Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story New life here I come...

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11888
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
My Story New life here I come...
#120: December 29, 2020, 11:56:06 PM
OK. At least there will not be any of this going on at your house...

  • Logged
Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3809
  • Gender: Female
Re: New life here I come...
#121: December 30, 2020, 04:00:04 AM
Rope, your Christmas Day sounded lovely but sorry for Boxing Day and it's black cloud. I've had days/weeks like that so I know what you mean. But well done for calling your uncle in and learning from him. It is empowering.

Sad that your S had to learn this lesson about his dad. These MLCers think they are hurting just us. Not fair for our kids.
  • Logged
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D26, D23, S16
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1181
  • Gender: Female
  • I am surviving and going foward
New life here I come...
#122: January 14, 2021, 12:39:27 PM
Hey
    Been a minute since I posted . Truth is the holidays kinda got me ,didn't want to admit it. Because I was doing so good ,but truth is I kinda got depressed,  wasn't just ex . My sweet Daddy loved Christmas, he loved the family coming together,giving gifts,getting gifts,really just a big kid .
   My dad went into nursing home with alzhimers , my ex left right when I needed him most , my sister acted like she was on another planet, mom was destroyed, so I had to be strong.
   My ex left right about the time dad got bad. Really he left about the exact same time I made the decision to have dad put somewhere he would not hurt himself or us. People say this disease is hard ,this disease is awful.
    My dad was the sweetest, kindest,most giving,fun loving ,Christian man you could ever meet.He became so violent,hitting,cussing,kicking,biting,just mean,and dead eyes ,dad had left the shell that was his body.

 Mom could not make the decision she was so hurt and lost. Sis buried her head in the sand ,ex ran ,but something had to be done . He was going to kill mom or me . Have not told a lot of people how bad it got ,because  not everyone would understand that was no longer dad. I can laugh about some things now ,cry about others,but in all I'm at peace with how I did things. Sorry I rambled on a bit but needed to talk about it today.
   
   Used to think if it was MLC or just tired of being married,I know it was MLC. So much happened in just a short 3 yr period,he lost his uncle whom he loved ,our daughter became pregnant, my dad became sick, it just was to much on him ,his mind broke I know this now. It still hurts ,this is the only place I can talk about this. So bear with me.
  I realize this was a hard holiday season because it was the BD 5 yr mark., and Dad passed away 5 yrs ago, 1 day after my anniversary .
 

  But the dark cloud is lifting ,I forgive myself for having to put Dad in home,I forgive myself for my part if any in ex leaving,I forgive myself for every thing.
 
    Corona has us living differently ,I miss the occasional drink at the bar,going to friends,just getting out. I hope and pray that it dissappear s but I have my own conspiracy theory on that 🤔.

I'm so thankful for this place and you all words can't express. Therapy was a bust ,helped for a while though, but I'm good again . We must all learn to forgive and get on with living, that's when we really heal.

 Sorry for the long poorly written letter,I just needed to talk . Ty all for being here 💓 💕

 Hugs
  • Logged

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11852
  • Gender: Female
New life here I come...
#123: January 14, 2021, 01:03:14 PM
Dear, dear Rope...just wanted to say I hear you. And send a hug.
Multiple losses are hard, really hard. And losing someone to dementia is just as hard as losing someone to MLC craziness. And living in these virus days makes loss and every bit of GAL and positivity hard too, doesn't it? There's just no normal to be found easily is there?
You're not alone....but yes, it is hard some days. So, another hug from here x
  • Logged
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1181
  • Gender: Female
  • I am surviving and going foward
New life here I come...
#124: January 15, 2021, 12:03:06 AM
Treasur
 
   Well said my friend. What is normal now? Thank you for the hug and the reassurance im not alone.
   Driving my dad to the hospital and him thinking he was just having blood pressure checked broke my heart ,but I'm ok with it because I know that was no longer my dad and he is at peace now .

  Again ty for the hug
  • Logged

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3196
  • Gender: Female
  • Time is a Gift! 🎁
New life here I come...
#125: January 18, 2021, 10:35:30 AM
Sending you a big hug here in the beginning of 2021 Rope.  I can't imagine how hard it must've been to have to deal with the loss of your Dad on top of MLC. 

I am so glad that we have this forum to come together and give each other support.  Because I know when I am feeling weak and exhausted, someone else has enough strength and comfort to share.

Thank God for Hero's Spouse.
  • Logged
Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1783
  • Gender: Female
New life here I come...
#126: January 22, 2021, 11:34:35 AM
Late to the party and also sending you a hug.

The holiday season makes many people depressed sk don’t beat yourself up about it. We’re humans not robots and I find it’s a better out than in vibe.

I can’t offer much practical advice, I find myself saying that a lot these days haha. But everything passes. One say, you will be in a bar again and this last year will be a distant memory.
  • Logged
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1181
  • Gender: Female
  • I am surviving and going foward
New life here I come...
#127: January 22, 2021, 04:31:19 PM
Faith...sac
   Thank you both for the hug ,lord sometimes I miss being able to hug and be hugged ...just physical contact period.

   I too am so thankful  for this site too,and yes the holidays with out my dad is depressing,

   Sac oh lord I will toast you in a thought with my first shot. Lolo)ol
  • Logged

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1181
  • Gender: Female
  • I am surviving and going foward
New life here I come...
#128: March 07, 2021, 02:18:46 PM
  I don't know how some of you all get along so well and not have set backs?
 
   I'm really happy that you can and that you have started new lives , I get started then boom im knocked back 39 steps . I start feeling good,about being in my skin then I let something knock me back . I am honestly trying not to be affected by anything the ex does or does not do . But truthfully I sometimes think I'm a weak person,and I get so mad at myself for still caring...ugh

  The latest thing ...my s birthday was forgotten 😢 yes he is an adult ,but how do you forget your s birthday? Of course s said mom its fine im old enough it doesn't bother me ,yeah ok. Well yesterday he brings him a b day present and tells him since he is giving me so much of his money that its hard to be able to do anything. WHATEVER I KNEW IT WOULD BE MY FAULT still yet to this day he blames me for everything. I honestly thought I was ok over it but damn ,and yes the fact it bothers me makes me mad as h 🤬, so please don't think I'm a nut case im really not ..lol I just need to quit caring.

   I was so tempted to move to a place where I didn't see anything or anyone that reminded me of ex ,but isn't that the same thing he did? If you want to pm me feel free . If you have any suggestions please relay them im open for anything ,well almost,. Im just so dang tired of falling backwards


 Hugs
  • Logged

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4455
  • Gender: Female
New life here I come...
#129: March 07, 2021, 03:35:31 PM
Hugs to you. I'm not one who expects everyone (or anyone for that matter) to just wander on their merry way and never be affected by what was. We will often be reminded or triggered by something, and when we share children with the MLCer, there will always be something.

Your xh is NOT giving you his money.  If he pays you spousal support, he is contributing back to all the years you supported him, without asking for compensation for all you did. The sweat of your brow in the house is not without cost. That he has to twist it all to make you the bad guy is his issue. You might want to consider working on whether or not taking what your MLCer says as being of any importance, of course. But you can't change what he thinks or says, even if it's trying to level you because he forgot his own son's birthday. A call costs nothing. A visit costs nothing, except gasoline or bus fare.

Try reframing interactions like this. He's a messed up individual. What he says is not about you, but about him trying to cover his own mess ups. It's hard to feel pity for someone with so much anger, but really, it was pitiable.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: March 07, 2021, 03:36:44 PM by OffRoad »
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.