[Helpnewc]

My wife and my daughters have gone to Melbourne to see her sister and her cousins. Her sister has taken our broken marriage as an opportunity to support her sister after she did not do so in her childhood. Nothing good will come of the visit.

The loneliness is profound. I miss my daughters and my old life. I know it is gone and the longing for it is just part of the grief. For so long I wanted the switch to flick back and the craziness to be gone but that is now how it works.

The old life was extremely negative for my wife. She cannot remember anything good. There is no way for me to bring those memories back.


So I have not got up yet. But I will. I will do some exercise, I will clean the house, I will sort out the business loan. And I will realise that for a while I will be very broken and empty.


But mostly I miss my family. More than I thought was possible.

Still there is a dishwasher to stack.

[Helpnewc]

I have survived the weekend. I made the mistake of texting my wife when I had a few beers at the grand final and telling we her I loved her and I always would. She told me that was for me and not for her.

I have really missed my children this weekend. She did not have them ring me at all while they were away. It seems cruel but I remind myself that eventually I will have my dedicated time with them.

She has not responded to the proposed care arrangement. She just can’t think about it so she ignores it. I need her gone and I need some structure to move on.

It is slowly happening. I am so weary of the pain and wonder where my wonderful wife disappeared to. She is gone.

[Reinventing]

I am so weary of the pain

We can very much relate to this. It's actually a good sign.

Also, once you've had a couple of drinks, you can send the text to yourself or to a trusted friend. That way you don't have to protect yourself from her response.

Just know that your detaching strategies--they help you move along away from the pain and so do more of those.

You'll get there. You won't always feel this way. It will get better.

[Helpnewc]

Thanks Reinventing,

Her response did not knock me much. She does know I love her but that just makes her angry. I should just disappear so my love does not make her uncomfortable.

It is hard that she blocks me with my children. Eventually I will have my time once there is some structure. I amazed at how hard I find it to be away from them.

[Helpnewc]

The cruelty is the strange part. My wife was always kind. Particularly to me. But now there is no kindness. Absolutely no empathy. None. More empathy for someone she bumps into on the street rather than me. I guess it is what you have to do to behave like this. But it is so odd.

So today I said I would come home early to swim with my kids. I was home earlier than said to see my brother in law leaving with his wife having had a swim. She had decided to invite them over knowing I would miss out.

Combined with taking the kids away for four days and not having them ring me the behaviour has firmed my resolve. She is gone.

As much as I love her, she has gone.

And the real fight will be the parenting arrangement. She cannot even think about it as she does not want to be away from her daughters. Sadly, there is only one way to avoid that.

And if we reconciled I would get away with something.


The only way forward is forward. And staying in limbo is not forward.

[Helpnewc]

The monster is back.

Apparently I was never home when we had babies. I seem to remember holding them a lot and the photos disagree.

It is so odd. There is no way to rewrite the untruths.

[UrsaMajor]

The monster is back.

Apparently I was never home when we had babies. I seem to remember holding them a lot and the photos disagree.

It is so odd. There is no way to rewrite the untruths.

Historical revisionism...... and projection....

"I'm sorry that you feel that way."

[Treasur]

The monster is back.

Apparently I was never home when we had babies. I seem to remember holding them a lot and the photos disagree.

It is so odd. There is no way to rewrite the untruths.

Historical revisionism...... and projection.... 

"I'm sorry that you feel that way."

She may also be saying this - to you and others - as part of trying to rationalise why you should get less custody/access. Unlikely to work legally but it becomes strangely noticeable that the tales MLCers tell always seem to be in their interests….

[UrsaMajor]

The monster is back.

Apparently I was never home when we had babies. I seem to remember holding them a lot and the photos disagree.

It is so odd. There is no way to rewrite the untruths.

Historical revisionism...... and projection.... 

"I'm sorry that you feel that way."

She may also be saying this - to you and others - as part of trying to rationalise why you should get less custody/access. Unlikely to work legally but it becomes strangely noticeable that the tales MLCers tell always seem to be in their interests….

Exactly correct so hold those pictures close to your chest to show that what she is spouting is nonsense if needed....

[WHY]

The monster is back.

Apparently I was never home when we had babies. I seem to remember holding them a lot and the photos disagree.

It is so odd. There is no way to rewrite the untruths.

Historical revisionism...... and projection.... 

"I'm sorry that you feel that way."

She may also be saying this - to you and others - as part of trying to rationalise why you should get less custody/access. Unlikely to work legally but it becomes strangely noticeable that the tales MLCers tell always seem to be in their interests….

Mine at some point said she "fears for the safety of our children" and that's why she wants majority/full custody.  I think even in that moment she realized she was out of her mind because when I told her the next day what she said, she said "I never said that". 

Im sure in the moment she believed what she was saying.  They dont consciously lie to themselves.  They do believe themselves.  But their thinking is deluded and not based in reality. 

Im sorry you feel that way and go back to doing your crossword puzzle.  Seriously, dont engage.  There's no possible outcome that could be remotely positive by engaging.