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Author Topic: My Story Through the Looking Glass

C
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My Story Through the Looking Glass
#30: June 26, 2022, 06:08:05 PM
HF, your story is truly an inspiration. Whatever cycling she has done, you have conducted yourself with integrity and dignity at every step along the way. You have provided a stable foundation for your kids even as you were rebuilding one for yourself, and I am so happy to see you at a place of peace and happiness and security in your life. I’m not sure what is happening with your xW, and I do hope for the sake of the kids, your coparenting, and just for her own sake that she is making progress toward healing. I hope that’s happening for her, but I know that healing and growth have happened for you… or more accurately, you have made those things happen.
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Through the Looking Glass
#31: June 26, 2022, 10:35:58 PM
Hey HF,

You sound really good. How nice that even with everything that has happened you are still showing love, caring and patience.  :D

I hope she is making progress, that getting better will absolutely reveal if she stays in improvement or regresses.
Your kids are so lucky to have you, look at all you've done for them. Awesome.

-SS
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W - 41
M - 45
Together 26 years, M 24
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

H
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Through the Looking Glass
#32: June 27, 2022, 05:06:32 PM
Thank you ML, Curiosity, and SS,

It's interesting that since the D, all the power that she had over me is gone.   I truly have accepted that it's her crises and she needs to find her way.   Have no idea what she will do, but I do know any growth will be slow and it will take time.   Will live my life for me and my kids with two things when  I interact with her.

1.  Do our interactions help our kids? 
2.  Do our interactions hurt me?

If the answer to 1 is "yes" and the answer to 2 "no", then I will be ok.   I unblocked her from instagram but still don't follow her.   For now, her posts have only included our kids or  XW's girlfriends that i know.  Opening a door if she chooses to walk through.   At the same time, I will block her again to protect me if things change.

Time to take the little dog for a walk.   Have a great evening everyone!

HF
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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021
D Final - Jan 2022

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Through the Looking Glass
#33: July 05, 2022, 10:52:25 PM
Good to read an update HF.  The new house sounds wonderful.  I smiled big reading about that.  Enjoy the little doggie while he/she is with you.

You just keep doing what you're doing.  I like this gauge:
1.  Do our interactions help our kids? 
2.  Do our interactions hurt me?
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

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Through the Looking Glass
#34: July 20, 2022, 10:55:29 AM
Great update HF.

Quote
I am open to all options in my life and remain detached.
This sounds really healthy. I like the way you're thinking.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0

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Through the Looking Glass
#35: July 20, 2022, 11:31:19 AM
When you get to that place of just acceptance that alone is start of some peace of mind. It doesn’t resolve everything, but it is a good place to be vs. a mind jumbled mess!!  You have a great attitude to mive forward and what’s meant to be is meant to be…
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Her prize is a man who ran out on his wife and children. His is a woman who is too stupid to understand that she is not special, she is simply there.

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Through the Looking Glass
#36: July 20, 2022, 01:33:35 PM
Looks like you are in a good state now HF. I hope our D will also loosen all the power he has on me. I believe it does somehow help one to accept that the marriage is over although it is just a piece of paper. I hope it does the same thing to me. I think that would be my last hurdle, facing the fear of life after D. I also blocked my H in instagram as he is now publicly posting the OW and the all happy life he is living now. I don't think it helps me at all watching it and I am happy I was able to control myself not to see it anymore.
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Me 46
H    48
Married 11 yrs at BD, no kids,
BD May 2019 (I moved out Nov 2019)
EA or PA with ex gf (not sure), H spent 3 nights with the hoe during our vacation in July 2019, it was a friendly encounter according to H
H wanted D April 2020 seeing suspected OW2 (divorced with two kids) and 2 years older than him, H didn’t file the D
Clinging boomerang
6/21 H moved in with me; kicked him out 01/22
H turned into a vanisher, wants a Divorce, OW 3 (16 years younger and extreme sporty)
14.11.22 Divorce final

H
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Through the Looking Glass
#37: July 20, 2022, 04:43:19 PM
Thank you FW, ML, PJ, and DF for your kind words.  I really appreciate your continued support and perfect time to journal as I am recovering from COVID.

The initial first day with COVID was awful but I have slowing gotten better each day.  I now only have a cold and a slight cough.   Feeling much more like myself.

As for me, I had a great time with D14 and D12 this past week.  We went away for D12's competition and it was so special.   Although we stayed a very busy hotel with convention center, it was worth the time spent with them.

As for my XW, there continues to be slow gravitation as we reconnect as "parents".   I met with her before her trip to talk about our kids and she invited me to talk with her in her home.  :o   We actually had a good parent conversation and she provided really good advice with planning for D12's activities and with my relationship with D14.  It was the first time that I can remember having a truly valuable and healthy conversation that wasn't transactional or surface level.

Now, I am not getting any expectations at this point and keeping the Monkey out of my brain for now.  Still may need at 2X4 if parent reconnection continues. 

What's interesting is that we have had a couple of things happen in the last month that really blessed our kids and we got to celebrate both  in our current broken family.  It has been strange but nice to have joy and peace for our girls.   For now, this is enough for me.

I would say that I have accepted that my XW ended our marriage.   I still have not ended my vows to my XW.   Of course, that may change as my red line is crossed if she goes public with a relationship which she has not yet done. 

Feel I'm at a tipping point over the next year.   Content with moving forward tomorrow if she goes public with OM or open to letting her reconnect with me in some form or fashion at least as parents.

For newbies, my XW initially neglected our kids and was not the mother that she used to be.   Over the past year, she has reconnected with the kids and seems truly dedicated to them once again.   Hope the same for you and your family as your MLCer hopefully works through their crisis.

Have a great week everyone!

HF

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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021
D Final - Jan 2022

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Through the Looking Glass
#38: July 20, 2022, 10:28:08 PM
Hey HF  :D

She's making some progress, that's really nice.
Sounds like she is not stressed, that's so good..... and you've let go...... I wonder if that's part of it too.
Maybe now she will mature in the areas needing that, I wonder what you still see when that happens. So good to hear she is becoming a good parent again...... I think that means she will begin to see you for you again at some point. Isn't it weird how we are not people for a while?  ;)

-SS
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W - 41
M - 45
Together 26 years, M 24
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

M
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Through the Looking Glass
#39: July 20, 2022, 10:37:41 PM
HF- thank you for updating on the reconnecting with kids. It is what I pray for my kids to have. That gives dome more hope !
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Her prize is a man who ran out on his wife and children. His is a woman who is too stupid to understand that she is not special, she is simply there.

 

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