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Author Topic: Mirror-Work Return Stories Cont..

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Mirror-Work Return Stories Cont..
OP: November 04, 2011, 01:37:57 AM
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=237.0;all
 
Link to first thread!!
Thought it was time for a new one.
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« Last Edit: August 22, 2013, 11:27:02 AM by OldPilot »
You must do the things you think you cannot do.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#1: November 04, 2011, 01:41:41 AM
From previous thread.  Thought it should be brought over to open new one!!

Here are some good return stories you can check out, though not all may be by an MLCer.

http://shalomrefuge.com/tkgm/MENURESTORED.htm
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#2: November 05, 2011, 12:17:43 PM
Thought i would post this as many of us can relate to this..........there is no other woman present but everything else is present xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


An inspiring account of one woman’s determination
to hold on to her marriage against all the odds


                Summary: In this era of disposable relationships, Carol displayed the determined faithfulness that Christians should be renowned for.
                 For 26 years, Carol and Dave had a very special marriage. Then Dave inexplicably and dramatically changed. He became deeply embittered against Carol and finally walked out on her. His behavior was so obnoxious that many friends and counselors – even Carol’s fundamentalist pastor – counseled divorce. Instead, Carol continued to look to God. After almost two year’s separation, Dave returned home, yet still he avoided Carol, not even lifting a finger to help when she was totally bedridden due to cancer treatment. Drawing upon the supernatural resources of Almighty God, Carol fought natural feelings of resentment and prayerfully continued to persevere with the marriage.
                 Now, five years after the crisis began, Dave has undergone a painfully slow but vast improvement and Carol, displaying the very faith in God that has brought her this far, is believing that even greater things are ahead for their marriage.

        Carol’s story:

        I was married to a wonderful man who was my high school sweetheart. I shall call him Dave. We had three children who were his life and who had made us both very proud. Dave was an excellent father. We were Christians, very active in our church, and although we were opposites, we got along well, each of us enjoying very different interests. As he told me often, we had the best marriage he knew of and all our friends seemed to agree. Life had been like a fairy tale for me. I had no reason to believe that it would ever change.

        Then several things happened that, I believe, contributed to the midlife depression that hit Dave. First, he sought a promotion at work that he had counted on for several years. Someone else won the position although Dave was probably more qualified. Soon after that, a man who had been like a father to Dave passed away. After that our two oldest boys left home within a year of each other to go to college. Then our remaining son began to rebel and got into serious trouble.

        Dave soon became very irritable, which was totally out of character for him. In his eyes I could do nothing right and just the sound of my voice seemed to put him on the edge. He seemed to look for reasons to get angry with me in order for us not to speak to each other. He acted as if everything about me disgusted or repulsed him. He stopped doing anything around the house and tried his best to work extra hours so that he didn’t have to face me as much.

        I tried, time and time again, to talk with Dave. He refused to admit there was a problem and when I pushed too hard, he’d simply scream that I was the problem. He accused me of ‘going crazy,’ of needing psychological counseling, of yelling when I was speaking quietly, and blamed me for anything that went wrong during his day. He acted as if he would explode if he was forced to speak to me or look at me. It even entered my mind that he might try to physically hurt me; something I’d never have dreamed previously.

        One day he simply did not come home. I knew immediately that he had left me. Our youngest child was still at home, causing problems and his father exiting at this time only made his rebellious behavior worse.

        We did not hear from Dave for almost a month. I spoke to his best friend, in whom he confided somewhat. He said Dave had told him that he hated me, never loved me, never should have married me, and that the children never should have been born. His friend was as shocked as I was. I tried to give Dave space. Shortly, my sons came home for the summer and my three children went together to see their father at work. He told them he was embarrassed and that they shouldn’t worry because he’d be home in ‘a couple of weeks.’ He said some very harsh things about me. I was shocked to hear how he’d run me down to my own children. He would never have done that in that past.

        I tried to immerse myself in activities. I had a full-time job as well as a big leadership role in my church. I also spent much time working in a nonprofit ministry of which I was the director. Often, however, I was unable to concentrate. It seemed that everything I tried to do, even simple tasks, took all my effort. I began to spiral into depression. After a time, I could not control the tears and was almost afraid to go to church because I was sure to make a spectacle of myself. I felt as if I was standing at the edge of a black hole and a physical force was pulling me down into it. I was terrified of what might happen to me if I didn’t have the strength to resist it. I confided in my gynecologist, who immediately recognized the symptoms of depression and prescribed an anti-depressant. Within a few days I began to feel the benefit of the medication and soon I was able to handle my emotions better. I continued, however, to cry a lot. Tears were probably a blessing because, along with prayer, they were the only thing that seemed to relieve my stress temporarily.

        I began to read all I could find about midlife crisis but I found little written on the subject. I believe God led me to Jim Conway’s book Men In Midlife Crisis, Chariot Victor Pub. It saved my sanity to realize that this was something that had happened to others and that some had even survived it. Prior to that, I had no idea what had happened to my husband and could only see that he had become a monster. More about Midlife Crisis

        Dave hid from me, our children, and friends, becoming a workaholic, dedicating his life to making money. He was obsessed. It was hard for me to understand how he could even function through a day at work when he was so irrational each time I saw him. He was almost a double personality. Many people would tell me that he seemed just like the same old Dave to them. He only allowed those very close to him see his acting out. When he wasn’t working, he was holed up in his apartment in the dark, with the TV on, or asleep. He didn’t answer the phone or the doorbell. I tried to not bother him most of the time, sensing that he needed to be alone, but occasionally I could not resist checking on him to make sure he was all right. Usually he looked terrible: unkempt, needing a bath, a shave, and haircut. He aged greatly during this time. At times he showed signs of mania, announcing that he was having the best time of his life. He often said he felt 20 years old again, only much, much wiser. Sometimes he would extol his own virtues to the extreme (telling me that I’d never find another man as good as him, etc.) which would have been almost funny had it not been so alarming and out of character. At times he was irrational. Other times he was miserable and full of self pity and it was always my fault. He told the children that the reason he could not live with me any longer was that when we rented movies, I chose ones he couldn’t tolerate. He would often line the kids up and pace up and down in front of them, yelling the same things over and over for 30 minutes at a time. When I confronted him and tried to make him identify the problem, he would only say ‘You know what it is. Don’t act so innocent.’ I truly did not know what I had done and he never did tell me. I worried about him possibly considering suicide.

        Resigned to the fact that he was not coming home, I had divorce papers drawn up and presented Dave with them. He had agreed to meet me in a restaurant because he said it made him ‘uncomfortable to drive down our driveway.’ He would not answer any of my questions or discuss a divorce, but simply sat and grinned at me sarcastically while I poured my heart out to him. So I left him sitting in the restaurant with the papers and told him I’d contact him again in a month. When I did, he said he had thrown the papers away. I knew then that he really did not want a divorce. I also realized for the first time that he was no longer in control of his actions. I believe his mind was spinning and he could not stop the horrible thoughts he was having, however irrational they had become.

        Some men who reach this point realize there is something very wrong and are willing to go for counseling. Dave, I believe, realized there was a problem, but was terrified of it and also had a macho attitude which kept him from admitting it or seeking help. It was easier to blame me.

        Of course, I was not a perfect wife. Although I don’t feel I was the cause of Dave leaving home, there were still things about me that needed to be addressed and changed. I began to spend much time in prayer and in seeking God’s will. I went through a very painful process as the Lord started to show me myself – through his eyes. It was a time of growth and although I’d never choose to go through that trying time again, I would also not choose to change it if I could. The experience has given me great strength and God had the freedom to teach me so much because he had my undivided attention.

        I sought advice and help from all the normal places. I went to three counselors, all ‘Christian,’ who talked about my own self-esteem and helped me see there were things I had to do to take care of myself during this time. After a month or two, however, they spoke of ultimatums and ‘making a decision’ and ‘getting on with my life.’ Mostly they made me feel as if I was being a doormat. My self-esteem was not necessarily boosted by talking with them. I spoke to my pastor several times and he gave me some insight on the workings of the male mind. However, he, too, although a fundamental Bible-preacher, advised divorce because Dave had ‘committed emotional adultery.’ I decided not to consult my pastor again, nor the counselors. I pledged to myself to get my counseling solely from the Bible and from friends who took the commandments of God literally. I had to hang on to the Scriptures in order to continue to even function at that point.

        Grantley Morris was one of the lifesavers tossed to me when I felt as if I were drowning. Although his website had no information specifically about midlife crisis, there was much that I needed to hear – many words of comfort and instruction which were a great help to me. I believe God lead me to this website where I could learn much. We have never met in person, but Grantley was always available by e-mail, always advising me to wait on God, sometimes encouraging me to stop whining, and sometimes building me up in the Lord. God also provided some female friends who stuck by me. Although they were quite angry at the way Dave treated his family, they supported me in not going ahead with a divorce and encouraged me to understand my husband and pray for him. I have found in talking with other women in a similar situation, that friends like this are a rare commodity. Most of them get tired of hearing you whine after a few months and begin advising that you ‘get over it’ or ‘dump him.’ I had those kinds of friends too, but there were two saintly women who upheld me and counseled me to respect what God says in his word about the marriage vow. One man, Dave’s good friend, who had been a longtime family friend as well, also counseled me from a male point of view, always telling me that he believed Dave would return, and encouraging me to wait. I consider myself very blessed to have had such friends.

        Although I would never have considered myself a dependent wife, when Dave left, I was scared and alone. Often the pain was so great that I didn’t know if I could live. Many nights I would collapse on the floor, unable to word a prayer, simply crying out ‘Help!’ I was broken. He was my one true love. I had been married to this man since the age of sixteen. We met Dave while I was still in elementary school and we started dating in high school. Because Dave was in the military, we moved far away from both our families, after we married. We only had each other to depend on. I always felt I could tell him anything, and that he was my best friend. I didn’t worry about keeping anything from him, even my ‘ugly side.’ He knew me inside and out. Although not an open person by nature, he was able to share with me emotionally as well.

        Now there was no one who could help me other than God. I believe that the Lord finally had me where he wanted me – dependent only on him. I gained a great compassion for those who are hurting from marital difficulties.

        I began to exert sheer will in order to function physically. I became adept at many skills that I hadn’t possessed before. I learned how to fix a leaky faucet, and to replace the end on an extension cord that I whacked off while trying to trim an endless row of shrubs with electric hedge trimmers. I was very proud of such accomplishments because Dave had always handled them. I was proving that I could live on my own if I had to.

        Daily I was spending two, three and four hours with the Lord, praying, reading the Bible, or simply listening to God. Much of that time was spent outside, where I could be surrounded by nature. I also became great friends with our family dog, who I’d simply tolerated before. The Lord even used the dog to make me feel safe when I was alone at night. That pooch became a good friend to me and often soothed my loneliness by simply lying down next to me when she sensed I needed a warm body close by. All this was therapy for me. The Lord was very creative in providing me with strength sufficient to allow me to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

        After a while Dave lost his feeling of euphoria. He became depressed and full of self-pity. Whenever any of the family saw him, he bemoaned all that he had missed out on or lost because of us. (I was the major villain in his life, although at times he included the children.) He often went on long road trips, not telling anyone where he was going or how long he would be gone. We worried that he would get in an accident on the other end of the country and no one would know where he was.

        He went to great lengths to hide our separation from his family, who only saw us annually. He made up all kinds of stories to tell his parents so that it seemed he still lived at home. He also pretended to everyone where he worked that he still lived at home. Later, when that became too difficult, he said I lived with him in his apartment and that we were selling our home.

        When he left, Dave didn’t take a thing with him. All his clothes were left in the closet. He didn’t even have an extra pair of socks. After about six months, he began to break in to the house (I’d had the locks changed) and steal things. He even took the furniture off our front porch and stuffed it into a utility shed where he was living.

        During the next two years, he purchased a home, five vehicles, a big screen TV, furniture, expensive home appliances, and was considering a boat (he had always hated boats prior to this time). As nearly as I could calculate, he spent over $65,000 and maxed out all his credit cards. This from a man who had pinched pennies most of his life. In the meantime, he canceled my credit cards, closed our joint bank accounts, and refused to help me with bills. It seemed he enjoyed the fact that I might be suffering financially and had a need to punish me.

        Although he was away from home for almost two years, my husband never became involved with another woman. Typically, men with midlife crisis, seek comfort through an illicit relationship which only causes further pain for all involved. Dave had problems with impotence, which was probably a blessing from the Lord. I am told male impotence is a common problem for men who are suffering midlife depression, and some men set out to prove they can be a man with another woman, concluding that their wife is the problem. I suppose a few, like Dave, do not wish to take the chance of being humiliated in front of a new lady, so they simply shut down sexually. The sexual acting out can only make things worse. I thank God that I did not have to face that hurdle. The Lord promises in his Word that he will not allow any more hardship than we can carry. Maybe I couldn’t have handled that one.

        After two years of enduring what seemed akin to the death of my husband (he no longer existed as I had known him) I went for a mammogram a few months late. I was told I had breast cancer and that I’d need surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. I was in a daze to say the least. My sons came to my rescue and lent me the adult strength they had gained through this hurtful time. I decided not to tell Dave. I did not want to face his nonchalant rejection and would not have been surprised if he had laughed or said that I deserved cancer because I was responsible for his misery. However, my oldest son informed him and Dave came to the hospital about an hour before I checked out. I think he was waiting to find out for sure that the lump the doctors removed was definitely malignant before he showed up. I was too sick to care much if he was there or not, but he followed us home and stayed.

        If I had known then what I know now, I’d have probably refused him entrance into the house, but again, God was in control rather than me. After about a week, I was feeling much better physically and friends and family had left. Dave and I were alone. Dave retreated into a shell where he remained for nearly a year, improving only painfully slowly. He slept most of the time. He would go for days without uttering a word. Whenever we passed in the hall, he would step aside to avoid being close to me.

        I could not allow myself to be affected too deeply by all of this because I was in the middle of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I had to give Dave over to God and take care of myself. Several times I was so sick from the chemo that I went upstairs to bed for several days at a time. Dave remained in the house downstairs, never leaving, but not so much as asking if I needed a drink of water. Several times I had to call a friend to help me get to the bathroom because I was so weak and Dave would not or could not function. He was like a zombie.

        As I began to get better, Dave started to improve as well. His progress was very slow and sometimes I wondered if I was only imagining it. Significant family events helped Dave take tiny but important steps. Our oldest son, for example, did a very wise thing by including Dave in his wedding party. Not wanting to hurt me, our son asked my permission to include Dave. I struggled because my first reaction was that Dave didn’t deserve to even attend, but I knew this attitude was wrong. Dave’s participation was one of the things that said ‘you’re still a part of our family and we are ready to forgive and include you again.’ (Other examples.)

        Dave began to do little things that reminded me of the old Dave and eventually I was able to stop walking on eggshells around him and relax a little. I seldom pushed him because I was sure that God was to be the one to heal and change him rather than me. I knew that I had to be patient although it was difficult.

        For years he was unable to have any kind of physical relationship. Intimacy, whether emotional or physical still frightens him, but he is making great strides. I can only trust that God will bring him back 100% or better. I believe that when God restores, you usually get more than you had in the first place, so I’m counting on an even better relationship than our original one.

        Today Dave has improved to the point where he is nearly himself again. He does not talk about the bad times. It seems he simply cannot face them. Sometimes I think he does not even remember some of the horrible things he said or did. Maybe he just wants to forget. I continue to pray that someday he will do what the Lord expects of him and ask my forgiveness. It would mean so much to me. However, the Lord expects me to forgive as well, even before forgiveness is asked for. So I state to the Lord and to myself almost daily that I forgive Dave of all the hurt he caused me. I don’t always feel forgiving and I continue to experience bitterness at times. Forgiveness is a process – in my case, at least, a slow one. But if one prays and states it often enough, in time it will become complete.

        It has been nearly five years since the beginning of Dave’s midlife crisis, depression, breakdown, or whatever term best describes what happened to him. God has blessed my family so much that I am almost fearful. But I am grateful as well. Dave now wants to be with me almost every spare minute that he has. Although he can’t seem to talk about it, his actions speak loudly. I long to hear him say that he loves me, and for him to be romantic as in the old days. But I know, too, that love is commitment, not flowery words. I try my best to continue to wait on God for the fulfillment of his promise. And I thank Him daily for His grace.

        I feel impressed to tell my story because I know that there are many women (and men) who are facing this pain which seems to come out of nowhere to strike unsuspecting families who are totally unprepared to fight back. Many have no clue what has happened to their former husband or wife and simply assume they’ve changed into a monster. It is not an easy process to survive, but there is hope for families experiencing this crisis.

        On one of my dark days I asked God to please allow me to help someone else who would follow me in this process. I prayed that something good could come from it. God has already given me the opportunity many times, and now, through this webpage, He is allowing me to share with others. I am thankful.

        During the bad times, I cannot say God spoke audibly to me or that there was any miraculous occurrence or vision. I cried, I pleaded, I begged for God to give me a sign, to tell me what to do to fix things. (I am, like most women, a notorious fixer!) The only message I received was ‘wait.’ It was not what I wanted to hear. It was frustrating. Frankly, it made me mad and I often railed at God. However, it was crystal clear that it was God’s way and it was what was best for me. He always gives the best advice. I desire for another marriage to be saved through someone else reading this account and realizing that they too can be given the strength to wait for a family to be healed. God bless.
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« Last Edit: November 05, 2011, 12:41:11 PM by WarriorPriestess »
Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop!!!!!
H returned after 8 years bd may 2009 multiple returner high energy cling boomerang

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#3: November 05, 2011, 07:48:26 PM
I read this and kept nodding my head..the similarities are uncanny! Thanks for sharing this.

This gives me hope...it is not the first story that tells a very familiar story.

I am 27 months into this, legally divorced, we have not lived together since Sept 2009..there are any similarities, especially God's ability to bring us what we need the most, when we need it and my faith that our marriage will be restored.

Thanks for sharing.. I have heard God speaking to me many times and it is always the same message.

I have copied this story and posted it under MLC return stories
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« Last Edit: November 05, 2011, 07:52:11 PM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#4: November 06, 2011, 06:36:53 PM
So much of this story reminds me of my own as well. And like Standing in Patience, there is also an OW. H just bought a new home in his name and is living with her. He has been since 2008 but I do think it's significant that the new home is not in both their names...and wonder if that in itself will be the cause of a rift between them.
I do find hope and strength from this story...and pray that God hears us all and comforts us throughout our journeys. I do draw so much strength from him. My faith helped me get thru my cancer. H stood by my side always. I still feel this, along with his Dad's death shook him to the core, brought on his severe depression and brought him into MLC. I still wonder though...his being on meds for depression...are they truly a help or a hinderance?? Are they just another bandaid  like the OW? And being under a docs supervision, how long will they let him hide all this??
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#5: November 09, 2011, 09:21:56 PM
I'm not sure how I found this, I had book marked it on my pc, not sure its MLC but I thought it was a great story...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/marry-divorce-reconcile/201102/how-i-got-my-ex-back-the-oh-sht-moment


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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#6: November 12, 2011, 10:05:06 PM
Copying this from an old thread by With God's Help:

Testimony of a Restored MarriageI first want to say to all those that are hurting - I KNOW WHAT YOU   ARE GOING THROUGH and I am so completely in agreement of the pain  you're  experiencing.  I also know however that WITH JESUS he can heal  ALL  WOUNDS.  We may not be living the way WE want to in the present  moment  but God has a plan and it's perfect.  He's not a magician. We  don't get to pray and then POOF our problems magically disappear but He  WILL do  what He says he will. God says he will never forsake us and he  will help  us THROUGH our circumstances. Not over them. Not under them.  THROUGH  THEM. God wants us to cast our cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7). The  problem  is what we really want Him to do is hear our prayers and then  act on  them according to our timetable, our rules and our script.  God  is using  this time while our spouse is away to REFINE US.  He wants us  to TAKE  OUR EYES off of our spouse. To take our eyes OFF OUR  CIRCUMSTANCE and  have FAITH and TRUST HIM that He will do what he says  He will do.   Hebrews 11:1 says: Now faith is confidence in what we hope  for and  assurance about what we do not see. While we stand, while we  wait, we  don't SEE changes. We don't SEE God working but He is and  we're having  faith and believing and KNOWING that God is doing what He  says He will.   That's faith!

 
I prayed about retyping  this. I thought  for a moment maybe it wasn't meant for me to share it  after I lost it  when I timed out but I prayed about it and I am praying  that what I share, that with the blessing God has given me and wants to  give everyone that through Jesus,  I will touch someone and solidify  what God wants from us.  We, us,  people, we are like the ISRAELITES.   God deliverd them from slavery and  promised them safe arrival in THE  PROMISED LAND.  It was ONLY AN ELEVEN DAY JOURNEY.  Instead it took them  FORTY YEARS TO GET THERE! Why? They  grumbled! They complained! They  put everything else before God.  They  had just been delivered from  darkness and were still complaining about  what they didn't have because  things were not as they wanted.  So God  let them wander.  Isn't that  like us today? Blinded by sin wheather it's  pornography, gambling,  adultery, sexual immorality, greed, fornication,  lying, stealing,  drugs, disrespecting our spouses, not loving our  spouses, holding  grudges, not forgiving? My husband was in OBVIOUS sin  but I was a  sinner too, my sin was just hidden behind closed doors and I  didn't  even know it was sin!  I complained to anyone who woudl listen  about  what my spouse was doing. I was mad! I had resentment and  bitterness.   Let me tell you, unforgiveness is like CANCER it spreads  and what it  breeds will spiritually kill you.  My dad walked out on my  mom and she  is STILL bitter, still resentful and that was over 19 years  ago.  I was  headed down that same path, more consummed by what my spouse  was doing  to me then letting it all go and letting God heal me.  Let me  share.

