thread for me before Ursa Major comes and twonks me on the head with a gif....

Can someone help me link to my old threads?

Ta

Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12002 - UM
BONK!


You thought you'd get away?  ;D
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« Last Edit: March 06, 2023, 03:27:45 AM by UrsaMajor »

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Not new, but still learning about this!
#1: March 06, 2023, 03:30:20 AM
Attaching
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Me - 60, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 16, D - 12
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

B
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#2: March 06, 2023, 03:41:18 AM
Thanks UM...

and thanks for the bonk on the bonce
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#3: March 06, 2023, 07:35:35 AM
Thanks UM...

and thanks for the bonk on the bonce

Hey, what are friends for?

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Me - 60, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 16, D - 12
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Not new, but still learning about this!
#4: March 08, 2023, 11:05:08 PM
Hey Biscuit  :D

Oh yes..... I've seen that too..... when the MLC'er is confronted by the reality of death and it's like a recreation from Monty Python's Holy Grail: "Run Away!!!! Run Away!!!!".
To say they can't deal with it, or even really understand how to be empathetic is such an understatement. While it's easy to wish their response is different, what I have seen says they are completely incapable of understanding.

Congrats on passing a year!!! That's a huge milestone!! Big accomplishment!! Give yourself a pat on the back by friend.... you deserve it.  8)

Very sorry about your friend. That is one of the rotten things about life: Death keeps increasing in frequency as time goes by. Glad you are accumulating new friends though. Isn't it wonderful when people get to see you and realize that "hey, this guy is pretty great". We all need it. I think most LBS forget what it's like to be appreciated and valued..... even at the simplest level. So good to see you breaking out of that, it changes so many things.  :D

-SS 
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W - 43
M - 46
Together 28 years, M 25
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

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Not new, but still learning about this!
#5: March 19, 2023, 02:28:05 AM
It's Mothers Day here in the UK.

So, Happy Mothers Day to all on here with children and grandchildren. I'm sure many of you are having to go through the s%^t of MLC along with the difficult job of raising children. I hope your kids are treating you like the heroes you are!

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B
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#6: March 20, 2023, 06:10:34 AM
Bit of journalling.

So W has settled in to her routine of spending time with the kids at the house (i'm not there anymore) and then disappearing to where ever when she doesn't have the kids. She has made the effort in recent weeks to return to go to most of the kids/family events when she doesn't have them. I'm pleased about this as they like to have us both supporting them at the many shows / performances / matches they get involved with.
I've not seen monster in a while and most of the time she is polite and cordial and often the interactions are pleasant and sometimes even fun. She is most definitely not the W of old though, but I do see glimpses of that wonderful person on occasion. She makes an effort with the kids at the moment which is great. I continue to try and detach from her, to varying levels of success!

I am doing well, despite having the odd day when I'm feeling pretty down. I've taken a trip abroad in recent weeks and had a wonderful time with friends and co workers there. The marathon training was going brilliantly, although this weekend I picked up a small injury which will put me out for a couple of weeks probably. I hope to be back running fairly shortly, I'll miss the exercise and that few hours to just think and run - I might meditate instead!

My days are filled with work, which is going pretty well, I can feel my concentration returning and I'm far more engaged than last year. I'm about to start a job with an old coworker who I love very dearly, she's been amazing this last year and spending more time with her will be lovely.

Evenings without the kids I try and schedule dinners or fun stuff to do with my fantastic network of friends. I feel completely blessed to have such a good group of people around me. I only discuss the MLCer with a couple of them, and they are not friends that W really knows so I feel safe talking openly to them. One was treated very badly by a cheating fiance who basically BD'd her just over a year ago - so she kind of gets a lot of it.
My calendar for the year is filling up. I'm planning a couple of trips with old friends and new to look forward to. There's a wedding coming up in June too which I'm looking forward to.

I continue to do IC with a fantastic therapist, who is not hugely knowledgeable really on MLC but understands identity crisis and offers good advice and coping strategies for getting my life back on track.

D is coping well, she is a bundle of energy and is such fun to be around. S not coping so well but I offer him all the support and love I can. Being a teenager is hard anyway, without having to deal with the fallout of MLC. He's a complicated but lovely young man and I try and instill strong family values in him, which he seems to take on board. He has a girlfriend and treats her well, although there's some geographical distance between them so they don't see each other that often.

Hope all on HS are well... such a great support for all of us (not so) newbies!

Biscuit x
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#7: March 20, 2023, 08:25:19 AM
Quote
I continue to do IC with a fantastic therapist, who is not hugely knowledgeable really on MLC but understands identity crisis and offers good advice and coping strategies for getting my life back on track
I have one in the same and she has done wonders for me being a sounding board and also open to hearing thoughts on MLC, but she also believes in identity crisis and in the end that is what it is.
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife

B
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#8: April 09, 2023, 02:43:15 AM
Happy Easter to all on HS.

I know for some on here this time of year will have a meaning far more profound than it means to me. I hope those of you who are Christian enjoy a day of celebrating the  rebirth of Christ and that your faith helps you through what is meant to be a family day which some of you will be spending without your families intact.
I’m going to enjoy the day with my wonderful children and a massive pile of chocolate!
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#9: April 09, 2023, 06:37:27 AM
Happy Easter Biscuit!

His resurrection always reminds me that there is hope, life after death, joy after sorrow and peace.

Enjoy this blessed day with your children and chocolate!
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

 

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