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Author Topic: My Story Not so new to this

B
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My Story Not so new to this
#20: October 29, 2022, 12:11:14 AM
Treasur,

Lots there to unpack and think about!

I started the marathon training yesterday. I went for a 10k with a very good friend. I only managed 9k! But I was pleased with that as I have done very little exercise since BD. I feel ok this morning, no aches or pains so that is something to be thankful for.
Today I have the kids so we are going to do some pumpkin carving this morning, always a tradition between me and them which w didn’t really get involved in.
This afternoon is the birthday of the daughter of my running partner from yesterday. I’m looking forward to that. They are a wonderful family and I love spending time with them.
Tonight I’m going to see my local group of friends for a catch up. This group of friends I have been close to since childhood, some for almost my whole life. We got even closer when our friend died 20 years ago. His parents and the girl he was engaged to will join us too I hope. I haven’t seen his fiancé for ages, she’s a wonderful woman, so strong!!
I might try another 10k tomorrow morning, I’ll see how the legs are by then!
On Monday it is Halloween. It’s been a family tradition that we go to my running partners house to spend it with them for many years. Halloween is not such a big deal in the uk as it is in the US but it is growing in popularity. Running partners road gets a lot of kids trick or treating due to its location and the fact that it has very little traffic.
S and D are with W on Monday but D has asked that I be at the Halloween celebrations. W said to D that if I’m going to be there then she wouldn’t go. D burst out crying and so W has now said she will go. D has also been planning to go as the joker and has bought various bits of clothing and styled herself a fantastic costume. She’s so cute! I have secretly bought a Batman costume without telling her so I’ll turn up on Monday wearing that, which will hopefully make D laugh!
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#21: October 29, 2022, 12:28:02 AM
Well done on the running, Biscuit....think you are lining up for the London Marathon next year?

Quote
W said to D that if I’m going to be there then she wouldn’t go. D burst out crying and so W has now said she will go.
We learn, with time, to judge our ex/spouses by their actions more than their words. Right now, this is how your wife is approaching co-parenting......which may temper some of your expectations  ::)
Hope you have a nice Halloween Monday regardless  :)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

B
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#22: October 29, 2022, 01:09:24 AM
Yes Treasur, London marathon next April.
It’s not a bucket list thing or anything like that but W’s BF’s husband just did it in October. I witnessed his dedication and personal growth in this period. Pre BD I used to quite like a run, so I thought, sod it, I’m going to set myself that goal!
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#23: October 29, 2022, 04:08:06 AM
Well, that’s two HS folks....maybe we need to arrange a small HS cheering you on group?  :)
It is quite something both to watch and (i’m told lol) take part in. Starts from just outside where I used to live in Blackheath so I always used to go out and cheer folks on!
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

B
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#24: October 30, 2022, 05:04:31 PM
Just a bit of journaling:

Great day with D and S yesterday. S didn't want to carve pumpkins but me and D did a couple of really good ones. Due to my artistic bent I usually have a routine of sitting down with the kids and drawing a few designs up before deciding on our favourites. D's one this year was my fave that she has ever done. It was so simple and cute. A tiny little face right in the middle of a giant pumpkin. I did a more traditional grimacing smile and evil eyes one. Lots of fun!

D had a sleepover at our neighbours house (the one I go running with). His D and my D are very close. It was his D's birthday party / sleepover. I ended up spending much of the day there, playing with the kids and then having dinner and a glass of wine.

In the evening I went to 2 local pubs. One was a 50th party for an old school mate who was in the year below me but we used to hang together as we were massively into skateboarding. There were a load of school friends there and it was nice to see some of the old faces.

