[STP]

Hi all. I hope your Christmas was good.

While I was at KAs on the eve, S27 led his bros in replacing my stove as my big present. I have no doubt they will take care of me as I get older. The kids usually go to XWs on the eve but instead she had them over Christmas day morning. Afterwards they all dispersed and did their own things. S25 ended up not coming over in the afternoon with his brothers which was a bit hurtful. He went for a hike and then decided to go sooth his muscles in XWs hot tub and got too drunk to come over. I also heard he thought we were getting together on Sunday? He did then and all was fine. I just missed a photo op with them.

I've heard of men getting $h!te tests but never really felt like I had until Christmas Eve. Earlier in the week I asked DC if she was going to be around Christmas Eve but she said she had plans and I wished her a good time, it being the holidays after all. While at KAs, DC sent me a pic of herself in the kitchen saying her kids don't show up until Christmas Day and she was cooking food and drinking glasses of wine. We talked of how her cinnamon rolls would compare to my cinnamon roll cookies and I offered to stop by as her place was on my way home and drop some leftovers off. She was eager to try them and twenty mins later when I was in her parking lot, she texted me her youngest son was home. Huh? Why wait to tell me that? He doesn't know of me. I waited 30 mins on my drive home and texted back she missed out on some delicious treats. You're probably wondering why any of this even is occurring? I like her. She'll probably be engaged this summer and then I'll leave her alone. May as well start now.

Last night I had MM over to give me my birthday present 2 months late (Halloween stuff) and we watched a movie. We had never really watched tv together and it was a lil weird as the only women I've ever watched tv with, I was romantically invested in. Thus there was no cuddling which had me feeling a bit lacking. It was funny to me how much MM was ripping into people who don't wear a mask at her grocery store yet she's been partying with other abuser 'friends' of ours the last two weekends. She did say she still feels the effects of covid (end of Oct) in her lungs after lying down. The friend of a friend in the hospital died of it since my last post.

I'm feeling the need to pull back from being social online. I started up again playing an online game XW and I played back a decade ago. It's a fun way to fill time and kill lots of hours. Longtime readers would have heard of the game from my first posts here where XW started her EA with a guy in the game. I have zero inclination to chat with anyone but rather complete tasks.

For NYE, I'll be at KAs with her D8. It's never been a big deal to me and I'd be okay going to bed before midnight.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Happy New Year!

I like her. She'll probably be engaged this summer and then I'll leave her alone. May as well start now.

Good advice to yourself. It's stuff that is going to go nowhere that ends up blowing up in your face.

For NYE, I'll be at KAs with her D8. It's never been a big deal to me and I'd be okay going to bed before midnight.

Same here,  we are just going to have seafood and a few drinks. I might make it to 10 pm. LOL!

Keep going strong and enjoy your time with KA and the little one,

(((((Ready))))

[STP]

Thanks Ready!

I'm sure I'll be up at midnight to ring in 2021 but not without dosing at some time prior in the night. It's kinda become a joke with KA, that I fall asleep every time I'm over there on her couch. I do get up before 4:30am so yeah by 9 pm I'm quite sleepy. Sleep is a daily conversation with her on how tired we are.

Well I planned to not give any more attention to DC but she sent me a photo of herself last night, which interrupted my train of thought on the TV show I was watching.  A couple texts back 'n forth before she said

If I drove you crazy, that was my intention. If my son was not spending the night, I would so desire for you to come over.

Just words. Words I like, but I know to keep calm and not play the game.

And speaking of words I was thinking back to Monday when MM was over and how she's always questioning me if I love KA. Why does she have to keep asking that? I recall one time she was trying to get me to break up with KA if I didn't love her. MM doesn't approve apparently because KA is a quiet introvert and I'm not. KA and I don't say "I love you" more than once every two months. I guess I don't want to lose myself to that and how I feel about her isn't on the same level I was with XW. I won't allow myself to get that deep again or maybe I'm cautious to not let my heart get hurt again or maybe I just don't feel that intensity with her? As I often say when people bring up wedding questions or our seriousness, "As we are now is how we will be."

