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Author Topic: My Story Not new, but still learning about this!

B
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My Story Not new, but still learning about this!
#20: June 29, 2023, 12:15:02 AM
Thanks Ursa….

Let’s see what happens!
I’ll leave her to it and continue to have fun GAL ing, spending time with the kids and working hard on myself and  actual, you know, work!
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B
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Re: Not new, but still learning about this!
#21: June 29, 2023, 02:56:55 AM
Biscuit, that sounds great! I would be cautiously optimistic, either way sounds like you’re having fun with GAL, good luck.
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BD 3/23
Standing
W Still at Home
M-47
W-46

M
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#22: June 29, 2023, 05:07:04 AM
B- Nice is better than mean. I agree to carry on and see if it sticks or this is cycling. Sounds good however.

FH- no offense taken at all. Was just further explaining. Can we LBS even get offended anymore ? Heheheh
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife

B
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#23: July 18, 2023, 05:15:36 PM
A bit of journalling.

Had an excellent week last week. W and S16 went away on a city break and D11 went on a school trip. So had a week to myself with noone here to have responsibility for. Although I missed the kids it was a great week as I got to concentrate on work during the days and spend time with friends and family in the evenings. Went to the cinema one night, saw my sister, went to see The Who at the O2 and went to a brilliant 50th birthday party too.

W and S returned and W had actually brought me home presents from their travels - wow, what a change. Since returning she has also offered to help with the kids when it isn't her day with them (this hasn't happened since BD). She's also offered to cook for me (what the actual F?) and generally been completely lovely. One small blip when I brushed her arm as she left where I live which she said I was breaking her personal space boundary - other than that it's been a pleasure to spend time with her. Text messages are incredibly frequent again too for the first time since BD, always friendly and kind.
It seems like movement through, and progress seems to be being made in her (and me) and it's a hell of a lot easier to deal with than monster so I'll take it as a positive (for now).

S16 get beaten up and mugged for his phone and bag last weekend, which was awful, but W stepped up to the mark and did lots to help him (which should be an automatic response for a parent - but a few months ago when he was in severe pain and had to go to hospital she didn't really help in any way).
Again, all might be temporary! S16 is feeling much better now but I'll keep a check on him as this type of thing is pretty traumatic but seems a scarily common thing to happen to his age group in London (3rd time in as many years, in broad daylight in fairly busy areas).

I've been hanging out with quite a lot of gay girls recently, this has been great for me, as I miss female companionship but don't want to go on dates. I've been told by a couple of them that I attract the attention of gay women as not that many straight men are as unthreatening  to hang with or accepting of them and their sexuality. Great to get different perspectives on love and life too. Very refreshing.
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B
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Re: Not new, but still learning about this!
#24: July 20, 2023, 01:58:51 PM
B-
I got caught touching W hand once without permission, monster showed up that day! I think it’s great that the texts and communication are getting better. I’m in that space now as well, for now(0 expectations). I’ll have to try hanging out with lesbians, I met an awesome crossdresser when I first started GAL, LGBTQ people are the best. Sorry that your S got mugged, I’m sure it was a scary experience. We were talking about taking a trip to London a couple of weeks before BD, I have a feeling that won’t be happening ( at least not together).
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BD 3/23
Standing
W Still at Home
M-47
W-46

B
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#25: July 21, 2023, 08:54:42 AM
Big day today... it's my birthday!

W and kids bought me some really thoughtful presents and W and D11 also painted me some small canvasses which are beautiful and brought me some joy - what a change!
Tonight the whole family will go to dinner - really looking forward to that!
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#26: July 21, 2023, 09:13:27 AM
Happy birthday Biscuit!

Enjoy your family time. Glad that your W made this special for you!
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

S
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#27: July 21, 2023, 09:29:49 AM
Big day today... it's my birthday!

W and kids bought me some really thoughtful presents and W and D11 also painted me some small canvasses which are beautiful and brought me some joy - what a change!
Tonight the whole family will go to dinner - really looking forward to that!

Happy birthday!!! Have a great one!
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F
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#28: July 21, 2023, 02:03:32 PM
Have a nice birthday Biscuit ! And so happy for you about W's present !

FH- no offense taken at all. Was just further explaining. Can we LBS even get offended anymore ? Heheheh

thanks for your words, I like what you write about "offended" : you make me laugh ! Actually we become masters of patience and humility with this crisis.
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M 44, W43. Married 18 years, together 21
3 children D17, D15, S6
OM discovered Dec 22, BD Jan 23 (few days after)
W still living at home
Aimer, c'est donner sans attendre de retour et tout acte est prière, s'il est don de soi (Antoine de Saint Exupéry)
Love means to give without expecting return, and every act is a prayer if it is a self-gift. (thanks OffRoad !)

B
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Not new, but still learning about this!
#29: September 22, 2023, 06:38:45 AM
Hi all,

I've not journaled for a while so here goes. It's been a couple of months and a few changes.

So the summer holidays came and went. We took a big family holiday with lots of friends, which W and I  split, her the first week, me the second. I had such a great time with the kids. W was upset initially about splitting the holiday, and has very slightly monstered about it since, but this was like a sort of cuddly Jim Henson monster compared to a full on horror film one.

I've continued to have lots of time with friends and family, and on the whole I've been doing pretty good. There's been a few dark days but not too many and the darkness doesn't last as long or hurt as much as it did a year ago.

W continues to be communicative, kind and helpful - which is obviously better than angry and secretive.

W suggested we do family therapy to talk about the impact of the seperation and other challenges for the kids. We have been trying out a counsellor but W thinks we should change (I'm fine with trying out another one). No relationship talks in these sessions, or in our normal conversations - I'm just keeping most interactions light and friendly for the time being. Just the fact that she's willing to talk to someone is quite a revalation tbh as she was totally resistant to talking therapy when BD happened.

I don't think there is another OM, but we live apart and she does her own thing so who knows? She has told a mutual friend that she wants to be on her own for the time being.

Anyway, back to work... I'll report if anything interesting happens in the coming weeks.
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