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Author Topic: My Story •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce

STP

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My Story •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#80: October 12, 2021, 08:21:40 AM
Checking in.

S22, S19 and S26 were over last night to play our weekly game of Heroclix. The two youngest mentioned to me XW was having a Halloween party the same night as mine and they were deciding which to go to. I imagine they will go to both? I wasn't expecting them at mine although they did come in '19. According to my XWs newsletter she was going to be at a restaurant doing a Witches Night Out. Whatever. It did send me curiously browsing her jewelry page on facebook. I skimmed a few videos to see how she looks. Heavier and completely gray. Lots more tattoos! That was one thing S19 and S22 took from her... the desire for them. They thought it funny no one else in my family, parents, 4 brothers, nieces and nephews has any. Just not our thing. She got her first one when the MLC was starting and perhaps it's still going 12 years later since first BD? I did see as recently as june she had pink hair which also emerged in those early days. I look at her and see parts of the woman I married and loved and other parts that are so foreign and repulsive. I'm much happier where I am now 5 years D.

JW asked if she could bring a +1 to my party. No doubt it's the cop whom I let her alone with on my hike. Shes so blonde-makes a public appearance and pursues the first guy who gives her time. I saw on Facebook he has a 3 yr old. That'll require patience. He backed out of the singles hayride this weekend which shes still going to along with 60 other singles. Whatever.

KA is coming over tonight and Friday we are going to a comedy club with 4 others including LD. Saturday we are attending a friends bonfire. A small chance a jealous enemy of mine will be there, but I heard from MM he's listed his house and is going to more out of state. Good riddance.

I hope you are all well, safe and happy. Live it up best you can. We don't get these days back!
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BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

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STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#81: October 26, 2021, 07:11:42 AM
Journalling

I had my birthday and XW messaged me Happy birthday Old Man 🤣🎂

MM came over and watched a movie. She's peculiar complaining its hot but wears her jacket inside only to stand to remove it later. She asked me to print some items for her class bulletin board and thanked me with a 12-pack of beer. I asked her to pick the printouts up when KA wasn't over and she told me she "didn't like sneaking around and if she had wanted to date me she woulda long ago". Well that's not true as I've been with various gfs from the week after I met her. Right, it's no big deal. She broke it off with the guy she was seeing after 3 mos.

I went to my realtor DSs play on Sunday afternoon. Told KA I was going,. 'The Butler Did It'. I was impressed with her acting and ability to remember all that. Afterwards DS invited me to join her and a few of the cast for lunch. It was alright and I took a couple pics of us.

KA and I celebrated our joint birthday as hers is two days before mine and we met in the middle for dinner. KA is 6 years younger. She bought me a new watch. At her place I saw a small notebook with my name on it. I just glanced inside and she keeps track of the days we are together, if alone and what we did.

S19, S22 & S26 all came over on Sunday to play our game and have cake they brought. They told me of XW having a north carolina vacation for everyone in November. S26 also claimed OM is making like 4x $$$$ I do. Whatever. Hope XW & OM move away before eventual grandkids. I see XW has been using out cats Facebook account to peek in on mine. Especially on my birthday.

I texted with DC who complained about the lack of commitment from her out-of-state bf of 6 years. She figured they'd be married and have a house by now and still no engagement and he still lives 100 miles away with no talks of moving to her. I'm in no rush for that to occur as I'll never see her... of course I haven't in a year anyway so.

Saturday is my 20th Halloween party. I have 30 some guests coming. Looks to be a chilly 55º-45º evening. I have two friends (of XWs coming who wanted to remain friends with me after the D), performing a fire and LED spinning show. I invited two sets of neighbors who I just met and most of the usuals will be there: JS, JW, MM, KA, LD etc. A real mix of characters attending.
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« Last Edit: October 26, 2021, 07:34:24 AM by STP »
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STP

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#82: November 01, 2021, 07:15:17 AM
Journalling

After 6 mos, DC sent me a pic of herself at work with a funny message
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In the office for the afternoon. It's been less than an hour..... .. Dear God how did I do this for 40 hours a week. 😂🤣😂😂😂🤣
She had her son this past weekend and couldn't attend my party.
Quote
Trading with his dad has been a nightmare. So I don't switch much these days.  His dad created several issues, took son on my days. All sorts of drama. He sucks
She sent me a video of her exs yard complaining how he gets out of paying her child support being unemployed yet his yard has hundreds of dollars worth of Halloween decor. Another pic of herself with full size Hershey bars from her S13s trick-or-treating bucket. Ha!

