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Author Topic: My Story New Plan A

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My Story Re: New Plan A
#130: March 01, 2022, 05:31:36 PM
PJ,

Does your XW know that you have remarried and moved on?  Have you seen her face to face since?  Maybe she is struggling accepting this and can’t face you.

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Together 27 years - Married 22 at BD & 25 at D-Day
S23 S21
BD 9/29/19 (Moved out unannounced while I was away for weekend with no prior warning.)
Served D on 10/19/20 and D Final 11/10/2022
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New Plan A
#131: March 01, 2022, 09:32:59 PM
Hoosier! Good to hear from you.

Yep. She knows I'm remarried. We have talked on the phone several times and used to see each other on occasion, but not since I moved across the country. This would have been the first time I had seen her face-to-face since Oct. 2020.

You may be right that she is having a hard time accepting that I've moved on. I think sometimes MLCers expect LBS to stay right where the left us and knitting lace doilies while they go out and discover themselves. I know I felt like a fallback option or a safety net at times.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0
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New Plan A
#132: March 02, 2022, 02:43:54 AM
Quote from: PJ Ames on March 01, 2022, 09:32:59 PM
I think sometimes MLCers expect LBS to stay right where the left us and knitting lace doilies while they go out and discover themselves. I know I felt like a fallback option or a safety net at times.



You BET that the MLC'er expects the LBS to just stay where they are, sitting on the porch in their rocking chair, surrounded by a pile of snotty kleenexes, knitting lace doilies and waiting for the MLC'er to throw them a crumb. When we do NOT live up to those expectations, the MLC'er doesn't know what to do so they tend to freak out a bit... This is the ultimate "dropping the rope" and the anchor is no longer their. The MLC'er has lost the last vestiges of stability they had and they are truly on their own in the big bad world... They no longer have an LBS to blame their state of misery on (although they still try) and they are 100% responsible for their own actions (those darn consequences) ....
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Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 12
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
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New Plan A
#133: March 25, 2022, 12:43:45 PM
A friend of mine posted this on his personal Facebook. As a recovering fixer/rescuer, it really resonated with me. Maybe some of us can relate:

Quote
After spending most of my life trying to rescue people from themselves and their circumstances I've determined this:
In the end we can barely save ourselves much less everyone around us. Do what you can if you see someone struggling.

However, if it all ends up turning to sh*t, be at peace with what you were able to do with what you had to offer at the moment. 

None of us are God. And the reality is, not even God can save everyone from themselves and what they want to do to ruin their life.

If God could keep tragedy from happening none of us would be in a position to try to save people from themselves and failing at it.

Love people. Do what you can to help with what strength and resources you have. But don't beat yourself up because you're not more powerful than God.
#commentboxwisdom
https://www.facebook.com/steve.robinson.7334/posts/4770429246412579?notif_id=1648226991503667&notif_t=nf_status_story&ref=notif

Anyway, I thought it might be useful to some of us. Not much else to report in my story. It's been blessedly boring lately. Life is good.

To life!
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0
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New Plan A
#134: April 02, 2022, 04:13:03 PM
  That’s a good post PJ. Thanks for sharing

And my quote on my bottom of my profile is from The very smart Barbie :)   
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« Last Edit: April 02, 2022, 04:21:54 PM by MadLuv »
H-54 W-58 at BD2 M 7/6/91 Kids d-30 s-28 d-14 (dies 2009)
2013- moments of disconnect
Aug 2016 promo requires travel   
Oct 2017-total disconnect
Jan 2018-I force moved out
Mar 2018- BD1 found old phone 3 EA in 2017-H  agrees to therapy
EA ow1-49,  EA-ow2 57, (EA- ow3-58 not reciprocated by ow)
Sept ‘18  2nd Home in new state bought for job
Oct 2018 H moves home
Oct 2020 BD2 does not return home from B trip H move to 2nd home.OW4
Dec 10 ‘20 div filed/H buy prom ring 12/12
Feb 10 ‘21  div final
March ‘21  H & OW on vaca get secretly engaged
July 2021  married OW(find out May‘22)
Oct 2021   XH moves in OW(already married,tells nobody)& SD1
Feb 2022  XH is fired -vanisher
Aug 2022. XH moves in 2nd SD2
Dec 2022. XH starts communication after 1Omths
Dec-current  frequent communication
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New Plan A
#135: April 04, 2022, 01:15:29 PM
Thanks MadLuv. I love that quote from Barbie. She is very smart!
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0
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New Plan A
#136: November 08, 2022, 09:46:34 AM
Just a quick update to say that I am alive and well. My wife and I just celebrated our 1-year anniversary with a trip to Greece. It was amazing!

xw and I send each other texts for birthdays, mother's day, father's day, etc...  She has reconnected with the kids, which is good for the most part.

I did get briefly annoyed with xw recently - D 25 is wrapping up grad school and is having a minor surgery soon. I told D25 I would just pay for it (what insurance doesn't cover) to help her out. Apparently D told xw I was paying for it, because xw sent me a snippy text telling me my help wasn't needed because she already had a payment plan set up. It annoyed me because I felt like she was trying to exclude me from helping out my D. My D is 25, so she should be able to make her own decisions about what kind of help she gets from whom. I'll let my D decide what to do, but I may end up just sending D some $ to use however she wants and let xw pay for the surgery co-pay. If anyone has any better ideas, I'm open to suggestions.

I'm glad I don't have to deal with xw's MLC/weirdness BS regularly. I'm not sending xw any money directly, especially since she's still drinking. Current wife wouldn't like that either!

Forward! To life!!
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0
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New Plan A
#137: November 08, 2022, 06:14:00 PM
Greece is on my bucket list PJ.  Happy Anniversary to you!

I like your idea of sending D25 the money directly.  Who knows why your xW took such an affront to you saying you'd help pay, but the way she reacted is on her.

I have to agree, that as the kids get older it has been nice that I don't have to deal directly with as much MLC BS/weirdness.  It's freeing to not have to deal with that on a regular basis.
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."
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