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Author Topic: My Story •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce

STP

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My Story •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#130: August 25, 2022, 04:59:24 AM
A story of meeting someone new

I live two miles from Lake Michigan and being another hot day decided to go to the beach again. I've been collecting stones for hosting a rock painting event in my house in Oct. I swam some, got some stones and moved to another section of the beach where there wasn't anyone. A couple of teens showed up and the boy went back to the parking lot leaving the girl walking along the shore. Her baseball capped head was a mass of black hair so I couldn't really see her face as she was looking down scanning for rocks of her own along the shore. That could be the end of the story... but looking for rocks of my own I ventured near to ask her what kind she was looking for? (I've always thought it hard to just break the silence to a complete stranger.)

She looked up and me and smiled. It wasn't a kid but a woman and a stunningly beautiful blue eyed one. She explained she was looking for crinoids and handed me a few she had found to examine. Crinoids are fossilized marine animals that first appeared about 300 million years before dinosaurs. With that explanation we wished each other success in our rock hunting and went our own ways.

A while later after a dip and lots of skipping stones, I found my own crinoid. I could've just left... end of story. The woman was far down the beach, but I decided to show her I found one. I offered to give it to her, in exchange for her telling me her name.  :D She said CAT and said I could keep my found treasure. I thought it unusual she had two feathers tied into her hair. By this point the sun was getting close to setting and I took a photo and she wished she had her phone to capture the spectacular sunset. I offered to send her my pic. Email? Instagram? She said Facebook. We talked fifteen minutes, where we lived, family, jobs etc and I went out on a limb and asked to take a selfie with her (didn't touch her). Her S13 joined us from where he had been playing elsewhere on the beach. He was also a fan of skipping stones (as am I) and the three of us did so for another fifteen minutes. It was a little surreal to be there but not uncomfortable at all. It was getting dark and I said my goodbye.

I sent CAT the pics (which she still hasn't seen) and looked through what I could see of her profile. Age 42 and I wondered if she was still with the guy in her pics as the last one of them was 2020 and we know how MLC can happen at that age (she wore no wedding ring). CAT had told me earlier she had eaten Chinese takeout with her son on the picnic tables. It looks like she races motorcycles! It was just an unexpected & fun encounter on the beach. Perhaps one day she will thank me for the pics?

The moral of this story is don't take a backseat to life. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and meet people and you never know what could happen. Life is an adventure... participate in it.
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« Last Edit: August 25, 2022, 05:14:25 AM by STP »
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BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#131: August 25, 2022, 09:47:30 AM
Hello,

Quote
The moral of this story is don't take a backseat to life. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and meet people and you never know what could happen. Life is an adventure... participate in it.

I think we spend far too much time wasted on "what ifs" and allowing analysis paralysis to prevent us from moving forward with our lives. I work out at a gym every morning and have met a lot of new friends. One friend is a pastor in another city and he was having a backpack giveaway and invited my scholars to his event. Another guy is a teacher in my district and I saw him at a local watering hole and while we were talking, another young lady called out, "Hey, Mr. Ready, It's me...." She was the daughter of a friend who worked with me at my first school. I remember her when she was a baby. Now she teaches Special Education.

When you are out there and connecting with others in a positive manner, you can improve your own outlook while making others feel better as well. It is all about mindset and living your life regardless of the MLCer.

Remember the forum isn't about the journey of your MLCer, but a journal of your journey to recovery.

Have a great day,

((((Ready))))




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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#132: August 29, 2022, 05:11:43 AM
Thanks for the positive words Ready. Good connections make everyone feel better

I had a fun weekend. Discovered quickly in the escape room with KA on Saturday, I am not very analytical in my observations. Her D10 and two friends did all the quick thinking.

