Last week is a blur. We had all the ceremonies & banquets, etc that usually lead up to graduation. Friday, my cousin got in from out of state, and even though she was staying at a hotel nearby, H stayed here, I'm sure for appearance sake.
Saturday morning, before all the hoopla & celebrating & party began, H and I had such a great, intimate talk about his work, the spec house, our finances, etc. It was good, and made me feel as if he was seeing us as a team (which I've seen more of the past few months on and off). It felt good, and was a nice way to start the day.
H was acting "normal" in the fact that he was more than willing to help set up and do a lot of the manual work in getting ready for it, while we cooked, prepped and decorated. He made sure we were supplied with breakfast.
The morning was fine- him even calling me "babe" once when he asked me to come and do something. *It was a glance back to what used to be.
But then, as the day went on, and friends and family came, visited, ate, I saw irritation/pressure directed towards me begin to take place. It was low key- but it was there. Like a simmering pot of water. (I think having to be around family & friends, some of them knowing what is going on, and he knows they know, was a LOT for him- but he still did WAY better than I thought he would).
After we took pictures (but before the ceremony), there was about an hour to kill, so H had S17 take him to go see the spec house... my guess was it was an excuse to get away from me, our families & friends because it was getting to be too much.
During graduation, I could tell the irritation was growing (I use irritation, because I don't know how else to describe it? Pressure?) Then, right after the caps were tossed, the confetti was thrown, I sat there, and just took in the moment. Before I knew it, D18 was walking past me as they were filing out, she looked at me and gave me that look- the one that says "I love you, thank you, etc" without saying a word- I started to tear up and H said "You should've gotten a picture of her, she was right there!" I told him that I just hadn't expected her to be there, so I wasn't ready, and he replied "Nice one." I looked at him and before even thinking (at that moment, mlc, and everything else in life was nonexistent so I didn't even think), and said "WOW." Meaning, he was being ridiculously harsh... his reply: "Well, I only said that to you, because that's what you would've said to me if I did that."
Just then, the mlc knowledge kicked back in, and I just ignored him, and didn't show up to the argument he was inviting me to. After that, the irritation towards me grew a little bit more.
Then when we got home, my family from out of town was there, and he seemed fine and smiling at me, laughing, all of that- engaged in conversation. He KNOWS how to act in front of other people. That is what is so confusing.
They left to go back to the hotel, and by that time it was 11:30. I announced to him and S17 (D18 was at Project Graduation), that I was tired and going to bed. He left early morning- about 7am I got a text from him.
"Happy Mothers Day! So proud of the mother that you are. We have great kids and I give you the credit for that. You've been a wonderful mother. I hope you realize how much they love you. You have set a great example for both of them. You did a great job with D18 graduation."
H *surprisingly* came back around 2pm. He got me a card, and had texted me early morning to say happy mothers day and said all of this stuff about how great of a mom I am. I hate it all because all of that is stuff he has said right before he tells me that he doesn't love me like he should and isn't "happy"... it's just a trigger I need to work through and get over.
He came, gave me a card that him and the kids signed (he signed more of that sort of stuff in it), and then he stayed for a couple hours- we sat and all visited while D18 opened all her gifts and cards from graduation, ate, laughed and joked.
He stayed about 3 hours before going fishing with his dad. I know it was his dad because he put him on speaker phone while they made the plans... funny- I'm sure it was for my benefit, so I could hear that it was true, and that he was really going with his dad.
last year, he said he went "fishing" the night before mothers day, but I think he went to a hotel with OW. he came home, got me a card that said nothing but "I love you, Oak" and the OW got the $100 present... I got nothing.
This year, he told me that his gift for me wasn't here yet, but that he got the family season passes to a big amusement park here...
it's a VERY extravagant gift. A little over $400. He has NEVER spent that much on me for Mothers day. EVER. Is he making up for last year? And buying ALL of us season passes? I promise I'm not being hateful with these questions, they're just things I'm wondering about. I think it's a good sign he bought us the family passes.
So Friday early evening, we get notice that an offer was made on the spec house. We have had this home on the market for about a year, without a bite. It's in a higher price bracket, and those are slow moving around here at the moment. The offer was solid. Only $4000 less than what we were asking. It closes in 60 days. that will completely pay off ALL of our personal debt. In 60 days we will officially be DEBT FREE. This is something that has been weighing us down for a long time. we have never been in debt, and the stress of it has been keeping us in bondage for way too long. Not only that, but we have been starting to receive checks in the mail from a place we thought didn't owe us... but they did. And they are big checks. HUGE blessings, they have contributed to us getting out of debt as well.
To say that he is excited is an understatement. He has been making positive steps for the past 3 weeks. There has been a change little by little in his personality & attitude. He has been texting me everyday, several times a day, some is family business, but lately, now some of the texting is purely social. Things he wouldn't have texted me, shared with me or told me about even a month ago. He is acting as if I'm his best friend. Joking, talking, teasing, sharing. He is saying "us" and "we" regularly now in both conversation and texting. He is looking forward to us going to the lake this summer...
He says the he feels as if weights are literally being lifted off now that the debt is gone. That he feels he can breathe, and he thanked me for being so diligent for so long in praying for it, and told me that he knows it's definitely all because of God. He is giving all credit to God, and he is in a really good place right now it seems. He is finding excuses to text me, and it's purely visible that he feels huge amounts of weight lifted off.
I'd like your take on it.
*Side note- I'm writing this super quick, as I have much to do for work, but wanted to hurry and update.