Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story New Life Here I Come 2

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1181
  • Gender: Female
  • I am surviving and going foward
My Story New Life Here I Come 2
OP: July 05, 2022, 09:41:48 AM
No idea if I am starting  a new thread the proper way or not ,may just get lost in cyber space.

Previous Thread is here: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10538.0 - UM

It's been a while bd was Sept 2015 been divorced since June 12 2018 on my 31st anniversary

  Exh remarried 90 days later to ow  , I feel so old now
 

  The ex never told me he was sorry ,he messed up,or anything. I kept waiting ,don't,  it will, never come .
  I am 56 now and have survived . I still am angry ,I think it only natural,we were supposed to have made it through the bad times and get to enjoy older age together.
   Lots of life changing experiences happened in a short amount of time ,

  Now almost 7 yrs to the day , the ex pulls up in the driveway . I started to act like I wasn't home it is my home now ,but I didn't I opened door before he could knock and meet him on porch . I  really was not in the mood for any bs .
   I said can I help you? He said he wanted an old pole at the foot of property to fix fences on land he rented ( light bulb) I said sure you can have it ,but why is landlord not buying his own ? Caught in another lie . So he told more lies to get out of that one . So I told him if that was it I'd better get back in. He said how is your mom doing.  So I said she ain't moved go see her ,then my concouis kicked in and I said I'm sorry, she is good. He sat and talked for over an hour ,longest since sons over dose (son is good and clean ) in hospital. He stood to leave and I swear there was a tear in his eye ,he said you weren't replaced you know , I asked if he ever thought of me he said all the time and I filled his dreams,. But still the whole visit was so strange ,and started with a lie .

   So he has been remarried now for 3 yrs and just bought a home with her. Why did this make me cry and depress me for 3 days? Because I'm human and I will always love the man I married . This is not the man I married , this is a shell of him  ,not the same at all.

  It has been 2 week since that visit and I just realized very close to our wedding day . Just wth it was about ? He only knows because it's still all about him and that's OK now I'm ok now .
  Just wanted to share with some old friends and maybe some new ones .

 
  • Logged
« Last Edit: July 06, 2022, 03:34:03 AM by UrsaMajor »

Z
  • ***
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 101
  • Gender: Female
Ropeburn
#1: July 05, 2022, 08:54:21 PM
That would be rattling. You seemed to have handled yourself well. I think it is perfectly normal to monkey-brain a little after the encounter.
  • Logged

s
  • **
  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 27
  • Gender: Female
Ropeburn
#2: July 05, 2022, 08:57:47 PM
Thank you for sharing. I am happy you are doing so well.

It does seem in his mind to be all about him. I think it rather astonishing, even though it is of course not my place, that he would tell you you have not been replaced.

I don't mean that there isn't a shade of truth to what he says. He must have come to realize, even after abandoning you, that he cannot abandon almost thirty years of his own life. Or conversely, what a great loss he sustained when he let you go.

But it's like if someone hacked off my arm, and then says: You know, I haven't got it any more. And expect me to feel some solace from that.

There is an extremely insulting piece of Chinese folklore about so-called nymphomaniacs that accuses them of being unable to spend a single night without a man next to them. I am afraid this is much more true of many ex-husbands who have been featured on this forum. They are terrified of their own shadow, and would use other human beings as a veritable baseball bat to whack away introspection.

My xH told me around the time the divorce was finalized to start seeing other people. He says, "No one is worth this," meaning my standing. He did not know for sure that I was waiting for him, but he knew that I wasn't seeing others.

To this date, I think to myself: That is your world. In that world, no one else is indispensable. You are alone in that world, and you have no faith in anyone, yourself included.

But that is not my world.
  • Logged

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 453
  • Gender: Female
Ropeburn
#3: July 05, 2022, 09:38:38 PM
Thank you for sharing Ropeburn. It is inspiring to know that the LBS still made it through even without the MLC spouse. You mentioned you ex never said sorry to you. My H did say sorry a hundred times but it doesn’t mean anything to me because he kept doing the things that would hurt me. He was probably sorry because what he thought would make him happy didn’t. Or probably he was sorry because I found out about the OW and his lies.

It’s astonishing to know that after a long time, there’s still that part of these MLCers that sees they messed up big time. They’re probably just too proud to or maybe ashamed to admit they messed up their marriage and their life.
  • Logged
Me 46
H    48
Married 11 yrs at BD, no kids,
BD May 2019 (I moved out Nov 2019)
EA or PA with ex gf (not sure), H spent 3 nights with the hoe during our vacation in July 2019, it was a friendly encounter according to H
H wanted D April 2020 seeing suspected OW2 (divorced with two kids) and 2 years older than him, H didn’t file the D
Clinging boomerang
6/21 H moved in with me; kicked him out 01/22
H turned into a vanisher, wants a Divorce, OW 3 (16 years younger and extreme sporty)
14.11.22 Divorce final

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11888
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
New Life Here I Come 2
#4: July 06, 2022, 01:57:36 AM
Hi Rope!