Planning to back off social media in Jan and get healthy.

Happy New Year 2021!

[STP]

Bits of things

I had a dream that woke me up at 3:50 am that I was in a relationship with beach yoga instructor DS, my realtor. Odd dream with her family visiting mine for Christmas. DS's too spiritual for me. Musta had her in my mind as it was her birthday yesterday.

New Years Day, DC sent me another pic of herself. Not a selfie which makes me suspect it was her son and not her bf, who was over that night, snapping it. Curious if I'll hear anything from her this week with the duration of her having a kid in the house ending mid week.

LD, who is KAs best friend asked for my opinion on a guy DF who 13 months ago started dating JW. I posted about the start of their relationship here:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10460.msg752591#msg752591
Today I've spent hours chatting with JW since she and DF broke up last week and how awful and abusive DF was to JW. Of course info I've shared with LD who has a second date with DF this week. I'm leaving KA out of the drama. JW wished I had warned her of what a wolf in sheeps clothing he was and his reputation for yelling at women and using their money.

The kids told me XW is working (for free) in a jewelry store that allows her to sell her hand made creations. Way to go! I think  it's hysterical OM is not allowed to watch his beloved Green Bay Packers and often times has to watch TV in a different room than XW and kids. Sheesh.

Seeing the doctor on WED for my shin pain that has sidelined my running since last day in Sept. Hope you're all well.

[STP]

Have a good weekend.

LD and DF never had a second date so that's through. I did text a bunch with JW last week as she was working admitting at the hospital. We talked of maybe getting together to hang out on Sunday but her bestie from WI stayed until Monday, so perhaps another time. She did send me a pic of herself sitting on a rock in the water.

Results of my visit to the doctor came back less than ideal. I am seeing an orthopedic doctor in ten days for what is most likely a stress fracture in my tibia bone. Crazy to think I caused it just by running but I guess if you factor in all that pounding and my age, things can start to break down. Bloodwork showed I have high triglycerides, like 182% of what they should be and my liver is generating more enzymes than it should be! In March I will see a doctor for that. Meanwhile I am on my blood sugar detox like I did last year an lost 1/10th of my weight in a month. I may keep it going longer to seriously drop lots of weight. 280 lbs at 6'4" which I hide well. KA is also doing the 4-week plan.

This weekend I am going to KAs house. Nothing special planned but seeing some owls. S19, S21, and S25 will come over on Sunday for game playing like usual. I've been spending lots of my free time involved in that online game XW and I used to play way back '07-'10. Lord of the Rings online. It's where she had her EA which turned physical at the start of BD #1. It's fun and a big time filler. My mind skipped to what if she went back in the game and we met there. So silly, as shes in a different place now. Aren't we all.

Post #800

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Well, I am with you on the health meter. I was doing so well until covid shut down my gym. Hopefully, they will reopen when the vaccines start to kick in and the recovery begins in a couple of months.

I hope your leg heals and you get healthy, who knows, in a couple of years the only things we will have to post about is our doctor's visits and our numbers. I guess it's a sign we are getting old. LOL

Have a good weekend, see the owls, and enjoy some football,

((((Ready))))

[STP]

Progress

Saw the orthopedic doctor twice since my last post. I was given a steroid shot in my shin in the spot where the tendons attach. This and an ointment have decreased the inflammation greatly! Crazy how something like that can linger 5 months. I am planning to start running again slowly when the weather warms up.

Since my last post I have lost 26 lbs following the low blood sugar meal plan. For the most part, after the 4 weeks ended, I have been keeping to it.

Last weekend I went to JWs up in MI. I hadn't seen her in a year. We went for a hike to the shore so I could photograph some blue ice. She spoke of her last bf, how he gave her a ring after 2 months and the end of it due to his anger and drinking. I relayed he's already in a relationship less than 2 months from their breakup! We went to a brewery for food and drink, socially distanced of course. Being a nurse she's had her both vaccine shots. Afterwards she kissed me and that kinda woke me up for more kissing in our trust bubble. She's a curvy and soft woman but not for me and I have some guilt. Not one I would want to be in a relationship with. We were last intimate like 3 years ago and am okay leaving that in the past.