 
In  2009 my husband just after our 15th anniv  had a VERBAL BLOW UP.  We  were having a minor disagreement and BAM out  of nowhere he let out an  explosive verbal assault on things I had never  heard from him before.   He didn't want to die an average man doing  average things.  WHAT? His  life was boring and he was sick of the  routine. WELL WHO ISN'T AT  TIMES? He noticed how I was more of a mother  than a wife. SAY WHAT? He  felt like something was missing and didn't  know what. I didn't know at  the time of this verbal assault (that lasted  3 hours) it was directed  at ME. He wasn't happy with me! He felt  average WITH ME.  He thought  something was missing and *I* couldn't fill  it.  I did not know that my  husband was already imagining having an  affair at this time. I didn't  know at this time that thoughts were  already in his head about pursuing  someone other than me.  An affair  starts IN THE MIND.  It starts slow  and builds. A person has lust in  their heart sometimes and it grows  until they act on it.  Some people  have had it growing from as far back  as their childhood, they may have  been sexually abused or grew up in a  home with pornography in a parent  or a family member.  Some people  like my spouse harbor unexpressed  feelings for years.

 
My  husband grew up in an  emotionally repressed home. His mother was  manipulative and vindictive  and he wasn't allowed to speak up/out  against things that bothered him.   I did not know this until now.  I  always thought my husband was laid  back and went with the flow. I  didn't know all the years we were married  that my husband craved an  emotionally SOUND environment free of  confrontation and belittlement  and that he craved affection (his mother  never expresses any even  now).  Combine that with me and my childhood  issues of having a father  emotionally distant to his family and a  mother, sister and brother who  was very sensitive and craving his  attention and often winding up on  the floor in a blubbering mess, I  vowed to NEVER be sensitive to ALWAYS  speak up and speak out and to SAY  WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID.  An explosion  waiting to happen right?

 
My  spouse (and a lot of our  spouses here) start building someone else up  in their minds.  That  person becomes ALL THAT THEY THINK WE ARE NOT (and  maybe we haven't  been.) I had grown to become resentful of my husband  the last 4-5  years.  He never defended me when his mother lashed out at  me or tried  to do something vindictive to me. I took him not speaking up  for me as a  sign of weakness which was what?  A flashback to my  childhood and NO  ONE was going to have me under their thumb so I started  believing in my  mind that my husband did not even DESERVE my respect.   God calls wives  to respect their husbands. (Ephesians 5:33) I didn't.  I  started  holding back affection too. I build up in my mind that since he   couldn't do what I wanted him to do then I wouldn't do what he wanted   me to do.  Oh how wrong was my thinking! My husband wasn't weak, he  just  never learned that expressing himself was HEALTHY and that some   confrontations are GOOD. He held everything inside until it manifested   outloud because God says what we think on we act and do.  My husband   started believing after 15 years and never so much as looking twice at   another woman that he couldn't get what he craved from me so he looked   elsewhere.  Once our spouses build someone else up in their minds, we   get torn down in their hearts and they believe that person is what they   need, want, deserve.

 
After a few months I found some   emails of my husband flirting with another woman online. She commented   on photos of his family saying "you have a beautiful family" and then   promptly sent him a link to photos of her on the beach!  I knew he had   never met the person but they were having some sort of online flirt   fest.  I was so hurt and wounded. My husband was mortified! We cried   together all day he was so upset he did what he did, I was so shocked   and I believed him when he said nothing had happened.  He even called   her on the phone in front of me and broke off all ties. I was relieved   and thought if this is our only down in 15 years I could live with it.

 
Well,   guess what? the thoughts were still there about him not being happy.   The enemy was still putting in his head that he could never find   happiness here with me so satan dropped someone else not much longer   that was also online.  This person was more than willing to be the  other  woman. I knew nothing. This affair was basically going on under  my  nose.  Oh the betrayal! I had no idea. I found out by accident of  course  and immediately said I wanted a divorce.  He denied it but I had  proof  and so eventually he relented and said yes he did. He looked  stuck but  didn't say he would stop which was fine with me, I wanted  out. I was so  mortified and so shocked I went the very next day to get  on anti-anxiety  meds.  I thought the tears would never stop. I also  went to see a  Christian counselor and she said "what if this one thing  was the worst  there is in all the years of marriage youv'e had?" I  thought about that  and told my H I would give him another chance and  forgive him. He said  "thank you but I'm still going to talk to this  other person."  WHAT?  Oh  my GOSH I'm wounded and bleeding here and I'm  telling you I will give  you a second chance and you throw that back at  me? Unbelievable. I was  dumbstruck. I couldn't believe it. We were  almost at 16 years now and He  was choosing the affair over his wife?  I  lashed out, begged, pleaded,  condemned, verbally abused and physically  lashed out at my husband for a  month! He was still in the house and I  would catch him texting this  person or going outside to text or chat  with. I couldn't take the  blatant disrespect. I could not believe who  my husband had turned into.  It was like Dr. Jekyl Mr. Hyde. I didn't  know him anymore it seemed.  Someone had taken him captive (and it was -  satan had taken him captive -  2 Timothy 2:26). I even asked him do you  still love me? He said yes but  I'm not IN love with you.  Ouch. Some  days he was in tears over what he was doing other times he was aloof  distand and arrogant almost. It was surreal to watch,

 
After a month of that, he left. He said "this isn't   working for me" and left.  I said "well of course it's not working,   you're still pursuing the affair!" and I physically lashed out again  for  one good measure.  Ticked off is not the word. I felt rejected and  treated  like garbage. I was obsessed with thinking of how I could get  even. I  figured out who the other person was and contemplated about  sending them  a nasty email. I wanted EVERYONE to know what had been  done to me and I  wanted him to feel HORRIBLE. I kept hearing a voice  saying "I'm not  done with you both yet." I didn't know at the time God  was trying to get  my attention but because I was so focused on being  revengeful and  focusing on what had occured, I didn't pay attention. I  didn't WANT to pay attention.  I started going online to the midlife   crisis forums and venting there about what was happening and found out   about Rejoice Ministries. I did not want to hear anything they said   either. I just wanted to make my husband pay for what he did to me.

 
About   this time my husband has moved out and I really almost had an  emotional  breakdown.  Everything he took with him left a gaping hole  where things  had once been. Our home did not feel like a home and our  kids were so  affected (another fuel to my anger) and hurt and sad. My  husbands  blinders were on so tight he wouldn't even talk to me about  their pain.  He was still very much a part of their lives but he would  not talk about  what was happening to them (the guilt was too  overwhelming to do so).  Emotions were off limits and he tried to  pretend that things would get  better with time.

 
At  this time I'm starting my stand. I  put my ring back on and I laid my  husband at the foot of the cross and  took my hands off him.  I knew God  would bring him home, not me or my  attempts to guilt him into waking  up. I was reading my bible and praying  throughout the day and even  praying and sharing with our children that  God would restore our family  and that they'd witness the power of  prayer. I went back to everyone I  had ever said anything negative to  about my spouse and told them to  pray for us and him and that God was  going to do a miracle.  I decided  to not listen to what the world says  which is "move on, you deserve  someone else, people can't change unless  they want to" and listen to  God and trust Him that He'd touch my husband  and heal him.

 
God  gave me so many signs to keep  standing. On rejoiceministries people  talk of seeing a COVENANT truck as  a sign of encouragemen to stand for  their covenant spouse. I looked up  the company and realized I'd never  see one as they dont travel through  my area.  It was about 2 weeks  later when I saw a red truck pulling a  long white trailer. I was  waiting to turn right at a corner and they  were turning left ever so  slowly. I was annoyed. I had to wait for this  longgggggggg Ford truck  to turn pulling this longggggggg white trailer.   When they finally got  fully around I pulled behind them at the light.  I  bursted out laughing  out loud, the back of the trailer was completely  bare with nothing on  it but the word COVENANT at the bottom. I just put  my hands up and  praised God for the sign.

 
Every time I  saw my spouse I  was hoping to see his ring back on. I never did.  He  was polite but  kept his distance when around me. I noticed new clothing,  a new style  of dress.  He often would not meet my eyes and would come  over and  leave so quickly at times. Other times he'd take 20 minutes to  get out  the door.  I always thought it was because he was thinking of  asking to  have something else to take out of the house. Now I know otherwise.

 
A   letter came in the mail - he had withdrew money from his 401k.  I was   LIVID! I wanted to pick up the phone and confront him because I didn't   know if we were going to divorce and that 401k money was partly mine   legally but God placed it on my heart TO BE STILL so I kept quiet.   Father's Day was coming. I didn't know what to do.  He had the kids for   the weekend so I prayed about giving him a card.  God gave me peace   about doing so and so I put his card in one of the kids overnight  bags.   He contacted me and said thank you for the card. I was shocked.   I was  going to church that Sunday and asked if he wanted to meet me  there with  the kids. He agreed.  DOUBLE SHOCKED.  He came to church  with the kids  and wow, when God wants to get a message to you he will  get it to you. The  sermon was on THE PRODIGAL SON and they speaker  spoke about how there  are so many prodigals out there. Children who  have left their homes to  run away and FATHERS & MOTHERS WHO HAVE  LEFT THEIR FAMILIES TO PURSUE SEXUAL  IMMORALITY.  WOW talk about an  uncomforable service! LOL my husband was  sitting next to me, we looked  like a happy family if you didn't know  what was going on but he was  fidgeting the entire time.

 
I  invited him over for 4th  of July. He declined and sent me a visitation  schedule for the month  and said maybe this would help make a smooth  transition so we'd have  less contact.  My heart sank. Because of the  kids we had a lot of  contact, now it seemed we would not.  I still knew  God would do what he  wanted to do.  Our 16th anniv came and the Holy  Spirit told me "get  him a card" I prayed for God to help me find the  perfect card and have  never looked so hard for one in all my life. I  think I visited 3  Hallmark stores and went to 2 different Targets and a  Papyrus! LOL I  finally found the "perfect card" and when I went to check-out, the  cashier read the card, I remember thinking "how RUDE!" and then  she  said "wow this is the perfect card!" Wow, thank you God for  confirming  that for me.

 
I sent him a text and asked if  he could  meet me in the parking lot of his apartment and gave him the  card.  He  had nothing for me but I had prayed that God would send 10  prodigals  home in lieu of my spouse haing something for me for our  anniversary.   About 20 min later he sent me a text and said Happy  Anniversary  <insert his pet name for me>. Thank you, I didn't  forget.  A week  later he asked me out.

 
It's been almost  7m now since  that date and slowly but surely things are coming out.  My  H often says  "I think back to last summer and I just shake my head." I  even asked  him once something he said that was particularly painful and  he said 'I  said that? When?"  It's like he doesn't even remember which  fortifies  what they say at RejoiceMinistries, satan is their mouthpiece  when  they're in sin.

 
My H as told me about 3 times a  week  (it was every day at first) "thank you for standing in the gap" and   "I'm so glad I'm home."  He said he had no peace and there was a   constant chatter in his head.  I asked him when did he know he should  be  at home and he said "as soon as I left but I was too prideful to  return  right away."  Just recently (and I might have shared this in  another  post) he said "I am so sorry I fell prey to the deceit of  believing what  I had with someone else I didn't have with you. It took  me hitting the  ground off the slippery slope to realize I already had  that x100." Wow.

 
God wants to speak to you. He won't  tell you  EVERYTHING because His ways are not our ways but He will give  you  insight. I remember when my spouse was gone, the Holy Spirit told  me,  "he will not return longing or craving or missing the other person  but  he will return full of guilt and shame." I almost fell out of my  chair  one day when my husband said out the blue, "I hope you know I'm  not  missing craving or longing to be with <name of other  person>.  And  oh boy did he have shame. I think the first 60 days he  sat around the  house like a deer in headlights. He looked shell  shocked. It was  heartbreaking to see.

 
I share this not  to brag, oh no.   Not at all. I pray no one feels that way. I share  this because I know  this is a testimony for others to gain strength  from and stand just the  way others testimonies have done for me.  My  testimony does not match  theirs and yours will not match mine. It will  be unique and different so  it will reach people who need to hear what  you went through.  I can  honestly say with all my heart I would go back to day one just to get where I am with God now. I was a Christian before but I was a baby Christian. I did not   know God's word, I did not really know what God could or would do. I  did  not know God would speak to me. I did not really know that God has  a  plan for me even in the midst of my pain and confusion. That he  would  work out all the kinks and straighten it all out. Not in my  timing and  not my way but in His way and his way is PERFECT.

 
For  I  know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to  prosper  you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  ...  Jeremiah 29:11

 
I pray this testimony will be a  blessing  to someone.  I leave you with my favorite scripture Proverbs  3:5-7 and a  prayer I prayed every day because I wanted God to fight  this battle for  me in the spiritual realm: Psalm 35

 
Also  Google  "marriage restoration prayers" there are many out there already  written  up that you can pray with your spouses name in them with  scripture.   Pray Hosea 2:6 over your spouses caught in the deception of  adultery.   Ask God to strengthen the hedge and to bound God's  commandments around  their neck and write it in their hearts. To watch  over them when they're  sleeping and guide them during the day. Trust  and know God is doing it.  He goes after his lost sheep and who is more  lost than a prodigal  spouse?

 
1 Peter 5:8 says: "Be  self-controlled and  alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a  roaring lion looking  for someone to devour." He wants to devor families  and marriages. Stand  alert! Put on the armour of God (Ephesians  6:10-18) over yourself, your  spouse and your children.

 
Blessings to all of you. Sorry this is so long

EDIT: Found link to original post: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/message/102123 --SS
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#7: November 14, 2011, 06:37:00 AM
Thanks, WP! This was a real blessing to read this morning. That site says there've been over 41,000 views of this testimony. :)
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#8: November 17, 2011, 05:16:31 AM
That was such an uplifting message! So glad to see some positive results.Thank you for this,It definately counteracts all the naysayers I have encountered so early into this, just this morning actually, on another forum.God bless you beyond measure!
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#9: November 17, 2011, 08:34:12 AM
I came across this story today: http://www.believinggodformarriage.com/shouts-of-praise

Not necessarily MLC but this person had to overcome years of heartaches to be restored.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#10: November 18, 2011, 09:39:40 AM
http://www.repairingthebreachmarriageministry.org/ourstory.html

This may or may not be MLC but early on in the testimony he says, "I got other ideas and decided I didn't want to be married anymore or have any responsibility for my kids. I didn't think that I loved Cindy, and I told her that I wanted a divorce."  Seems it could be!
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#11: November 22, 2011, 07:46:58 PM
Thank you so very much for your story. I truly feel God is working on my marriage and family. It is all I truly gave thanks for every night. But I too have leaned many lessons on this journey. I keep seeing movement in my ex who has told me everything will be ok...."I have no doubt, trust in Him" God has never let us down and He never will"  I keep hearing the words "make ready" day after day.Thank you for reminding me that God is truly working on us and our h
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#12: December 05, 2011, 09:51:16 AM
http://www.restorationofthefamily.com/TestimonyArticles.htm

Some of these may be MLC, some not, but it is always good to read of a situation that looked hopeless and got turned around.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#13: December 06, 2011, 12:10:41 PM
I read this one this morning. I thought it was very good because both husband and wife made positive changes.

http://www.kyria.com/topics/marriagefamily/marriage/helphealing/lousydivorce.html?sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4dbb738c627c73c7%2c0&start=1
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#14: December 23, 2011, 07:40:40 PM
Bumping this up again...

Because reviewing this thread gives other hope. Perhaps a plug for Charlyne Cares is already in here. Just google it. But there is a darn lot of stories/testimonies registered there for affairs that have ended. I don't know how many are associated with mlc or not but a fair number of them seem to shows "awakenings" and "suddenly" coming home to their spouses and families.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#15: January 01, 2012, 12:43:20 AM
This is a restoration from Dana and Val Hartong's book for encouraging people standing for their marriage.


Mike & Cheryl Burke

GOD ANSWERS PRAYER

How long would You wait for your husband to come home? Would eleven years be too long? Could you still pray for your marriage to be healed if your husband had two children by another woman? Most people would give up hope long before the end of eleven years. Their friends and relatives would counsel them that their mate was never coming home, and they should get on with their life. But Cheryl never gave up hope as she stood for the restoration of her marriage. Here is her story . . .

Mike and I were married January 3, 1970, in a small church in Michigan. We believed our marriage would last forever. Divorce was not going to be an option with us. Incredibly, after only six months of marriage, I had threatened to get a divorce twice. But, God blocked my efforts. What was the problem? We argued over everything. We had differences of opinion on almost every subject. Strife and unforgiveness entered into our marriage. This opened the door for the possibility of divorce later on.

We really didn’t want a divorce, so we worked at reconciling our differences. Our first baby, Kenny, was born four years later. At our baby’s six-month check-up, the doctor talked about the Lord and invited me to church. He recommended a book, which I purchased. After reading this book, I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. That very night my husband asked me for a divorce and soon left me. I continued to read my Bible and pray for a miracle. After a few months, Mike did come home, and we moved into a new home together. It was wonderful to see Mike put his wedding ring back on. Our minister and an evangelist visited us in our home, and Mike accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Savior and was baptized.

Our second son, Ron was born in 1977 and our family was complete. But, I did not continue to depend on God after Mike and I reconciled, like I did before we reconciled. We attended church off and on, and I prayed off and on. Strife and unforgiveness slipped back into our relationship again, and three years later in 1980, Mike left.

The children and I began to pray every night for Daddy to come home. I spent a lot of time praying, repenting of my part in the situation, and asking God what He wanted me to do. I called a Christian TV counselor who told me to pray, praise, and pray for my husband’s salvation. He recommended reading Ephesians 1:3, 1:17, 18, 3:14-17 and 6:12. Good advice for the wife is given in Ephesians 5:33 in the amplified bible. There, the wife is told that she should respect and reverence her husband. She should notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, venerate and esteem him, defer to him, and love and admire him exceedingly.

The Lord led me to a spirit-filled church where the Word came alive to me. I met Nancy there. Her husband had left her about the same time as mine and we had become prayer partners. We asked the Lord to first change us. Nancy and I met with others who also felt God’s will for them was to stand for reconciled and restored marriages. We began to meet together for Bible study, prayer and fellowship. As it says in Mark 11:24, we believed that we received when we prayed. We developed wonderful friendships that sustained us.

I have to admit that I did get discouraged when year after year passed, and I didn’t see any evidence of my prayers being answered. According to Matthew 19:4-6 my husband and I were permanently joined together in marriage by our vow, and no man may separate what God has joined together. So, I had no choice. I waited.

The woman my husband was involved with became pregnant. Most people, including some Christians, discouraged me from continuing to stand and believe for my marriage. However, our prayer group remained steadfast and supportive. The Lord would encourage me with scripture like Isaiah 54:17.

But, after a second child was born to the other woman, Mike divorced me, and made their relationship legal. Eventually, they left Ohio and moved to Minnesota. I continued to stand for my marriage.

The next years were not easy, raising two little boys by myself. Kenny and Ronnie accepted Jesus as their Savior when they were very young. Although they did not have the blessing of their earthly Daddy during those years, their Heavenly Father was taking care of them and I had to trust He would restore what they were missing in His own way and in His own time.

Many times I wanted to give up, but I had many encouragers; my prayer partners, my pastor, and Dana and Val Hartong who have a ministry called New Hope for Broken Marriages. A book that was a real help to me was by P.B. Wilson called Liberated through Submission - The Ultimate Paradox by Harvest House Publishers.

We had not talked to each other for a year, when one night I received a phone call from Mike telling me, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" He said he always felt like there was a cloud over him. Prayer is powerful and I know Mike could feel our prayers and he was under conviction. About six months later, Mike wrote me a letter telling me, "GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE! I’M NEVER COMING HOME!!!"

A few letters later, his letters had changed from, "I’M NEVER COMING HOME," to "She’s moved out, can I please come and see our kids on their birthdays?"

A month later on Ken’s 17th birthday, Mike got down on one knee and proposed marriage to me, quoting some of our marriage vows. He asked me to recommit to him and to our vows. I was ecstatic and eagerly agreed.

Mike had to leave to wrap things up in Minnesota and as I walked through the house, I began to wonder if he had really been there and proposed, or if I had only dreamed it. I said to the Lord, "If only I had some tangible evidence that Mike was really here." I glanced at a small table, there I saw a note from Mike. "THE PRODIGAL HUSBAND HAS RETURNED! I LOVE YOU AND I AM TOTALLY COMMITTED TO YOU FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!!!" GOD HAD ANSWERED PRAYER.

Eleven years after our separation, Mike and I were sitting in the judge’s chambers. Our sons, Ken and Ron, were with us. The judge asked why we came to him. Mike had a profound answer for him. "Our marriage was taken apart legally through the law of the land, and we’re here to have the law of the land put it back together legally." The judge’s final words were, "May God add His blessing and keep you to fulfill your covenant from this day forth." We had a wonderful honeymoon visiting Mike’s children in Minnesota.

We recently celebrated the fifth anniversary of our remarriage. Last spring, Mike was given custody of Justin and Crystal who are now 13 and 12. I love and admire my husband greatly and feel very blessed. I’m grateful to God for His mercy, and grateful to Mike for his patience and love. It took a terrific guy to do what Mike did. Mike says to tell you he loves me; he loves all our kids; he loves all our pets; and he loves our old home. He is content. I want to tell you that there is no place like being in the will of God. There might be some who would question my remarrying my husband. They would quote Deut. 24:2-4. But Jeremiah 3:1 addresses the question of remarrying your mate. It says, "Though You have left ME and married many lovers, yet I have invited you to come to me again, the Lord declares!!

We wanted you to hear a few words from our children.

KEN: I remember praying for my dad to come home starting when I was very little. I believe God is responsible for restoring our family. I did miss a lot by my dad not being home while I was growing up. But, it was nice to have him around as I was finishing school. I’m sure I’m not aware of all the ways all this has affected me. One thing I do know, I am very cautious about relationships. I want to have a marriage someday that will last a lifetime because divorce is devastating. I am happy that my Dad will be around for holidays and he’ll be there when I do marry and have children.

