[OffRoad]

You know, STP, if you loved KA, you wouldn't disrespect her by kissing other women like JW. Unless of course you told KA you like kissing other women and will do it when you feel like it and she accepts that.  When you were married, would it have been ok for your then W to go around kissing other men behind your back?

What does a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship mean to you?

[OffRoad]

BTW, I like the black light posters. I had at least three of those in High School, along with a  haunted house, a toreador, and some great geometric patterns. Went with my black light, my fantastic plastic light machine, and my blinking UFO. A lot were black fuzzy rather than just black ink. The teenager cave blast from the past.

[STP]

Thanks for reply forthetrees and OffRoad.

I'm not head over heels in love with KA. Perhaps that is why I am fine not pursuing marriage with her (which she doesn't want either). I don't know if I can be in love again with another woman? Not like I was, lost in the devotion to XW. In the couple weeks since my last post, I've decided to not reach out to JW or any other women again. I've never been a fan of people sneaking around which includes me. MM is a friend. A woman friend who I can talk music with and do things KA has no interest in. When I see MM again I will absolutely tell KA prior. MM and I have never been physical, kissed or been inappropriate and I'm fine with that. LD has decided no to watching movies which is OK. It gives me more free time to do what I want! When not with KA I find myself wanting to be with her more and more. I still love my space and freedom but do miss her after a couple days (more than  my libido talkin' here). I enjoy being with her very much! I respected marriage and loved being married. It was not okay for XW to mess around on me. I still believe in the faithful bond of marriage. I hope my kids have good strong marriages like I had most of the 25 years wed to XW. If I was with a woman who wanted marriage and I felt the same it could happen. I am fine with things as they are atm.

XWs jewelry shop is open and I stumbled upon a friend of a friends FB page who is actually involved in the store with her. Most of the things in the photos I saw were items this other woman has for sale. Her involvement and inventory will help XWs metaphysical/spiritual stores appeal tremendously.

With KAs first vaccination shot scheduled I have reached out to important friends and observed which of them is getting shots and who is not. I plan to have my first social gathering June 12th which seems a good wait based on my attendees. Several friends have faded away or decided to no longer be friendly so it'll be a rebuilding with those who matter.

My buddy JS came over on Monday and we biked. He talked my ear off but at least we were out and doing something to make it less annoying. I will plan on hosting a hike in late May as well. With the weather warming up, I am planning to put more effort into running.

[Zion]

STP,

This is sounding like a lot of growth!  Protecting your heart by not playing with fire.

I think especially for us LBSers we should explore the "Stages of Love".  For me I was never in Limerence with my XH...He was definitely with me.  I was content, at peace, felt safe, felt like a great team, admired my husband.... all this made me attracted and feel lots of love.  My love grew and grew over time.  When I felt threatened by OW...limerence reared it ugly head...primal panic which switched on a sexual switch in me but in no way was it healthy. 

I honestly don't think "being in love" is the goal when looking for romantic partnership. 

https://www.amazon.com/Art-Falling-Love-Joe-Beam/dp/1451672659

[Curiosity]

Interesting thoughts, Zion! My W and I were long distance for the first several months of our relationship and so I never really thought much about limerence until my W started showing basically obsession with her alienator. And of course, 19 years in, the current relationship bears no resemblance to the excitement of new love - it’s committed, solid, familiar, trusted (or at least that is how it seemed before BD1). But the more I think back, the more I feel there was some degree of limerence, even across the distance - that ability to spend hours on the phone every day, always thinking of each other, writing letters and sending gifts, feeling too excited to eat sometimes. And we both felt it - and as the familiarity grew, that excitement faded in some ways. It wasn’t to the level of obsession, but it was there. And even that was not healthy and would not have been sustainable long term. Certainly the limerence that borders on obsession, that leads to poor job performance and neglecting or harming other parts of your life - that is a very unhealthy thing and definitely should not be romanticized as the ideal in finding a partner.

[STP]

Thanks for your replies Zion and Curiosity.

I was not familiar with the term Limerence. Reading about it, I was very much in this with my XW and probably the first few years of our relationship. She's the smartest woman I've ever met and whenever we had a fight she'd skillfully twist it around so I was the one at wrong even if it was her actions... that I drove her to do. But I was just so happy to be with her, I didn't mind the occasional abuse. I was a door mat with no boundaries except those she placed on me. If I ever even mentioned another woman's name, she'd blow up and accuse that I was having an affair with them. I learned the less I did and said the safer I was. Yes I lived in fear of her. I'm so happy to be away from that and with someone so down to earth and kind. KA is a great relationship partner. As we are, is as we will stay.

