[sachat3]

So Clington had a friend who was lovely with the girls, they loved him. He loved them. He also had kids that were good mates with mine but since clington got in this new relationship he’s binned his mates off. Luckily we have each other on social media and I’ve made it so the kids don’t miss out. Anyway two weeks ago, his mate had a baby and my girls have been desperate to meet the baby. So he came over with the baby. We got chit chatting and it’s actually transpired that c, I may have mentioned it in this thread or the last. She was actually pregnant with Clingtons child 🤦🏾‍♀️ it was an eptopic pregnancy and as you can imagine clington was…..awful. I’m so so so so annoyed by this because he gives me aggro for any friends I have over or anything and yet he almost gave my children a sibling! Which just makes me more sure that K the new girlfriend will 100% end up having his child!!!

[KayDee]

Despite all your work towards detachment, this must still be very hurtful Sachat. I think sometimes there's this strange space between holding onto the old image of our former spouse (the one's we chose) and yet not wanting the current spouse in one's life. As a friend of mine said recently - hope dies slowly. Is it our own liminal zone?

I do wonder, with some people in this type of crisis, if they just 'go along' with things. No excuses, just an observation I suppose. Hand over the steering wheel to another. I am certainly seeing that.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Despite all your work towards detachment, this must still be very hurtful Sachat. I think sometimes there's this strange space between holding onto the old image of our former spouse (the one's we chose) and yet not wanting the current spouse in one's life.

You could write a whole book on this one statement in how we define our own reality. What makes bomb drop so shattering is that it comes out of the blue and completely changes not only how we view our relationship, but how we view ourselves and our perceptions of what is real or not. The MLCers lose or desire to change their identity leads to us questioning our own as well. In the beginning, I totally blamed myself as being the issue and that if I improved and became superman, she would clearly see the difference and return.

Of course, the driving force to fixing me was because I was losing the love of my life and I might as well have been watching a boatload of gold sinking into the ocean. She was the "best thing" in my life and losing her would be the end of my world. At that time, in my mind, she was perfect and all of the crisis was a result of me.

Of course, as time passed, the viewpoint shifted and sometimes she became the villain. Not fair either. However, we do what we need to do to get back on our feet and rebuild our perception of reality. Today, she is neither. We are not friends because I don't trust her. However, I can accept her as another person trying to make it through life's ups and downs and give her the respect she deserves in that regard.

Since I have been responding to Sachat3's story, I have always hoped Clington would pull it together and reunite his family. It would be nice to see a purple book by her name and say, another family saved. Findingjoy's story was a great thread and she could have gone either way, but in the end, she welcomed back her MLCer and they have a reunited family.

So after Clington and Princess Skittles parted ways and he started showing a new interest in his family and Sachat3, I was hopeful. Yet, Sachat3 knew better and her wisdom was far better than mine. His actions after her initial refusal, didn't demonstrate someone who was committed to winning his family back, but more of the same- looking for the easy way out.

Clington, is a what my new wife calls a"charmer".  They are like the pretty boxes on display at a store. All glitter and gold on the outside, but empty on the inside.

He shouldn't even have a puppy let alone another child. He can't even take care of himself let alone be responsible enough to be a father. Making babies is not the point, raising them is the key. As Seinfeld stated when the car rental didn't have a car for him, "Taking the reservation is easy, it's the hold part that is important."  That's why I have a lot of respect and admiration for Sachat. Because while she may have her fun, she handles her business.

Sad to say, but I lost a lot of respect for Clington. Maybe one day, he will learn about the "hold" part in life. However,  I respect your choices and decisions more than ever.

Have a great day,

(((Ready)))

[Curiosity]

Ready, I had exactly the same thoughts after Clington and Princess Skittles split… I hadn’t remembered that nickname, but I love it! But you’re so right - Clington really seemed like he was growing up back then, taking ownership of his life and taking an interest in his kids. But the moment it didn’t turn into an immediate reconciliation, he fell right back into his irresponsible and self-sabotaging ways, proving that Sachat was absolutely right to question whether his apparent growth back then was real. It’s a perfect example of how, once the LBS has detached from the MLCer’s roller coaster, he or she can often trust their instincts - but that detachment is absolutely essential.

