[Rising Phoenix]

New thread for the clanishers of the vanisher s. Hope all join sling again.

Personally I find the lack of contact plays on my mind as we have no insite into h life or thoughts or emotions. I think my children also struggle with this.



Previous thread
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10504.new;topicseen#new

[em5731]

My daughter sees ex for about 30 minutes a week. I don't have contact. But I like it better that way. It's easier not to know. My daughter says he is just angry all the time. Everytime he sees her he is shocked that she still doesnt like him. It's been 3 years and she says he still doesnt get how she feels.

[Milly]

I'm here!

Rising, I understand that desire to know something of what is going on in their lives. Contact gives us snippets, which we then run with and keep is cycling for weeks. I was one of worst of these. I wanted to keep the contact. I feared that lack of contact meant the end. Maybe it does, I don't know. But I've just recently reached a point where I couldn't stand the cycling any more. I can't keep hoping and hurting, hoping and hurting....

For me right now, I'm better not hearing from him, about him, not seeing him, not having S see him (not that I would stop him), just better off with nothing, as if he no longer exists.

It's hard with a vanisher, we get no crumbs and that's really hard. Not to make light of the clingers, they're right pains, but for me, I would rather have some crumbs.

[Rising Phoenix]

I agree milly, I prefer the no contact as if he doesn’t exist but sometimes you just wonder what’s going on the other side or do they wonder what’s goes on with their old family. I am much calmer with no monster to deal with. I won’t reach out at all. Nothing. He has his new family so crack on matey!

I really want to move out of the area but as h won’t  communicate re anything let alone finances and divorce, I’m stuck and I’m not chasing and throwing more money away chasing it. We don’t even know if he has a solicitor any longer. Xx

[nah]

For me, the last contact was when he tried to call and I didn’t answer. It was shortly after my book went public, so I’m pretty sure that was what it was about. I’m hoping this will be our last contact, I doubt very much it will be.

We have too many mutual relationships.

[stillbaffled]

My last contact was last November when I met him in the local convenience store parking lot to give him the last two guns that were stored here. 

I'm glad he doesn't wish to contact me or see me.  It has most certainly helped my healing and moving forward. 

Maybe someday he'll look me up and be ready to admit he made the biggest mistake of his life blowing up our world.  I'd be appreciative of hearing him admit it and take ownership of all the crap.  I don't figure it will ever happen so for me, I'd just as soon never hear from him again. 

Thanks for starting our new thread, RP. 

[Anjae]

I am fine with the lack of contact. It was I who cut contact. When I have to contact Mr J for business or legal reasons it is never something I like.

As for an inside into his mind, for the most part, he remains angry and nasty after more than 12 years into BD. Not someone I would like to have around.

[Nas]

My last contact was the day my mother died when I in advertently sent him a message meant for someone else that said, “thinking about every decision I have ever made.” Then a little while later when I realized my mistake, I sent him another message letting him know that that message was actually meant for someone else.
And he wrote back, “easy to do.”

[Shelly7435]

Last contact I has almost been a year. When it was the irs was breathing down his neck. Said he loved talking to me bc I saw things he didn’t see. Now no contact at all before that a little over a year.
 I’m good with not hearing from him again. 

[In the valley]

The last in person contact I had was 10/31/2017.  There was a phone convo in late Jan of 2018.  There's been texts initially just basic stuff then turned to her monster.  Then when I didn't engage, nothing.  Haven't received a text since early October of 2018.  That one said, "just to let you know I had to take D to the Emergency room for asthma attack.  It's not serious but urgent care was closed.  I'll let you know how it goes."  She has never had asthma, since learned OM smokes and likely what was causing problems for D.  I responded 2hr later I didn't read it right away because I figured it was monster garbage. "I was out, just saw your message.  hope shes feeling better."  Since then not a single peep.  She also said at the beginning of the school year thru text.  "When I get info on D's school, I'll pass it along."  Info was never sent.  I asked couple times then just figured it was a lost cause.  I think the claim that she will send some info then not doing it, is just the monster trying to make me mad, so if it's not sent, I just ignore it.