Late last night, DC sent me a message. I hadn't chatted with her in three weeks. She said something about her turning 50 in July and asked if I would photograph her so, she had images to look back upon when she's older. She's one of those women who is always wearing makeup and very concerned with her looks. I said yes. I like taking photos and helping friends. I expect her to be engaged this year.

This weekend KA, D8 and I will go to a farm for baby animal feeding.

[STP]

Journalling

I had a good Easter weekend. KA was over and we took a nature walk at the gardens nearby. A movie was being filmed there and the four actors were in 17th century clothing. S19 and S26 came over on Sunday to play our superhero miniatures game following my yard work.

Chatted with MM telling her I am basically done going out to see bar bands. I'm not that desperate to get my dance on that I'll subject myself to bands I've seen several times already. She's been hanging around those I refer to ask 'mask abusers' (ones who never changed their going out during the pandemic and thus they all had covid.) The two guys there are former friends I don't care to associate with.

MM did ask if I would film her speech for her college class. It required positioning props, zooming out and a change from b&w to color mid movie-easy for me to do in imovie. Took 4 hrs Wed night. I did tell KA about it. There was a screw up on her part and she came over the next day to redo it in a much quicker 90 mins. She bought me a 12 pack of beer and wine as a thanks. I was well aware when we sat on the couch to watch the playback, MM leaned on me. She is very touchy with me, despite telling me a story of how another mutual friend upset her by touching her hand while having lunch with her. I gave a her a goodnight hug lifting her and was surprised she wrapped her legs around me! Not sure what was up with that? I know recently she said if she had wanted to firetruck me she woulda years ago although thats quite untrue as from the week after meeting her I've been with various gfs... GW, CH, AF, KA and she was off limits being married.
Every other Thursday has kinda become our day to watch movies and I might see her this week. Another odd thing is she isn't keen on me having a party in June a week before someone elses. Well I'm not keen on the theme of the other persons not to mention the two guys I despise will be there and KA has her D8 that weekend. Whatever. I'm doing my own thing for that is what matters.

DC apologized about not getting back to me regarding my services of photographing her before she turns 50 (I'm known amongst my friends as the good photo taking guy). She sent me a picture of her chest (and her new cat) like she used to. Whatever. She also posted a pic with her bf on facebook the next day. She's a user. I'll help her out next month.

Last week I got my first vaccination shot and am excited to be fully vaccinated in 5 weeks to go see my parents and entertain again, beginning in June. I will host a hike before then.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Glad to hear you are doing well. I had a good Easter too!

She's the smartest woman I've ever met and whenever we had a fight she'd skillfully twist it around so I was the one at wrong even if it was her actions... that I drove her to do.

I didn't think my ex as the smartest woman I ever met, but she was very intelligent and resourceful, just like your ex, she would turn the tables on me and make me out to be the wrong person. Before I knew it, I would be apologizing and admitting wrong and at best, she would accept my apology, but she was never wrong. Until the time she called me and actually apologized to me.

Last week I got my first vaccination shot and am excited to be fully vaccinated in 5 weeks to go see my parents and entertain again, beginning in June. I will host a hike before then.

I get my second shot tomorrow and I will start mingling with family again as most of my wife's family either has received one shot or both. I may go to the gym to ride the stationary bike, but I will wear a mask and stay away from others.

MM did ask if I would film her speech for her college class. It required positioning props, zooming out and a change from b&w to color mid movie-easy for me to do in imovie. Took 4 hrs Wed night. I did tell KA about it. There was a screw up on her part and she came over the next day to redo it in a much quicker 90 mins. She bought me a 12 pack of beer and wine as a thanks. I was well aware when we sat on the couch to watch the playback, MM leaned on me. She is very touchy with me, despite telling me a story of how another mutual friend upset her by touching her hand while having lunch with her. I gave a her a goodnight hug lifting her and was surprised she wrapped her legs around me! Not sure what was up with that?

Editing and making a good movie is an art. MM got a great deal for a 12 pack and wine. Reminded me of Eddie Van Halen's guitar rift for Michael Jackson's "Beat it". First Eddie cussed out and hung up the phone on Quincy Jones because he thought it was a prank call. Goes in and does an amazing solo and helps reorganize the song with Jackson's approval. Doesn't talk about money and just got paid in beer.

A movie was being filmed there and the four actors were in 17th century clothing. S19 and S26 came over on Sunday to play our superhero miniatures game following my yard work.

The movie sound interesting and your games seem like a great time between you and your sons.

KA has her D8 that weekend.

I thought you did things with KA's daughter. Or is than on occasion and you tend to stay away on the weekends that she has her daughter? Just wondering.

