[John T]

I've seen pressure and stress take hold of a work colleague,  I watched and listened to him and it hit home that's how I was in the past ,as part of my self education and learning I'm adamant I want to keep calm and relaxed what real good does stressing yourself out most things aren't that important really .

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I've been thinking about the future and thinking ahead only very slightly, this is a change for me as I'm not stuck in the' what if' world

This is a strong growth as you are living in the now not the past or the future.  While you need to spend some time reflecting and some time planning and envisioning, the majority has to be spent living and doing in the now.

as part of my self education and learning I'm adamant I want to keep calm and relaxed what real good does stressing yourself out most things aren't that important really .

If I took anything from my individual counseling, it was that I sensed a lot of lack of control and therefore I tried to clamp down on what I felt I could control. This did not bring out the best in me. I remember clear the aha moment when she said, "People won't remember the event, they will just remember how you acted."

Keeps me in check to this day. The other thing is that how your respond has much stronger influence on others than trying to force compliance.

And you are absolutely right that many things are not really important. You are doing so well and I wish you a fantastic weekend!

((((((Ready)))))

[John T]

I seem to getting little memory flashbacks to my W and the things we did together , it feels like I'm collecting my memories and putting them away in a draw .

[John T]

I am working with a different guy at the moment, everything I do is wrong ,instead of reacting I just carry on doing my job if he points out a better way to do it I will alter to suit the request his apprentice has just quit on him . I will not let this get on top of me .

[John T]

I've been looking at myself I've realised my maturity level is not the same as that of  my peers , some of my stress come from being rushed which goes back to my childhood, when I'm rushed I become a headless chicken .

I'm consciously  pushing pressure away from me ,I'm noticing an inner calm and a form of contentment.

I'm still very hurt by my brake up , I keep telling myself  I can't do anything about what has happened only look after me.

[FaithWalker]

All very normal, JT.  Feeling very hurt is normal.  But you are so correct, what happened was out of your control.  And it's important to look after you.

Pushing pressure away and finding inner calm and contentment is good!  It's hard, but the rewards are so worth it.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

So much of this is very raw and tender as you navigate past bomb drop.

when I'm rushed I become a headless chicken .

Believe me, you are not the only one. My worst decisions are the ones that I rushed through. I find that even though some people demand a response from me, I am better to ignore them and take the time to ponder all my options first.

I'm consciously  pushing pressure away from me ,I'm noticing an inner calm and a form of contentment.

This is good, because this is about you and how you can find peace and calm during the storm. This will help you- not just for MLC, but many issues that you face in life.

I know you hurt, but you are doing really well and your mindset is much further ahead of me at your point of the crisis.

Keep thinking on how to heal yourself first and get yourself through a day with no pain. With the work you are doing, it will come.

(((((Ready)))))

[John T]

I've been rereading the posts on my thread with a different and more neutral view , I'm mentally going through everything and looking at how I can change for the better .

My W has not been in contact for around a month and I've not contacted her as I know this is the right thing to do,it hurts I to accept I have to leave her be to choose her own life .

[John T]

My W just told me she's seeing om again (for her sins her words) it's like she can't leave it alone

[Seahorse]

John T -
I am SO SO Sorry to hear that.
Limerence is an addiction and it's so difficult to give up those hormonal highs.
The spouse thinks that they can give the AP up, but like a drug addiction, they always go back unless they have appropriate help and do the hard work required to look at their broken-self.

I'm attaching a good article on limerence.  Although it doesn't go into the back-and-forth cycling, I think it's a good description of what limerence is.
Be especially gentle on yourself today.  This is a very tough (although not unusual) thing to hear.

Sending you hugs and healing.

Sea

https://loverelations.co.uk/the-limerence-affair/