RON: I don’t even remember my dad before he left us. My earliest memories are praying for him to come home. I do believe that God answered our prayers, I just wish God would have done it earlier. At first when my dad came back, I was very excited, then I resented the fact that he had not been there for me, and now he was telling me what to do. It was hard to accept his authority. My dad has really tried to be the best dad he could be, and I’m happy that he’s there for me now.

I don’t believe in divorce. I grew up with one parent and I don’t want that for my children. I want my children to have both parents. I am glad that someday my kids will not only have a grandma, but they will also have a grandpa!

JUSTIN: Of course it is hard not being with both of my parents. I am glad that I spent some years with my mom, but this is where I know I should be now. I’ve been working on my grades and I even got to join wrestling this year. When my sister and I were with Dad and Cheryl a couple of years ago, we prayed and asked Jesus into our hearts. I get to go to church now, and I feel God is helping me deal with things. I believe in my heart that I am where I should be.

CRYSTAL: It’s hard not being with my mom. I miss her, but I’m glad to be with my dad. My brother and I are making new friends, and I hope to be able to get into a sport. I think this is the best lifestyle for me. I feel we are open with each other, and I feel like I fit in here. God has turned my life around, and I have a brighter future. I feel Dad and my step-mom will guide me into a good relationship when I grow up. Cheryl talks a lot about marriage, and I want to have a good one. Basically, life is good!

Was it worth it? I want to tell you that it WAS worth it!

Everything starts with Jesus, He is The Way to God. Invite Him into your heart and give him your life.

GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS
Cheryl Burke

This testimony provided by:
NEW HOPE FOR BROKEN MARRIAGES
Dana & Val Hartong
24652 Featherstone Road
Sturgis, Michigan 49091
(269) 651-2187

 

May the Lord Bless You and Keep You and Cause His Face to shine upon you

and give you Peace..:-)

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#16: January 02, 2012, 06:55:55 AM
I don't know what to make of that story - they are hopeful in one sense, but extremely depressing in another. Because no matter how you look at it there are two sets of children growing up without both biological parents together. The man's first family were practically grown by the time he returned and he had missed the childhood years. The man's second family then lost their father, were reunited with the father but now (for a reason not elaborated) are growing up without their mother.
The man literally mucked around with everyone but the true "victims" of his behaviour are 4 innocent children.

If my H has children with OW, there is no way I am ever having him back. Because I would not be the reason he walks away from more children. My children have already been abandoned, I would take him back on the condition that he had no other children. If he wants to abandon another child or set of children, I will not be the excuse.

I know I sound rigid, but this story is a tragedy and I am not sure how I feel about it.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#17: January 02, 2012, 10:38:10 AM
Even though they are growing up without their biological mother, it sounds like the children from the other marriage have been accepted into the family. The fact that he was granted custody of his children with the OW makes me wonder what happened to her. Is she in jail? Could she be doing a midlife transition or crisis of her own?

Life is messy; there is no guarantee of what will happen in our MLCers' lives, or how (or even if!) reconciliation will occur.

A friend of mine told me that if you put limits or preconditions or what you would accept from your MLCer before refusing to take them back or filing for divorce, the devil will do his utmost make sure you get to that point; his fondest wish is to destroy loving marriages, and he will use anything and anyone to accomplish that.
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"Counting days won't buy us years" —Wings by HAERTS
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"When we commit to our lovers, we implicitly promise to forgive them. There is no other way we can live with someone for better or worse or until death do us part." —Dr. Frederic Luskin

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#18: January 02, 2012, 11:17:31 AM
Hi SS, I agree that life is complicated and messy! And of course, it is possible that the biological mother is not able to take adequate care of the children and they are in the best possible place. But I guess what I meant was that I would like to know more about the person (due to MLC and/or the influence of the devil) who created a situation with all these children growing up without both parents (the MLCer). Does he feel true remorse? How does he explain the situation to the children from the 2nd marriage? I often read these synopses of reconciliations and just feel like it gives hope, but very little detail (I understand that people do not want to share everything and that we would be reading novel sized books if they did). But, I suppose I wish that I could hear the story from the viewpoint of the MLCer. Do they have any concept of the magnitude of the destruction created by their actions - the possible long term repurcussions on children? I know that many will say that the reconciliation shows children the power of true forgiveness which is the optimistic view, but one could also argue that it shows children that they can go off be selfish for a number of years, abandon families and responsibility and then return again despite all the pain they have caused - it would be interesting to see how the adult children of returners go on to participate in their primary adult relationships and if they repeat the MLC pattern - if children of divorce are more likely to divorce (which statistics suggest that they are) are children who have been abandoned more like to abandon too? (and does the eventual return of the absent parent affect that at all?) Maybe because I have small children, but I am interested in the repurcussions that these behaviours have on the affected children all of them, including those from the second marriage. As I said, I know that I sound harsh (and maybe I am tempting the devil and fate) but I wonder about the outcomes. What if the children in this situation had remained with their mother, would that make the father more at fault for leaving more children behind, again? Does the fact that the OW was probably a serious affair-down change the fact that her children are paying the price for the actions of two messed up grown ups? I just have a lot of questions when I read some of these returns (particularly where children are concerned). Ok, so I would probably hear H out if he wanted to come back having given another woman children (out of curiousity as much as anything else), but I would have to feel that he really, REALLY, REALLY understood how many lives his crisis had disrupted (yes, even OW, not to diminish her culpability) if there were other children involved too, in order for me to consider taking him back...
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#19: January 03, 2012, 12:00:28 PM

I agree S&D, this is why I started the thread about "When he Marries the OW."  I have very mixed thoughts about standing in light of a marriage.  I would never be the OW, so his marriage would have to implode, he would have to heal from that, and from the remains of our divorce and then still want me.  Even optimistically, that could take YEARS...  And even if they produce no new children, she still has two little boys who look to him as a father--and what about that?  And today there was a good essay on Huff Post that is somewhat related:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jodyne-speyer/the-other-woman_1_b_1171702.html

So many confusing issues and conundrums caused by divorce... 
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#20: January 03, 2012, 05:09:56 PM
Well, I read that essay by the alleged little girl who "love the OW that broke up her parent's marriage" I felt it was disingenous and COMPLETE DRIVEL, and if TRUE, probably not written with much LIFE EXPERIENCE under her belt... the betrayal of her own MOTHER is atrocious... regardless of how her parents fought over the divorce... that is NATURAL, and kids do experience the fallout of bitterness of BETRAYAL. The fact that this alleged young woman sided with her father's OW in that "she had been told their marriage was over long before she entered the picture" does NOT excuse INVOLVEMENT WITH A MARRIED MAN!! I say this, not from a moral point of view, but from a COMMON SENSE POINT OF VIEW!! For God's sakes.... I was head over heels at 18 for a bartender... got invited to a party at his house.... had MAJOR FANTASIES of a possible relationship between us... he was into me (at least for the moment, LOL!!) but SOMEONE mentioned he was "separated" and I RAN LIKE HELL!! I was 18 and I KNEW better than to get involved with that mess of complication!!

I'm sorry, but this article SMACKS of BULL$h!te. Go read it and see what you think.... not only that, but the young woman then PINES AWAY for the "girlfriend" who Dad left Mom for, but then dumped... how SICK IS THAT, that she doesn't place ANY responsibility on her DAD???? And NO empathy for what her own Mother must have been going through while being cheated on... I call BULL$h!te, BULL$h!te, BULL$h!te!!

Often times, the abandoned child DEIFIES the abandoning parent.... that's right... and MOM suffers the fallout... being labeled the "b!tc#" for her grief. BULL$h!te!

Sorry, but the "DIVORCE" section of Huffington Post is FULL of articles trying to JUSTIFY divorce, and how it's "no big deal"... well, that's BULL$h!te, and you know it... divorce IS a big deal for kids... It's HUGE, and I'm not suggesting all married people should remain married for the sake of the kids.. just TELL THE TRUTH about the consequences, ok?

Unbelievable.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#21: January 03, 2012, 05:42:18 PM

Wait LG, I think she places all the blame on her DAD for leaving.  She acknowledges that her parents were both in bad places.  Really, he was proabably MLC, and her mom was probably devastated.  And she was YOUNG!  The woman brushed her hair and gave her baths... 

And that is why it resonated with me--my exH's OWW has a 4 and 6yo.  In the next year, he COULD (though I actually doubt it) be a significant influence in their life at this point. 

She is romanticizing, but she also cautions about how and when to let a kid into your R's because she suffered for it.  I can see how that could happen.  Just my thought, L, but this is kind of a kijack of this thread, and I didn't mean to do that...
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exH married OW the next week and moved across the country to be with her... 

LL CHOSE to live happily ever after...

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#22: January 10, 2012, 06:22:32 AM
My little girl (2.5) likes the OW in my sitch (my 7 year old is more mixed). I think that UNLESS H dumps her to come back to me, my D would miss her. If H just dumped her to move on to next OW, my little girl would wonder where OW1 had gone (and probably would be more reticent about liking OW2, but who knows - she is still very young).

My D2 is too young (actually so is my S7) to really understand the cheating/lying/betrayal part of this. That is my cross to bear. 

I have always felt that it is better that my kids do get on with OW to an extent, because otherwise they have to spend a fair bit of time in an environment that makes them unhappy. Personally, I would love to hear that they HATE her, but that would be just for the sake of my ego. Anyway, I know that no matter how they feel about her, she is not replacing ME in their hearts. If they had to choose between me or her, I would win everytime.

How they relate to her does not really affect the outcome, I don't think. And lets face it, the OW is only ever going to absolutely DOTE on the children, because it is part of her self-justification and also she must PROVE that she is a good influence in their lives to the MLCer. But she only has to let the behaviour slip, or get bored with the kids, or lose her temper a few times before her "angel" girlfriend who never nags facade starts to slip. It is the dynamic in their relationship when the kids aren't around that will make the difference to whether it lasts or not, in the meantime she had BETTER be good and nice to my kids while they are there.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#23: January 10, 2012, 07:04:24 AM
My point was about the ADULT young woman and her continued feelings and friendship and devotion to her Dad's first OW.... I find it disturbing. I imagine she feels guilty for liking the OW when she was a child, and is finding a way to justify those feelings, instead of forgiving her little girl self...... she's deifying the OW..... denying that OW had any culpability.... laying all blame for the affair on her parents and the OW is innocent. Both she AND the OW should have learned a few ugly truths by now... and not to wear a hair shirt over it, but to just see the truth. It has nothing to do with LITTLE CHILDREN choosing to be loyal to their parents or not.... it has to do with ADULTS seeing the TRUTH about affairs. My prediction is that THIS particular young woman will find herself in a similar situation in order to have to see the truth. It's the writing of it.... the dismissal of divorce and adultery as UGLY, even if the outcome were to have been a happy marriage between her father and the OW... the adultery part is still wrong and ugly, that's all. You can agree or not. Unfortunately, a lot of people will use this woman's "opinion" as an justification for their own sorry behavior.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#24: January 13, 2012, 02:20:38 PM
I went to the bank today to consolidate some accounts. I explained that my husband and I were separated after 33 years of marriage and this wonderful consultant told me her story.

After 25 years of marriage, her fil died. Her husband started to talk to a woman at work and next thing, he was having an affair with her. He said terrible things to his wife, about how it was all her fault. She told him to leave and went to a lawyer to obtain a divorce. The lawyer convinced her to take her time, go to counseling.

They were separated for a year.....she realized she had not done anything wrong.

He came back and they have been married for 47 years. She said the most important thing was not to learn to love him again but to trust him again. She knew it would not be the love that she had for the previous 25 years..but the trust did come back and they have had a happy life.

I keep running into these people.  She also happens to be catholic and has strong faith. She reaffirmed what we all know ..that we will be ok one way or the other...but it is nice to hear this kind of story.

She also said that many times she thought that the person who left wants to come back,but by then, the hurt spouse has moved on. Sound familiar?

I have always said that a couple of bad years would be worth it if we could have many more years together..just need to remain patient and focused on my own journey.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

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" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#25: January 14, 2012, 09:14:58 AM
Just heard about this return story.  Here is the link and song that goes along with it....a tearful message...

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/20038148/ns/today-today_people/t/alan-jacksons-wife-saving-their-marriage/#.TxG15phbwy5

song.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTA2buWlNyM
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#26: January 16, 2012, 02:30:31 PM
I know many of us have read this wanted to put it here for the newbies or those that haven’t read it xxxxxxxxxxxx


http://www.thehouseontherock.net/site/cpage.asp?cpage_id=140025764&sec_id=140006459
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#27: January 17, 2012, 01:43:30 PM
I reconnected with a childhood friend of mine several years ago. We started an exercise class together and going out to eat, etc. This was in 2009 about a year into my H's MLC. We had children similar ages, so it became a good outlet for the kids and I to be away from H's depression. Anyway, after about 5 months, she confided in me that she didn't feel like she loved her H and was connecting with a high school friend on Facebook. Well, one thing let to another and before long she was in the midst of an affair with this married man. She thought this was the most "alive" she had ever felt. In spite of my attempts to provide rational thinking on situation, as is typical, she wanted nothing to do with my thoughts.

In all honesty, I abandoned the friendship completely. It was too hard to be around her H and know the secrecy and the lies that she was telling to meet this OM. I hadn't talked to her until a month or so ago.

To make a long story short, she ended the affair after several months. She realized that what she was looking for could not be provided by another person. She saw what she once felt was "beautiful" turn into a hidden relationship with people getting hurt all around. She began working on herself and now feels such regret about what she did to her H. Even though she never told him and he never asked, she said that he "knew" something had gone on.

She told me the other day that she and her H are better than they have ever been. They have reconnected in a close way that had never existed in the 15 years prior. She strongly believes that some people just need to see the potential loss before they begin to see what they really have. She said, "I am incredibly grateful that he stood by me in spite of my craziness."

So, another return story.
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T  23 years
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#28: January 17, 2012, 06:05:42 PM
It's been recently announced that a nationally well known Aussie actor has left his third wife of 12 years and their 2 sons to return to his First wife whom he has 2 children with along with another 2 from his second marriage.  I don't know much of the details but it was in a magazine this week.  I do beleive it is true as they interviewed the third wife but the actor declined to comment.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#29: January 19, 2012, 01:24:40 PM
Written by Cricket............from mid-life dimentions.......

Over 6 years ago (March 2003), my Husband "dropped the bomb".  After 6 months of work, counseling and prayers, my Husband decided to move out.  He said he'd never find someone that was more compatible, took better care of him and was more attractive, but he felt we'd lost our connection. We'd been together 28 years. He moved out and a few months later filed for divorce.  He bought a house and moved the Other Woman and her Daughter in with him.  Weeks after the divorce was final, he married the Other Woman. He told everyone that he was very happy and finally had the life he wanted.

At the time, I couldn't imagine life without my Husband or how I could go on.  God led me to Jim Conway's book, then to Jim, and finally to the chat group here.  Now I can tell you that I thank God for this journey, despite all the pain.  It's because of this journey that I've grown, healed, dealt with my own buried issues and met incredible people who will be friends for life.  I've done things I never gave myself time to do and accomplished more than I could imagine.  I reached a place of trusting the Lord with my future, regardless of what that is. 

A year ago, my Husband separated from the Other Woman, filed for divorce from her and began reconnecting with me.  He told friends that he never got over me and never stopped thinking of me.  He has shared many of the issues he and the Other Woman had and how much stress he was under in that relationship. 

We are taking things slow, rebuilding the friendship that had been so strong.  A few months ago he asked me if I thought we'd get back together.  I replied to take it one day at a time, one step at a time but that it felt so comfortable.  He agreed that our time together does feel very comfortable.  I've had time to heal, grow and forgive.  I want my Husband to have time for his own healing, growth and for his forgiveness.  My greatest prayer continues to be for my Husband's salvation. 

Many people told me to give up, move on, and that I was released from standing due to my Husband's marriage to the Other Woman.  I never prayed against my Husband's marriage but instead for the Lord's will in their lives, for salvation for my Husband & the Other Woman, for their healing and to find the truth.  However I did feel called to continue my stand. 

I tell others, this is not wasted time, this is time for us to focus on our growth, our relationship with the Lord and that it can be a time of real joy.  When I reached the place of trusting the Lord with my future (regardless of what that is), I found such peace.  We can't change or fix our Husbands's, we can only work on us.  This is our time and the Lord has a wonderful plan for each of us, trust Him.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#30: January 19, 2012, 01:26:39 PM
Praise from "At Peace Now"       from mid-life dimensions
About 2 months ago, my husband came home after having an off-again, on-again, 1-1/2 year affair. Although, I'm cautiously optimistic, I thought it important to share this news with the group. During this JOURNEY, I discovered some very interesting things about me and my husband - things that may have contributed to his MLC, things that Jim mentioned in the book. One of the things I discovered along the way was the need and importance of forgiveness. My husband had always loved to drink...however, during the course of our relationship, his drinking got worse, and so did my resentment towards his drinking. I learned that my behavior and response to his drinking fueled the fire of resentment and widened the wedge between us. My husband has started AA, and I have been involved in support groups much like this chat room. I also think it's very important to pray, pray, and pray, but there must also be an equal amount of action on our part. It's also very import!
And during this time, to take care of yourself, although at times this seems impossible. I also think it's important to really take an inventory of ourselves, and not spend a lot of time thinking about the other woman. It seems the less time and energy you give to their union, and put energy into you...the weirdest thing happens, your husband starts to see through the other woman, and begins to see the real you - A kind, beautiful, loving mother, lover and friend. After-all, without being too judgmental, you have to ask yourself what kind of woman would have a man who would leave his wife and children...destroy a family for her benefit...in time, the husband will find his way back home...hopefully, it's before you tire of his shenanigans. Love, peace, and my prayers to all of us suffering through this. God Bless, "At_Peace_Now"
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#31: January 19, 2012, 01:28:45 PM
Marriage Restoration after 5+ years of Divorce-from mid-life dimensions

Hello fellow standers,

I have been lax in getting out this message of encouragement because I wanted to see if it was real.   Well, I know now that this is truly happening so here goes!

My husband left me and divorced me 5 years ago. During the past five years, he's had very limited contact with me, our grown children and grandchildren.  The last couple of years, he had been living quite some distance away, with another woman and her teenage children. 

I was hopeful that someday he would wake up and return to us but from all outward appearances, it just didn't seem like that would ever happen.  I thought that he had been so happy these past 5 1/2 years, especially, the last 2 1/2 living with this “wonderful new woman”.

Well, I couldn't have been more wrong!  A few months ago he called to tell us that he breaking up with the other woman and that he would be moving back to town.  Although at the time he wasn't thinking about coming back to me, we very slowly started up a friendly relationship again which has led to a recommitment to our marriage.

He has told me why he left, that there were things I did or didn't do that had bothered him all of the 28 years that we were married but he never let me know.  He also said that he left looking for something outside of himself when he should have been searching inward.  He said that he should have never left!  Wow, I had been waiting so long to hear those words!!!

Although he is moving in the right direction, we are still facing an uphill road towards total restoration.  There are many issues to work through but we have marriage counseling scheduled which will hopefully help us towards that goal.

I just wanted to let you know that it can and does happen!  Don't ever give up!  Even though I don't get to the chat room much anymore or even have time to check all of the wonderful e-mails you all send out, I wanted to thank you for your prayers and support, especially during the early years when there didn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

God bless you all,

"Musthope"
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#32: January 19, 2012, 01:31:21 PM
In December 2003 he returned for good and finally realized what he almost lost...............from the above website.

Dear Jim,

 

I communicated with you first by letter and then by email starting in 1997 when my husband first left.  Between that time and 2003 my husband left and returned several times.  In December 2003 he returned for good and finally realized what he almost lost.  Your advice, and the strength God gave me, kept me going during those extremely hard years.  But, I am so thankful we stuck it out.

 

My husband passed away, unexpectedly, this past April.  During the last two years before his death we were able to share so many things.  Both of our children were married and it was wonderful to be able to be there as a couple.  Most of all, we were there for the birth of our first grandchild.  An experience he might have missed if we had not held on to our marriage.

 

I have wanted to let you know how thankful I am for your wonderful resources.  When I received your letter today it reminded me to write.  Sincerely, “Kari”
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#33: January 24, 2012, 08:42:33 AM
There is a nice one here from 11/15/03, and oldie but a goodie I guess you could call it.:) http://www.uisreno.com/~photography/Save_Marriage/Restore_Marriage/Restored_Marriages_Testimo.html
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#34: January 25, 2012, 08:58:15 AM
Several months after my H moved out, an acquaintance of ours saw me at a baby shower and reached out to me, wanting to talk.  This was a mutual friend, who's husband was/IS still good friends with my H.  We met them as a couple though so they do not know us apart, until now.  She told me that she knew exactly what I was going through and offered to give me some advise...if I wanted it.  Let's just say that me and this woman were not really friends at that level and honestly, I normally tried to avoid her if possible because she is somewhat "rough" in character.  But her compassion and concern for me in that moment prompted me to agree to meet her at a later date to see what she had to say.  I'll provide a quick prelude to that meeting by adding that I knew that she and her husband had been through something (many years prior) because it had come up in conversations over the years that they celebrated two anniversaries and had taken a "sabbatical" from eachother at some point.  Odd...but didn't think much about it until she approached me at this baby shower.   

So we coordinate a meeting and she proceeds to tell me that she has the utmost respect for me and that just so I am aware, SHE had made sure that my H knew that he was not welcome in her home with OW.  She then went on to say that she had met OW at an event and that she was LOW-class and definitely not the person for my H.  (Let me remind you that this is coming from a woman who is considered to be pretty rough herself among our group of friends).  I have to give her credit for being so respectful of me and the situation, regardless of her character!  Let's just say that she has shown me more respect than others who I was much closer with.  Don't get me wrong, NO ONE agrees with what my H is doing but FEW have stood up to him to tell him he's wrong.  She told me that she would not knowingly allow a woman like that into her home because she knows how much it hurts and how disrespectful it is to be treated like that...wow!  She then goes on to describe what happened in her own marriage, almost 20 years ago.   