My twentieth Halloween party was a success  with 39 attending including appearances from S19 and S22. KAs bestie didn't show due to family member illness. In a way I feel like I can't chat with LD anymore. Its become awkward with her difficulties with other friends. A couple I share with XW attended and put on a fire spinning show. S22 won best costume as Slash from Guns N Roses. JW won sexiest costume again with her cleavage and is firmly in a relationship with her cop bf although she is still a texting flirt. The party went well and at midnight I still had 18 friends over. The playlist I planned out ended at 1am but with six people still wanting to party (buddy JS and MM included), I went back and replayed some more dancing tunes. KA decided that wasn't for her and she changed clothes, took her things and left unhappy. At the moment I decided I wasn't gonna kick out people just so we could go to sleep. She wouldn't go to bed with activity still going on.

Awoke the next day to this text.
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I love you, but I'm not happy.  I'm bored and feel taking advantage of. I hate this to be the first text you see in the morning, but it's 630 am and I need to get this off my chest so I can sleep. I feel like I do so much for you.  I give constantly in this relationship, yet I don't feel it returned. You spends days prepping for a party for people who don't do anything for you, yet I can't even get a special moment to celebrate my birthday.  I took you out to dinner.  I made you breakfast in bed. As usual I got nothing. You chose to let me leave over telling people the party is over.  You chose them over me. You've said I'm significant,  but I don't see it or feel it. I love you and I hope we can work this out. Well hopefully I can go back to sleep.  I'm also hoping you didn't mess around with KF or CW after I left. Please don't tag me in party pics.  Also don't post that pic of MM and me.

So I thought it over a couple hours and agreed with her. The first being I will have an end time to my parties. I haven't had one go past 1 am in a long, long time. Secondly, I acknowledged her birthday and thought our combined birthday meal was sharing (using her gift card tho). I can make hers more special-she feels it gets lost in the hubbub of mine and Halloween. Shes an introvert and usually doesn't want attention. She even took off the notification on Facebook so people wouldn't know about it. I assured her friends KF and CW are just that. Friends. CW is recent to the gang and I've known of her since middle school.

This week looks to be colder here in NWI (Northwest Indiana). KA will come over Tues to watch a movie. MM while cleaning up food at the end of my party at 2am asked about coming over Thursday to do the same. Fri night is a comedy club with KA, LD and another woman friend who LD is having issues with. I hope they can work it out. Saturday I will leave KAs to attend a meetup of a dozen people going to see an Ansel Adams photography exhibit. It was KAs idea I go as she has D9 anyway. Sunday I am leading a hike of thirty people, buddy JS, MM and even a former woman friend who blocked me on Facebook is attending the 6 mile hike and lunch afterwards.

Life stays busy with lots of people and activities. I hope yours is to your liking.

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« Last Edit: November 01, 2021, 07:34:08 AM by STP »
M56 XW55
S30, S27, S23, S21
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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#83: November 03, 2021, 07:34:49 AM
The differences between XW and KA

KA came over and I took her to dinner and we watched Halloween Kills. She relayed a story that her D9 wanted to see pictures from my costume party. The girl silently flipped through the photos until stopping on the first one of JW "Mommy, why is her chest out like that?" KA explained to her that is how some women get attention and that's the wrong kind of attention to get. For the voting that night KA copied another friend and wrote on the ballot "The woman whose chest is hanging out" for sexiest costume, refusing to use her name and that was the end of it...
Now if I had been still married, my XW would've strongly inquired who I voted for sexiest and then mocked and persecuted me for being attracted to 'jiggling juggs' and I woulda been flamed for days with evil cold eyes as a creep and prevert... as if it was by my invitation JW dressed like that. Just having other women around me was hell during my marriage. The intense fabricated jealousy and hatred.

JW did send me a pic of an Elvira costume the next day and asked if she should wear that next year. I texted her I've never liked Elvira and she asked me to pick her a costume. sigh. I'm not gonna do that, especially if she's dating some guy. My SPY app I check daily shows she's been spending a lot of time on my Facebook profile. In the top 1% of followers. No reason to text her again.
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STP

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#84: November 08, 2021, 10:43:33 AM
No reason to text JW again.

... but then she texted me the next day to again compliment me on my party and ask about another friend who has summer parties. She said something to the regard that she should get invited to those and I told her she's unknown and not really friends with the guy to warrant an invite. She pops up twice at my parties and thinks she's in the in-crowd with others? Not at all. JW called me 'baby' which was off putting. I scolded her saying if she wanted to become somebody people look to inviting, she needs to do the work of going to meetup events with the intention of making friends and not just looking for a guy to date. And now that shes dating someone will she still go to events? My guess is not. Will the cop she's dating still go to events? Prob not as he has her. I despise people like that. Looking through her friends list JW hasn't made any women friends after attending my parties... just guys. Well that's her downfall. No woman is gonna like her if she's just sniffing around for men admirers and showing her boobs. KA thinks shes's a joke and flooze. smh.

