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Author Topic: My Story •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce

STP

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My Story •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#70: July 02, 2021, 09:52:42 AM
Journalling

S21 and I did get tickets for the Eagles tribute band concert last night and despite MM saying it's the only band she's ever walked out on, she opted to see them again and we three drove together. At the event I met TB, a woman I posted about 4 years ago in the first paragraph here:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8592.msg577165#msg577165
She's a big cyclist and knows I've been biking Monday nights. We talked of getting together sometime after my vacation to bike ride. We both expressed how comfortable it is to talk to one another and I took a photo with her. I've been trying to take a selfie with all my Facebook friends. Just passed 140 pics.

A 5 years known friend, RB, a ditzy blond lawyer, texted me she was running late and asked me to save her a space on the lawn. She revealed she woulda stayed home from the concert, but because I was going, decided to come. I recalled she was a bit touchy feely at my last party-the kind of person who will touch you when she talks to you. Anyway, she wants me to take a new professional headshot of her. After my vacation we'll set something up for a photo session at her house. She said it's important she's really happy and not posing with a fake smile and that I always make her happy.  MM can't stand her.

This weekend is at KAs which will involve swimming in her pool, and seeing fireworks.
Have a safe and joyous 4th of July. Here's two pics from the fireworks show I just saw.


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« Last Edit: July 02, 2021, 10:01:52 AM by STP »
M56 XW55
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D 10-16

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STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#71: July 23, 2021, 05:47:03 AM
I got kissed and it wasn't my gf.

S21 was supposed to go with me to a Led Zeppelin tribute concert last night but informed me he'll be busy packing. I went with MM instead. We met with some other friends including my realtor/yoga instructor DS suffering from poison ivy rash. The show was great, loud and enjoyable. I've probably seen them 6x now. Another woman friend attending, SL is a tall 6'1 blonde of Danish descent I've known 5 years. I'm Danish/German as well. SL dated my buddy JS a bit last year until she had to run from all his talking. I've known since the day we met, she likes me. Shes 9 years older but still looks great and JS confirmed it. Anyway, MM had us in the front row and my ears were getting blown out so I went back rows to film a song and SL, who hung on me some of the night, sitting next to me and casually touching me a lot, came to say goodbye and kissed me on the cheek. She then ambushed me with a kiss on the lips. I didn't make a big deal outta it. No one needs to know. The last friend RH who did that, I told on to KA and they've not been seen together since.

XW texted me with a photo of S21s house. I thanked her for guiding him and helping with the purchase. He is my most successful son. I'll go check it out on Sunday with KA. Same city as XW and my other sons, just 12 mins from me.

KA and I had a wonderful nine day trip to CO with her D8 & mom last week.  It was a family reunion for her with sister and husband, brother and wife and their two adult kids. Every day was an event: Seven Falls, Royal Gorge, Cheyne Mountain Zoo, Pikes Peak and the Garden of the Gods. There were times when D8 was VERY irritating with her phone/tablet addiction and I am glad to be away from her awhile! JW messaged me while I was on vacation just to ask how my vacation was going.

Tonight KA and I are going to a winery for improv comedy. Tomorrow is my sports shirt party. Looks to be smaller with just over a dozen attending.

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« Last Edit: July 23, 2021, 06:07:19 AM by STP »
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STP

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#72: July 29, 2021, 10:46:13 AM
Journalling

I messaged DC about getting together for a drink, since I haven't seen her since last Sept. but after agreeing to it, she ignored my question of her availability. Whatever. Inconsistent flaky women are annoying AF. No more reaching out to her.

KA and I went to winery improv comedy. Sat in front row and her 'words from the audience' were picked often. She's a quick thinker. Saturday we went to the beach and that night was my sports shirts party. Lightly attended with a dozen friends and was over way early at 11:40pm. Another sit and talk party which I'm not a fan of. My year younger, lawyer friend RB was in rare form and not a ditzy blond. Buddy JS and I commented we liked this side of her much more. MM had to work late and missed my party. I started thinking towards my Aug. party but decided to cancel it. Tuesday I went to KAs and we helped her mom tie up a drooping tree.