Her and her H had been married about five years and had a baby.  They had some issues and suddenly her H comes home (when baby was around 2-2.5 years old) and was "not in love with her anymore" and says he's moving out.  Well, she had become suspicious of a woman who was part of a couple that they hung out with often and accused him of messing around with her...which he denied, of course.  He wanted to "be happy" and it had nothing to do with anyone else...that was supposedly it.  Well, he takes all of their recently purchased furniture, with the exception of a futon and the baby's crib, and moves out.  They divorce.  Her fears were confirmed that he WAS messing around with this "friend" of theirs. It seems like he was pretty nasty to my friend too...even calling her on a few occasions when he had their son, to come and get the son because he had a date with OW!  She would go and pick up the son and the son would cry for his father and they would both leave in tears.  The son was just a toddler at the time. Eventually, her then XH, started telling her that he was going to marry this OW and she was indeed his soulmate!  Apparently, though, at least for certain things, her XH was still including his now XW in events with HIS family...likely whenever their son was to come.  She finally put her foot down though and told him no more...she was no longer a part of that family and it hurt too much to keep going to such events "pretending".  Although his family knew they were divorced.   

Not sure about all of the details of things, but eventually she started dating a great guy, but she always harbored the love for her H. Not sure if seeing her move-on triggered a reaction from XH, but she ended up with a pregnancy scare (and hadn't been with new guy in THAT way). So at some point XH had started being a clingy boomerang and something had happened between them to cause a pregnancy scare.  Again, not sure of all of the details leading up to the final reconciliation, but two years after the divorce (or maybe after the separation)...they remarried.  They were apart two years, she says.  Let me add that if you met this woman, you would NEVER imagine that she would have put up with something like this.  She appears to be the type who would go up to the OW's house and beat the door in and yank her hair out.  But she told me that she always knew that OW was not right for her H and that it would never work out.  She didn't know if they would end up together again, but she knew he would not end up with that woman.  Another thing I'll add is that you would NEVER, EVER imagine this couple going through something like that.  They appear to be SO in-love and so devoted to one another that it really is shocking knowing how they appear to be now.  It is not fake either.  She said that she got some good therapy when it all happend and really worked on GAL.  She had been a stay at home mom and had to get a job and put her son in daycare.  Her H barely gave her any $$, and she was scraping it together to buy milk too (like me).   

There are a couple of odd details that I'll add to the story.  At one point, my friend ended up at a party where OW's boss was seated at the table beside my friend.  The boss was quite inebriated and proceeded to tell my friend that he couldn't believe that regardless of the spells OW tried to put on H...he couldn't stay away from/give up friend.  She responded "what?".  He proceeded to tell her that OW had been putting "hexes/spells/voodoo" on her H to make him stay with her and stay away from his wife.  My friend just pretty much got up and left and was quite confused and disturbed by that.  This encounter was closer to the end of their separation but they were not reconciled yet when it happened.  The other detail that I'll add is that her H was not even close to being the age of a typical MLCer.  They must have been between 25-28 when it happened.  So that makes me question whether or not it was an MLC or just a crisis...but I know that sometimes what would be considered a MLC can happen at any time. She says that they actually look back on certain aspects or events that happened during their two-year separation and laugh about them now.  She also says that H was VERY, VERY remorseful but claims to not even remember MANY of the horrible things that he said/did to her during that time.  It's like he has partial amnesia she says.  And some of the things he doesn't recall, are some of the moments when she was most hurt!  Crazy.  HE tells her that he cannot believe that he acted the way that he did and doesn't even know what "possessed" him because he can't even fathom doing/saying the things that he did during that time.  They eventually had another child (but not immediately) and, like I stated, appear to be the picture of happiness and devotion.  I'm not sure HOW devout they are, but they are Catholic.  She said that she prayed a lot during that time.  I know that they do go to church now, at least on occasion.  Just wanting to add that in case anyone was wondering.  Another odd point is that the, then boyfriend of her H's OW, eventually found out that his girlfriend was messing around with my friend's H and reached out to my friend but she didn't really respond to him.  The crazy thing is that when her H finally did wake-up and realize that this woman was no good, somehow, he and her then x-boyfriend became GREAT friends and still talk/hang out whenever possible.  OW left town and apparently was never heard from again!!! (and they all lived happily ever after)

Her recommendation to me was to GAL, detach and to be my H's friend.  My problem is that my H wants NOTHING to do with me whatsoever so not sure how to be his friend.  I don't know at what point SHE was able to cross over and become his friend because it seems that he treated her pretty bad.  I still have so many questions for her and have considered reaching back out to her to clarify a few points.  It's a little tricky though because she and I aren't really friends who hang out...and if my H found out we were getting together it would be VERY odd.  I'm not sure if her H has tried to talk to my H about things but she made it sound like she was leaving that up to him and not going to pressure.  We talked about the look in the Hs' eyes and how dead they appeared during all of this.  She told me not to have any expectations, but that she saw MANY similarities in our situations and wanted to share with me that it IS possible.  It gave me such hope in that moment. 

So there is a reconciliation story from someone who I know personally. They had been married about five years prior to BD, were apart for two years and have been reconciled about 16 or so years.  Trust me, they have had their share of hard-times since reconciliation too but have weathered things together and ok!  I've only known them though for about 4+ years. 
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« Last Edit: January 25, 2012, 09:55:22 AM by With Hope »
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#35: January 25, 2012, 11:20:33 AM
I had an appointment today and was told the following by the provider. Her parents separated for 5 years when she was in high school. They got back together and have been together ever since.

I am always so happy to hear these real life reconnections.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#36: March 13, 2012, 02:27:31 PM
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#37: March 27, 2012, 04:38:45 PM
My neighbor just confided in that her husband went through a mid life crisis 7 years ago.  He had an affair with one of her friends.  In total the affair lasted about 2 years.  He went through a period of 5 months where he moved out and could not decided between the affair partner or his wife.

They are still together today and have a very strong marriage.  My friend says that she believes they will be together forever, but having been through her husbands MLC she realizes that life does not always turn out the way you expect it to. Still, she says she has a better marriage then she ever had before.

It was a Godsend to hear this.  It does help to know people that have walked a similar path and come out better.  It is such an enormously hard task ahead of us.  She promises that it gets easier but said the first year after he recommitted was very hard.  Since I am only 4 months since my husband recomitted that gave me perspective and the shot in the arm to keep my chin up.

I really like this couple.  I would have never suspected or known they had any marriage issues in the past. 

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« Last Edit: March 27, 2012, 04:40:18 PM by Gallagher »
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#38: May 25, 2012, 07:52:59 AM
Here is another story very similar to mine.  I sent my MLC pieces of this story to jar his memory of our family and the injustice of it all. Probably will not make a difference!

http://www.restorationofthefamily.com/Articles/IAlmostThrewItAllAway-OND99.htm
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#39: May 26, 2012, 09:07:46 AM
I have 2 stories of returns. 
 
One was a cousin of a friend, husband left for 20-something OW [he was a dr, in his 60's].  His wife didn't panic, just went on with her life and he was back 2 years later.

A couple I know were split for 8 years and they've been back together a year.  It was a messy divorce, very public:  drugs, OW, health, bankruptcy.  I can't believe they are a couple again--probably not married.

Both these had all the indications of MLC.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#40: June 13, 2012, 07:51:17 PM
I had a co-worker just tell me that he reconciled with his ex.  They are not getting remarried but they are together. 

It took 5 years though.  At the time, he did not know about MLC.  All he knew was that she had changed, wanted to drink and party all the time, and was not a wife or a mother.  After about 3 years of that, they had a lot of arguments, and my co-worker filed to divorce her.  It was a nasty divorce, and took over a year.  A lot of drama, with the cops being called etc...

Immediately after his divorce finalized, severally months ago... he went back to the UK, where he came from, and and got engaged with a woman he previously knew.

He came back to the US because they still had a house to sell.  While he was in the US, they stayed in the same house.  He could not rent another place.  The MLCer asked for forgiveness, and my co-worker wasn't sure what to do.  I havent spoken with him for a couple of months but went to lunch with him today.

I found out that he made up his mind, and broke it off with the woman he got engaged with in the UK.  The divorce has caused them to have their house foreclosed, and they spent a small fortune on attorneys.

He seemed to have forgiven her, and they are rebuilding.  Nothing is easy, and there is all the repercussions of the divorce to deal with.  He still doesn't fully trust her, and thinks he will not marry her again.  He is with her, and wants to just see how it goes.  She is very remorseful, and she tries very hard to make the relationship work.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#41: June 20, 2012, 12:15:29 PM
Ok for you male LBSers thinking there aren't enough stories of wives coming back to the husbands here's one:

http://www.faithandmarriageministries.org/2009/01/26/god-can-and-will-turn-a-prodigals-heart-by-stephanie/

The above link is a reconciliation story, of sorts.  The couple are not reconciled because the husband stopped standing for his wife and by the time she came to her senses he became the prodigal.  Also note Responses at the bottom from Gina and Lynn.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#42: June 30, 2012, 02:40:31 AM
A lady I know through work told me about a couple she knows from a few doors away.

They divorced about 10 years ago, but they never split up.  They still live in the same house and do everything together. Every summer they go on holiday together.

Not sure if it was MLC, but still, an unusual living arrangement.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#43: July 10, 2012, 02:07:29 PM
Just had a landscaper here who did work for us about 6 years ago. I told him Beloved had left our marriage...he looked at me and said "you two?" with a complete look of disbelief.

He then told me of his cousin, the opposite occurred after 36 years, his wife left for someone else. 3 years later, she wanted to come back but his cousin had moved on.... the landscaper said it was such a shame because their family just doesn't feel the same with someone "new".
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" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#44: July 10, 2012, 04:04:54 PM
I know that feeling.  Although it is less and less often that I run into people that have not heard about the split, they are all in shock.   A few days ago my H's cousin called me and said she had heard what he had done (leaving our marriage) and said to me in support.  " I am appauled by his behavior etc"  Then she told me her husband had done that 12 years ago  .   I knew they split, but I thought it was her choice as she left town and I did not talk to her about it.   (never knowing one day we would share this kind of story)

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#45: July 31, 2012, 01:19:48 PM
Just saw this one - 48 years in between D and remarriage!  They don't say MLC, but they were 20 years in when they D'ed.  Probably safe to draw conclusions!

http://abcnews.go.com/US/buffalo-couple-85-remarry-48-years-divorce/story?id=16891414
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#46: August 02, 2012, 09:26:01 AM
Here's a link to a blog where a marriage got restored even after multiple infidelities

http://standingformarriage.blogspot.com/2011/07/pleasedo-not-give-up.html
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#47: August 04, 2012, 09:34:39 AM
W2H4E:    THANK YOU for this post.    I've been praying all day....... praying for a resolution, praying for it to just "be over" - what ever that meant.    I know that God sent me to this site today and to your link.    Thank you!   :-*
That is fantastic, NVR, I am so glad that you found some encouragement!

Here's another link to a restored marriage.  This particular page was written while the lady, Sheri, was waiting for her marriage to be restored.  It's never been updated with the details of a reconciliation but that is briefly mentioned at a different page on the site, the Stand By Me page, in a Sept 30 prayer post.

http://www.believinggodformarriage.com/home/our-story-1
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#48: August 18, 2012, 12:45:26 AM
I jut thought I would share some anecdotal evidence. Since reading up and understanding MLC I can recognise it so many relationships that go awry around this time.
mil explained she went off around this age pursuing her own thing. When she realised what she'd done FiL had fallen in love with someone. She regrets to this day!
My brother went off the rails at 37 got his own flat, was a clinging boomerang! Gave up his flat 4 years later moved back in with family full time.
Friends H had affair, blamed wife left wife with 2 small kids. Dumped OW then whilst living bachelor lifestyle had breakdown, therapy for years. 4 years later asked to come back, said heade terrible mistake! She said no I have met someone else!
Other friend H had affair, then breakdown, then therapy then they fell in love again created a more mature, new relationship.
And another friend H spent 2 years in the wilderness having affair, saying he will move out etc. they are together and he refers to those two years as the mad years!
So 5 out of 5 MLCers regretted their behaviour and wanted back in! 2 out 5 LBSs had moved onto new partners and so chances of reconciliation gone. 3 out of 5 reconciled and still together stronger than ever I think!!!!
Just what I know but seems pretty positive outcomes to me. All examples are different of course but similarities and stages are the same! Uncanny!
Hope hope eh!
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#49: August 18, 2012, 08:37:10 AM
3 more for the collection! :)

My H's aunt went through a few years of extreme change (most notably her daughter marrying a guy who was critically ill - he lived - but they moved in with the aunt and uncle for a long time, and her mother dying without anyone telling her!).  Suddenly started showing up at family gatherings with huge weightloss, being way more boisterous than usual, telling the same stories over and over again.  Out of the blue, runs off with a biker, tells my H's uncle that she may or may not be back from Sturgis with this guy!  She moves in and out of the family home several times.  Last breakup I think was last November, when my MIL was complaining that she was tired of getting calls from her saying they were back together, just to break up right away!  In March, my H called me and said they were back together for good.  Get this:  she had taken a huge fall and lost a ton of teeth.  The biker guy then told her to hit the road, he was no longer interested.  So my H's uncle took her back, and they were working it out in earnest.  The downside (besides losing a bunch of teeth!) was that the grown daughter was still very angry at how badly her father was treated, and wants nothing to do with her mother.  I think the entire ordeal started 2008 or early 2009.

When my H first left, a male colleague reached out to me.  He's 57, and he was around 40 when he "ran off and started a new family".  But he said his W was a strong woman of God, and stood, even while he had kids with his new wife (who he said was NOT his W, even though they legally married - he would only refer to his covenant W as his real W).  He said he found Christ, realized what he'd done, and thanked God his W still wanted him.  They now run a business together and he said he has never been happier, and encouraged me to ride it out, whatever it was.  Again though, he said it was his grown children with his covenant W that were the hurdle.  He said he was still actively trying to re-earn their trust, love, and forgiveness, because he understood why they were angry.

AND...another colleague said when he was also around 40, he "lost his mind" and got an apartment for 6 months.  His W graciously took him back, and he said from there they relearned each others' love languages and he started to give her more space (maybe they were both MLC?).  They're together still 35+ years and spend everyday doing activities together.  They have an adult child, but no problems seem to have come from their time apart.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#50: November 25, 2012, 09:43:29 AM
Haven't seen any new stories here for a while.

My not very close friend's husband, definitely mlc, ran off w. work colleague, blah, blah, blah...wife got herself another job & moved out & on about 3 months ago.  I think he has been gone about a year but affair started 4 years ago.

He's wants to work on the marriage.

She is non-committal at this point. 

It is probably a touch-n-go but still.  I'll keep you posted.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#51: December 13, 2012, 08:03:51 AM
Just saw this story as a part of comments on the 12-12-12 date yesterday, don't know if it was MLC related, but it shows a couple who were divorced remarrying each other! :)
http://www.kval.com/news/local/Married-for-12-divorced-for-12---then-re-married-on-12-12-12-183229422.html
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#53: December 27, 2012, 11:51:36 AM
Not sure if we have ever posted her story here, although she has been discussed on the forum. Rachel Clark.
She divorced her husband and is now remarried to him.
Read about it here

http://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/rachel-clark
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#54: December 30, 2012, 10:51:06 AM
Yes, I've read her OP. There is also the book "I Do Again" by Cheryl Scruggs. Cheryl had had an affair and they divorced and then remarried 7 years later.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#55: December 30, 2012, 11:14:42 AM
The I Do Again book is awesome. It really states what we have been saying all along. If you can stand waiting for years perhaps, it is very possible that your marriage can be rebuilt.  :D

I'm a believer!
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#56: March 01, 2013, 04:33:57 AM
I recently remembered another story which with hindsight I can see was MLC ....

When I was 18 my boyfriend's parents were not getting on. They slept in single beds in their room and barely spoke to each other. His mother had lost loads of weight (she had been anorexic but had settled down with weight watchers) she had an obsession with Mick Hucknall and walked a hell of a lot. My boyfriends Dad seemed a bit bemused, head down and get on with it sort of thing. He went overseas working a bit. His mum was very obviously wanting to leave her H but circumstances wouldn't allow ... they had three teen kids and not enough money to afford a separation. Anyway, I was with this guy for about 2.5 years and all that time things were frosty with his parents. However, later on I heard that things were loads better, they were loved up and had decided to radically change their lives! It all sorted itself out.

With hindsight I can so see that this was a MLC on her part. She wanted change and really seemed to 'hate' her H, she was moody with him, snappy and tried to kind of ignore him as much as she could. But they sorted things out and are now very happy. She never left but I think she would have if their circumstances had been different or if her crisis had been stronger, seems to have been a bit mild.


I heard another one the other day, girl dating a man in late thirties who was separated from his wife and two children. He said he and wife lived like friends and that there was no love or passion or R and that he was very unhappy with his wife. They dated for a year but then he returned to his wife and kids. Might not be MLC, not sure of any other details and certainly not sure of the actual timeline. But another example of confusion.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#57: March 01, 2013, 06:44:22 AM
I want to share this story even though it did not result in a reconciliation.  I do believe now that it was MLC.........but didn't know anything about it then.  My sister recently shared this with me which she has kept to herself for nearly 20 years.  She knows all the details of MLC now since I'm experiencing it with my exH.  So, now she and I both believe this is what happened to her marriage. 

Her exH was in law enforcement when this happened.  He was involved in a very serious wreck which killed 3 other people.  He was seriously injured but survived the accident.  He was approximately 36-38 years old at the time.  Well, he eventually left his wife (my sister) and married the nurse from the hospital who tended to him during his stay.  This woman had been married 6 times already.....which he did not know.  But their marriage didn't last very long.......3 years maybe.  My sister just told me this week that her exH had written her a letter after his divorce from the OW.  He wanted to meet with her and talk.  My sister was still so filled with bitterness and anger that she refused to have anything to do with him.  She told me she threw the letter away and didn't meet up with him.  He later remarried for the 3rd time to a young girl half his age (same age as his youngest child).........that marriage ended after less than a year.  So, now ex-BIL is still single and alone. 

I think now my sister believes her exH went through a MLC and perhaps his attempt to return was sincere but she was so full of resentment and hate toward him for what he did that she didn't want any part of him.  Even though she turned him away it gives me more hope that these MLC'ers will eventually try to return or at least make attempts to find a way to finally receive forgiveness and peace for themselves.  I hope that perhaps others who read this will realize that it's not over and the LBS does have the last word..........more or less. 
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#58: March 04, 2013, 06:42:47 PM
"Let your hopes not your hurts shapes your future". Very nice post!


I want to share this story even though it did not result in a reconciliation.  I do believe now that it was MLC.........but didn't know anything about it then.  My sister recently shared this with me which she has kept to herself for nearly 20 years.  She knows all the details of MLC now since I'm experiencing it with my exH.  So, now she and I both believe this is what happened to her marriage. 

Her exH was in law enforcement when this happened.  He was involved in a very serious wreck which killed 3 other people.  He was seriously injured but survived the accident.  He was approximately 36-38 years old at the time.  Well, he eventually left his wife (my sister) and married the nurse from the hospital who tended to him during his stay.  This woman had been married 6 times already.....which he did not know.  But their marriage didn't last very long.......3 years maybe.  My sister just told me this week that her exH had written her a letter after his divorce from the OW.  He wanted to meet with her and talk.  My sister was still so filled with bitterness and anger that she refused to have anything to do with him.  She told me she threw the letter away and didn't meet up with him.  He later remarried for the 3rd time to a young girl half his age (same age as his youngest child).........that marriage ended after less than a year.  So, now ex-BIL is still single and alone. 

I think now my sister believes her exH went through a MLC and perhaps his attempt to return was sincere but she was so full of resentment and hate toward him for what he did that she didn't want any part of him.  Even though she turned him away it gives me more hope that these MLC'ers will eventually try to return or at least make attempts to find a way to finally receive forgiveness and peace for themselves.  I hope that perhaps others who read this will realize that it's not over and the LBS does have the last word..........more or less.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#59: March 15, 2013, 07:42:59 AM
This is not a return story but a quote from Divorce Busting.

Quote from: KarenR
Hi, thanks for this post. Michele says that about 15% of couples that get divorced remarry each other.
KarenR is a coordinator for coaching.
And Michelle is MWD.

My comment to this is the following:

How many of the 85% dont want anything to do with their spouses anymore?
So to me it sounds like pretty good odds.

In the end you will get to decide.
And if you have not gotten the chance to decide yet - well that is because you are not at the end yet.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#60: April 01, 2013, 04:08:03 PM
Maybe some of us have not seen this story??
http://www.net-burst.net/help/breakup.htm

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#61: April 05, 2013, 06:54:08 AM
I just heard of a possible return story that those who posted on DB will appreciate.
It is for one of my friends Seeking Answers.

Here is the link and if more info becomes available I will edit this post.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=53040&Number=2336017#Post2336017
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#62: April 05, 2013, 09:27:13 PM
XYZ -  I believe your comment about it taking a "catastrophe" to come out of MCL. 

An MLCer who started another forum with his wife many years ago has always said that it takes a crisis to go into MLC and it takes a crisis to come out of one.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#63: April 07, 2013, 06:41:58 PM
Unfortunately we WE think would be the rock bottom we need they view like a pinball game and just roll to the next hit.  It is impossible to create or predict, IMO.  There have been dozens of things that should have woken ol' Hoss up that any normal person would have been moved by - deaths, foreclosure, injuries, business failures, lies from the OW - but yet, the popcorn is still popping over here for the next episode.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#64: April 07, 2013, 06:46:39 PM
the popcorn is still popping over here for the next episode.