MM has been very busy with school studying and paper writing and passed on a Thursday movie and skipped my Sunday hike. Kinda relieved.

My weekend was very good and I posted my Christmas party in my party group. I set an end time of midnight to appease KA. DC is planning to attend with a girl friend as she has done twice in the past.

My four kids are on vacation this week with XW and OM in NC.

This upcoming weekend KA is accompanying me to my work 90th anniversary party and then she wants to go dancing... have a real date out, and not just watch movies. We came up with two new places to try out.

Received word, a former friend, I now think of as an enemy, sold his house and is moving across the country. Good riddance. And no, KA and I are not going to his farewell party.
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« Last Edit: November 08, 2021, 10:53:01 AM by STP »
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D 10-16

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STP

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#85: November 14, 2021, 09:08:21 AM
Quote
I invited two sets of neighbors who I just met to my Halloween party.
Neither showed up.

I've lived here 2.5 years in the woods. I say woods because my house is surrounded by trees and there's over a mile of trees behind my yard. You cannot see the neighbors homes except the long driveway across the street. I've waved from afar at that elderly couple who S22 met when I first moved in. The other two closest homes I have met the men. Anyway, when I got the courage to approach their porches with Halloween party invites, I met one of the wives JCB (who was home sick). She's a friendly, blonde 15-years younger and they have two kids under the age of 10. Before I had even got home from their house that day, she had found me and sent me a Facebook friend request. They missed my party and JCB apologized as their kids were loaded on sugar and didn't go to sleep.

So last night, as promised, I took KA out on a real date. To a brewery for dinner & drinks and a live band, before heading over to the casino for a better band and dancing. There were a lot of people in formal wear, as if a wedding reception or some gala had been going on. At one point, this tuxedoed guy, who was making a spectacle of himself, playfully taunted KA to show her moves... and I gotta tell you, my jaw was on the floor! KA used to be a radio station event dancer. I observed guys watching how her hips move.
KA asked one woman, who was wearing a prom queen sash, why everyone was dressed up and was told it was for a Dancing with the Stars YMCA fundraiser. Well, I knew from Facebook, my neighbor JCB was an organizer for the event. A couple hours later a blonde in a scintillating, sultry blue dress and tiara was on the dance floor. Attractive, but I didn't realize who it was until she yelled out STP! and ran over for a hug. The look on KAs face was just SHOCK! Like WTF! and then I realized it was my neighbor JCB. We talked a min and then I tried to resume my date and thought a selfie with JCB at that moment woulda been a bad idea. I explained to KA, the neighbor is kinda a party with her girlfriends type, while H left home with their kids. There is no invite to neighbors for my Christmas party.

Today, is rainy and cold and I've had the runny nose a week. My weight is the highest it's been this year. :(  I will start up my blood sugar detox weight loss program again. I have a X-country 5k in a month and need to get fit! Heading to the gym for first time since before COVID to use the treadmill. Then S19 and some bros coming over to game as they are back from vacation with XW & OM.

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STP

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#86: December 08, 2021, 04:56:30 AM
Bits

It's been awhile as I've avoided coming here to post but I screwed up a couple weeks ago before Thanksgiving. A woman friend __ I hadn't seen since Sept '19 messaged me and suggested we get together to catch up some time. She wanted to show off her new house and decorations so I went over and we talked a couple hours of her old boyfriends, my parties and the past. She hesitantly asked me to dance with her to a song amidst talks she hadn't been touched in over 2 years. She had ambushed kissed me once in the summer of '19 and that's why KA will never want her around again and MM hates her too. Two facts she'd like me to change but I will not. We ended up making out. I regret it very much and absolutely want nothing to do with her and theres been no contact since as I work on purging the error in my mind. I have been so mad at myself and foolish to put my relationship at risk. Dumb, dumb, dumb.  >:(

I had my COVID booster shot the same day KA did. A bit surprised she has not gotten one for D9 yet. S26 has COVID right now is quarantined at home in S29s house.

I messaged XW a happy birthday and asked for her delicious cut out cookie recipe. She said she'd send it. S20 and S22 were over and said XW has talked about moving away but doesn't want to be 'the grandma who is far away' from any eventual grandkids that come along. KA pointed out to me, any grandkid will be much closer to their moms mom than her.

This weekend looks to be very busy with little alone time with KA. The whole month of DEC is that way. FRI night S22 and I are going to sleep over at my parents in IL as we have a 5k race in the morning there. SAT night is my Christmas party where I have about 30 people coming including KA, her bestie LD , MM, buddy JS, my realtor DS and even DC who I haven't seen in over a year. For the first time I have set an end time of midnight. I should pre-warn JS who never gets the hint when it's time to leave. I just want people to have a magical time with laughter and good cheer.

