[forthetrees]

In the future can you take a photo or short video of the kids and say you´ll send it to their Dad? That protects them as well from possibly seeing his ow and feeling short-changed. It also preempts them from encountering a reaction that they were not expecting from their Dad. AND it protects you from any direct communication with him. If you don´t show up to the game, maybe all you´re entitled to are the highlight reels? Also, by just sending clips, it´s in his face as to what he has chosen to miss out on. When it´s a live interaction he can fool himself into thinking he´s actually parenting. I would only send a video or photo if your kids request it.

I agree with Treasure that the MLCer ho-hum attitude towards abandoning the family is not normal whereas your pain is normal. You have done the rational thing in response to your pain- divorce, financial decision to move, etc. You will reach the not my circus, not my monkeys level of detachment but it does take a good long while.

[Trustandlove]

amazing, it took me 10 years to make the decision not to contact him for any reason, not even if one of the kids ended up in the hospital.  Until that time I had still tried to at least get him to be a parent, but finally had to admit defeat, and realise that keeping on trying to do that was hurting me more than helping.

If he wasn't going to be a parent he wasn't going to be a parent. 

And even then it took ages for those feelings of shock and betrayal to die down and it's been years since that decision.  And even now when he does something that hurts one of the kids it comes back up.  But at least it's not as sharp, and it dies down quickly.  I don't think it can ever fully disappear if we have children, it's so hard to be completely indifferent for that reason. 

So whatever you are feeling is more than normal, for the record I think you are doing absolutely brilliantly.  As a matter of fact I think it would be odd if you didn't feel those things.  I still, after so much time, just don't get how this is all possible, even if I absolutely don't what the person that he is right now and I have built a good life. But, as someone here said, that person is walking around in the body of the man I married.  Although he hasn't taken care of that body as far as I can tell....