At this point think I would prefer no more popcorn = crisis over. Enough is enough, right? At some point they must become normal human beings again and just hit rock bottom... Or so I wish...
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#65: April 07, 2013, 08:22:01 PM
I wonder what it will take... I pray for God to do whatever he must to open H's eyes, first to the Lord, then to what he has done to his family... Some of the things that have happened during these 3 months you would think would wake him up a bit... no... D18 holding his phone when a picture text of EA came through, been since Feb. 21 and she is still not talking with him - D17 car broke down and nobody could find H to help, one of his cousins had to come out to help her get her car towed - I was sick/passed out, taken to emergency room in ambulance - D18 purposefully got wasted and texted him telling him it is his fault, etc... NOTHING is phasing him, at least that we can see... there have been other things as well, but I'm just praying for the big whammy.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#66: April 07, 2013, 08:38:37 PM
Sharing a fascinating and encouraging story of a woman who stood for her marriage!  Start from the first post in the blog and follow it through to today - it will captivate you! 

http://www.standingformarriage.blogspot.com/
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#67: April 09, 2013, 09:10:42 PM
I just in the last few days heard of two different reconciliation stories. Unfortunately I heard both stories from recently widowed spouses as the discussion was about dealing with their spouses estate. I don't know any details - it was not the time to ask those questions - but both marriages had endured a separation and reconciliation some years before. The separations must have been for some time because in both situations finances and property had been split and bits signed over to one or other of the spouses. Anyway, like I said few details but definitely two reconciliation stories for this thread.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#68: April 09, 2013, 09:18:05 PM
I can look to my Mom for a R story. My Dad had an affair, they were separated for two years when I was about 6-8 years old and they reconciled and were happily married until my Dad passed in 2003. They had 45 years together. I don't think it was MLC, but still. They found a way. God will make a way.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#69: April 09, 2013, 10:10:56 PM
I put this on my thread a while back and forgot to add it to this one. A wonderful lady I work with had her husband leave her three years ago. Had the whole affair, monstering etc. Total shock to her. I told her about me and my man and she tilted her lovely head back and said in a laugh 'oh JB. he'll be back! don't you worry' She went on to tell me all about her and her hubby and everything she said was as if she was right here on this forum. He wanted her back last year but she said no. She said they are better the way they are now but she knows exactly what i'm going through. She said  to me'while you're heartbroken and sad nothing will change. As soon as you get your life back, show you're happy. He'll come running back. You'll see.'
She sent me the email below and i read it every day. It keeps me going. So good to talk to someone in the 'real world' who has gone through this and survived. She chose not to take her MLCer back but the choice was HERS!

Her email:
I know where you both are you are both lost but you will find each other again."love takes time" it is worth waiting for,the love you and MrJB have,  does not come everyday, thats why you will both find each other again.for me it took too  long,  so we lost each other along the way.your time apart will make your bond stronger , when the time is right, your both hanging by a thread but  it is strong enough to  hold you both.
                   MrJB is lost at the moment but he is on his way back, trust me. the day will come when i say  "told you so".   when my friend came over from u.k,she was going through the same thing, i said he wants you to be bad to him he wants a reason. I told her not to give him a reason to leave her, i told her even when she is hurting, still show him love, don't give him a reason to leave, I said leave the bird cage open  and let him fly, and if he loves you he will come back........
   he was back and now they are much stronger.  its the bitterness that ends a relationship not the love  xxx
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#70: April 10, 2013, 03:17:06 PM
JB

thank you for sharing this.  I needed to read this, today.  After almost 2 years, my husband is slowly, very very slowly started showing signs of wanting to come home. 
I did what you said, I let him go, stopped snooping, stopped complaining, just let him go.  You are right, once I did that, and acted like I didn't care what he did, anymore, he started to slowly crawl back.
We still have ways to go, but at least it's a start.  My New Year's resolution for this year "don't look back, only forward"

thank you for sharing this story :)

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#71: April 10, 2013, 07:05:16 PM
Quote
its the bitterness that ends a relationship not the love  xxx

What a wonderful story JB and I think this statement is so very true.

Quote
As soon as you get your life back, show you're happy. He'll come running back. You'll see.'

Oh how many times have we heard to make ourselves happy because until we are happy and have a life, they won't come back. 

thank you for sharing that email it is special.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#72: April 10, 2013, 08:43:13 PM
You're very welcome my lovely friends :)
I'm glad sharing it helps you as it does me.

stillhoping - that is great news! it's baby steps but it's a start.

Thinking of you all ♥
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#73: April 10, 2013, 09:53:39 PM
Friend of a friend--actually our children are the same age & this is a small town so I do sort of know them.  The couple are 45 - 50 yo, married +/-25 years.  Children in early 20's.

Woman mlcer--dressing younger, gym membership, sporty car, partying, then om.  The marriage was 'breaking down' she stayed with the h for a year or so [affair was fairly public], then moved in with om [with om 18 months as close as I can figure].  That was the last that I'd heard for a year.  Apparently 2 weeks ago she returned home.  No other details except the neighbour said she looks 20 years older.  Throughout her affair, her h pretty much ignored her; according to the neighbour 'treated her like a roommate'.  Don't know the truth of that. 

Like I said it's a small town & I will eventually get more details.  I feel like such a gossip.  :-[ ;)
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#74: April 11, 2013, 07:47:28 AM
I like this though and yet again leaving them alone to go through this detaching is a key here.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#75: April 12, 2013, 08:10:41 PM
I don't know if this was MLC or not but still a happy return story.  Beware of the surprise ending!

3 years ago I heard that a 73 yr old colleague (Mr. M.) had been apart from his wife for a long time and that they had reconnected.  His manager told me this and the words mid-life crisis came into the conversation with him joking that Mr. M. was too old to have a midlife crisis.

Shortly after I heard that, since reconnecting, Mr. M and his wife talk to each other everyday but he said they just can't live with each other.  Mr. M. has also talked to some colleagues about being in a very long and serious depression.  I really wanted to ask Mr. M some questions but I don't know him well enough.

Today I was sitting with him and commented on how I heard that he and his wife were apart for a long time but have gotten back together.  To my surprise he said, we're moving back in together next week after 20 years!  I was not expecting that...the number of years apart that is!!  Yikes.

OMJ
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« Last Edit: April 12, 2013, 08:16:22 PM by OnMyJourney »

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#76: April 15, 2013, 04:44:57 PM
Woman mlcer--dressing younger, gym membership, sporty car, partying, then om.  The marriage was 'breaking down' she stayed with the h for a year or so [affair was fairly public], then moved in with om [with om 18 months as close as I can figure].  That was the last that I'd heard for a year.  Apparently 2 weeks ago she returned home.  No other details except the neighbour said she looks 20 years older.  Throughout her affair, her h pretty much ignored her; according to the neighbour 'treated her like a roommate'.  Don't know the truth of that. 

About a week ago I was showing my D17 pictures of my W and I from when we were first started dating ~25 yrs ago. My D commented, "Daddy, you don't look much older now than ÿou did then." To which I said, "Do you think your mother still look young too?". My D replied, "No, Mummy looks a lot older now"

Yes, she does look older, tied and stressed...but to me, she still looks beautiful .
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#77: April 15, 2013, 06:09:33 PM
I was  at the chiropractor today and he was telling me a story of a couple he knew, both were very nice looking, had three kids and seemed to have a good marriage.The wife left and ran off with OM, married him. A few years later she told my chiropractor that there was something to be said for staying in marriage. She said she had made a big mistake. No idea where she is at now. Perhaps not MLC, perhaps not a reconnection story but we hear that many are not happy in their second marriages.

So MLCers, please loosen up and come home!
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#78: April 15, 2013, 09:59:08 PM
A female acquaintance who had, in her own words, an early MLC, and who is even reasonably happy in her second marriage (this isn't marriage to an OM that was part of the MLC) said that in all honesty it hadn't been worth it.  She said that if she had known then what she knew now she'd have stayed, and said that her now H would also have still been with his original family had he known.  That made me think that he, too, had done something like this. 

Her original H closed the door fairly quickly, so restoration wasn't an option. 
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#79: April 16, 2013, 12:55:45 AM

Like I said it's a small town & I will eventually get more details.  I feel like such a gossip.  :-[ ;)

its called research ;-)
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#80: April 17, 2013, 07:23:54 AM
Another return story although not a happy one. At my book club this evening, a friend was telling of her aunt and uncle. Apparently uncle had a long term covert affair, on discovery aunt kicked him out, he begged to come home which she agreed to. Unfortunately it is apparently a horribly unhappytoxic situation...she is bitter and resentful...clearly no forgiveness or trust so perhaps so accountability or remorse. Those things are key, I think, to the marriage surviving such a betrayal.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#81: April 18, 2013, 04:08:39 AM
My SIL told me a few months ago that her and my H dad had his own MLC.I guess he bought a motorcycle and my MIL found out that he had an OW.He had been giving her rides on the bike.MY MIL didnt take him having the OW,too well either and flipped out at the OW.
To look at this woman you would never know she was capable of having a temper like she had.
They did work things out and are still together today.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#82: April 23, 2013, 04:41:13 AM
I once worked with a woman whose H left her and her 2 young children for a period of time (not sure how long) and moved in with an OW.  H returned when he saw cruise brochures on my friends coffee table and when OW started talking about starting a family. They are still together and eagerly awaiting the arrival of grandchildren.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#83: April 24, 2013, 03:49:36 AM
an old friend of mine had his W leave for a guy in the church band who played guitar. They had a baby together, cant remember if they got married but eventually it broke up and she reached out to him to see if there was any chance of reconciliation. He had waited for her for years (4 i think) and just found a new girl as this happened so he wasnt open to reconciliation.
Well he married the new girl and she was a loonie and they broke up in a very short period and she took him for half of his house which she contributed very little towards. What a mess!!!

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#84: April 24, 2013, 05:13:17 AM
an old friend of mine had his W leave for a guy in the church band who played guitar. They had a baby together, cant remember if they got married but eventually it broke up and she reached out to him to see if there was any chance of reconciliation. He had waited for her for years (4 i think) and just found a new girl as this happened so he wasnt open to reconciliation.
Well he married the new girl and she was a loonie and they broke up in a very short period and she took him for half of his house which she contributed very little towards. What a mess!!!

He should have figured out his own issues while he was waiting and learned what drew him to those types of people to begin with.  It is sad that this happened to him twice.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#85: April 24, 2013, 05:24:15 AM
yes i dont think he had access to this type of site or the many other good ones. he was a waiter rather than a stander.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#86: April 24, 2013, 06:07:16 AM
yes i dont think he had access to this type of site or the many other good ones. he was a waiter rather than a stander.

The story still will inspire us to be a stander and to make sure we have done our work on our journey while our spouses go through their crisis.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#87: April 24, 2013, 06:39:09 PM
BennHurr,
My neighbour and her husband both taught in bible college.  He then left her (they had adult children) for the church music leader (he was the pastor!!) who is 20 years younger.  They have been married for I think 7 years now but according to son - law (also my neighbour) he does not appear happy.  They now pastor a church together  ??? ??? ???
It seems to me, some people get helped all the way along to do more damage.  Who knows how it may end in the future.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#88: April 24, 2013, 07:03:42 PM
Still Praying I certainly wouldn't want to be taught in a church by that man!!!!! How could he? How could she? I will never understand.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#89: April 24, 2013, 11:27:33 PM
Tonight I talked with my Pastor.  In that discussion he told me about a man who had come to him a few weeks ago.  The man and the OW had started coming to our church, well as the discussions went my Pastor told the guy he had the answer because the guy didn't want to leave the OW as he felt she needed him.  The Pastor told him he wasn't her savior and he had the answer he needed and should talk to the OW.  Well apparently the OW was saved one night in our church and had already decided that she needed to go back to her mother's home and stop living with the man.  The man didn't know this but went home to tell the OW that he shouldn't be in the relationship anymore to find out that God had already paved the way for him to leave.  He called his wife and found out that in the three years he had been away she had found God too and was praying with her kids for their father and husband.  When the man left the wife she had no interest in God and lived a completely different lifestyle.  He didn't think that she would even talk to him but called anyway.  He ended up going to see her on a Sunday and found out about her finding God and praying for him.  He apologized to his kids and to her.  They are back together.  He called the Pastor and told him he didn't know what came over him, the feelings he thought he didn't have for his wife came back almost instantly and they are happier than they have ever been.  They are both saved, they attend church and he is home with his wife and kids.  I don't know all the intimate details but this was shared with me as my Pastor understood my stand. 

He at first thought maybe I should hope H would file and I told him my reasons why I didn't think that was right.  I told him how I liked our church because we didn't do divorce recovery and I wished we would do marriage restoration.  He happens to be reading quantum glory which further describes the power of prayer, which I have been doing for a while now.  He fully understands why it is so important to work for marriage and he has a testimony from personal experience how a praying wife had a restored marriage and her husband was saved.  His advice now is to pray, don't give up and he is praying with me and getting others to pray as well. 
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#91: April 25, 2013, 06:41:28 PM
FindingJoJo,
What a great story with a great outcome.  Clearly their eyes were opened to the truth and they no longer live in denial.  Fantastic!!
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#92: May 23, 2013, 12:04:40 PM
Nice reconciliation story:  http://vimeo.com/5538490
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#93: June 22, 2013, 01:20:32 AM
Thanks for sharing these stories. Some are very inspirational.
 My H is trying to come back slowly after 2+ years. I finally got it out of him that he wants to come back. He would not admit it to me before that.
He broke up with ow before Christmas, didn't tell me that either. And since then has been being extra nice to me. I was getting confused, so I asked him what does he want from me.
He said he wants to stay married to me. But he knows it is up to me if that is what I want.  I told him we need to talk things out, he has a lot of explaining to do, and I am still upset about some things. I suggested counseling. He did not like that idea, but said he would think about it.  But sadly he is NOT ready to talk it all out yet. And several people here say it is best to let them be until they are ready.

So I was telling a Friend this story the other day. And she started telling me the same thing happened to her about 8 years ago. He H left saying he had to find himself, wasn't happy, wasn't in love any more, etc. etc. Just like all of us. He was gone 2 years. He came back one day crying saying he couldn't believe what he had done to his family. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He wasted 2 years with her and the kids. They are still together and happier than before. More romantic, more caring, and he appreciated her a lot more.
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BD 11-13-10
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6-2013 told me he would like to come back.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#94: June 22, 2013, 04:45:09 AM
Ibelieve.
Good to  hear from you.  I'm glad you got a straight answer to a straight question for once.  Glad your H is starting to see the light!!!
Don't settle for second best though.  Look after you now.
hugs,
SP
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#95: June 22, 2013, 05:07:37 AM
Ibelieve, thank you for sharing!!!  I am happy for you, if reconciliation is what you want.  I can imagine the road will be hard, but we will help you walk down it!  Thank you for sharing your friends story as well :)
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#96: June 22, 2013, 03:05:07 PM
Hi Stillpraying and Alwayshope,

It's funny that I have not just asked him to come home yet. It surprises me. If he would have done that the first year, he would be home right away, no questions.
But that was a desperate time. Funny how time changes us, and makes us stronger. I  appreciate all the help and advise I can get. You are wonderful!

Yeah, still in love with him, dang it  :o   But, I don't know about trusting him yet...I just bought a really great book called...

" I Love You, But I Don't Trust You, The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship" By Mira Kirshenbaum.


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6-2013 told me he would like to come back.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#97: June 23, 2013, 05:15:11 PM
Thank you so much for sharing your story! You are so right that God is using your story to touch others, as I am one.

I know that God has told me also to "wait." Like you it is not only my husband who is on this journey of change, but me as well. Sometimes I wonder if God has allowed this MLC to happen in order to get my attention and restore my walk and faith in him. Not to mention the work he is doing in my children's lives, as well as my H.

I also hear God telling me that I must be patient. One thing I think I've come to understand is God's definition of patience is a lot different from most of the human race. I feel it is a term that we often throw around loosely, but after some period of time most of us grow weary, think we have waited long enough and give up. Although I am human myself and at times feel discouraged and like I have hung in there long enough, God reminds me that his timetable trumps mine! So I continue to wait.
God has revealed that my story, like yours, will serve as a testimony to many. It actually already has. There are some friends who are "sitting on the edge of their seats," to continue to see what God is gonna do, and how this will all turn out.  And I'm so excited to witness the faces of those doubters, who believe my stand, despite me telling them this is God's biblical command to me, is just me grasoing at straws. I know that my God will be glorified when my husband returns to his family thru faith, prayer and belief.
Thanks once again for sharing your story! Praise be to God!
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#98: June 27, 2013, 12:58:17 AM
nice work ladies.
i will give my advice and you may take it or leave it.
some personalities both male and female cant cope with the counselling, the introspection and the probing into their lives and their mistakes. Some certainly are contrite and want to make things right but some are not.
I think its a good idea to search your own intuition as to what type of person your partner is and will they be a come home....show them the love they need and eventually they become incredibly grateful type or whether they need to continue to have that time apart to grow and essentially 'win' your heart back type?
to expect the first type to be contrite and self aware is unlikely to produce fruit.

were i a woman though i would want to take it slow and make my husband earn trust and respect. for eg dont rush back into sex (men dont like easy conquests) or fully embracing and lavishing your love like you may want to.
Love but with boundaries, complete acceptance but with a time perspective and patience. lots of nurture, care, touch etc but sex is for committed relationships.
If your husband doesnt like it then his intentions may not be honourable.

cheers ben
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#99: June 27, 2013, 01:15:00 AM
Bennhurr,

Thanks for that. Though I was thinking that it could hurt my decision in taking him back, if he did not want to go to counseling with me. I think that if he really wanted me back he would do what ever it takes...???
I am with you regarding earning respect and trust.. My h needs to work hard to get that back. And I'm not planning on rushing the sex either. Good advise.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#100: June 27, 2013, 03:14:16 AM
I posted this on my thread but will put it here too as I think it is a good verse and goes with what BH just wrote.

If she is amazing she wont be easy.

If she is easy she wont be amazing.

If she is worth it you wont give up.

If you give up you are not worthy.

x
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#101: June 28, 2013, 01:48:32 PM
Thought i would post this as many of us can relate to this..........there is no other woman present but everything else is present xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


An inspiring account of one woman’s determination
to hold on to her marriage against all the odds


                Summary: In this era of disposable relationships, Carol displayed the determined faithfulness that Christians should be renowned for.
                 For 26 years, Carol and Dave had a very special marriage. Then Dave inexplicably and dramatically changed. He became deeply embittered against Carol and finally walked out on her. His behavior was so obnoxious that many friends and counselors – even Carol’s fundamentalist pastor – counseled divorce. Instead, Carol continued to look to God. After almost two year’s separation, Dave returned home, yet still he avoided Carol, not even lifting a finger to help when she was totally bedridden due to cancer treatment. Drawing upon the supernatural resources of Almighty God, Carol fought natural feelings of resentment and prayerfully continued to persevere with the marriage.
                 Now, five years after the crisis began, Dave has undergone a painfully slow but vast improvement and Carol, displaying the very faith in God that has brought her this far, is believing that even greater things are ahead for their marriage.

        Carol’s story:

        I was married to a wonderful man who was my high school sweetheart. I shall call him Dave. We had three children who were his life and who had made us both very proud. Dave was an excellent father. We were Christians, very active in our church, and although we were opposites, we got along well, each of us enjoying very different interests. As he told me often, we had the best marriage he knew of and all our friends seemed to agree. Life had been like a fairy tale for me. I had no reason to believe that it would ever change.

        Then several things happened that, I believe, contributed to the midlife depression that hit Dave. First, he sought a promotion at work that he had counted on for several years. Someone else won the position although Dave was probably more qualified. Soon after that, a man who had been like a father to Dave passed away. After that our two oldest boys left home within a year of each other to go to college. Then our remaining son began to rebel and got into serious trouble.

        Dave soon became very irritable, which was totally out of character for him. In his eyes I could do nothing right and just the sound of my voice seemed to put him on the edge. He seemed to look for reasons to get angry with me in order for us not to speak to each other. He acted as if everything about me disgusted or repulsed him. He stopped doing anything around the house and tried his best to work extra hours so that he didn’t have to face me as much.

        I tried, time and time again, to talk with Dave. He refused to admit there was a problem and when I pushed too hard, he’d simply scream that I was the problem. He accused me of ‘going crazy,’ of needing psychological counseling, of yelling when I was speaking quietly, and blamed me for anything that went wrong during his day. He acted as if he would explode if he was forced to speak to me or look at me. It even entered my mind that he might try to physically hurt me; something I’d never have dreamed previously.

        One day he simply did not come home. I knew immediately that he had left me. Our youngest child was still at home, causing problems and his father exiting at this time only made his rebellious behavior worse.

        We did not hear from Dave for almost a month. I spoke to his best friend, in whom he confided somewhat. He said Dave had told him that he hated me, never loved me, never should have married me, and that the children never should have been born. His friend was as shocked as I was. I tried to give Dave space. Shortly, my sons came home for the summer and my three children went together to see their father at work. He told them he was embarrassed and that they shouldn’t worry because he’d be home in ‘a couple of weeks.’ He said some very harsh things about me. I was shocked to hear how he’d run me down to my own children. He would never have done that in that past.

        I tried to immerse myself in activities. I had a full-time job as well as a big leadership role in my church. I also spent much time working in a nonprofit ministry of which I was the director. Often, however, I was unable to concentrate. It seemed that everything I tried to do, even simple tasks, took all my effort. I began to spiral into depression. After a time, I could not control the tears and was almost afraid to go to church because I was sure to make a spectacle of myself. I felt as if I was standing at the edge of a black hole and a physical force was pulling me down into it. I was terrified of what might happen to me if I didn’t have the strength to resist it. I confided in my gynecologist, who immediately recognized the symptoms of depression and prescribed an anti-depressant. Within a few days I began to feel the benefit of the medication and soon I was able to handle my emotions better. I continued, however, to cry a lot. Tears were probably a blessing because, along with prayer, they were the only thing that seemed to relieve my stress temporarily.