Tonight I am going to RBs house to professionally photograph her. A headshot for her law practice. Shes giving us local professional Gary, IN baseball tickets as a thanks. I did inform KA I'm going over to keep transparent. I don't expect RB to be in her ditzy flirt mode (often punching me in the arm). Afterwards tonight I prob will go with MM to a Beatles tribute.

This weekend KA, D8 and I are going camping in a tent. She's always so prepared and has everything, so it should be easy going and fun. After this I won't see D8 until her birthday 4 weeks from now.

Keep on living it up-we don't get these days back!

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« Last Edit: July 29, 2021, 10:47:26 AM by STP »
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STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#73: August 12, 2021, 10:31:53 AM
Journalling

I hope you are all well and healthy and your MLCer is not difficult.

BF texted me to ask when she got divorced from OM.  Odd she couldn't remember it was 2017. I guess after five years he stops paying her child support. Both kids are well over 18 but it was for other reasons. We also discussed my XWs metaphysical store having come upon videos online of it.

S21 bought his house and it's in need of some fixing up but it's plenty of space for him in a good quiet location. Tonight he and I are going to see a Queen tribute band (Tom Petty was last week) and possibly riding with MM to the location. I'm a bit upset with her after last night. She invited me to join her and former coworkers of hers at a restaurant. I was prompt and she was 45 mins late and then texted me to see where I was (at a table) and they were all in the bar. I had taken the liberty of grudgingly ordering food, not wanting to be the only one 'just drinking' and the opposite occurred and I ate by myself. I was pissed and didn't want to be there with her friends. A mutual friend I like showed up 90 mins late and I just said bye and left. MM is thinking of trying to date one of the guys and feels the need to relate details to me. I will say 'no' to her next time she tries to round up all her friends to one location. It didn't matter I was there.

KA and I have been very active going to all sorts of fun places; museum, local and professional baseball games, renaissance faire, and will continue this weekend with a night of live bands and the demolition derby at the county fair.

A month to go until my wine party unless I cancel due to rising COVID cases. Hope not. I've been thinking a lot about working out but have thus far in '21 failed to do so. Sept is my fave month to run. Hope to start up again, although I worry about my knees. Perhaps running is behind me until I lose more weight. Take it slow.
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M56 XW55
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BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

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STP

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#74: August 13, 2021, 06:00:08 AM
Just venting to release angst

Had a great time with S21 and MM at the Queen tribute concert last night. A lotta friends were there but we didn't like where they were sitting so MM picked a better spot with a few others. DS, my realtor and close friend of MMs showed up late and joined us. At the break DS and I talked about things like her realtor biz, yoga classes on the beach and her acting gigs in local plays. I noticed she either intentionally or not pressed her impressive chest up to me while talking... a lot. When the show started back up I was behind her and MM and with jostling from the crowd would occasionally bump into them. DS said to me to stop grabbing her ass and it was a serious remark. My palms were facing me and I thought if I wanted to grab you, there'd be no mistaking it. After the event MM told me that DS complained to her I was grabbing her. WTF?! That comment not only is untrue and hurtful but enrages me. Made me think about how men can get falsely accused for things like rape. MM called her a prick tease and the whole thing left me with a bad taste in my mouth. She may look appealing on the outside but her inner workings are distasteful and ugly.

5 more concerts before months end. Looking forward to staying in tonight with KA.
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Re: •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#75: August 14, 2021, 04:46:52 AM
Made me think about how men can get falsely accused for things like rape. MM called her a prick tease and the whole thing left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

STP: sorry about the unpleasant experience, and the comments are definitely out of line and uncalled for about what you were doing. I get that it is upsetting and made you upset.

I still have to say I am a little bothered by the above sentence. I personally think its a very large leap to go from being in an uncomfortable situation like that to men being falsely accused of rape. There are orders of magnitude more sexual assault, abuse, threats and rape than there are cases of “false rape” to begin with. In fact just last night a 19 year daughter of a friend called me hysterically crying because two guys sitting in a train across from here were openly talking about raping her in front her so she could hear, but how it would not be worth the effort because she would probably go to the police and cry about it. Sadly a lot of women experience this kind of thing and much worse, than men are falsely accused.

Secondly there is a huge leap from someone sending mixed signals and maybe even saying inappropriate things about a man’s behaviour to false rape. That is a little like comparing someone raising their voice to attempted murder in my book.

