[UrsaMajor]

So the summer holidays came and went. We took a big family holiday with lots of friends, which W and I  split, her the first week, me the second. I had such a great time with the kids. W was upset initially about splitting the holiday, and has very slightly monstered about it since, but this was like a sort of cuddly Jim Henson monster compared to a full on horror film one.

What did she want instead - that you take the whole vacation? That she takes the whole vacation? That you both have the whole vacation?

That is kind of what happens when you separate and decide to leave your family - the family time gets split between parents... It is called "consequences" and we all are well aware of just how much a Mid-Lifer LOVES consequences that don't fall into line with the way they think it should be....   

[Biscuit]

lol Ursa, Consequences eh - how inconvenient?

Yeah, she wanted the whole vacation... no matter that then I wouldn't get a holiday with my kids for the second year running. She saw sense in the end but wasn't that happy about it. I've not heard any complaints about it for a couple of weeks but it will be stored in the bank to refer to later no doubt!

[UrsaMajor]

lol Ursa, Consequences eh - how inconvenient?

Yeah, she wanted the whole vacation... no matter that then I wouldn't get a holiday with my kids for the second year running. She saw sense in the end but wasn't that happy about it. I've not heard any complaints about it for a couple of weeks but it will be stored in the bank to refer to later no doubt!

I got that this Easter too... Last Easter, MLCxW took the kids for the entire 3 weeks and went to the Maldives with them... This year, I took them to the US to visit their grandparents (my parents), my cousin and their Stepsister (my D33) and MLCxW complained that I took them the entire holiday... uhmmmmm .....

So, it was OK for her to have them for the 3 weeks but not OK for me? I just mentioned that was the same as the previous year with the Maldives and that was the end of the whine-fest....

[Biscuit]

Minor Journaling,

Just back from a great trip which I undertook as a solo mission but met many old friends on, and made a whole load of new friends too. It was like the ultimate GAL getaway! Great fun, good food and amazing music in the most incredible location.  It's strange, for the first time I thought, well it would be nice if W was here because she'd love it but....I'll just love it on my own! Strange feeling, but kind of liberating I suppose.

This weekend I was due to take D to an event on Saturday, whilst S did some school work and then met his GF. A couple of days ago W texted and said that she'd like to join D and me at the event if I was OK with it... of course I am, the more the merrier! Be nice to do something together!  Today a friend who I was hanging out with whilst on the GAL getaway texts and says she has covid. I did a test and - poooo, so do I.  I let W know, and straight away she's offering to help out with the kids and making arrangements to keep them busy for the weekend so I can recover. She also offered to go shopping and get whatever I needed for the next few days.
Amazing stuff, we're into month 5 or so of fairly consistent and brilliant parenting and support from W. It feels less like a touch and go but more like a touch and make no meaningful comment.... Things are definitely changing in W.... but we're only 20 or so months past BD, so not sure if its gonna stick! Let's see.

One advantage with living apart (maybe the only one thus far) - it's a hell of a lot easier when one of us has Covid!

[MadLuv]

Good update except the covid part!

[HeavenlyFocus]

Hi Biscuit,

I am a little over 3 years since BD and my XW started being more helpful too around 2 years.  It has for the most part made things more peaceful which is good. She still is in replay and occasionally cycles into craziness with her actions.  I’ll take mostly peace with the occasional reminder that she is still lost.

You are doing really well and hope recovery from COVID is going well.

HF

[Biscuit]

Thanks HF,

Not sure where W is in her journey, I’m told it’s wise to take your attention off of that…. The last round of replay behaviour has stopped, but I know that doesn’t mean that another delivery might be right around the corner!
W turned up today with what might be called a care package in the US, but here in Britain we’d probably say a weekly shop! Full of all my favourite healthy foods and a few not so healthy snacks. Anyway, very considerate, and I thanked her for her kindness…. Had loads of nice stuff to eat whilst I watched the footie this afternoon. Yum.

Hopefully I’ll test negative in the next couple of days so I can see the kids.
W leaves next Monday for a trip for a couple of weeks to see family who are a long way away, so I’ll get a fortnight with the kids then.

Onwards and upwards…. it’s not been this positive in a long time.

[KayDee]

Guard your heart Dear Biscuit, this condition, it comes in cylces. And get well soon!

[Biscuit]

Minor journalling -

I've been feeling a little low in the last few weeks - I think my W's touch and go / reconnection made me want more from her and quickly, but that's not how this thing works, and I should know that by now! So I was expecting too much I think.
What I have seen from W in the last month is a continuing reconnection, she is offering acts of service and generally continuing the kindness which started back in June. She went away for a couple of weeks and stayed in contact - although much less than when she is here - which is understandable. Since she's been back communication has been good. We enjoyed a night out last night as a family for the first time in ages, it really was lovely and saw much of the old W in the way she acted around all of us. We have another family night out planned on Saturday which I'm looking forward to.
She's taken to wearing her eternity ring again - although not on her wedding finger as before - but it's nice to see her wearing it. What it means - nothing or something - who knows?
I remember reading here before of a couple of situations when W's and H's attempt a reconnection phase before dropping out of replay and into depression. Does anyone else have experience of this?

For now I'm enjoying the time we spend together as a family and I'm keeping communication light and friendly and free of any R talk. I'm not seeing monster, it's all a lot easier than this time last year when I was a total mess.

[FrenchHusband]

Hi Biscuit,

I am so happy for you that you see good progress in reconnection from your W, and that you keep enough lucidity to acknowledge you own inner status and change it.
Reconnection time is not a bed of roses, good for you that you enjoy the good moments together in family !