I do think it’s particularly challenging when the LBS and MLCer have kids together - especially young kids but even when the “kids” are fully grown, there is always a link between the LBS and MLCer. And it must be hard for an LBS to see their kids being disappointed by the MLCer. Even when you no longer think of that person as a potential spouse or partner in any way, they can still hurt you through the disappointment they bring to your kids. But the trade-off that I have seen in so many stories here, is that because the LBS so often heals and finds strength that perhaps they didn’t know they had, is that the LBS over time develops an even stronger relationship with their kids than they would have had if the MLC had never occurred. Those girls are very lucky to have you as a parent - and I bet they know it even in these adolescent and almost adolescent years, but I am absolutely sure they will appreciate their bond with you when they are adults.

[FaithWalker]

I think Skittles Princess was actually the OW in Mortesbride's story.  I wonder how she is doing?

Maybe there are two skittles princesses, lol.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Talk to the bear about the origins of Skittles. I just plagiarized his work that's all.

Have a great day,

(((Ready)))

[UrsaMajor]

Hello,

Talk to the bear about the origins of Skittles. I just plagiarized his work that's all.

Have a great day,

(((Ready)))

Clington's OW was the Disney Princess IIRC... Mortesbride's MLC'er had the Skittles Princess.... 

[sachat3]

So it’s been a while since I did an update! Clington has a partner, I don’t want to call her a new girlfriend because she’s not new. Tbh she’s actually quite nice. I like this one. She converted her dining room into my kids bedroom. She’s a good one. I even wished her a happy Mother’s Day on behalf of my kids. Which took a lot in me. But she isn’t the problem. He is.

However D13 also wished her a happy Mother’s Day. Which my friends saw and they commented how K (new gf) bares a resemblance to me. I don’t see it but quite a few do.
London was mine and Clingtons place. We went there yearly. Recently I took D13 for a concert to the country artist Tucker Wetmore. D13 is OBSESSED with him & to cut a long story short, she almost didn’t get in. But I kicked off and fought for her. So they eventually let her in, they were gonna kick her out but even sat her back stage. She met him. His mum. He even got her on stage with him.  They say never meet your idols but for D13 couldn’t be further from the truth. Her idol is lovely. However, me and D13 went to London a few weeks later Clington and K go to London. They do everything we did. Even eating at the same places we did. Which is so bizarre because of where we stayed and where they stayed are two completely different places.

One thing I have noticed is, Clington can’t brings the kids back without K being in the car. She seems to always be around at pick up/drop off. Even Mother’s Day weekend. He took the kids to pick something for me (which is lovely) but she was there. Clington sorted my gift and yet she gave them money to spend on whatever they wanted. Very bizarre.

I’ve sort of got myself to a place where I can be nice to Clington. Sort of. Do I expect more from him? No. I’ve become used to this life. Do I wish he would do more. Yes. On D11 birthday D13 captured a lovely photo, and to the naked eye it looks like a nice pic however the reality is, I was consoling D11 because as she blew the candles out on her cake she said “I wish my Dad was here”.

Clington sees the kids every other weekend. And so by default I’m classed as a “co parent”. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t comparent because Clinton doesn’t parent. I single hardly raise these kids. And I don’t mean that to be braggy or whatever but it’s a fact. He has no involvement nor interest in thekr upbringing.

It’s been 7 years since BD and tbh not a lot has changed. He’s still the same person. Still begs for his family back and yet does nothing to get that.

[Dragonfly33]

Nice to hear an update from you Sascha. Your BD was just a year ahead of mine. It sounds like you’re in a good place now. I cannot imagine how painful it is as a parent to watch a child wishing her dad to be around on her birthday. You’re doing a great job Sascha as a parent. I am amazed at how cordial you are with your x’s OW. I, myself, U don’t know if I can manage that kind of composure in front of the OW. Your MLCer and mine are the same. Nothing has changed much to this day. Continue to move forward and enjoy your life with your kids.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Good to hear from you. I see that you are having a great life with your girls.  I am glad that your daughter got the opportunity to meet her idol and it was a positive meeting. I am into physical fitness and got to meet Shaun T at a special meeting. He was amazing and even better in person. Just a great person. Your girls are so lucky to have you for a mom.

Clington sees the kids every other weekend. And so by default I’m classed as a “co parent”.

Of course, the word is a joke. Fifteen years ago, I was "married" to my wife, but she was involved in an affair and had checked out so were we really a married couple? No. In short, you are a single parent and happen to have a part time baby sitter twice a month. Does he help your children with homework? Does he tend to them when they are sick? Does he provide guidance as a loving parent or would rather be seen as a really good friend?

So I don't think co-parent really fits and you and the girls need to accept that he is "Dad" in name only and you are the true parent.

Keep going strong and continue to love those girls!

(((Ready)))