Unfortunately we (men) are tainted by the inappropriate behaviour and actions of so many of our fellow “men” that sometimes we get caught in the expected bad behaviour of our compatriots.
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« Last Edit: August 14, 2021, 04:49:11 AM by marvin4242 »
No Kids, 23 years at BD1 (4 years), married 21
First signs of MLC Jan '15
BD 1 Jan '17, BD 2 Mar, Separated Apr, BD 3 May,BD 4 Jun '18
First Sign of Waking up-Dec '17, First Cycle out of MLC Mar '18-Jun ‘18, Second cycle Jul '18-??
Meets OM Jan '17 and acts "in love," admits "in love" Jun '18, asks for divorce Jul '18

STP

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#76: August 19, 2021, 06:25:15 AM
Thanks for the reply marvin4242,

I was wrong to even bring the word rape into my post, as that is a hideous criminal form of assault, which is not relatable to false accusations of what transpired. DS is a woman who thrives on men's attention. Perhaps it makes her feel desired and powerful to lead men on? MM and I went to a concert in the park last night and DS came. I kept at arms length with her and we talked less. The three of us did take a pic together and she mentioned me coming to see her in her play. Possibly in Oct on a Sunday afternoon.

Yesterday was S29s birthday and I would have seen him but he had plans with his brothers and my XW to go on that long postponed Mothers Day excursion on the lake. I did send S29 a video of me playing with him when he was 6 mos old and XW was narrating. My how far we've come since then. She sounded so innocent, young and sweet. I imagine until a wedding or grandkids I won't see her and that's fine.

Tonight is another concert with MM and a different group of friends than last night. Being in DCs city I invited her and JH to attend the event in the park. JH I haven't mentioned on here in years as she's dropped out of sight since her nephews passing. It's a short 90 min event. Tomorrow night KA and I will go to a festival and see live music and eat from food trucks. Saturday we go to my parents in IL with S21 and see Styx. Hotels are crazily priced so we will sleep at my parents house and return on Sunday. I'll prob have buddy JS over then to binge watch a TV series.

Life goes on. If you are miserable, it's up to you to make the best of your situation and be happy. Live it up.
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« Last Edit: August 19, 2021, 06:28:59 AM by STP »
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STP

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#77: August 27, 2021, 05:36:39 AM
Journalling

I had a fun weekend with KA  which included sleeping at my parents house. While I was at the Styx concert with KA and S22 a video arrived from DC. In  the preview I could see cleavage. I ran all sorts of scenarios thru my head on how to reply but waited 18 hrs until I was alone to see what it was. It was just her calmly petting her cat alone on a Sat night. Since I clammed up about being blown off and pulling away she started sending me memes etc to break the tension.

Yesterday was S22s birthday and he had plans with his brothers and mom. I did hear from XW too
Quote
Hey, been having to help the kids out with money and could use some help. Had to buy S29 a $550 set of tires. We bought the part to fix S26s car which was $280 and OM spent two days putting it in. Also had to give S29 $250 in cash when he was short a few weeks ago and now S26 is two months behind on his car payment and another $380 to get him current. I just used all my money to buy tickets to FL to see my dad who isn't doing well and may not last long. We paid S26s $1400 in tuition the loans didn't pay.
I asked how I could help and she said S26 has four credit cards, four jobs and is in school and his car is the biggest issue. Blah blah blah. Not gonna go into it here. I hate to hear from her as it's typically texts like this.

S19 switched jobs from fence installation to getting in the carpenters union. I now have three kids in the  trades: electrician and welder being the others. S26 who lives with S29 is the financially troubled one in school to be a wine maker.

Met MM and a couple other friends at Led Zeppelin tribute last night. I was gonna pass on it until I learned JH was gonna be there. We met her and her sister at a rooftop bar after the show. It was good to see JH after a couple years and she was happy to see me.

This weekend I'm at KAs for her D9s birthday pool party tomorrow. Sunday I'll join MM, RB and thirty others at a friends house for a backyard picnic and possible trip to the beach. The activity train just keeps on rollin'. Stay sane people. Life is beautiful if you can roll with the punches.
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« Last Edit: August 27, 2021, 05:41:13 AM by STP »
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You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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#78: September 13, 2021, 06:32:26 AM
Journalling

XW contacted me to pay half of S26s new car battery. sigh.