Sundays outdoor driveway brunch was a real fun day of eating, visiting with friends and swimming. Buddy JS followed me a bit but I always kept getting the last chair at each table I went to leaving him standing. :)  I saw SMM was there and went right up to her. I last spoke about her here 5 years ago:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8592.msg564298#msg564298
A couple times she brought up the incident that I wouldn't buy her more than one beer. Whatever. Otherwise it was pleasant enough to chat with her. I took our pic and she friended me on facebook that evening. She's a heavy duty smoker, busty barfly, drunk and I told JS to go for it. Ha. Not sure why she felt the need to tell us she's only had sex once in two years. A crazy girl.

This week will go fast I think. KA will come over Tues. Thursday S23 and S20 will go with me to see the Scorpions. Friday, KAs sister will be flying in and I will go with them and their mom to the local street festival for a night of live Journey and Led Zeppelin tribute music. Saturday KA and I go to the renaissance festival in Bristol, WI. dressed in period garb-I wear a sword even. Sunday will be her cities fireworks display and her sister will join us again.

Have fun people. Enjoy your time. Ask the universe to deliver what you desire.
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« Last Edit: August 29, 2022, 05:23:28 AM by STP »
M56 XW54
S30, S27, S23, S20
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#133: September 06, 2022, 07:23:37 AM
Journaling

I had a wonderful weekend with KA, which included her mom and sister. At the street concert on Friday we ran into several friends of ours. One of which is JR, who tried kissing me last month. She asked for a selfie with me and gave me multiple hugs (and KA too). Looks like she'll get a ride to my wine party in a couple weeks after not attending a party since before Covid.

DC actually messaged me.
Quote
Hi. Are you by chance throwing a Halloween party? I need a Halloween party this year 🙂
The guy whose Halloween party we met at, can't really do them any more as they got too big and the city stepped in with lots of rules and regulations. He also got divorced and has a new gf so... I'm very happy to be the only one throwing one amongst friends. Hopefully it stays this way. I decided to move away from 'prize for the sexiest costume'. JW has won the last two years and now that she's with her cop bf I don't want to encourage her to attend. DC woulda gave her competition. Women with implants tend to get the most votes.

I was on my soapbox last week preaching the myth of those who believe in soulmates. I'm sure everyones MLCer probably does! This is gold: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/daring-love/201907/beware-the-soulmate-myth?fbclid=IwAR1xh9W-eUkNVFcQnAkDcIDsQg7Lb_xX7lxFDPSS4x0Pt7N_wCg5ojmCCpo

This short week will involve more kayaking, beaching and baking. Saturday I will leave KA with her D10 and attend a very good friends patio party in IL. KA and I went last year to this annual event. Sunday my gf and I go camping in WI without D10. Yes, sleeping in a tent.
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« Last Edit: September 06, 2022, 07:26:46 AM by STP »
M56 XW54
S30, S27, S23, S20
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#134: September 19, 2022, 09:17:57 AM
Journalling

A lot going on but keeping it short as it's drama free fun. Last week my camping trip with KA was a super fantastic time! We didn't let the rainy first half get us down (and still did everything I wanted us to), as we revisited the campground of my childhood. Between '74 and '91 I've gone there 15 times. The last two times were before children with XW. While on the drive up to WI, MM sent me a picture of her old man bfs son recovering in the hospital. Her text was as if I knew things prior to his stay there. I don't really give a crap about the kid. She sometimes confuses things of great importance to her as being of great importance to me. Lack of empathy? She has this heir of importance that bothers many, KA included.

Saturday was my wine party and I had 32 people over. A few new people that were friends of friends but none made a lasting impression. We had 26 open bottles of wine, a backyard fire and I managed to get everyone out of my house 15 mins after it ended at midnight.  MM left a message on the event that it depended on the kids healing from his heart surgery. I'm glad she didn't show up. If I need to remind you, she met this 30 yr old in a bar and just started talking with him and then started dating his dad who said he loved her within 10 days of meeting her. I'm sure there will come a day of regret when she shows up as shes turned her back on all her friends to make him her everything. Whatever.

This week/weekend I'm going to a concert in Chicago, kayaking with a couple in a lagoon, to KAs cousins wedding and my moms 80th birthday gathering.