Keep posting and enjoy your life!

((((Ready))))

[STP]

Thanks for response Ready

Yes, when KA has her D8 we all do things together and watch a lot of TV movies, but if the weekend has an adult only event we typically pass on it or sometimes get her mom to watch the girl.

On Facebook this week I saw a friend of mine noted she was interested in one of XWs jewelry classes. It is not something I've been tuned into but then I went looking a bit. I don't really care but some curiosity had me looking. It looks like XW's been hosting events at her store for jewelry repair and even full moon seances. I guess she's still fully into her paganism, spiritually etc. I saw a small photo of her and didn't recognize her at first as her hair is shoulder length and white. In another photo on its side she had on a witch hat. I am so relieved to be away from that life as I was captured in hers. I really do enjoy being single... with a gf.

I woke up today with my buddy JS messaging me expecting an apology. wth? He had seen a posted conversation between me and a mutual friend about me hosting parties again. I commented "I've talked with most of the key people who will be fully vaccinated. There are resistors of course , but that's on them for being ignorant and selfish". I wasn't talking about him... but it applied. He got all offended as he is VERY much against the vaccine. He had the gaul to tell me he wishes he got it even. I wrote out a long answer but ran it by KA first and she had me simply reply "I was having a conversation with another friend about how I believe. There is nothing to apologize for. Do what is best for you." KA is like the opposite of drama. So cool and collected and calm. I haven't heard back from JS and honestly without me he has zero social life. I went back to the first time I went over to his house in May '16 and read how maddening it was that he wouldn't stop talking. Nothings changed in almost 5 years. Why do i keep him around me?

I also read when I had met MM. She is coming over tonight to start binge watching the Harry Potter series with me as neither of us has seen them. As much as it seems like people change, I really think it's more about seeing other layers of their personality or getting a clearer view of who they really are. I enjoy removing people from my life that aren't deserving a connection between us. I won't put myself around people I don't like or who have severed the connection.

This weekend is at KAs with no plans. Tuesday 4/13 I have a mandatory COVID test as I a precaution before my routine endoscopy/colonoscopy next FRI. Swell. 

Enjoy life people. None of us get out of here alive. Live it up!

[STP]

Test results came back negative which I am happy about.

Yesterday I experienced some stress and it's not like me to get stressed at all! I was quoting on a very unpleasant potential  photo retouching job at work (turning photos of brown wood grain cabinets to white!) when I saw a woman friend create her own party group on facebook and invite me. Really? She has a pool party once a year and she needs a group? I immediately decided thats not for me as she is good friends with the two hateful guys I don't want to be around (one dropped me and the other ignores me-firetruck 'em!) as well as two other women who blocked me for whatever reason on facebook. This same woman the night before had asked me to create a logo for her furniture restoration business which reminded me to get working on it. Then I get a disturbed message from JW who saw my Monday night biking photos with her ex boyfriend and wondered if I would be having him to my June party? I have no issues with the guy but told her I would uninvite him for her... as she has seniority. That decision wasn't sitting well with me and I googled how to invite people that don't get along to an event and it's up to them to work it out. I ran it by KA and she agreed. She doesn't care for the guy but would ignore him and pay attention to those she does like. She wondered why JW even had any status as they've only met a few times in three years. Obviously she doesn't know JW and I have a bit of amorous history before her.

KA came over for our typical Tuesday which included an icecream outing. I can tell she's not thrilled I'll be entertaining in a couple months but accepts it. JW messaged me that she was in a mood but didn't elaborate. I will need to tell her that her ex & his new gf are welcome. I then joined the pool ladys group and as said in previous paragraph, it's up to me to ignore or get along with people I don't like and not let them prevent me from attending events like the pool party, should KA and I decide to go. At this point in life, I like to have a say in who I allow around me.

Tonight MM is coming over to take a 3-hr test and she asked to use one of my computers (in a different room than I'll be) which must have a camera for her instructors to see her (to prevent cheating). Originally MM wanted to take the test without me being home, but I didn't like that idea. I did tell KA about it and she was genuinely supportive in the career goal MM is enroute to in the medical field. I've been having different thoughts about MM lately which confuse my brain a bit. Last week we watched the second Harry Potter film and she was dozing off and I kept nudging her awake. She reminded me if she got tired she could sleep over night in my guest room. Well yeah, but I'm not leaving you in my house while I go to work.

This weekend I am going back to my hiking group with a beach hike cleanup. MM will be there as well as over 30 others. KA is busy with girl scouts and D8. Sunday I am hosting a group of photographers to take pictures of flowers in a preserve near my home.

Take care people. Enjoy life!