Male best friend came to meet me there and then the 2 of us joined up at a different pub with our group of friends, including the family of my amazing mate who died 20 years ago. His fiance was there too. She's never met anyone else, but is content, I think, with her life. I was so happy to see her, she was such a massive part of my life before I met W and I felt a pang of guilt for not staying in touch for the last few years. Anyway, we've made that reconnection now and I'm glad of it. There are silver linings to the time and freedom that our MLCer has given us and the reconnection to so many of my past friends is one of those.
I awoke this morning just as S16 was getting in! I had given him permission to go to a late night party with his friends as long as one of the older guys accompanied him home. He was true to his word!
I let them sleep for a few hours whilst I pottered about at home then went for a short run.
I made them breakfast then took S's friend to the bus stop to get his bus back and took S to W's house. I had a fairly pleasant interaction with W about D's schooling then drove home and got ready to go to a film screening with another old mate who was at the pub last night.
The film was a powerful drama about the Harvey Weinstein case. It follows two female journalists who against all odds built a story to expose the horrific abuse of this powerful man. I think this kind of kick started the Me Too movement. The film was really good, it's called She Said and I'd recommend it, although it is obviously not light entertainment.
Me and my old friend went for a pint afterwards and discussed the film and the horrible abuse of power that some men feel they can get away with. Urrrgggh, kind of makes me sick how men can prey on women in this way.
My friend and I chatted on the way home about the similarities of the breakdown of our relationships. I'm not sure if his was MLC or his wife was just deeply depressed. I guess it doesn't really make a lot of difference to how we respond to this s^%t.
Funnily enough on the train he mentioned that as he didn't have a lawyer acting for him in his divorce he has never actually seen his divorce papers. He has asked his xW many times to see the final papers, she has refused, and her lawyer has refused to speak to my friend. So he may not be divorced at all.
Her behaviour sounds very MLCish.
He has definitely got to a point of detachment and her continuing crazy train actions don't seem to trigger him at all. He is the main care giver to his children, his xW (or maybe not xW) has had periods of months at a time when she can't muster the energy to look after their sons, so he has taken up the slack.
Well, that's it for today! 

Biscuit
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B
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#25: November 02, 2022, 04:07:57 PM
Just a quick note that some of you may find interesting.

I watched a film tonight called The Banshees of Inersherin, set in beautiful rural Ireland in the 1920's. It stars the wonderful Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell as two best friends. Never one to spoil a plot (this isn't a spoiler as it's in every bit of news about the film and the trailer), but if you want to see it and know nothing about the plot don't read on.

So one of the 2 best friends basically BD's the other. If they had been spouses it would have been the BD that we all know and don't love here on HS. It was astounding to see a portrayal of it as stark as it has been for us here on the forum. Just stone cold cuts off his best friend from contact. This all in the first scene. The rest of the film then plays out the obvious aftershocks of a BD. It felt weird to watch it as I've never seen anything like this portrayed in a film before.
Anyway, it's a good film and very thought provoking.
It was nice to go to the cinema on my own too. What I really like about that is I can form my own opinion of the film and not have to tailor my response to someones elses tastes.
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B
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#26: November 22, 2022, 03:45:47 PM
Minor Journalling!

Today I get a call from S16 who today is meant to be staying with W tonight. He's also doing his homeschooling on a daily basis at W's as she has a much bigger place and more space for him to work. Surprise Surprise, he doesn't want to stay at her house or do his homeschooling there either anymore. This is great for me as I get to hang with him all day and every evening. Not so great for his relationship with his mother but that is not on me.
Despite my sadness for S and the break down of relations with W, this was in the post for a while.
I've been enjoying some new found freedom, going to tons of events and basically pleasing myself when the kids aren't with me, I'd gladly trade that for more time with my wonderful boy. He can just come along with me on some of my after work adventures!
As with me, W can't see that she has done a single thing wrong with S. She's blaming him for the break in him seeing her.... Sigh!



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M
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#27: November 22, 2022, 04:04:07 PM
B- I am with you. I will gladly take any time I can get with my kids. Isn’t it sad they can’t see they are the the cause of the breakdown of the relationship with the kids. Let’s hope she wakes up before she can’t repair it. Enjoy your son . He is lucky to have you!
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Her prize is a man who ran out on his wife and children. His is a woman who is too stupid to understand that she is not special, she is simply there.

H
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#28: November 24, 2022, 04:35:15 AM
Hi Biscuit,

Glad you are there for your son.  I know it’s difficult to watch the relationship be strained between your W and son.  For me the strained relationships that have occurred between my XW and others provide me with some peace that it was her crises that she must figure out.  Tough to let go but it has gotten easier in time.

Have fun with your adventures with your son.

HF
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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021
D Final - Jan 2022

B
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#29: November 24, 2022, 02:10:35 PM
Thanks HF and ML,

It's soul destroying to see this entirely predictable mess unfold in front of my eyes. I can't influence it at all and can just be there as the stable one to pick up the pieces.
I didn't believe the vets when they said it gets worse - but it just did! Sorry guys, for not listening to you, or thinking my situ was somehow different.

Happy Thanksgiving to all across the pond by the way!!

B
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