I hope all is as well as it can be. Don't let anyone control your emotions. Find your happiness undeterred by others. Live these days in search of happiness. We don't get the time back.


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« Last Edit: September 19, 2022, 09:28:04 AM by STP »
M56 XW54
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BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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#135: September 23, 2022, 06:25:58 AM
Journalling

I went over to MMs Facebook this week and her profile image was her and the older bf she is dating. The next day I noticed she had changed the image to just a sunrise/sunset and the following day she deactivated her account. I'm not sure what is going on, but she knows how to reach me when she wants to. I am hopeful she ends her relationship with him, so I can have my dear friend back consistently in my life.

After my wine party I texted DC, who indicated she meant to come, but her gal pal wasn't able to and sons soccer etc. Told her I have ten open half full bottles of dry wine she can have. (KA and I like sweet wine). She's in the office Thursdays (in my city) and stopped by for a 40 min chat. I always forget how tall she is, which I like. She confided in me about her bf having prostate cancer and going for surgery on Monday. They plan to come to my Halloween party which they did once before. At one point DC was going on-and-on about work  ::) and I grabbed her shoulders and just kissed her a few times. Took a pic with her and she left. Not letting her fully friend zone me.

It did make me wonder if something tragic happened to DCs bf and she was unattached, would I change anything in my life to be with her? I don't even know if she's ever seen me as marriage material  ;D, as that's her desire (I'd consider going there). I definitely would not want to hurt KA as she is so good for me in lots of ways...

however, this weekend I need to have a talk with KA about my Halloween party. It is MY most anticipated event of the year. I've bought over 70 new decorations for this year. Last year at midnight when the party was due to end, I still had 18 people over and told her I wouldn't kick them out, so she left in a huff of anger and sadness. I need to find middle ground here, as I decorate for weeks and want it to go late. I certainly can start it an extra hour early.

This Sunday morning, after her cousins wedding, we will awaken in IL. Her mom and my parents will meet for the first time in passing at my moms 80th birthday celebration at a park.

I sent out invites to the 23 friends KA would like to attend her 50th birthday celebration in OCT. Buddy JS was not included for the steak meal and casino show. It's been fun organizing it.

Tonight we will go with her D9 and mom maybe to an Oktoberfest.
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« Last Edit: September 23, 2022, 06:33:12 AM by STP »
M56 XW54
S30, S27, S23, S20
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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#136: September 30, 2022, 08:09:50 AM
Journalling

I had a quick talk with KA about my Halloween party. She knows its my fave time of year and I asked for my party to go to 1 am and starting an extra hour earlier. She said she will just go home when tired and not plan on sleeping over to be better rested for church.

The meeting of moms went well enough at my parents house until we went to have a picnic of sorts outside at a park shelter. KA and her mom get cold super easy. They consider 70º as cold so while the rest of my family were fine eating outside on a windy day.

MM messaged me shes been working long days, up to 12 hrs, on her internship which ends Oct 20. The building is right next to XWs shop. MM left Facebook to take a break from it as it gets overwhelming. She apologized for missing parties but her bf lives in MI and she goes there weekends as theres no place for them here. She'd like to get together to catch up Oct 9th. which I guess works for me.

Speaking of XW, I saw a photo of her on Facebook with OM, S30 and others for S30s gfs birthday. She looked the same... gray hair with a splash of purple on the side. Still in MLC.

I've been real tired this week with a cold. Makes me almost want to use a covid test to see if I actually got it?

No sleeping in this weekend for us. Saturday morning KA and I, along with S20 are taking a quarry tour. It's only open two days a year for such excursions. Sunday morning I am leading a group of about a dozen people, including buddy JS, on a 3 hr hike downstate IN. The drive is over 2 hrs to Turkey Run.