I have not heard from many others in this quiet time. MM occasionally sends me music news but she's busy with schooling as she is switching careers. My buddy JS and DC I haven't heard from and it's up to them to reach out.

I did hear from S27s, my XW is opening a jewelry shop in her town (the next city over). It makes me cringe to think how terrible it would be to still be in a relationship with her. She has unrealistic ideas. She was making 12-19k a year selling her wire wrapped stones. There isn't enough of a calling but she's too arrogant, stubborn and delusional to think of reality. It makes me laugh to see how she jumps from one thing to another trying to patch the unhappiness in herself and how she is bleeding the OM of his money. Seeing as she's never lived anywhere for longer than 7 years I can predict when the business fails she will think of moving away.

I did not see KA this week as she has her daughter due to her exs work travel plans. I'll go over tonight to visit as I wont see her this entire weekend and  will stop at LDs on the way to KAs as she's selling me a second TV. My best friend of 45 years and older bro are staying over for a board game weekend. S19 and S21 will be involved as well. My bro is a board game enthusiast and we will play The Fantasy Trip, Gunslinger, Cosmic Encounter, Ogre, Cthulu Wars, etc. It will be a blast!

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I was given a steroid shot in my shin in the spot

I knew you were on roids!

Since my last post I have lost 26 lbs following the low blood sugar meal plan.

I have done the same. If I could just stay way from creamer in my coffee, I would be there! It seems you are moving forward and like all of us looking forward to the time when we are all past this covid crisis.

Let me know how the board games go this weekend. Hopefully, I will have my own date to get vaccinated and that will be a big step as gyms should partially reopen sometime next week in my area.

Enjoy the rest of your day!

((((Ready))))

[STP]

Thanks for reply Ready,

Our game weekend wasn't as perfect as I planned as my bro didn't come until Sat. So Friday night was hanging out with my best friend, which was great to just chat. We played three games in 13 hours on Sat: The Fantasy Trip, Magic Realm and Planet Apocalypse. Sunday my kids S19 and S21 did not come back over and we got sidetracked watching WandaVision on Sunday thus no games were played before they left.

I have not seen KA since last Thursday and missed her this Tuesday as well as she still has her daughter over and I've been running about getting the end of income with-holding paperwork taken care of, with trips to courthouse. I was pleased to get reimbursed a check from child services for all the back pay I've made since filing in Dec.

Speaking of KA, I wanted to touch on a light hearted conversation we had 2 weeks ago for our 3rd anniversary. I asked her what improvements she'd like from me and she responded she would like me to tell her I love her more. The unusual thing is how difficult it is for me to say. It wasn't hard to say to XW. I've never been one to casually and easily say "I love you" to anyone (like my parents). Perhaps I don't really feel in love with her?

Tonight MM is coming over to watch a movie with me. Her idea as is Chinese takeout. I know she will ask me, as she always does, if I love KA. In a way, it's like MM doesn't believe me or can see that I'm just not that into KA? Or perhaps she has other motivation? I dunno. It will be fun to see her a it's been 2.5 months. Next week I will probably have KAs bestie LD over to watch a movie to educate her on cultural icons she knows nothing about (Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Mad Max films etc.)

The age for vaccines dropped to 50+ yesterday in IN. My first shot is April 1st. A couple weeks after KA gets her second I will work towards hosting a party. lol. Quite a lot of friendships have changed since a year ago.

Here's a photo of my blacklight wall in my game room/office. It's still growing but this is the initial view. Have fun people because when the day's over you don't get it back!

[forthetrees]

Tonight MM is coming over to watch a movie with me.

Perhaps I don't really feel in love with her? (KA)

I think you have your answer.