[titleholder]

Thanks for your response Ready! I always appreciate your involvement in my story and advice from somebody who also can look at it from a parent point of view, what Treasur also states.

I think what has happened is just a confirmation from everything I already know. For now it has given me a push to make my own choices more and more. Out of politeness and hope for better days for my D I envolved him in a appointments and other parenting stuff. Now I just make the choices that benefit me and my D and I inform him; can he join fine by me and if he can't join also fine by me.

As for the family-stuff, good point of view from your side Ready. For me it always feels awkward.. We've been a family for 1 year so what kind of family are we really? For me it's non existent. If our family was so important to him he wouldn't have left us or he would've been trying much harder to be involved in my D's life than he is right now. We never really got to build our family because of him and I'm not interested in playing pretend.

I think this event had to happen for me to enforce my boundaries more. He will always have a part in my D's life if he wants to, but I'm making the choices that benefit me and her.

[titleholder]

Wow, long time not posting on here.. This site has helped me so much and I'm not as much on here as I was in the beginning (thank god, because for me that means that I'm a long way on my healing journey) but I will try to catch up with old members, help new member if I see resemblences to my situation and keep journalling about my own journey as I move forward.

And moving forward that's what I'm doing! I'm still dating the same man and he's nothing short but amazing. He's chosing me and my D and he's there for all the good times and all the bad. We fit well together on individual levels and are also compatible when we're with my D. He moved in with me and my D (the going back and forth was straining me more and more and I think we all ;me, my D and my boyfriend, needed the stability of one household without people going up and down). It's going really good, there's peace, laughter and a lot of love in this house. Are there also difficulties? Ofcourse! Raising a 4 year old is difficult, throw in an MLC'er xH and all the ups and downs that come with that and that job becomes ever harder. But I love it! I have what I longed for all these years; a loving home with people who all want to be here and don't give up when things get hard.

Life isn't perfect and my life isn't without it's hard parts but I enjoying it with the people I love. I'm +3 years after BD and I couldn't dare to imagine then that my life would look like this, but I'm here, I fought for it and I'm living it to the fullest! 

[MadLuv]

Love good updates!! Lovely to hear ❤️

[beyondblessed]

Fantastic update, TH!  I am happy for you and your D.  You did what you needed to do to heal and move on and do the work on yourself.  At the end of the day, that is really what this whole mess shows us.....who WE are when the house is betting against us and then playing our crappy-dealt cards and laying down aces against the odds. 

[titleholder]

Thank you for your responses ML and BB. It's always so nice to feel that we all support each other in this crazy journey <3

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

It's going really good, there's peace, laughter and a lot of love in this house. Are there also difficulties? Ofcourse! Raising a 4 year old is difficult, throw in an MLC'er xH and all the ups and downs that come with that and that job becomes ever harder. But I love it! I have what I longed for all these years; a loving home with people who all want to be here and don't give up when things get hard.

That's the difference between the LBSer and the MLCer. The MLCer seeks the perfect life, perfect happiness, perfect love. A worry free life. On constant vacay. That's why they call their new love their soul mate. The OP is/was the perfect match. The LBSer can accept imperfection as we are not perfect people either. I love my new family and having a house filled with love and laughter. However, we can have our moments. That only makes the good times more special. I guess that is what we need more than a soul mate is the special person that deals with us at our worst and celebrates with us at our best.

but I will try to catch up with old members, help new member if I see resemblences to my situation and keep journalling about my own journey as I move forward.

Thanks and to all the other veterans that continue after we have forged our paths forward despite the outcome. Newbies need support and your stories afterwards make it worth our while. It was just like the other day, I was at the county fair visiting my youngest daughter at her booth. I was walking around and at the CHP table a young officer said, "I know you. You were my principal at my elementary school. I played flag football on your team. That gave me the love for football that kept me going through school." It was nice to have played a positive part in a person's life. As a member of the forum, I want to help others who are going through what I consider one of the darkest chapters of their lives. You are a difference maker too. Keep it up!

Keep posting and let us know all about your life as you continue to shine!

(((Ready)))

[titleholder]

I guess that is what we need more than a soul mate is the special person that deals with us at our worst and celebrates with us at our best.

I couldn't have said it more perfectly Ready and how wonderfull life is when you've found somebody who gives that to you and you give them back the same vice-versa. That's what life is about!

It was just like the other day, I was at the county fair visiting my youngest daughter at her booth. I was walking around and at the CHP table a young officer said, "I know you. You were my principal at my elementary school. I played flag football on your team. That gave me the love for football that kept me going through school." It was nice to have played a positive part in a person's life. As a member of the forum, I want to help others who are going through what I consider one of the darkest chapters of their lives. You are a difference maker too. Keep it up

That's beautifull Ready and so well deserved, you've also been (and still are) somebody who influenced my journey as an LBS'er so much and I thank you for that! And also for the kind words I try to do my best and contribute where I can.