[STP]

Journaling

Not a lot to say other than I had a car accident yesterday hitting a deer on Interstate 94 at 70 mph. The damage is extensive and adjuster said my car a total loss. I hadn't even had it 3 years yet. I am sore with some neck and leg aches. This was the fifth deer I've struck and killed and third car totaled because of them. I think a big part of it is I am commuting during their most active time of the morning. KA and S27 will help me select a new car. Stayed home the day and was reminded of 2010 while separated from XW and had a car totaling accident. She was states away and deep in the fog and it was BF who brought me home from urgent care.  I went and looked at photos from that era and was reminded of XWs MLC with her crazy hair colors... which she has again according to most recent photo I've seen of her. So glad to be away from that.

I've been watching the Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard trial and can't help but see my abuser XW in Ambers pompous smirk at times.
This long holiday weekend KA will be over to help me find a new car. We are going to an art and wine event and the singles group picnic. Next week my company goes to Summer Hours for the first time giving us half day Fridays.

[MadLuv]

Oh no!! Glad you are ok. Crazy how moments resurface on times like that.

[STP]

Thanks for commenting MadLuv 

I had a dream about my XW. She was making evil faces at me in all our interactions. Oddly i was hanging out with her husband, the OM and gettin along alright. In reality I haven't said a word to him since before the BD. A Facebook memory led me to XWs jewelry page. I had the sound down but skimmed for a min some recent videos taken at her store. She looks the same or even a bit heavier. Her white hair has three blasts of purple in spots like hit from a spray can. Although I was happy in that world, it was like being in the Matrix and not the real me. So much happier now making what I deem important be my priority rather than be her assistant.

This past weekend I hosted a 3.75 mile hike. Buddy JS was there along with a dozen others. Over lunch the woman friend PG I kayaked with last month, made the comment to the effect there are women all around interested in me, but they wouldn't make a first move. Well, I am quite happy with my gf KA. She is one of the most levelheaded, stable, no drama, calm  and caring people I've known. A good balance for me. KA is in San Diego on vacation atm with her mom and D9. Gives me more time to finalize my car purchase and work on freelance book layout and eat fewer calories.

This upcoming weekend is our annual arcade day. S27 and S20 are again going with JS and I this year. The worlds largest arcade is an hour into IL and we spend the day there. I'll get together with KA on Sunday.

[STP]

Journalling

The heat has arrived here in the midwest with temps in the 90s and dew point of 77. KA is coming over tonight but we will pass on the ranger led dunes sunset hike we had planned. We may go to the movies instead or catch up on binge watching our current show The Flight Attendant. I had hoped KA would have her D9 stay overnight Sat. at her moms, as I suggested, so she could attend this weekends Big Hair Metal party of mine, but she's decided not to come. She did look over the 25 person guest list and said theres no women she has to worry about (guessing my realtor, yoga instructor DS? Nothing to worry about there.) I'm only hosting my event this weekend to appease another good friend of ours whose visiting relatives from Scotland are eager to attend one of my parties, they've heard so much about. They leave next week so it had to be this Sat. KA texted me

At least you can go till 2 am since I won't be there.  JS and (another talkative guy) will be happy.

I don't care if MM shows with her old man as she  hasn't RSVPd but I have a CD she wants, so I expect her to arrive late and leave early.

I still don't have my (new) used car as the hood is still being repaired before I officially buy it. Sucks to have a new car loan as I was close to paying off the other one. The freelance book project I am working on will pay enough to finally eliminate ALL my debt (I've been paying off the new mattress XW picked out back in DEC 2015 and other things). It'll be nice to finally be free of old financial burdens.

I saw on Facebook...
XWs former BF is doing well and is happy. She commented

I found a beautiful home for my family. With a wonderful man I wish I’d met years ago…

.
Also saw DCs bland, uninspired birthday comment to her bf. All the attached pics she posted (of them) were from 2018 (one of which was mine from a halloween party). Sheesh.

All-in-all things are quieter now with much of my time devoted to page layout of the book. I hope you all are finding happiness daily and loving life. There's a lot out there to live for.

[MadLuv]

So good to be out of the debt. That post however had to bite a bit. I have learned to laugh at that time of thought. If you are so happy you don't have to say it to everyone and convince anyone. They should  be able to see it and feel it. To me in confirms ahe is not. Just my honest opinion

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

So sorry about the car but thankfully no one was hurt.

It is also nice to be out of debt. Especially when you are paying off expenses by the other person.

I found a beautiful home for my family. With a wonderful man I wish I’d met years ago…

You should have commented back, "So do I, then he would be paying for your %^&* bed." Of course, I am sure you could add many other items or things in regards to her.

Hope you have a great party and stay cool. It is going to be a hot, hot week.

Ready

[STP]

I found a beautiful home for my family. With a wonderful man I wish I’d met years ago…

You should have commented back, "So do I, then he would be paying for your %^&* bed." Of course, I am sure you could add many other items or things in regards to her.

