Journaling:

It’s been over 2 months and Baxter and I have settled in nicely. I try to find something fun to do every weekend and there seems to be more travel for work which I very much enjoy. W seems to find an excuse to reach out about once a week. This seems to be the new pattern since I moved out. It’s only been two years since BD so my expectations are still pretty low but it’s nice to see small glimpses of who she was. We all went out for Easter and she was stealing food from my plate, and found an excuse to touch me. Little things that I appreciate but also try not to put too much stock into.

Planning some trips for the summer: trying to get Washington Oregon and British Columbia, maybe Alberta too. Next court date is in September, a couple more months for her to cook. The kids will be at camp, Baxter and I are gone so I’m guessing it will be a lonely empty house all summer. Time will tell how this works out. Whatever happens I know I’ll be fine.

I think that the true emotional connection never really leaves. It diminishes over time. I think of people I have not seen for years and as soon as I get with them again it is as if we have seen each other every day. The connection is still there.

This make sense. But my mom always tells me, she doesn't have any emotional connection with my father. She said, she forgave him, but she still doesn't like him anymore as a person. My father never changed so I can understand my mom. He even betrayed us, his kids, the last time we had contact with him. For us, he is now a total stranger.

When my ex filed for divorce, there was a shift. I think the moment I went from viewing her as my partner to a business transaction, the emotional connection was severed. My mentality became more geared to this is something she wants despite the pain it was inflicting on me. Just like your ex, her pursuit of something else was more important than me and that was all that mattered.

I thought after the divorce, I would cut him off totally. But that was not the case. Then I said to myself, after his alimony to me ends, that will be the end of our connection. So now, I stopped texting my ex husband. When I started contacting him again, that emotional connection seemed to get stronger, at least on my side. I don't think this is a good thing for me. So these past few weeks, I decided not to text him anymore. It's hard to imagine, not contacting him anymore especially when I am in some kind of trouble. He's the one who's always there to help me like when I had an accident last year. However, this contact, though positive, slows me down in moving forward. It gives me a false sense of hope. And everytime, I realize he is still there in the midst of the crisis. It's like a slap in the face to wake me up.

 

The only thing that your ex does that mine doesn't do is do anchor checks. It just seems to me that as he pursues his experiences, he still needs to connect time to time with his past. Then he moves on to the next thrill.

My ex does contact me once in a blue moon. But lately, I realized I was the one contacting him more often. Like when I'm reminded of something funny, or when I see something he used to like or anything that I know only him can connect, I would send it to him. I guess, I'm just missing having someone to share things with. I miss being able to share funny things with him that only me and him would laugh about it.

I hope you have the opportunity to experience someone new that respects you and care about you more than anything else.

Thank you Ready, I do hope I would have a second chance in that department. It's nice living alone and discovering yourself but a lot of times, I also wished I had someone to talk to and share life with.

Thanks XY,

Yes, I think my W trusts me more than anyone else in her life  too (not reciprocal yet though, given the nonsense that went on around BD!). She did come to the Easter pub roast - we spent more than 3 hours having a lovely meal, laughing, joking, talking about films and playing cards - and had a lovely meal and a bottle of wine together.
That will probably be that for a while now - she generally takes a big step back after weekends when we spend loads of time together. That's what happened at Christmas - but let's see if there's a different response this time?
Anyway, happy easter - I'm off to eat some chocolate.

Thanks for reading along Help and XY,

I think you hit the nail on the head XY, I'm continuing to explore and have my own life whilst still leaving the door open to interaction with my W. It doesn't feel like cake eating at all, I'd shut it off if I thought she was taking the p1$$. We're giving each other space and continuing our own lives whilst also enjoying time together as a family. We don't ask each other anything really, aside from regarding the kids or finances, but slowly, slowly each of us feel more comfortable with sharing what is going on in our personal lives outside of family stuff. I don't think there is another OM in the picture, but I'd probably reconsider our interactions, and standing if there was. But for now it's all progress. W and I spent almost 2 decades as a loving and very close couple, she's been a great mother to our kids too, aside from a year or so after BD, so I think I'm indebted to her to hang on a while and support her through a difficult time in her life.
Sample of one obviously!

B x

This is wonderful to read Biscuit.

Everyone’s journey is different. My wife will no longer come to the door of the house or come outside her house when I drop the kids off.

I continue to hope for improvement in our interactions but I realised there is nothing I can do.

Our litigation about the kids is also obviously unhelpful.

It is a joy to read of your family being together.