        I began to read all I could find about midlife crisis but I found little written on the subject. I believe God led me to Jim Conway’s book Men In Midlife Crisis, Chariot Victor Pub. It saved my sanity to realize that this was something that had happened to others and that some had even survived it. Prior to that, I had no idea what had happened to my husband and could only see that he had become a monster. More about Midlife Crisis

        Dave hid from me, our children, and friends, becoming a workaholic, dedicating his life to making money. He was obsessed. It was hard for me to understand how he could even function through a day at work when he was so irrational each time I saw him. He was almost a double personality. Many people would tell me that he seemed just like the same old Dave to them. He only allowed those very close to him see his acting out. When he wasn’t working, he was holed up in his apartment in the dark, with the TV on, or asleep. He didn’t answer the phone or the doorbell. I tried to not bother him most of the time, sensing that he needed to be alone, but occasionally I could not resist checking on him to make sure he was all right. Usually he looked terrible: unkempt, needing a bath, a shave, and haircut. He aged greatly during this time. At times he showed signs of mania, announcing that he was having the best time of his life. He often said he felt 20 years old again, only much, much wiser. Sometimes he would extol his own virtues to the extreme (telling me that I’d never find another man as good as him, etc.) which would have been almost funny had it not been so alarming and out of character. At times he was irrational. Other times he was miserable and full of self pity and it was always my fault. He told the children that the reason he could not live with me any longer was that when we rented movies, I chose ones he couldn’t tolerate. He would often line the kids up and pace up and down in front of them, yelling the same things over and over for 30 minutes at a time. When I confronted him and tried to make him identify the problem, he would only say ‘You know what it is. Don’t act so innocent.’ I truly did not know what I had done and he never did tell me. I worried about him possibly considering suicide.

        Resigned to the fact that he was not coming home, I had divorce papers drawn up and presented Dave with them. He had agreed to meet me in a restaurant because he said it made him ‘uncomfortable to drive down our driveway.’ He would not answer any of my questions or discuss a divorce, but simply sat and grinned at me sarcastically while I poured my heart out to him. So I left him sitting in the restaurant with the papers and told him I’d contact him again in a month. When I did, he said he had thrown the papers away. I knew then that he really did not want a divorce. I also realized for the first time that he was no longer in control of his actions. I believe his mind was spinning and he could not stop the horrible thoughts he was having, however irrational they had become.

        Some men who reach this point realize there is something very wrong and are willing to go for counseling. Dave, I believe, realized there was a problem, but was terrified of it and also had a macho attitude which kept him from admitting it or seeking help. It was easier to blame me.

        Of course, I was not a perfect wife. Although I don’t feel I was the cause of Dave leaving home, there were still things about me that needed to be addressed and changed. I began to spend much time in prayer and in seeking God’s will. I went through a very painful process as the Lord started to show me myself – through his eyes. It was a time of growth and although I’d never choose to go through that trying time again, I would also not choose to change it if I could. The experience has given me great strength and God had the freedom to teach me so much because he had my undivided attention.

        I sought advice and help from all the normal places. I went to three counselors, all ‘Christian,’ who talked about my own self-esteem and helped me see there were things I had to do to take care of myself during this time. After a month or two, however, they spoke of ultimatums and ‘making a decision’ and ‘getting on with my life.’ Mostly they made me feel as if I was being a doormat. My self-esteem was not necessarily boosted by talking with them. I spoke to my pastor several times and he gave me some insight on the workings of the male mind. However, he, too, although a fundamental Bible-preacher, advised divorce because Dave had ‘committed emotional adultery.’ I decided not to consult my pastor again, nor the counselors. I pledged to myself to get my counseling solely from the Bible and from friends who took the commandments of God literally. I had to hang on to the Scriptures in order to continue to even function at that point.

        Grantley Morris was one of the lifesavers tossed to me when I felt as if I were drowning. Although his website had no information specifically about midlife crisis, there was much that I needed to hear – many words of comfort and instruction which were a great help to me. I believe God lead me to this website where I could learn much. We have never met in person, but Grantley was always available by e-mail, always advising me to wait on God, sometimes encouraging me to stop whining, and sometimes building me up in the Lord. God also provided some female friends who stuck by me. Although they were quite angry at the way Dave treated his family, they supported me in not going ahead with a divorce and encouraged me to understand my husband and pray for him. I have found in talking with other women in a similar situation, that friends like this are a rare commodity. Most of them get tired of hearing you whine after a few months and begin advising that you ‘get over it’ or ‘dump him.’ I had those kinds of friends too, but there were two saintly women who upheld me and counseled me to respect what God says in his word about the marriage vow. One man, Dave’s good friend, who had been a longtime family friend as well, also counseled me from a male point of view, always telling me that he believed Dave would return, and encouraging me to wait. I consider myself very blessed to have had such friends.

        Although I would never have considered myself a dependent wife, when Dave left, I was scared and alone. Often the pain was so great that I didn’t know if I could live. Many nights I would collapse on the floor, unable to word a prayer, simply crying out ‘Help!’ I was broken. He was my one true love. I had been married to this man since the age of sixteen. We met Dave while I was still in elementary school and we started dating in high school. Because Dave was in the military, we moved far away from both our families, after we married. We only had each other to depend on. I always felt I could tell him anything, and that he was my best friend. I didn’t worry about keeping anything from him, even my ‘ugly side.’ He knew me inside and out. Although not an open person by nature, he was able to share with me emotionally as well.

        Now there was no one who could help me other than God. I believe that the Lord finally had me where he wanted me – dependent only on him. I gained a great compassion for those who are hurting from marital difficulties.

        I began to exert sheer will in order to function physically. I became adept at many skills that I hadn’t possessed before. I learned how to fix a leaky faucet, and to replace the end on an extension cord that I whacked off while trying to trim an endless row of shrubs with electric hedge trimmers. I was very proud of such accomplishments because Dave had always handled them. I was proving that I could live on my own if I had to.

        Daily I was spending two, three and four hours with the Lord, praying, reading the Bible, or simply listening to God. Much of that time was spent outside, where I could be surrounded by nature. I also became great friends with our family dog, who I’d simply tolerated before. The Lord even used the dog to make me feel safe when I was alone at night. That pooch became a good friend to me and often soothed my loneliness by simply lying down next to me when she sensed I needed a warm body close by. All this was therapy for me. The Lord was very creative in providing me with strength sufficient to allow me to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

        After a while Dave lost his feeling of euphoria. He became depressed and full of self-pity. Whenever any of the family saw him, he bemoaned all that he had missed out on or lost because of us. (I was the major villain in his life, although at times he included the children.) He often went on long road trips, not telling anyone where he was going or how long he would be gone. We worried that he would get in an accident on the other end of the country and no one would know where he was.

        He went to great lengths to hide our separation from his family, who only saw us annually. He made up all kinds of stories to tell his parents so that it seemed he still lived at home. He also pretended to everyone where he worked that he still lived at home. Later, when that became too difficult, he said I lived with him in his apartment and that we were selling our home.

        When he left, Dave didn’t take a thing with him. All his clothes were left in the closet. He didn’t even have an extra pair of socks. After about six months, he began to break in to the house (I’d had the locks changed) and steal things. He even took the furniture off our front porch and stuffed it into a utility shed where he was living.

        During the next two years, he purchased a home, five vehicles, a big screen TV, furniture, expensive home appliances, and was considering a boat (he had always hated boats prior to this time). As nearly as I could calculate, he spent over $65,000 and maxed out all his credit cards. This from a man who had pinched pennies most of his life. In the meantime, he canceled my credit cards, closed our joint bank accounts, and refused to help me with bills. It seemed he enjoyed the fact that I might be suffering financially and had a need to punish me.

        Although he was away from home for almost two years, my husband never became involved with another woman. Typically, men with midlife crisis, seek comfort through an illicit relationship which only causes further pain for all involved. Dave had problems with impotence, which was probably a blessing from the Lord. I am told male impotence is a common problem for men who are suffering midlife depression, and some men set out to prove they can be a man with another woman, concluding that their wife is the problem. I suppose a few, like Dave, do not wish to take the chance of being humiliated in front of a new lady, so they simply shut down sexually. The sexual acting out can only make things worse. I thank God that I did not have to face that hurdle. The Lord promises in his Word that he will not allow any more hardship than we can carry. Maybe I couldn’t have handled that one.

        After two years of enduring what seemed akin to the death of my husband (he no longer existed as I had known him) I went for a mammogram a few months late. I was told I had breast cancer and that I’d need surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. I was in a daze to say the least. My sons came to my rescue and lent me the adult strength they had gained through this hurtful time. I decided not to tell Dave. I did not want to face his nonchalant rejection and would not have been surprised if he had laughed or said that I deserved cancer because I was responsible for his misery. However, my oldest son informed him and Dave came to the hospital about an hour before I checked out. I think he was waiting to find out for sure that the lump the doctors removed was definitely malignant before he showed up. I was too sick to care much if he was there or not, but he followed us home and stayed.

        If I had known then what I know now, I’d have probably refused him entrance into the house, but again, God was in control rather than me. After about a week, I was feeling much better physically and friends and family had left. Dave and I were alone. Dave retreated into a shell where he remained for nearly a year, improving only painfully slowly. He slept most of the time. He would go for days without uttering a word. Whenever we passed in the hall, he would step aside to avoid being close to me.

        I could not allow myself to be affected too deeply by all of this because I was in the middle of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I had to give Dave over to God and take care of myself. Several times I was so sick from the chemo that I went upstairs to bed for several days at a time. Dave remained in the house downstairs, never leaving, but not so much as asking if I needed a drink of water. Several times I had to call a friend to help me get to the bathroom because I was so weak and Dave would not or could not function. He was like a zombie.

        As I began to get better, Dave started to improve as well. His progress was very slow and sometimes I wondered if I was only imagining it. Significant family events helped Dave take tiny but important steps. Our oldest son, for example, did a very wise thing by including Dave in his wedding party. Not wanting to hurt me, our son asked my permission to include Dave. I struggled because my first reaction was that Dave didn’t deserve to even attend, but I knew this attitude was wrong. Dave’s participation was one of the things that said ‘you’re still a part of our family and we are ready to forgive and include you again.’ (Other examples.)

        Dave began to do little things that reminded me of the old Dave and eventually I was able to stop walking on eggshells around him and relax a little. I seldom pushed him because I was sure that God was to be the one to heal and change him rather than me. I knew that I had to be patient although it was difficult.

        For years he was unable to have any kind of physical relationship. Intimacy, whether emotional or physical still frightens him, but he is making great strides. I can only trust that God will bring him back 100% or better. I believe that when God restores, you usually get more than you had in the first place, so I’m counting on an even better relationship than our original one.

        Today Dave has improved to the point where he is nearly himself again. He does not talk about the bad times. It seems he simply cannot face them. Sometimes I think he does not even remember some of the horrible things he said or did. Maybe he just wants to forget. I continue to pray that someday he will do what the Lord expects of him and ask my forgiveness. It would mean so much to me. However, the Lord expects me to forgive as well, even before forgiveness is asked for. So I state to the Lord and to myself almost daily that I forgive Dave of all the hurt he caused me. I don’t always feel forgiving and I continue to experience bitterness at times. Forgiveness is a process – in my case, at least, a slow one. But if one prays and states it often enough, in time it will become complete.

        It has been nearly five years since the beginning of Dave’s midlife crisis, depression, breakdown, or whatever term best describes what happened to him. God has blessed my family so much that I am almost fearful. But I am grateful as well. Dave now wants to be with me almost every spare minute that he has. Although he can’t seem to talk about it, his actions speak loudly. I long to hear him say that he loves me, and for him to be romantic as in the old days. But I know, too, that love is commitment, not flowery words. I try my best to continue to wait on God for the fulfillment of his promise. And I thank Him daily for His grace.

        I feel impressed to tell my story because I know that there are many women (and men) who are facing this pain which seems to come out of nowhere to strike unsuspecting families who are totally unprepared to fight back. Many have no clue what has happened to their former husband or wife and simply assume they’ve changed into a monster. It is not an easy process to survive, but there is hope for families experiencing this crisis.

        On one of my dark days I asked God to please allow me to help someone else who would follow me in this process. I prayed that something good could come from it. God has already given me the opportunity many times, and now, through this webpage, He is allowing me to share with others. I am thankful.

        During the bad times, I cannot say God spoke audibly to me or that there was any miraculous occurrence or vision. I cried, I pleaded, I begged for God to give me a sign, to tell me what to do to fix things. (I am, like most women, a notorious fixer!) The only message I received was ‘wait.’ It was not what I wanted to hear. It was frustrating. Frankly, it made me mad and I often railed at God. However, it was crystal clear that it was God’s way and it was what was best for me. He always gives the best advice. I desire for another marriage to be saved through someone else reading this account and realizing that they too can be given the strength to wait for a family to be healed. God bless.

Yes this is one inspiring thing. most of the people will relate with it.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#102: August 15, 2013, 07:48:19 PM
Another update. A known to me MLC male dropped his OW after a long term affair (over 2 and half years out in the open to his friends, colleagues and his children and their spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends. Seen as a couple at parties).

It was his idea. Not hers. He is wondering aloud why he was with her. Last time I had seen them was 9 months ago. He glowingly commented how she was a perfect companion - called her by name and introduced her to other people as his girlfriend. I had even seen them driving together in a fancy convertible with the top down on a city street a few weeks later. The OW indeed was wearing a scarf flying behind her in the wind. Of course, I also laughed and at the same time cringed inside. It couldn't have been more textbook.

Last week, I heard from another person we mutually know, that MLC male *is considering* going *home*. OK not necessary a full return. Maybe this should have been an *awakening* story. But a huge change of heart compared to
his sentiment from 9 months ago.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#103: August 15, 2013, 08:10:41 PM
Standing in Patience,

Thank you for sharing this seemingly near return....hopefully. It gives my hope a boost....2 1/2 yrs. with an OW seems like a sure thing....I guess.  I'd like to know, if you know, how long had he been gone from "home"? And what is his status (divorced)?

Thanks again for sharing.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#104: August 16, 2013, 11:47:09 AM
Last night when I told a friend what had happened to us she shook her head and said "It's uncle Ron all over again"
Her uncle apparently had an affair in his mid -late fifties. Told every one that she was the one - abandoned his wife and children, set up home, spent money and "seemed quite mad!"
I asked her what happened... " Oh 2 yrs later he threw this other woman over - had a complete breakdown and 6 months after that with his wife and family. He became Uncle Ron again and all was well for the remainder of his life."

She had never heard of MLC but admitted that they all thought it was some sort of mid life challenge and left him to it!
Just a little more hope I think!
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Separated 2022 (my choice because he wanted to live alone) and yet fully reconnected seeing each other often.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#105: August 16, 2013, 01:40:29 PM
Thank you Songanddance.  I think the more stories of this nature that we all read really helps.  It certainly brings the glow back to my lighthouse beam as it seems to get very dim at times.  The hope is still there.

Thanks again!
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#106: August 16, 2013, 02:24:17 PM
Just been reading last weeks Take a Break magazine.

Story tells how couple had been planning their 25th anniversary and h went off for one of his beaks to race his little mg sports car it was a hobby of his, nothing unusual until his return when he tells his wife.

I cant do this any more, I have had enough, wife thought he had gone mad.

Long story short ow from his past who had also become a psychic, couple got divorced, some time later h wants back, eventually wife lets him but then he wants ow again, seems obsessed with her.

Ow finally accuses him of harasing her, he is arrested.

Ended up in court, h and wife are convinced ow has put him under some sort of psychic spell.

H says he did things he would have never done, said I divorced my wife for goodness sake, I would have never done that.

I guess they dont know about mlc, but they are rebuilding their marriage.

I know just in a magazine but a real life story.

Also wife mentioned him doing other things like spending ages getting ready to go out, when previously he took minutes, he also spent a lot of money and sold his beloved sport car.

I almost wanted to contact the magazine to tell the the couple what happened lol.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#107: August 16, 2013, 03:25:53 PM
 That sounds like a total MLC to me CrazyJ.

 Pumpkin continues to be shocked at her own behavior.With how she could have possibly done the things she did during her crisis.She sometimes looks at me and says,"My gawd..I moved out??","I told the Wingnut I would marry her??""I was wearing her ring?","WTF was I thinking??"She feels utterly shocked by her behaviour during that time.Completely floored that she behaved in such a manner.

 She once mentioned that it felt like a "spell" was on her at one point,so hey,maybe the psychic spell idea is not that far off!LOL!


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M-November,2010
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ILYBNILWY speech-Oct 2011
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Moved in and out 8 times before getting her $h!te together.

Reconnected November 7,2012
Reconciled,2013

 Big old sun is rising up
So elegant and thin
Another day is over
So a new day will begin
And the word said hey...
It's a brand new day

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#108: August 16, 2013, 03:44:47 PM
...he also spent a lot of money and sold his beloved sport car.

Poor guy, must be the only MLCer on earth who, rathen than bought it, sold a sport car.  ::) ::) ::)

Think MLCer, when they are out of crisis, can't believe the things they have done or said. I've seen it on my recovering wallower cousin. And cousin did little damage. Still, he cannot believe things he has said or ways he had behaved.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#109: August 16, 2013, 04:05:08 PM
LMM, this is an interesting story. MLCer and his W are still married. He can't leave her (aka can't "divorce" her because of his "religion". W also reiterated that "divorcing" is against her religion. Lots of talk about
going through a D but no one has initiated any action - to date.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#110: August 17, 2013, 01:30:11 AM
I guess if they already have the sports car they do the opposite lol.

Also he didnt like flying so their holidays had always been limied but had been making plans to go to Paris for their anniversary, he was going to try and do the flying bit for the special occasion.

Wife couldnt understand it when he went with ow on several holidays abroad, something they had never done.

Makes us left behind think they are doing these things for the other person, things they never did for us, when really they are just acting as total opposites.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#112: September 11, 2013, 10:37:17 AM
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#113: September 11, 2013, 12:30:27 PM
Thanks for the link to a great story...

I have some hope these days, catch up on my thread...

 http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3546.msg243712#msg243712

In Memory of all those lives lost and all the heroes of 9-11. God bless America!
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6-2013 told me he would like to come back.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#114: October 06, 2013, 03:31:37 PM
Just wanted to share some good news.....

After 2 1/2 years of him being gone and after 1 year of me completely detaching from his MLC, he told me last weekend, out of the blue, that he's ready to come back home. :o  He wants to come home and he loves me.

 Nothing else said, yet. I learned so much about detaching and when he asked me if I'd take him back, I waited a minute or two, looked at him and said "Of course, I want you to come home".   He held me in his arms the rest of the time he was here and then he went back to his place.   He is coming back when his lease is up in 4 weeks.   

 I know he will need lots of time to spill more, but I am willing to give him time.

He booked us on a cruise to the Caribbean, the day after Christmas, just the two of us.  A room with a balcony :o 8)

I don't even really know what to think, yet.  I am so far detached, I think I am scared to let my guard down.

Don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces, I'm just so scared to get hurt again. 

Wish me luck, ladies.  Here it goes...... 

Hope
BD April 2011
OW found July 11

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#115: October 08, 2013, 07:37:52 AM
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#116: October 11, 2013, 05:46:58 PM
My friend and his MLCer ex-wife have remarried.  They decided to do so on their original anniversary.

The story....

She left shortly after bomb drop to go back where she was originally from.  She divorced my friend about 8 or 9 months post bomb drop, and married alienator #1 a few months later.  Alienator #1 was her high school boyfriend who she had not seen in 25 years.  Their marriage lasted 18 months and she moved in with alienator #2.

She returned about 8 months ago and they have been rebuilding their relationship.  They remarried each other just a few days ago.  That's the scoop as I know it.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#117: October 12, 2013, 05:31:33 AM
DGU, you are the master of the concise post.  It all sounds so simple when you put it like that, but of course we all know it hasn't been.  I am absolutely thrilled that it turned out that way; I've been following that story since you first wrote about it, which must have been when the forum began.
I should have written it was 5.5 years from bomb drop until remarriage in their situation.  The basic time frame for their story is as follows......bomb drop to divorce was about 9 months, with marriage to alienator #1 about 3 months later.  So she married the alienator about a year after bomb drop. 

Married to alienator #1 for 1.5 year, then moved directly in with alienator #2.....which would have been about 2.5 years post bomb drop.  She lived with alienator #2 for two years, although she moved out on him twice for short periods of time....which takes it to 4.5 years post bomb drop.  At that time, she told my friend she wanted to move back near him and see if there was a chance they could work on things, which she did about 2-3 months later.  My friend agreed, though as he said.....until her SUV was in the driveway he wasn't sure if he believed it or not.

They got her a place to live not far from him and started rebuilding.  Their communication during the nearly five years she was gone was e-mail.  He had not physically seen her in 4.75 years, and had only talked to her by phone about a half dozen times, mostly just before she returned.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#118: October 22, 2013, 02:07:30 PM
I have a friend who maybe 4 years ago or less was downsized from her job in the States and had what we all thought was situational depression.  She even toyed with the idea of an affair with a man from our teenage years. (I think she did but just won't admit it)  Then about 2.5 years ago she ran away from her husband and child back to our home country.   I never understood what she was doing and when asked, her stories never really made sense.  Then my husband started down his path and I started to see the similarities between the two of them. 

She has gone back and forth over if she loved her husband or not. She rewrote history as best as I can tell. I could only tell from when they lived near me and I shared parts of those times with them. Otherwise I would not be really privy to the truth other than what she said.  She totally changed for awhile. She started living life very differently than the person she was before. She dated non stop and even "fell in love" all while not being truthful with her husband who remained standing back home. He  told her when she left that he would give her time to figure herself out and that he would give her one year. Well one year turned into more than that. She admitted at one point that she think she had some form of a mental breakdown that caused her to run back to her hometown and abandon her husband and child.  She too thinks she did nothing wrong as it had to be done to save herself.

She had many return visits to her husband and child under the pretense of visiting the child, holiday season. She gave them hope but then would leave and continue on her path.  She finally said enough at the end of the summer and decided that she could no longer love him in the way he wanted her to. In that conversation that she told me, she flipflopped on this decision multiple times.  Anyways, she forced the ending of their marriage at the end of August and the house is gone. He is now in a condo and the excess stuff sold, family pets given away.  It was hard on him and he was very worried about her.  She couldn't decide if she was happy or sad.