I must not have been clear. This was her former BFs quote-not my XW. Really no reason to even bring BF up anymore.

My 80s big hair party was fun. Many asked why my gf KA wasn't there. The Scottish relatives from another friend were very gracious and interesting guests. A woman attending, who was the biggest friend of KA, certainly was watching who I talked to and twice asked if I was spending too much time with KF, (another woman there). I wasn't, just talking about misc things like how MM for once didn't show, when the theme was her idea. At 1:45 am I started shutting off the lights to give buddy JS and another (just as bad) talkative guy, a clue it was time to leave. People like that seem oblivious to clues it's time to leave. I need to work on my boundaries and have people stop walking all over me. Lack of respect is everywhere. I need to be more confrontational.

The next day in conversation I included the line to KA I missed her. Her reply

I don't feel missed truthfully.  Last night I felt very alone.

I hate getting a reply like that. Tues night when I saw her, we briefly talked about her not attending and she felt like I changed the date without even mentioning it to her and she feels like she doesn't have to go anymore. Y'know hurt by it all. She won't ask her mom to babysit anymore and thought people may assume we're not together anymore. In a way to me, she had twenty years to have her single fun (not becoming a parent until age 40) whereas I was a parent by age 25 and now it's my time. I don't feel like anything was resolved other than airing her unhappiness. The party wasn't a normal night with her gone. Usually we're together. Scheduling this time we couldn't be. She may not have felt missed but I did miss her.

Thursday night she does not have her D9, so we will go to a Pearl Jam cover band. S22 may be there as well. Friday I took off work to get things done at home and KA and I have a bunch of tv to catch up on. Saturday we will go hiking in canyons in SW Indiana. Sunday I am leading a sunset bike ride for seven which includes friend KF, who comes around me a lot more now that she doesn't have MM to hang out with. KA is going to a dueling pianos show with other friends at the same time. I asked her why she liked me and she really didn't give an answer. We're still doing well.

[STP]

Just words

I'm in Facebook jail for two days for trying to post a meme. Guess it was flagged as self harm.


XW contacted me saying she's having a surprise birthday party at a brewery in IL for S29 and wanted to make sure I didn't have anything planned so we don't overlap. I didn't reply and she texted "Pls confirm receipt". S29 doesn't like a lot of hoopla or surprises and it's not something I'd do. For a second I felt a little left out but whatever. It's not a competition.

Tonight are my previous cities fireworks and I'm seeing them on the beach with S20 and S22. Last year S27 was with us and most previous years S29 so I'll find out later whose with me.

A woman friend MT I've never mentioned, invited me and seven women to attend a recently opened rooftop restaurant in the state park. I know most of them, but it would be hurtful to tell KA, I'm not gonna hang out with her and D9 on a Saturday night because of the dinner. A weeknight perhaps if at all? Much more important to have that experience with KA first. I first met MT in 2017 and would've considered dating her if she had come around more and I went out with AF instead. MT is encouraging me to have a rock painting event in my home. Shes crafty.

This long weekend I am at KAs and will see fireworks and swim in her pool a lot. I hope you all have a safe and memorable holiday. Don't let anyone walk all over you.

[STP]

Journalling

I heard from S20 my ex Father-in-law is moving back to IN from FL. I guess his health is worse and he needs to be taken care of by XW and her bro. Not sure why his new wife can't, but I suspect it's to spend more time with family at my XWs urging. He always hated midwest winters. Welcome back to that. Not sure where he'll move to, as it's a sellers market around here and property gets bought up fast. It does make me think when he eventually dies do I go to his funeral?  I wasn't super close with him despite living with them twice and being his son-in-law for 25 years. But that was already six years ago and it's not like we'd get to chat. I could see myself going... and not. No way my XW would go to any funerals on my side.

Tonight I am not seeing KA as I am going to the stadium tour: Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Poison and Joan Jett with S22 at Wrigley Field. KA, not content to just sit at home arranged a meetup of singles (with my help) to see a bar band playing 90s dancing hits. I know most of the 17 people going including the two guys. Tomorrow she is coming over and I'm taking her to the South Bend Motor Speedway for a night of car racing! I've driven past the track daily for over ten years and decided it's finally time to go. Sunday she is going to stick around and we're browsing the Krasl Art Fair in MI of over 170 exhibitors.
Next week KA is going camping but I declined to go with her and D9 + friend as I need to spend more time on the freelance book project I am on. Next weekend we're at her house and then Sunday the 17th I'm leading a bunch of women and a few guys on a hike with lunch after. A lot of my regular hikers. There are always more women at these social events. I'd theorize they like to get out more and there are more of them as divorced men find younger women replacements and the divorced women are primarily less than thrilled by the men options avail.

How are you in your situation? Keep on smiling and moving... for when stillness occurs, you are done.

[MadLuv]

STP- I have tickets to that same Concert in Texas in August. It has been moved 3 times due to Covid. Bought the tickets while XH and I were still together and we were going with our adult kids. I have 6 tickets and not sure who is going now. Had forgot all about them.  Hope it’s a great show!!