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Author Topic: My Story Through the Looking Glass

H
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My Story Through the Looking Glass
#50: September 17, 2022, 07:23:40 AM
That is why you sound so healthy and strong; you put your own oxygen mask on first. This is great for both you and your children. Being a stable, strong parent is the best gift you can give them.

It also means that if reconciliation was to happen in the future, it would start at a much better place because you are at a healthier point.

Thank you Reinventing!   Totally agree about being at a healthier point in whatever relationship I develop with someone in the future.  It's odd but my XW still hasn't completely let me go yet.   With each passing day, I tend to detach more and more.   For now, I am just living one day at time and will see what the future holds in my life.

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Yes, it's not always easy to play happy family.

This, as are the other dilemmas we face is a personal choice. I don't call it "playing happy family". After much soul searching and therapy, I determined that for my daughter's ability to have some kind of family life, we would celebrate certain holidays with her. She is an adult but she still suffers from the destruction of what was once a stable family.

She and I have discussed this and it is easier for her to do things this way rather than split her time between two parents.

Is it hard for me? Yes it is. But I also wanted to be healed enough that his presence would not shake me anymore. That is detachment I guess.

Yes xyzcf,

I am at least going to try to build some sort of family life.  If another person enters the picture, I don't think I can celebrate with another person in the room.   Would need to have clear boundaries to protect me except for significant events such as graduation, weddings, etc.

And yes most of friends and family still don't get what has happened to my XW.   I have stopped discussing as it's tough to understand unless you have been through this.   This is where the HS forum has been such a blessing.

Focusing my kids and most of all my relationship with God.  I have found peace in the past couple of months which has been wonderful.

HF

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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021
D Final - Jan 2022

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Through the Looking Glass
#51: September 17, 2022, 09:47:09 AM
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If another person enters the picture, I don't think I can celebrate with another person in the room.   Would need to have clear boundaries to protect me except for significant events such as graduation, weddings, etc.

This is my boundary as well. If I were to be in a relationship with another man, I would not continue to see Mr xyzcf for family things. That is when I would cut all ties with him.

I suspect but have no "proof" of other women in his life but he has kept her hidden or however many there have been hidden for over 13 years...and has never introduced anyone to my daughter so whoever she is, I know I wouldn't want that if I were in a relationship with someone.

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Focusing my kids and most of all my relationship with God.  I have found peace in the past couple of months which has been wonderful.

That peace is a wonderful feeling. I do still question why we have to go through this trial and am always trying to tursy God and surrender it all to him.

Nice update HF.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Through the Looking Glass
#52: October 10, 2022, 08:39:26 PM
Great updates HF.  Where at in CO was your work trip?
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

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H
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Through the Looking Glass
#53: October 15, 2022, 11:49:40 AM
This is my boundary as well. If I were to be in a relationship with another man, I would not continue to see Mr xyzcf for family things. That is when I would cut all ties with him.

I suspect but have no "proof" of other women in his life but he has kept her hidden or however many there have been hidden for over 13 years...and has never introduced anyone to my daughter so whoever she is, I know I wouldn't want that if I were in a relationship with someone.

Thanks Xyzcf,

It amazes me that it's been 2 years since BD and my XW still has kept things hidden.  I can't imagine how it would feel to live a compartmentalized life. 

Great updates HF.  Where at in CO was your work trip?

HI FW,   

Doing work in Boulder which is such a lovely town to visit.  I have been enjoying my trips flying to Denver and spending time a short drive away in Boulder.

HF
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Through the Looking Glass
#54: October 15, 2022, 03:06:01 PM
Very neat HF.  Yes, Boulder is nice.  I love Fort Collins too.  Glad you are enjoying our beautiful state.  I am about 4 hours away from Denver.

I was able to meet up with xyzcf and another lbser that doesn't post on here anymore a few years ago, not the halfway point but a little closer to me than Denver.  Just recently on my trip with my M we ate at the same little restaurant that the 3 of us ate at when we met up.  It was nice.
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

H
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Through the Looking Glass
#55: November 24, 2022, 05:57:42 AM
Hi FW,

Glad to hear that you are relatively close to the Denver area. I really have enjoyed my trips to there and hoping to get some skiing this winter.

Journaling

I really haven’t posted lately because there hasn’t been much to tell until the past week or so.  First, I am having the best trip with my girls for Thanksgiving.  We went to NYC for the week and saw the broadway show Hamilton.  It was amazing!  As I type this, we are waiting in the crowd to watch the Macy’s Thankgiving parade.  Crossing off a couple of bucket list items and it has been great to take a trip with my girls. 

As for my things with my XW, it has been mostly peaceful.  We had a really fun time celebrating my youngest daughter’s birthday in October and even had a dinner together with my daughters and 10 of the birthday girl’s friends. During dinner, I caught my XW wanting to say something and then she held back with a look of sadness. Not sure what it was, but I did see the human side of her for a moment.

I also got to see Monster come out for the first time in 6-8 months.  I dropped my daughters off for the week and my youngest came down with a fever.  I left for a work trip the next day and my XW had to take her to the doctor. She wanted me to pay for all of her medicine and complained that she had to miss work.  Asked when was the last time I took work off for the girls?   :o  I only take care of all dental and most medical appointments.  Funny thing about MLCers and responsibility,  I shut the conversation down and told her I wasn’t going to be ugly and could talk in person when I get back.  Monster eventually went away.  😎

Lastly, I have officially joined the ranks of a dog owner (part-time). My XW wanted to get a dog for my oldest D and I let her know I would only consider it later this summer. Well, the MLCer got the dog anyway.  Although I wasn’t happy with the disrespect getting the dog without my permission,  I had a week to think about it when I went away for the work.  For my D, it will be a good thing.  I was able to work it out and will make some adjustments to my budget.  The dog will live at each house and go with my daughter:  I can still travel for work without any problems on my off weeks.

Very thankful for the time I have spent with my girls this week.  For newbies, GAL and don’t look back all the time.  There is still so much joy post BD.

HF
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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
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Through the Looking Glass
#56: November 24, 2022, 06:21:29 AM
Your trip sounds amazing and although not totally planned the new dog will bring a lot more love. Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy the parade!!
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Her prize is a man who ran out on his wife and children. His is a woman who is too stupid to understand that she is not special, she is simply there.

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Through the Looking Glass
#57: November 24, 2022, 06:31:32 AM
Quote from: HeavenlyFocus
She wanted me to pay for all of her medicine and complained that she had to miss work.  Asked when was the last time I took work off for the girls?   :o  I only take care of all dental and most medical appointments.  Funny thing about MLCers and responsibility,  I shut the conversation down and told her I wasn’t going to be ugly and could talk in person when I get back.  Monster eventually went away.

MLC'ers and Responsibility go together like "Screen Door" and "Submarine."

I haven't gotten a monster but the occasional complaint... That is what being a single parent means...

And, the classic "I will take D11 to her Orthodontist appointments because I want to know what is going on..."

Who takes D11 to her Orthodontist appointments? It is NOT MLCxW...
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Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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