[Acorn]

Thank you, Nas.  It is good to know that someone else appreciates the quote.

…..


My update of sorts before the population in our home increases dramatically for the holiday season and life becomes busier than usual.

Our children will be coming home for a while.  Funny how they still say they are coming ‘home’ after all these years of independent living.  I suspect  home cooking is one of the reasons for it  — they have strongly hinted at what specific home-cooked yummies they would  like to eat.  Disclaimer: H and I a very average cooks. 

……


H and I are living a peaceful and joyful life. 

It is intentional but un-choreographed.  I would say it is really about our attitude, rather than an endeavour to live in a specific way.  We finally seem to grasp what ‘Just Live’ is really about.  The days of over-analyzing, obsessing and ruminating over the events of the past, and sweating over the small stuff seem to be far behind us. (I hope so.) Perhaps the U-curve of happiness is playing out in real life. 

…..

While chatting with H about the incredible rise of AI use and the pros and cons of it, the topic of ‘information’ came up. After all, the whole world is awash with information.  It caters to every ‘I-need-an-answer.’  You eventually collect a big sackful of information you like or agree with, and not always because they are proven to be true beyond doubt.  Cognitive biases can often rule the day. 

H and I agreed wholeheartedly that to have cognitive biases is to be human but recognizing that human trait  could bring more rational and balanced approach to how you see and assess many happenings in our personal lives, ideas, theories, opinions, etc. 

As an aside but related to the ‘information’ topic, it is my observation that some of the information a person collects during his/her tough situations, such as relationship upheavals, may be very useful as ‘copium’ (rationalization of one’s current situation) but it can turn into ‘hopium’ (irrational optimism or false hope) if one lets ‘copium’ run wild.

I did cross into the realm of ‘hopium’ for a period of time after BD.  I perhaps lingered in that phase a tad too long.  However, I do not beat myself up about that because I learned the hard lesson of what damages ‘hopium’ can do to my ability to see reality and to my emotional health.

For me personally, practicing detachment, while keeping in my heart my undiminished love for H, was a necessary and effective treatment for my ‘hopium addiction.’  Also, detachment was an act of love and self care toward myself.

OK, the end of philosophizing. 

It is a sample of one.  That’s a piece of information I see as important. 

Here is my sincere Christmas wish to you — May peace rule your hearts.

(((((HUGS)))))

[Acorn]

Hello all, and Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canadians!

Just a little note on how our family is doing:

Life is pleasantly boring and peaceful.  We still travel quite a bit but at a measured pace, visiting many places, mainly to enjoy the ambience and, above all, our togetherness.  Our children join us when they are able and want to.   

The kids are doing well.  They seemed to have acquired an important life skill during H’s crisis - dealing with heavy workloads and stress in their respective jobs.  My youngest told me, ‘Mom, if you went through those horrible years [H’s crisis years] and survived with your psyche intact, you can cope with pretty much anything life throws at you.’ I sincerely hope and pray that is the case as life goes on because life gets very tough sometimes…

In some ways, it’s a great pity they had to grow up so much and so quickly.  At their age, I was just opening my eyes to the world and people around me. I was naive, for sure.

I do not detect in our kids any anger and bitterness towards H.  I am deeply thankful for this, since bitterness corrodes the heart of the person holding it and makes rebuilding any relationship difficult, if not impossible.  One of the kids said simply, ‘it sucks to feel that way so I found ways to let it go.’ 

Perpetuating angst and emotional damages through the next generation is too horrendous even to contemplate.  I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to look out for your kids emotional wellbeing while navigating through your marital earthquake.  You can not save your spouse or marriage but you can certainly help your kids by empathetically tending to their needs.  I failed miserably in this at the beginning.  They helped each other until I joined their mutual support team.  I guess it’s never too late to start paying attention to one’s kids. 

Have a great summer and hugs to everyone. 

[Baxter1]

Happy Canada Day! 🇨🇦

Thank you for your updates, definitely helps keep me going during this crazy time that is MLC.