[Helpnewc]

Who would have thought I would get to thread 4.

Previous Thread is here: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12096 - UM

At the beginning I remember trying to make 3 months. And then I thought I would try for a year. Now I am 17 months in and I think progressing towards divorce. It is hard to tell.

It is an awful way to live. Occasional moments of normalcy but mostly cold distance. The monstering is gone and it now just a Cold War. But I have managed to set her aside mostly. My challenges are now mostly with my eldest who is in enormous pain and loves me but thinks I am the cause of the marriage.

The trick is to keep my thoughts right. There is an art to it. Learning to stop the circling that reinforces the negativity.

The only way forward is forward. I have a low energy wallower and she would stay like this forever.

[Helpnewc]

It is just hard and strange.

Actually it is perverse.

My wife’s lawyer is accusing me of not disclosing things. Yet will not tell me what those things are. It is just so hard.

Anyway, I have not hidden anything. But for gods sake tell me what you want.


I just need an ending. The madness of the MLC person seems to infect their representation.

[Cole]

It’s just insane, I’m 6.5 years into this with a mlc that is living with ow2 in his hometown 1000 kms away, he still texts every now and then probably a touch and go and the insanity is still coming out of his mouth, I don’t understand how no one else can pick up on it. There’s no way he would be able to be just like this with me and totally normal with everyone else.

[Helpnewc]

It is so strange.

How odd it must be to be them. Although I am excised from her life I am still responsible for her unhappiness.

And I am told nothing. The disrespect is extremely strange. It is now extending to my children. I may not be here. But does not say where she will be.

No one is deserving of such contempt.

[UrsaMajor]

My wife’s lawyer is accusing me of not disclosing things. Yet will not tell me what those things are. It is just so hard.

Anyway, I have not hidden anything. But for gods sake tell me what you want.

On a purely practical note here - document such things with your lawyer. Show that you have replied to any disclosure requests received that contain specific requests. You can not disclose what you have not been asked for. Her lawyer may be under the impression that she has made some sort of request from you (I mean, the lawyers only know what they have been told...).

As an example, I got a pretty harshly worded note from the court saying that, if I didn't disclose a specific piece of information from a specific employer, I could be held in contempt.... The problem was 1) I had never worked for that particular company but MLCxW had, and 2) I had never been requested to provide such information. I replied to the court within 48 hours with those two pieces of information and copied her lawyer on the correspondence.... and that was the end of the issue on my part.... but if I had ignored it, thinking that it wasn't my problem because I hadn't worked there in the first place, it could have come back to bite me later.... It was incumbent on my MLCxW to provide that information to her lawyer, not me.... Just that MLCxW had failed to inform her own lawyer of that particular employer and the court assumed that I worked there...

[Helpnewc]

It is very odd. Family lawyers seem very Lucy goosy in Australia.

No document has been requested by her or her lawyer. I have disclosed everything through my lawyer. To be honest I think they both don’t quite understand the business structure although mine does a bit better as I can explain it.

I have had him send a polite letter saying it is an abuse of process to run off to Court when it has not been specified what I have not disclosed.

[Helpnewc]

A pretty $h!te day. She would not talk to me this morning so I knew she was agitated. She came at me hard about non disclosure and delay. I simply said I can’t give you what I don’t have.

Then a whole lot of stuff about how she just wants to be alone on her terms as she got sick of being alone with me. I just said. I was sorry but I was not that man anymore as I have worked on my stuff. And that I don’t want to be alone but wanted to be part of a family. I then just accepted that was her decision to make and I accepted it.

I said I would not be alone as I would be with my girls part of the time and I was looking forward to that.  She just said I had killed the relationship by not being kind to her and not participating in family life. I said I had made mistakes and I was sorry.

The whole thing is nuts. There is nothing rational going on but there is nothing I can do but be accepting and loving.


But I will fight for my children. Absolutely.

[UrsaMajor]

As long as she is looking for excuses to justify her actions, you can expect to get monstered at.

You have recognized your part in what was wrong previously and have taken steps to remedy/apologize for those things. She has, in turn, chosen to end the relationship. That is her choice and she will have to deal with the consequences of her actions.

As for the complaints about delaying, your answer was perfect. What you don't have tor do not know about, you can't disclose. If she has a problem with that, she needs to ensure her lawyer has ALL the correct information and not just what she thinks is the correct information.

The rest is just

self-justifications to blame you for her choices/actions

[Helpnewc]

I agree.

No accountability. It is the craziest thing I have ever experienced.

[Helpnewc]

And back to pretending nothing and weirdness.

The avoidance of consequences is really big part of this.