We had a falling out last month as I was upset about her attitude towards my feelings about my husband and dealing with my children on my own.  I sent a truth dart her way on her situation that she did not take kindly too. I was a bit rude in my delivery. I am sad to report .  Anyways last night I received a call from her.  She realized she screwed up and she called her husband to come home. She wanted her husband. He is the love of her life.  She wants to come home.  This is a first. She has never asked before. She would just show up.  This is different.  She is distraught. 

Her husband declined. 

I don't think this story is finished yet though.

This really made me think last night. It so came out of nowhere for me and I hope for a happy ending for these two together. Together they make a great team.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#119: November 01, 2013, 06:31:14 PM
I want to share a return story.....not sure it was MLC or not. I've mentioned my friend before in some of my posts. She and her ex divorced 15 years ago. He moved a much younger woman and her 3 kids into their house immediately after my friend left him. My friend and him had been married for 10 years and dated 5 yrs....so together 15 years. Strange how the 15 yrs. Seems to be significant. This was my friends second marriage. So, she didn't have anything to do with him for about a year after their divorce. He tried to communicate with her at first but she refused.  He finally got rid of the OW....he realized pretty quick that he had made a major mistake. I don't really think this was MLC....but maybe a midlife transition. My friend said her ex had started treating her pretty terrible prior to her leaving him.  Anyway, after the first year her ex called and asked her to meet him for dinner.  They have been "together" in a platonic relationship ever since....15 yrs......they did everything together as a regular couple....family dinners, vacations, holidays, etc. She has a married daughter and grandchildren from her previous marriage. Her ex never had his own family so her family is his family as well.  Her ex went through a "wild" phase....working out, buying speed boats, drinking, etc. all prior to her leaving and continued after she left but it got worse. So, now after 15 years.....they have decided to get back together more permanently. She plans to move in with him and sell her home. They are both retired so it just makes sense for them to live together and take care of each other. They have made plans to start traveling more. They have actually gone to the beach for a few days. She said she will take his last name back....but not sure about renewing their vows.  Regardless of whether this was a midlife transition or not....it fills my heart with so much happiness and love for them both.  I need to add that my friends ex had asked her many years ago to come back.....to live with him but she refused due to some other issues going on between them. They just decided to remain friends all these years.  He has changed...no drinking and he goes to Church with her (something he never did before). Also, my friend has changed as well.  She is no longer bitter or angry. I certainly don't intend to wait 15 years.....but it still gives me hope. My friend told me that my ex is going to wake up one day and realize what a great person he dumped....and maybe come back. One can hope and pray.


Edit - OldPilot
This thread has been cleaned up and the comments are on the thread listed at the top of each page. Again Please limit posts here to return stories only.

Comments for this post here
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3912.msg263105#msg263105
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« Last Edit: December 03, 2013, 05:58:58 AM by OldPilot »

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#120: December 10, 2013, 06:19:01 PM
I have another story to share.  I met. Woman last night who sounded like she was the MLCer.  Divorced her husband then dated a much younger man for a little over a year.  He actually died, but fast forward to three years later and now she and her exhusband are dating.

i told my MLCer this story and he just laughed.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#121: December 10, 2013, 11:07:45 PM

Hi everyone!
I told this story over on my thread and was asked to share it here with all. It really is inspiring and hopeful to all of us LBS out there. I hope you all find some inspiration with this little story.


Well, it's freezing here in California...lol...I'm sure I don't even know what I'm talking about when it comes to freezing! It's been about 26 degrees here in the a.m. No snow, just very cold! Burrrrr! I'm so spoiled with the sunny days here in California, when winter hits I just hate it. But we need it, we really need the rain here.
Anyway...I go to turn the heater on, and of corse it doesn't work! The house is so cold we are wearing coats and blankets on our shoulders around the house. So, I call my BIL, my sisters H, or shall I say ex H! I love this man! Anything I need, he comes running. But, I love him just for who he is too!
He has so much compassion for what I am going through, and so does my sister. He has been there for me, by my side, for anything I may need. He will be here tomorrow to look at my heater and hopefully fix for me. I am so grateful that my sis lets him run over anytime.

The reason for this story is that my BIL went into MLC several years  ago. He suddenly left my sister, got involved with 3 different women, was engaged to two of them, drank heavily and was clinger. He was gone for about 1.5 years. My S was devastated! Just like all of us! She hung on, just like all of us!
She would not give up on him, and today, and every day she is so happy she did not. They are happier than they have ever been. They get along better, and will re-marry soon.
When my H left me, my BIL was devastated...he tried to talk to my H he want to tell him that it isn't worth it, and he, my H wasn't having it. As a matter of fact...I think H told him that he has no room to talk! Something like that!
Well...now my BIL is getting a real understanding of what my sister went through, he makes it up to her every day. And, I think he is giving back, when he comes running to help me out. I can truly say he is a wonderful man, in spite of everything he has done to my sister, himself, and their daughter.
My sister often tells us...her biggest hurdle was forgiving him, but it had to be done. I have the greatest respect for her for all she gone through, and had the courage to forgive. She has never thought twice about her decisions to stand and forgive. I have learned many lessons from both of them, and as I called him this eve about my heater, it registered with me what a wonderful man he really is, deep down inside.
He became the typical MLCer, but he came back a better man, the same man, but a better man.
My sister also believes that his MLC happened for a reason, because they are much better in their relationship now, and you know what, I believe it! I see it! I am so grateful to have them both in my life.

I will have hope!
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#122: December 11, 2013, 11:22:13 PM
Beautiful Story BH, thank you for sharing.  Since this is close to you can you tell others how your sister acted during this time apart?

Hi JoJo,
I would be happy to share what my S went through. Now that I think about it...as I think about her actions, they are are not far off from the stories told here.
My S is very tough girl, she has endured a lot in her life, but nothing would prepare her for what her H did to her in his MLC. The one person she loved and trusted the most. They were, and, still are childhood sweeties! Lol
My sister was heart broken at BD, to say the least. She did the begging and pleading in the beginning. Her H would not hear it. She lost tons of weight, and went into depression. She remained strong because she had a young daughter to care for. When she found out about the 1st OW, she made her H move out of the house. He didn't want to but she forced him. She immediately filed for D and got it.
She even went to meet the OW at a coffee shop because she knew OW would be there when her D was with her dad. My S made it clear to her that she was "just temporary"!! LOL
My S said when she told OW this, the look on face was priceless.

Anyway, my S tried dating and it didn't feel right, she eventually went about her life, and got a life! She took care of herself, went out with her friends, got a FT job and started her own life. She had her ups and downs as to weather her H would ever return. I can remember getting to the point that she did not want him back. When her D was final we all gathered and burned her marriage cert in the fireplace  :'(. It makes me sad to recall that night.
He was a big time clinging boomerang. When he expressed to her that he wanted to come home 1.5 yrs later, she made it clear to him that he would have to prove himself to his family if he ever was to consider coming home.
She was tough on him, but she was also his friend, she took care of his bills for him each month as I remember. He was extremely dysfunctional at times and drank lots of alcohol. He jumped through many hoops for her so she would let him come home. They were good hoops though, hoops that made him grow up! He tells me regularly that "he feels like the luckiest man alive" that my S let him come home. I hope some of this helps and gives hope to others!

XXX~BH

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#123: December 12, 2013, 11:16:04 PM
Thought I would add, my brother is a very private person, not very emotionally intelligent, since h left he has been very supportive of me with regard to legal stuff. I don't think he relates to h's behaviour but when I was sad one time a while ago I said to my brother "he hates me B he totally hates me" my brother replied "he hates himself tt not you, he hates himself" ... That's coming from a pretty closed guy who has been through it. I hold on to that one. Hope it helps.

I have a few stories but I think I already posted about them a while ago. Let me know if it would be helpful to share again. Hugs tt xx
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#124: December 13, 2013, 11:40:29 PM
So, there's my brother and his partner, they are all sorted.

My best friend's h had a crisis around early thirties, not mlc but played out exactly the same. He started a masters degree and got so full of himself. He felt unhappy inside but was happy with course etc. so decided it was my bf that was making him unhappy. She had suspicions about a girl on his course, turned out he was seeing her. He was fairly honourable, didn't take anything from bf, she got to stay in their flat. She cut contact and thrived. After a while he slipped into deep depression, had loads of therapy, worked out his foo issues. Two years later ... To the day, they were back together, got married have two kids now.
My mil had a mlc at about same age as my h. She started an affair and disappeared every weekend and on holidays. My h was 13/14/15. Two years later she sat down with my fil and said "can we sort things out, I'm not happy living this lifestyle" he replied "you're too late, I've fallen in love with .... (She was a friend of both mil and fil) you need to move out and I want a D." So an attempt to return bit lbs had moved on.

A really good friend, two kids and h had an affair with a hairdresser! He moved out. She was left looking after two small kids and devastated. His affair lasted six months. He lived bachelor lifestyle for a while them had intense therapy. He was experimenting with different religions, had big foo issues. He was a total pain, didn't see kids unless he had to. We all thought he was awful (turns out my h comes out worse in comparison tests!!!). My h thought he was a gutless, non-man!!! Anyway, four years later he asks my friend if she would take him back! He said he wanted to say something 3 years after bd but didn't feel he could. My friend said no, she just couldn't imagine being with him again. She had lots of therapy which helped her. She's happy and an amazing mum, has a boyfriend.

My boss told me about her parents divorce ... Her dad had an affair with one of her second cousins or something. He gradually took things out the house, like the kids birth certificates. He was major crazy monster to my boss's mother. She was absolutely devastated. My boss was disgusted and didn't want to have anything to do with her father. Her brother and sister did keep in touch and years later her dad asked them "do you think your mum would ever have me back?" ... He had behaved so appallingly, there was no way. So yet again, the lbs had the say in the end.

I think from anecdotal evidence, it totally fits with all the research rcr has done and our experiences here. The good thing about these stories is that we have the full picture. Each one of those examples I have follow the mlc script, some individuals are temporarily bonkers! My friends exh, the one who had the affair with the hairdresser, I think he is pathologically selfish but his behaviour during those years post bd was definitely script.

Trust the process, I have found it so hard, but as I detach more and more it becomes clearer. All the lbs I know have worked on becoming bigger and better versions of themselves. They have healed and flourished and partners have worked through their crisis and realised the problem wasn't the lbs but themselves.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#125: December 14, 2013, 10:12:41 AM
Hi thank you for posting this return story it has given me renewed hope for my prodigal spouse and God the good shepherd finding the lost sheep (spouse/Black sheep/go stand in the naughty corner and face the wall type of sheep ha ha) but seriously it has both brought me to tears reading it and strengthened my belief in God and the sacred covenant of marriage,reading this has made me proud to be a Christian and be on the forum with all you kind,thoughtful,stressed,anxious,hurt,healing and lovely wonderful people,God bless you all.

Kind regards
Jackolar12
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#126: December 14, 2013, 06:13:07 PM
Thank you for posting your stories TT.  :)
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#127: December 14, 2013, 07:08:07 PM

The worst of my journey is finally coming to an end.

After 2 years and 8 months, he is finally coming back home.  He told me tonight that tomorrow, he is going to clean out his closet at our house and move his clothes back from his apartment.

Long story short.  He was a clinger, came home every weekend for a couple of hours.  After crying every day for a year and a half, I woke up one morning and decided to change.  I read everything I could about detaching, love languages, Men in MLC and at least 8 other books.  I got stronger by the day and he noticed.   I stopped asking where, when and why.  I lived my life as if he was never coming back, like so many had advised me. 

He asked me in January if I wanted him back. I said yes, but he was still seeing OW (out of state, once a month)

I went to Germany to see my family this summer, when I came home, he was at the airport, waiting.  He said he wanted to come home when his lease was up the end of December.  I just said ok and let it go; I had no expectations.

Tonight, we went out for a drink and he told me that he's going to clean out his closet at our house , so he can move all his things back tomorrow.  He's giving his furniture away.  He asked if I wanted it and I said, very friendly,  I don't think I want those reminders at the house, give it away.

He kissed me good night, said I love you and I told him I was glad he was coming back home.  He said "I'm glad to come home, too.

So, tomorrow is the day.  It will be weird, I know, but I know we will get through this.  Like they say, it will take time, time to come home and more time to adjust to the coming home.

We are going to see his mom for Christmas.  In 2011, he didn't go, in 2012, he stayed in a separate hotel room, this year when I asked if I was staying in a separate room he said :why would you do that, you're my wife :o 8).   

He booked a 5 day cruise for the two of us to the Cayman Islands.  He said I got us a room with a balcony so we can have breakfast there in the morning  :o  We are leaving the say after Christmas. 

I'm still afraid to let myself love him the way I did before, but I hope with time, that too, will come back.

I wish everyone the best and thank you, to all my forum friends who have offered me so much support and a shoulder to cry on.

Stillhoping
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2 D 20, 24
BD:  April 2011
moved out May 2011
OW (out of state) confirmed July 2011 (sent me a text, meant for her!!)  ex wife-married 1 year
Clinging Boomerang
2/2013 - says wants to come home, but needs counseling, first

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#128: December 14, 2013, 10:19:58 PM
OMG Stillhoping,
I'm so glad I saw your post tonight! So happy for you!

 :)
Beautiful Heart~
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#129: December 15, 2013, 04:49:34 AM
Thank you, Beautiful Heart

I need the good wishes and your time will come, too.  Just be patient, no matter how hard it is, it will pass and things will eventually get better.

The best advice I can give is to detach from all the madness and let them deal with it on their own, don't get involved, don't take it personal, because it's not. 

best wishes!

SH
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married 26 years
2 D 20, 24
BD:  April 2011
moved out May 2011
OW (out of state) confirmed July 2011 (sent me a text, meant for her!!)  ex wife-married 1 year
Clinging Boomerang
2/2013 - says wants to come home, but needs counseling, first

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#130: December 15, 2013, 06:08:36 AM
omg that is so good i am so happy for you and i send you love and best wishes too hugs hdic xx
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#131: December 17, 2013, 08:24:26 AM
StillHoping,

I am so so so happy for you!  I hope you have a wonderful vacation. God bless.
My prayers and thoughts are with you.  Your story is just what I needed to hear this morning.
BIG HUGS
Sha:)
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#132: December 17, 2013, 06:32:31 PM
Having now seen this in my own life and read about MLC I recognize this in a friend of mine..

They were married 17 years have 3 children. During pregnancy of last child she was having affair. I didn't know this until after birth of baby. Anyway, she was my friend and though she new I didn't agree,  I continued to be her friend. I always encouraged her to leave her husband or stop. Of course she never really listened.

Long story short. She had two very controlling boyfriends during marriage. I'm amazed at the relationship they carried on for years. Second OM lasted at least 3 years, his wife finally found out told  my friends husband.
However in between times my friend quit her job ( because she was going to get fired for using work computer to talk to boyfriend)  to start a "dream" business. This was her way of making time for affair. She never worked and was running the business via phone. It obviously didn't make much money.  She did got in trouble with IRS. Owed a lot of money.

Ok so both couples get divorced.. The affair ends. Imagine that? Anyway friend is still searching for happiness after divorce.. Starts an affair with another female. This is where I continued to pray for her but we no longer "friends". The female is just as manipulative as the men except she was better at making it seem love.

Ok so she finally sees this for what it is..or so I thought. Husband had dated during time apart. ( MLCer didn't like this at all! Amazes me, really.) however, he still wanted his family intact. Year after divorce we packed her stuff and moved her back home with husband.. He caught her lying one time and he moved out!!

I do honestly believe she wants to be there but she hasn't made her way all the way through the tunnel. Husband of course doesn't understand anything about MLC he just sees it as affairs and he is hurt. I do believe he wants her but is scared with good reason..

So there is a case where I think they want to return but may be too late..   
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#133: December 17, 2013, 08:52:19 PM
Thank you, Beautiful Heart

I need the good wishes and your time will come, too.  Just be patient, no matter how hard it is, it will pass and things will eventually get better.

The best advice I can give is to detach from all the madness and let them deal with it on their own, don't get involved, don't take it personal, because it's not. 

best wishes!

SH


Oh StillHoping,

Thank you for the words of encouragement! You made my evening. It was a challenging day today, and I needed to hear something good. Keep posting so we can all follow along. I'm just so happy for you!  :D

BH
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« Last Edit: January 06, 2014, 05:41:32 PM by OldPilot »

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#134: January 06, 2014, 01:55:33 PM
I tutor a teenager with Asperger's syndrome on the weekends, but requested a break from it when this whole thing happened.  When I was explaining what happened to the mother, she told me a story about her own MLC.

Approximately 4 years ago (when she turned 41), she said that she went through a MLC.  She said that she started to feel resentful towards her H and that he didn't give her enough attention and affection.  She said that she contacted her ex bf (from 18 years prior) in the US (we live in Canada), and started an EA with him. 

Side note:  I was tutoring her son at the time, and I vaguely remember this time because she would say the weirdest things to me, and I thought she was the biggest crazy weirdo.  I remember one day specifically; after I had tutored her son, we were talking outside about his progress and in the middle of our conversation she blurts out, 'If it wasn't for son, I would've packed up my  bags, moved to Florida, and met a guy down there.  The only reason I stay here is because son has Autism and it is better for him to be here where there are free services for him'. :o :o :o :o :o  I remember nervously laughing it off, as she was clearly married and I didn't know why the heck she was telling me that!  We weren't talking about anything like that  :o :o :o :o  I remember telling my H and he said, 'What the..?' :o :o :o

Anyway, I didn't bring those times up while she was telling me her story recently - I just listened.  She continued on and said that after a couple of weeks she quit her high profile job in Toronto and packed her bags to leave - planning to leave her son behind.  I had to interrupt when she said that because I KNOW this woman loves her son sooooo much and would do anything for him.  She said that she didn't know what the hell came over her, but that, 'MLC is real... TRUST ME, Sha!'.  She said many times, 'I don't know what the hell I was thinking'.  Anyway, her H begged her not to go and she agreed to stay, but did not want to.  In thinking back, I DO remember there being EXTREME tension in their house for a while, during the time she was mentioning.  I would say that things have been better in the last two years.  She told me that it is a work in progress, but they are now in a much better place.  She is definitely telling the truth, because I hear them all the time when I am tutoring... much more loving and sweet to each other.  I guess her crisis was approximately 2 years (or 2 years and a bit).  Funny, she tells me not to wait around.. I reassured her that I am not 'waiting' but 'living' while healing.  When I asked her why she would say that, she said 'Men are different than woman - I stayed because I knew how much it would hurt my son and what it would do to him - he wouldn't be able to handle it with his autism (Note: I can see how she would think that - I don't know what he would've done) and me & H just happened to eventually work through it'.  She also said, 'A man who leaves may not come back'.  I guess that is her thought on that issue.  I believe that God will guide my H though this someday, and I hope to be there.  Only God knows what will happen and I am okay with that. :) 
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« Last Edit: January 06, 2014, 02:02:09 PM by Sha10613 »
The creator can create happiness in your heart :)

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#135: February 07, 2014, 02:57:06 PM
I was told this story today by a friend at church. She heard from a good friend who lives out of state. Her girlfriend has been divorced 5 years after a 17 year marriage. She did not want the divorce. I do not know if there was an OW.

A month ago her ex h called her out of the blue and stated that he had made the worse mistake of his life. He wanted to know if they could start seeing one another. She has agreed to see him but has told my friend that she would never marry him again. They are both coming to visit my friend in the near future so I may get to meet them.

I'll keep you updated.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#136: March 21, 2014, 09:35:16 AM
If you stay, how do you ever get over it.  I don't know what to do, I stayed but I am trapped in my own depressive thoughts. 
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#137: March 21, 2014, 10:54:13 AM
If you stay, how do you ever get over it.  I don't know what to do, I stayed but I am trapped in my own depressive thoughts.

I think that the only real thing we can do if we stay is to build a new life, focus on who we want to be and work towards that.  Our thoughts are our own to control and when we determine what we want and go for it (that is not just our spouse home at all costs) we truly do heal and begin to live again.  The key is to really live and have a fulfilled life.  The sad reality for us is that yes we are hurt, depressed, angry and with good reason but to be whole again we must work through those issues and we get to do it alone.  No one wants to be around a sad depressed person.  For me I realized that and honestly I don't like being around my spouse when he is depressed it is a drag, so I can see how they wouldn't want to be around us if we are depressed.  I know it doesn't help but that is just been my experience.
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http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6740.0

Time is on our side, use it to thrive not just survive.
:)
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...  Romans 12:2
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H 36
M 13
T 15
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BD #2 May 2, 2012

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#138: March 22, 2014, 08:00:22 AM
I listened to this interview on CNN earlier in the week. It has absolutely nothing to do with MLC, but more so with the power of positive thinking to overcome devastating & traumatic experiences and how to overcome them.

New reporter Miles O'Brien Opens spoke about going To 'Dark Place' after losing his arm in an accident.

"To me there’s two choices: you can either look at it as yet another challenge in life, something you need to overcome, or you end up in a very dark place," O'Brien said. "I didn’t like the dark place when I went down that road briefly. So I’m going to stay on this road and work on the challenge."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/20/miles-obrien-arm-amputated-depression_n_4999190.html
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On many long journeys have I gone. And waited, too, for others to return from journeys of their own. Some return; some are broken; some come back so different only their names remain.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#139: March 29, 2014, 01:26:16 PM
I'm starting to see MLC everywhere too. Films, books, TV but it is never named.

Last night I saw an old colleague and chatted about his ex. Ten years ago she left suddenly with the builder who was working on their house. She was depressed and put all the blame on him. She's still with the builder and drinks like a fish. Never confronted her depression but wishes she never left my friend. He is newly engaged and she is very jealous. He says being with someone 'normal' is a breath of fresh air.