Next week will be 6 years D. So many good memories since then. Kinda crazy I've been with KA for 77% of it.
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« Last Edit: September 30, 2022, 08:11:07 AM by STP »
M56 XW54
S30, S27, S23, S20
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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#137: October 03, 2022, 07:03:30 AM
Reminiscing today

My weekend was terrific but not getting to sleep in past 7:30 made for tiring days. Buddy JS was too clingy on my hike and he traps people in lengthy uninterruptible monologues that are exhausting. 5 hrs with him in my car was brutal at times as he just went on and on explaining things I don't really care about. Woman friend PB in the back seat tried to sleep through it. At one point JS was talking about women we know, and couldn't remember her name, but said DC is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. (groan, which had me thinking 'just leave her alone'.) He's well aware she has a bf but I can see him bothering her when they come to my Halloween party.

I finalized birthday plans for KAs 50th celebration in two weeks. Steak dinner at new nearby casino with about a dozen mutual friends of her choosing, followed by Radio Gaga concert there featuring the songs of Queen and Lady Gaga. KA was tipped off to that part of the evening and wasn't pleased, so we will skip the second half and instead go dancing at a bar afterwards (which is what she wanted).

One of my favorite traits about KA is just how grounded she is. She is not flaky at all, being in complete control of her mental and emotional self. She is not easily influenced by others. Life’s small mishaps just roll off her shoulders with a laugh. She is sensible, realistic, calm and unpretentious.

Today I find myself reminiscing at the Octobers of '16 and '17 with gfs AG and CH and meeting DC. There were plenty of good times back then but also uncertainty, confusion and hurt. Tomorrow marks 6 years D. What an enjoyable time it's been since then. I know how my life woulda be more of the same, living out XWs life, whereas being single, I have made it what I want it to be. Loads of fun and socializing.
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« Last Edit: October 03, 2022, 07:14:48 AM by STP »
M56 XW54
S30, S27, S23, S20
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#138: October 10, 2022, 11:05:34 AM
Journalling

Text from MM on Sunday
Quote
Hi, it would be nice to get together today however I cannot do it because of school work. I don't even know if I can go to the singles hayride tonight. Are you going? I have two weeks left and it’s down to the wire so it’s a lot to do

I don't really care to see her and didn't even invite her to my Halloween party. I had a special day instead and saw all 4 of my sons. S22 texted me about going to Chicago to root on his older brother S30 running the 26.2 mile marathon. They were supposed to run it together but S22 hurt his leg 7 weeks ago and is still dealing with that pain.  I ran it twice in my youth before kids and the second time while engaged to XW. She had her own plans and wasn't at the marathon.
Came home and S27 and I did his pumpkin beer taste test. He works 1 day at a liquor store and brought 16 different flavors to try. S20 came over to watch a movie but S27 and I were still drinking and he left. I wasn't in the right condition to watch anything.

This upcoming weekend is KAs 50th b-day celebration. I have 15 people coming to it. We are also looking forward to sleeping in!
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M56 XW54
S30, S27, S23, S20
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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#139: October 11, 2022, 08:46:50 AM
In my last vacation with XW 2/16 she eluded to this. It was a romantic getaway in a cabin for three days and I recall her asking me during a talk one night "Don't you want to be with someone who appreciates you (and your hobbies)?" She was saying we weren't a good match and there were better women for me. I didn't know it at the time that she was already working on her exit strategy with OM, whom we saw again less than a week later.

"You can remove someone from your life and still truly want what's best for them.
Just because there is a distance or detachment, it doesn't mean that hate has to fill that space."

I'm quite certain there is no hate directed at me. She simply sees me as an old friend and partner in the child raising years. I kinda see her the same way. I still am hopeful for her marriage to fail. I could be legit friends with her if she was with a different man. One who didn't break up my marriage. I'm long over it. Rarely give her a thought except it woulda been our 32 yr anniversary last week. I'm having way too much fun to look back for more than a moment.

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« Last Edit: October 11, 2022, 08:49:10 AM by STP »
M56 XW54
S30, S27, S23, S20
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

 

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