Quote
Joy doesn't come from consuming, it comes from creating, relationships and purpose, your drive, passions and pursuits.
-Natalie Gold
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« Last Edit: December 08, 2021, 04:59:23 AM by STP »
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STP

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#87: December 14, 2021, 04:49:23 AM
My Christmas party went well. Realtor DS and missing friend DC didn't show. Not surprised as I know who is reliable and who isn't. The other 35 guests more than made up for it. At midnight, the music stopped and I kicked people out. MM was livid accusing me of letting KA dictate my actions like XW used to. All I said is that it was a compromise and I had warned people ahead of time. Her fault for arriving two hours late and missing 40% of the event. I still wasn't thrilled about making people leave before they were ready to. 1-2 people okay, but 7-8, not as pleasing, but KA and I don't get much alone time. KA was already saying why not 4 parties a year instead of 10. Reminds me of a favorite line...
Quote
Women want a man who will change but he doesn't and men want a woman to never change but she does.

S22 and I went to my parents and ran a x-country 5k which was hard but gives some accomplishment. Being fit & healthy is important.

I think this upcoming Saturday is my XWs 3rd anniversary being married to the OM. I guess in a good way he helps her support my sons. Only S20 still lives with them. He was over last night to play a game with me. Once he moves out, I wouldn't mind her marriage failing.  ;D Actually I don't really care, other than I could be friends with her again, although she is way out there in la-la land. Not your average run-of-the-mill person you'd see on the street or in the grocery store. She did give me the cookie recipe I asked for.

I have a hunch MM will wanna come over and watch a movie with me Thursday night. Buddy JS and I are going to the movies late afternoon as well. This weekend is a surprise 80th birthday party for KAs mom on Sunday but her sister is flying in and will stay with her so I'll just go along with whatever they wanna do like attend D9s gymnastics event.

I hope the spirit of Christmas is well and infused in you all. Remember you are in charge of your own happiness. Don't let anyone get you down.
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« Last Edit: December 14, 2021, 04:54:34 AM by STP »
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D 10-16

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#88: December 15, 2021, 11:59:50 PM
I was sorry to read of your make out session. How is it you end up in these situations? ???

Sounds like a good party, STP. Good for you for sticking to your timeline. I can tell that was hard for you, setting an end time. What is it about "making people leave" that bothers you? You gave specific times for the party. That you had 35 guests and all but 7 or 8 had the courtesy to leave before the end time shows that it was just fine to most. At midnight, anyone who was not making motions to leave was being rude. What is it that made you feel bad about sending them off to their own homes?

While KA is within her rights to ask why not 4 parties instead of 10, you are within your rights to say you like 10.  Communication is the key. You both get to have opinions and it's no good if you end up giving up what you want just to keep the peace every time. But it's also good for you to consider if 10 parties may be just right, or too many or maybe even not enough.

Hope your Christmas is merry and bright!
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STP

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#89: December 16, 2021, 07:22:28 AM
Thanks for your reply OffRoad.

I strive to improve my relationships with friends but backslides and moments of unexpected weakness can happen. I messed up with that woman last month and am hopeful it fades into the past. Lesson learned.

I felt bad ending guests fun before they were finished with it. A fun I created for them to enjoy as much as they want. For 25 years it has been exciting and I strived to have parties go as late as possible. KA and I view together time differently. To me... her and I and her and I + twenty others are similar. Both are good as long as she's there. She views it as us alone and us not alone and isn't a fan of us not alone. She wanted us time on that night. We won't have much 'us' weekend time until January. She made me aware of that and I made the concession to remind people of the ending time, where MM blasted me for catering to KA like I did with XW. She doesn't get an explanation or excuse.

I think my shooing 7 of the 8 'lesser friends' out the door at midnight wasn't real bothersome, but it was telling MM her fun had to end, that bothered me as it was confrontational. I just now had to confront her again as it was eating away at me... Yesterday MM messaged me wanting to hang out tonight. I naturally assumed she wanted to come over and watch another movie with me, which woulda been fine, but instead she wanted me to accompany her, another guy and my realtor DS to a bar to see a band. This put me in the position... do I tell KA I am going or tell MM I'd rather not go. I chose the latter, because honestly i have no interest in going to a bar to see ANY band any more. I'm just so done with that scene. Completely. Especially bands I've seen. It's like, here's some 'kinda okay' entertainment... why keep going to it? Nothing against MM, DS or the other guy but i feel dumber doing things like that repeatedly that don't 'wow' me. I like seeing DS but she's just a tease and well I don't want that. i feel bad saying NO to MM but just being truthful and honest to myself. She replied "Thanks for sharing I appreciate it." She's a tricky one fer sure. I took some photos of houses with phenomenal Christmas light displays and she's writing 'vomit' under them.  ???
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« Last Edit: December 16, 2021, 07:28:45 AM by STP »
M56 XW55
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BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

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