In the village I lived in five years ago looking back it happened to three mums I knew.
One ran off with someone he was fitting a kitchen for
One was pretending he was working nights as a courier but seeing OW-business was ruined
One was seeing OW secretly, left wife, came back and got her pregnant then saw OW so wife kicked him out. All three spouses sold house and did not forgive

Two couples had a transitioning H I think. One addicted to online poker and going to motor races. One depressed with job and they almost split up but worked through it and moved to another town with more prospects-ok now.

FIL was depressed for seven years and had breakdown and affair which became a sexual harassment case so left his job. In the meantime step MIL started chatting online and met a man in Australia who she ran off with and is now engaged to. Crazy stuff from a bank manager and ex Army Sargent!

Wish I'd been aware of what it was from day one
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#140: April 07, 2014, 12:33:16 PM
this story gave me so much inspiration! I too struggle for my ex H to come back to me and he will thru GoD's unimaginable GRACE!!  thanks sooo much for your story!! :'( ;D

BD 10/12/2013
Divorced 12/23/2013
Waiting on GOD!!
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M-52
H-58
D24,21,19
BD-Oct 2013
D final 12/2013
Married OW
He loves me and misses me...sure
Vision is not seeing things as they are but as they will be
There is nothing that I can say or do to hurt him, I will have to wait for life to do the job for me

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#141: April 07, 2014, 03:52:53 PM
these stories are so inspirational... Thank GOD for this forum!! I have hope!! ;D 

M-52
Ex H 58
BD10/12/13
D 12/23/13
with OW since 2012
will marry sometime this year
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M-52
H-58
D24,21,19
BD-Oct 2013
D final 12/2013
Married OW
He loves me and misses me...sure
Vision is not seeing things as they are but as they will be
There is nothing that I can say or do to hurt him, I will have to wait for life to do the job for me

nah

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#142: May 20, 2014, 07:49:07 AM
What gives me hope is i know of several return stories-

My FIL left MIL for three years (there was an ow-i think a family friend) when H was in 5th to 8th grade (husband only recalled details after he left me).  They are still married but FIL had a stroke and completely lost his memory (trigger for BD)

My Father cheated on my mother for several years.  He did very well financially but lost his business and left my mother and asked for a divorce.  The ow was a "younger version of my mother".  Only one brother (out of 5 of us) still talks to him, it has been about 20 years.  My H at the time told my mother that he couldn't understand how any man could abandon his family and he would never do such a thing.  Anyways, the first thing my mother said when i went crying to her the day after BD was, "he will be back, just wait, they always try to come back".  Turns out, 3 years after my father left, my father tried to come back and my mother said, "no way".  I never knew.

My best friend from HS, said her husband spent 5-6 years in the basement and would not talk to anybody (classic wallow-er).  I never knew they had problems until she told me after BD.  If she wasn't a strict Catholic they would now be divorced.  She said he slowly reconnected and now they are happier then before his MLC.

10 years ago the wife of my husbands best friend left him and their 2 year old son for her boss.  My husband was furious at her and called her all kinds of names.  We were both in their first wedding and our daughter was their flower girl.  They got a divorce.  Two years later, he came home and she was mowing the lawn.  They are now remarried.  I talk to them all the time.  She said, she doesn't remember alot of what she did and said but she knows "at the time, i was a horrible parent".  She remembers driving to a concert to met her boyfriend and just thinking "what am i doing?".  At their divorce her husband gave her a card that said, "this is your time, do great things and be happy".  He was never mean and she said she went home and cried that day but still continued on.  She just couldn't help but keep comparing the om to her (then ex) husband.  They said reconciliation was extremely hard but they are in a weird way glad that it happened.  Their marriage is much better the second time.
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H-55
me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#143: May 20, 2014, 12:10:09 PM
My own father left my mother in 1984 and returned 27 years later. He did everything he thought would make him happy, sponsored disadvantaged children around the world, went all around the world, and remained connected to us in his head. Never stopped thinking about my mother. At the time he left, he said nothing would hold him back, he had to leave no matter what. We were totally devastated as a family. My mother started drinking and realised after a while it was not going to help her heal. She let him go, he even went as far as serving her with divorce papers. But did not go further. He knew he wanted to come back but something prevented him and he does not know what. He regrets what he did everyday, to her and to us. He recently bought her a new engagement ring and wedding ring. They truly deeply love each other... Their relationship is fab! But very different...
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M:1994
BD: 31st Dec 2012..Happy New Year!
"I want a new love, I want to take risks, I want a new relationship with the kids"...thanks, what's wrong with the one you had???

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#144: May 20, 2014, 03:31:05 PM
Quote
My best friend from HS, said her husband spent 5-6 years in the basement and would not talk to anybody (classic wallow-er).  I never knew they had problems until she told me after BD.  If she wasn't a strict Catholic they would now be divorced.  She said he slowly reconnected and now they are happier then before his MLC.

NAH, I loved hearing this one.  I have a wallower who has been in the basement now for a little over five years.  He keeps to himself, doesn't interact much with us even when he is home.  If it weren't for my faith, I doubt we would still be married.  He threatens to leave periodically but so far hasn't followed through.  Not saying he won't at some point, but this story was good to hear. 
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SSG

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#145: May 25, 2014, 12:32:48 PM
My own father left my mother in 1984 and returned 27 years later. He did everything he thought would make him happy, sponsored disadvantaged children around the world, went all around the world, and remained connected to us in his head. Never stopped thinking about my mother. At the time he left, he said nothing would hold him back, he had to leave no matter what. We were totally devastated as a family. My mother started drinking and realised after a while it was not going to help her heal. She let him go, he even went as far as serving her with divorce papers. But did not go further. He knew he wanted to come back but something prevented him and he does not know what. He regrets what he did everyday, to her and to us. He recently bought her a new engagement ring and wedding ring. They truly deeply love each other... Their relationship is fab! But very different...

Wow Patience...gone 27 years!  That must be a record.  Amazing how your mother made it through all those years.  So happy to hear about the rings...it probably did not help you and the rest back then, but nice it all came back together.

SSG
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Even if you are the minority of one, the truth is the truth.   Mahatma Ghandi

Together-17 years
M- 15 Yrs
BD- June 24, 2013
Affair began May 2012
moved in with OW August 2013
Aug 2014, H diagosed with terminal cancer
H filed for divorce Sept 2014
H Died 3 March, 2015

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#146: May 25, 2014, 12:36:06 PM
SSG, he's on lucky man, and he bloody well knows it!
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BD: 31st Dec 2012..Happy New Year!
"I want a new love, I want to take risks, I want a new relationship with the kids"...thanks, what's wrong with the one you had???

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#147: May 30, 2014, 11:06:03 PM
WAS or MLC either way he returned.......sort of

My BIL always preferred the company of women to men. He enjoyed football and going to the local pub.  My SIL found out he'd had an affair, he moved out for a while, maybe 3-4 months, they had two boys 12 & 8.  She took him back, against all family wishes.  About a year later  SIL found out he was seeing someone and he left again.  He had FOO, mum was alcoholic, he didn't get on well with stepmother, issues with his sisters & drugs.

He hated my SIL dating and wouldn't let her have anyone in the house.  Eventually he paid SIL half the house and she moved in with new partner, approx 6 years after he finally left. He kept the family home for a while, but didn't live there, he rented it and lived with a male friend.He abused drugs and lost the house. He became homeless, for a year he slept on MIL floor because SIL asked if he could. Now.....he rents the box room in SIL house.  He says she was the best thing that ever happened to him but not sure if he has ever shown any remorse.  SIL is still in relationship and lives with her new partner, who IMO is incredibly easy going to have him living there, they actually get on really well.  BIL (now 50) has a g/f and has always called mySIL first when anything has gone wwrong with relationships.  They are NOT divorced.

I used to think my SIL was a fool, until I walked in her shoes.  Not sure I would let H live with me if I had a new partner though.  But I don't judge, or try not to anymore, no one knows pain like their own, except for other LBS.
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M: 2001   T: 1996   
BD- June 2013  - Left Oct 2013
OW - yes - 21 yrs younger
D: Friday 13 Jan 2017 - I initiated
Married OW 1 Jun 2017
Done

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#148: May 30, 2014, 11:22:47 PM
I have another return story too, no details though. Just my boss mentioned yesterday about a friend of hers:  "they split up for a while but they're back together".

That's all, although she did mention that its hard work especially for the wife who was the LBS and she feels that she and her husband, as a happily married couple themselves, need to be part of the reconciled couples social environment. I think that's really nice, I think it does help marriages to be around other couples who believe in the importance of marriage.
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BD Dec 26 2011
M April 1990, D October 2014
D21, D15

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#149: June 25, 2014, 02:42:24 PM
Met an "old" acquaintance/friend at a boring AGM tonight and she didn't know my sitch until she said " oh give my love to H"
I just told her in one sentence and said It's mid life crisis and it's real.
She looked at me and said "I had that" - and this is her story.

She is now in her mid 60s.   
At the time of MLC she had been married to her H for 30 yrs. Just after her 50th birthday her mother died. She couldn't cope and eventually in  her depression took to the bottle. Eventually she wanted out BDd H and she and H divorced . Her words " I floundered , stopped drinking but knew I was in hell"
She then met someone else - married him. He owned his own house but made her pay rent even though there was no mortgage. He trapped her and wouldn't let her socialise. He put her life on hold. "I don't know what made me think I was happy with him" She left him and lived on her own.
Ex H also remarried. Then 5 years ago exh's mother died, she went to the funeral. She was in a dark place still but on her own. Ex H turns up 3 weeks later.  They started an affair - but divorced new spouses very quickly and re-married four years ago.

"I will always live with that dark time - I will never forget it but now I know that H and I are happy and it's been such fun starting over again, but we haven't had to start again - we have just grown. "
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BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017.
Separated 2022 (my choice because he wanted to live alone) and yet fully reconnected seeing each other often.

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#150: July 02, 2014, 05:14:36 PM
Just explained my sitch to someone at work and he mentioned they he has friends that went through a possible MLC and they are still together.
Apparently the guy was in his early 30s, had some FOO issues that caused him to have a "confused" childhood. They were happily married and then suddenly he decided he didn't want to be married anymore and left for 18 months. Apparently he "snapped out of it" suddenly and thought "what the hell am I doing???" and went back to the wife. They've been happily married every since. That happened about 5 years go.  :)
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#151: July 08, 2014, 01:09:51 PM
I myself went through this 18 years ago with my h. He snapped and left me for OW they lived together out son was 3 at the time. Took me 2 years to divorce him we were both 26 then.
He had came back and left several times during those 2 years.

I finally divorced him and started to move on when 2 months later XH came to the house and I told him he did this leave we are divorced. He leaves then comes back an hour later and knocks on the door again and said our son broke his arm and we left for the hospital and H came to stay with me and help with our son and he stayed home from then on.

During the time after the divorce we lived together and had another child a D 2 years later.
Continued to grow and be happy and he finally asked me to marry him again in 2004 on the same date as our first wedding. It was romantic and amazing.

Trust was there and we were happy and in love and took a honeymoon every year the 2 of us.
In early 2012 he started to act different and was't as close or loving and just didn't seem happy. We went on as if we were fine and in August 2012 his dad was diagnosed with cancer... our son was graduating in 2013. H got a promotion and we were in debt.
All of sudden he stopped talking to me asked for space. I knew something was wrong I had been through this before and I knew the signs of OW... I did some checking and sure enough there she was... An old friend of his that he cheated on me with before we got married the first time. Only I just found out about it January 2013... so it was new to me.

long story short. I got sick spent time in the hospital he never took care of me he blamed me for everything wrong in his life and said he loved me but not in love with me and wasn't sure he was ever really  happy... He was always gone and May 2013 he moved to the spare room with no explanation at all... It crushed me. I started going back to church and asking God for help. I would ask strangers to pray for us and tell my story and they would check on me through my work to see how we were. Customers would ask all the time how we are.

It was so bad and the monster spew was horrific. After dealing with his no feelings and no heart and rude comments and lying ALL THE TIME. I finally filed for divorce when he looked me in the eye and boldly said I DON"T LOVE YOU AND I WANT A DIVORCE... I broke and finally filed. He had threatened me for 6 months to divorce but he did nothing about it... I took the leap and did it.

Once I filed he backed off the OW for awhile but started talking to her again... he started being mean and rude again and he didn't move out. That was April 14-2014 and May 31st 2014 I caught him at a bar with the OW I pulled in and we had it out... cops were called and the following day he tried to make excuses but I could hardly even talk to him... I WAS DONE... I filed an order of protection on him and for the first time in 2 years I was able to breath and not be scared of what he was going to do or say... I took a moment for myself to find me again because the way I acted that night wasn't me and I hated the him and her made me like that and I let them.  H as far as I know hasn't been in contact with OW since that night. I dropped the order of protection and put the divorce on hold.. He is a little angry that I filed for both but told him I had every right to and he agreed.

Since that night H called the pastor the same man who married us the second time and said I am finally ready to talk... THANK GOD....He has since met with the pastor on several occasions and he and I haven't fought since the 31st of May. We communicate and we laugh and visit and its a great feeling.
I told H that I don't want a roommate I want a husband and the door is open only when he is ready to be my husband. He told me last night he is scared he will be coming home to a hornets nest. I told him I understand but the day I filed that order of protection I let go of the anger.

So he can take his time to work on himself because I told him while he is away I will be doing the same thing. I told him I don't want him back broken but I am here to help him for whatever he needs..

Are we working on our marriage? YES we are finally and I am looking forward to having him back. So this happening twice in a lifetime stinks but the blessing once its over is AMAZING...

No matter how hard it is and how discouraged you get God is still in control. I have my bad days but I is 4 bad years worth throwing away or giving up on 18 amazing wonderful years.... Not to me. 
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Loving unconditionally is a choice you must make daily...

MARRIAGE IS MADE IN HEAVEN...SO AREN"T LIGHTENING AND THUNDER. Oh what a CRAZY storm we are in.

M 94 D 98 remarried 2004
S19 D13
BD Feb. 2013
OW 2013
I moved him out June 2014
OW yes.  Fat buck tooth sloppy wh@re
H in counseling with Pastor. Reconnecting some

P
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#152: July 08, 2014, 01:24:43 PM
Your post really lifted me, just what the doctor ordered. And I truly am sorry you had this twice...wow, you are exceptional to withstand this as you have done.
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M:1994
BD: 31st Dec 2012..Happy New Year!
"I want a new love, I want to take risks, I want a new relationship with the kids"...thanks, what's wrong with the one you had???

M
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#153: July 08, 2014, 01:35:31 PM
thank you PG. We have a long way to go as I think h is still in the tunnel but I have a tunnel of my own I need to get through.
I always say God didn't bring him back the first time and us remarry for him to be taken away again.
This is just a huge bump in the road and maybe just maybe I need a wake up call as well. There is always room for improvements I just wish it didn't have to be such a drastic crash to make them lol.

I am a believer and I am a stander and I have Faith that God is most certainatly working on both of us... Nothing is final even if the dovirce goes through....
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Loving unconditionally is a choice you must make daily...

MARRIAGE IS MADE IN HEAVEN...SO AREN"T LIGHTENING AND THUNDER. Oh what a CRAZY storm we are in.

M 94 D 98 remarried 2004
S19 D13
BD Feb. 2013
OW 2013
I moved him out June 2014
OW yes.  Fat buck tooth sloppy wh@re
H in counseling with Pastor. Reconnecting some

P
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#154: July 08, 2014, 02:20:32 PM
I agree so totally, and I hope and pray it all works out
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M:1994
BD: 31st Dec 2012..Happy New Year!
"I want a new love, I want to take risks, I want a new relationship with the kids"...thanks, what's wrong with the one you had???

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#155: August 20, 2014, 01:27:00 PM
I had to add this to the Return Stories.  My sister was best friends in high school with a gal I shall call BF.  I never really knew BF.  Last weekend, my sister told me that BF and her husband had divorced after 16 or 17 years, and he went back to his first wife!   :o  I asked my sister if BF had been the other woman in his first marriage and she told me yes!!  I was rendered speechless!  So, it can happen, even after 16-17 years!!   ;D

Don't know about the rest of you, but it certainly gives me hope!   :D

CT  :-*
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"I am a woman who only asked that I be treated fairly and with respect."
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowlege Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
"Its hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but its harder to give up when you know its everything you want." – Unknown

M
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#156: August 20, 2014, 01:42:57 PM
Oh wow... I have no doubt they still love us and always will no matter what... Its themselves they struggle with as they should.
Miracle in itself right there he is just lucky first wife was there to take him back.
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Loving unconditionally is a choice you must make daily...

MARRIAGE IS MADE IN HEAVEN...SO AREN"T LIGHTENING AND THUNDER. Oh what a CRAZY storm we are in.

M 94 D 98 remarried 2004
S19 D13
BD Feb. 2013
OW 2013
I moved him out June 2014
OW yes.  Fat buck tooth sloppy wh@re
H in counseling with Pastor. Reconnecting some

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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#157: October 15, 2014, 02:43:48 AM
Warrior P,
Wow that was powerful stuff. I could feel electricity coursing through me, restoring my faith in standing. I will pray for God to find and return my lost sheep whole and complete.
Kind regards
Jackolar 12
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c
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#158: October 28, 2014, 06:52:18 PM
Warrior P,
Wow that was powerful stuff. I could feel electricity coursing through me, restoring my faith in standing. I will pray for God to find and return my lost sheep whole and complete.
Kind regards
Jackolar 12

Ditto.  Let me preface by saying that I just now realized something that I will get to later, but it has to do with the number 3 and what happened to me after I read that post. 

Before I registered on this site and did any real research about MLC, that post was what turned me around.  I was ready to give up and throw in the towel.  Then one morning I turned on my ipad and that post was on the screen staring me right in the face.  Honestly I don't know how that happened as I ALWAYS close every application after use and take it back to the home screen.  I believe God intervened and had me read it.  I put my ring back on and sent my w a text telling her that I was sorry for whatever I had done to her that made her so upset and that I was grateful for the time that we had together and that I would cherish it forever.  It was at that moment I decided to stand.  I didn't expect a response as she had not responded to any text I had sent her up to that point so I took a nap.  When I woke (5 hours later), I started to feel kinda dumb that I got so psyched up and was about to take my ring back off.  I mean who was I kidding right?  I had just found out about another man she had been seeing (who is young enough to be her son btw).  And then a miracle happened, she replied to the text!  I know that this may not sound like a miracle to you, but trust me, it was.  God most definitely had his hand in this; not only did she respond, but her response was over 5 hours later at THE EXACT moment I was about ready to give up again.  I will call this sign number one.

The next day in church someone spoke in tongues.  I never really believed in that stuff before, but it is supposed to be a message from God.  Someone speaks, and then someone else interprets the message.  Like I said, I never believed in it before, but that day it was different.  Someone spoke and what seemed like several minutes passed before an interpretation finally came.  I don't remember the exact words, but it was something like "Worry not, I hear your prayer and I will answer it.  Don't be discouraged, but trust in me and I will take care of you".  I started crying; I was sure that the message was for me (others could have been included, but I'm positive that I was one of them).  Sign number two

I was supposed to get the boys that afternoon and knew that they were with my w's mom because she went out of town to some fitness competition with a friend of hers.  I called her mom around 2pm and asked if I could go ahead and get them because I wasn't sure what time w would be back (she was 6 hours away).  She said that they were at the store and that I could get back with her later.  I thought this was strange coming from her; normally she would say "ok, at the store now, be home in a bit" or something like that.  I waited a few hours and called again around 5pm.  She once again put me off. This time she made it a bit more clear; she said that she "thinks w wants to bring them to me".  "Wow, ok this is a first" I thought to myself.  A couple more hours went by and the phone rang.  It was her calling to say that she was on the way.  A phone call from her at this point was unprecedented.  A text could have relayed that message to me, but she chose to call.  She then began talking about her weekend at the fitness competition.  Very strange behavior, but something in my head (God's voice perhaps?) told me to listen; so I did.  It was just small talk really, but it felt good; like the old days when I couldn't get her to stop talking about her day at work or whatever even if I wanted to!  It made me realize that she hadn't talked to me like that in at least a year.  "Why is she doing this" I thought.  I can only explain it as sign number 3.

I believe that God gave me these signs to show me that he is there for me and that I should not give up.  This will all work out in the end because he is working all things together for my good.

As I am sure you may know; the number 3 is significant for several reasons.  A quick google search will get you these:

The Trinity (Godhead) is 3 in one
Peter denies knowing Jesus 3 times and later says he loves him 3 times
Jesus rose on the 3rd day
"holy, holy, holy" is the Lord God Almighty (Isaih 6:3 and Revelation 4:8 )
Of the 12 Apostles, Jesus loved 3 more than the rest (Peter, John and James)
Samuel is called by the Lord 3 times before he realizes it and answers
Satan tempts Jesus 3 times before giving up
It is on the 3rd day that the creation of the Earth is made
The placard on the cross is written in 3 languages
Jesus raised 3 people from the dead

I could go on, but I'll stop there.  I have faith in God that he will restore our marriage!  I felt like I had to share this with the rest of you.  I know that it isn't exactly a reconciliation story, but it was inspired by one.  God will help us all if we just believe in him.
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« Last Edit: October 28, 2014, 06:56:49 PM by confused_but_trying »

r
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#159: October 28, 2014, 07:34:46 PM
Great post.

The number 7 comes up very often also.

Nothing is a coincidence.
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Re: Return Stories Cont..
#160: November 18, 2014, 12:34:20 PM
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M -62,  ExH - 69 (56 at BD)
M - 33 years (do the last 3 years count?)
D - 33, D -29, S - 29
BD 5/29/2010, Ran away from home - 8/15/2010,
Found out about affair - 2/11
H asks for divorce - 8/11
H filed for divorce 10/11
Announced "new" girlfriend 12/12 (3rd OW)
Divorce final 06/13 (I decided to finish it)
Dumped OW#3 9/15 (After 4 years)
Married OW#1 2019
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