This weekend was my 5th annual red wine party and largest ever with 31 bottles sampled in under 90 minutes. KA had been concerned with me having 30+ people in my house (some of which I had never met) so I moved the tasting outside and food closer to the patio door (kitchen instead of dining room).  Most I knew the vaccination status of. MM came late and left early and told me later she was tired and not feeling into partying. Buddy JS was the last one to leave and irritated me right at the end following me around as I was cleaning talking politics!

There were several new people to my home and some I was meeting for the first time. Two were friends from IL making their first party appearance including a woman I went to HS with over 30 years ago. KA for the first time did not spend the night. A given reason was her ex through D9 expressed a complaint that KA was not spending enough time with D9 when she had her weekends (without me being along). Another reason was KA wanted to stay clear of me after my exposure to all these unknown people because of Covid-19. She told me that morning she would not kiss me after the party started which wasn't true. I was okay with her leaving. I'm so busy hosting and she just chatted with LD and a few others. There's a rich Indian guy who has pursued her in the past, who was there but I've been assured he's just a friend and he was trying to for LD too.
The next morning when I posted pictures the questions I knew were coming from KA came. She wondered who the HS woman was and about another new busty woman who seemed to be laying her head on me in a selfie. It was the rotation of the pic and that wasn't the case. Whatever. It's important for me to keep making new friends as old ones fade away.

JW, the talkative nurse, and I were texting about concerts and she texted she hadn't seen one in decades. I texted I'm going to one by myself this WED and she asked to come along. Well, that would mean selling my ticket and buying more expensive tickets so we'd be together. I decided too much work. She asked about the wine party and might come help drink from some of the 18 leftover wine bottles this week.

This upcoming weekend KA and I are going to IL for a grade school friend of mines wife's 50th birthday. Their garage parties are an annual event (except cancelled the last three years) and in the past I've taken XW, GW and CH there. We will drive back that night as Sunday I am leading a like for 17 people and KA begins teaching Sunday school again at her church.

I hope you are all happy in your lives and don't let your mate take up too much of your 'me' time. Don't lose track of who you are as an individual.



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« Last Edit: September 13, 2021, 06:46:49 AM by STP »
M56 XW55
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BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#79: September 28, 2021, 10:26:10 AM
Not a whole lot to say

The hike I had on the 19th was well attended and knowing the parking lot is tiny I had JW carpool with me to it. Even then the lot was closed and my hikers were in the overflow lot (Some I shuttled from the nearby school). Being the host, I talked and walked with most. I was well aware I left JW to walk with a new member of the group... and knew by doing so they would be creating a bond. They sat by one another at the restaurant and I see today they signed up for the singles group hayride within 1 min of each other. Matchmaker me. After the hike I had JW stop in to drink some of the leftover wine for 15 mins and gave her a bottle and a kiss. I told her to take it slow as she tends to fall fast for the first guy she meets.

If you recall this summer I left KAs on Saturday to go to a pool party. The couple are the ones who have hosted some enormous past Halloween parties I photographed at. It's where I met DC in '16. Anyway I saw today the guy was listed as single on Facebook. I texted the woman RS to hear how she's filed for divorce as her hubby has cheated on her 4x since Christmas (all different women). I gave her lots of advice that helps in thos agony days of splitting up. I told her if it ever got really bad (they are still in same house as she has nowhere to go) she could stay overnight in my guest room. I would of course tell KA if that was to occur. I remember seeing RS on the dating apps in the weeks after CH and I broke up but knew she wasn't really avail. I knew her H being a pig. He messaged KA the night after he met her at his party.

I'm still on my XWs jewelry mailing list. Her life is busy and I am glad to not be involved with it as I know how my birthday and Halloween would be all about her. Her store is 6 months old now. I know the slave the OM has become to her.

KA and I have been busy doing things as a couple and foursome with her mom and D9. To a friends party in IL and various craft shows. Tonight she's coming over with cookies for after dinner and we will watch a movie: A Quiet Place 2. This weekend we have no plans yet.
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M56 XW55
S30, S27, S23, S21
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

 

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