Nice to see you again.

Seems that Mr. MLCxH is still tunneling right along... Isn't interesting that they feel they have to lie over things that are of absolutely no value?

I've linked your previous thread to this one.

UM
  • Logged
« Last Edit: July 06, 2022, 03:34:25 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1181
  • Gender: Female
  • I am surviving and going foward
New Life Here I Come 2
#5: July 06, 2022, 02:25:17 AM
Hi zion,sachertorte,dragonfly
 Thank you for reading my thread MLC ,is no joke it can break you or make you stronger ,I'm hoping the later part has finally kicked in .

  Xh has started reaching out in the past year ,every few months a text or so . I started texting him back in the wee hrs  of the morning ,needless to say that stopped that . I enjoyed doing that way to much lol.
 
  The way they think is so darn confusing I quit trying to understand him ,so many lies lord if I had a dollar for ever one he told I would be a wealthy woman. 
  So I said he came by for the first time since divorce, well he and the little wifey ,this is her third marraige,have bought a house . Now the question is why did he drop by at that time? Who knows ,I'm just glad I didn't get butterflies or heart palpation s like I used to,

 I am growing and learning to do things for myself its quite invigorating, you tube,is my best friend lol. The most recent was to buy a kit to remove stripped screws ,never knew there was such a thing ,and removed and replaced bottom hose on my shark vacumm. Little proud of myself.

  I just need to work on meeting and greeting ,I'm very introverted, shy,quiet , well alcohol helps that . But when I get to know you ,you have a friend that will do what ever she can to help you .
I think I'm ready to take the plunge into dating ,ugh,at 56 that's scary . How do you meet someone ? Dating site,bars,I need a wing girl lol

   For the ones just starting this nightmare ,time is the answer . I know I got tired of hearing it but it is true ,although I will always love and cherish the marriage I had ,the soul mate ,best friend he is gone now and life must go on . Each of us is different I'm not one bit ashamed it has taken me this long  ,it is what it is, and what you make of it .....

 Um
  Thank you for being so kind and fixing my thread for me ..
  • Logged
« Last Edit: July 06, 2022, 03:34:41 AM by UrsaMajor »

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1232
  • Gender: Female
New Life Here I Come 2
#6: July 07, 2022, 01:18:26 AM
Ropeburn- I’m with you. I will be 60 tomorrow. I need that wing gal also and the thought of having to meet and learn a new person and their history of decades is not a thrilling thought for me either.
  • Logged
Her prize is a man who ran out on his wife and children. His is a woman who is too stupid to understand that she is not special, she is simply there.

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1181
  • Gender: Female
  • I am surviving and going foward
New Life Here I Come 2
#7: July 08, 2022, 06:51:25 AM
Madluv
  It terrifies me to even think about it . I mean do they snore,pick their nose ,fart etc lol
  Seriously I could care less if they have lots of money or paycheck to paycheck.  Just so they treat me good , oh and want to go to  the beach ⛱ every once and awhile
  • Logged

s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4842
  • Gender: Female
New Life Here I Come 2
#8: July 10, 2022, 09:36:22 AM
Good to hear from you, Rope!

Also in year 7 here and I was pretty sure quite some time ago I'd never hear an "I'm sorry" or get any closure as to why he just up and ran away and married some bizarre women who'd already had 4 marriages! 

The dating pool?  Well, from the little I've done it's a pretty shallow pool!   I just keep living my life, spending time with my family, working, and enjoying my Harley and the hobbies I have.  Guess Mr. Wonderful is going to have to fall right into my lap because I'd pretty much done with dating websites! 

Drop by and keep us updated!
  • Logged
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11888
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
New Life Here I Come 2
#9: July 11, 2022, 04:42:54 AM
I was always joking that
1) the dating pool is like swimming in a nuclear waste holding tank... LOTS of toxic junk floating around but due to the heat and pressure, finding a diamond is also possible but rare,
2) I would end up being the male equivalent of the cat lady - just some single old guy with a dog... 

However, I got the <plop!> from the universe as someone did actually fall into my lap... .so I am one of the lucky ones at 59 (now - 56 then). Meanwhile MLCxW is still unhappily single, constantly "sick," and complains she is so tired because she has to do everything... Well, that is what happens when you fire your partner who was carrying a bigger portion of the load...
  • Logged
Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.