[MadLuv]

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12098.150

Will it ever end?

Recently after 1 yr 8 mths of no communication via phone or text I had to email my XH. Sales of NfL tickets weren’t covering post season, so sent an email ( to avoid a conversation, but to inform only) that stated that there may be a charge coming due to this and also stated we did have one ticket not used if he wanted to go. We are to share tickets, but he has not gone since married, but he has not wanted to give up the tickets. Last lawyer communication I asked to clarify how to handle the tickets and the lawyer nor XH responded, but he continues to pay for the tickets.

I assumed the avoidant XH he has been and the vanisher he has become he would just ignore, but at least I did my part on the offer of sharing the seats as per the divorce. Well, last night I got a response and I was shocked. Then I read the response and at first I had a bit of a stomach drop as it seemed intentionally cruel to me, but then I realized that his OW/wife clearly sent it.  We had agreed on our divorce to go to one game a year as family and that clearly will never happen, but the response was

My email

Xh,
S32 wants to go to the playoffs this year. We have not been going. I have transferred ticket sales and it covers the divisional game, but there will be a $422 charge if they go to the championship game. If you would like to go to either game we have kept a game ticket open for you, but if I don’t hear from you I will sell your ticket and credit the account.

Madluv

Reaponse from him ( but definitely her)

No, because if I decided to go, I would need another ticket to take my wife with me.

First, my XH cant spell and he definitely does not use commas. Second, it’s about her. Not about him spending time with his son.  I don’t know if she responded without him knowing or if he knows. I would not put it past him to delete the email from me and for her to find it and respond, but what I do know is that she definitely is in control and does not care at all about him connecting with his kids.
 Obviously, the game is next week. He never asked for tickets and now plane tickets, hotels are booked. If he wanted to go with his son I would absolutely give up the game for him to go with his son as he hasn’t seen him in 3 years.

I know I need to cover myself legally so it doesn’t look like I am not sharing tickets he is entitled to, but I also don't want to get sucked into any drama.  S32 would NEVER go to a game with her or spend any time with her and he knows it, so this is definitely her.

Open to any suggestions from anyone that can view this from the outside on how to respond. I thought about just responding with a screen print that I put the ticket up for sale, but I feel I need to address that the response is that he “cant” basically go because he isn’t being given the 2 tickets

Any advise???

[Treasur]

I really think you don’t.
You offered a ticket. He (?) said No. So you sell it as you said you would and credit the account.

His reasons for the No are not your concern.
If he allows ow to answer emails for him, also not your concern. (Well, other than it might affect how/if you email him in future)
And his choice, or not, to spend time with his son is also not your concern. (Even if it causes you some concern for your son if that makes sense, but to be fair, they are both adults and entirely capable of spending time with each other without an NFL game if they wish to do so)

Your query was asked and answered, and is now documented to cover your legal obligations.

Imho you were fired from the job of being concerned about any of the rest of it. But, after decades of being the family facilitator, it can take a while to lay down some of those old responsibilities if only in your head perhaps? But it’s ok to do so.

[marvin4242]

Sorry I am a bit confused. You asked a question, you received an answer. I mean this with all respect but it's not your job nor your place to interpret or guess who it came from, why, or analyze grammar. That seems to imply you are still a bit on the hook (as Treasur also said). And I am guessing the legal agreement has no clause about his right applying based on who he wants to take (son, wife, girlfriend, random stranger), right?

I am personally confused about what no means, no don't sell the ticket, or sell it. But if you think you know which it is it doesn't matter who it came from. If it is his right then the action, analysis and thought should stop there.

[forthetrees]

Not your circus, not your monkeys. I would interpret the "no" as he´s not interested in the ticket. Go ahead and sell it. If you respond she will know that you are still in their drama. You have worked far too hard and for far too long to get tangled in her tentacles. The Yiddish phrase for this sounds like "lazan meyle" which I take to mean, "God, let it go." It´s not worth your time or effort.

[MadLuv]

Thank you treasur,  marvin and fortthetrees

His, No because you’re not giving me enough tickets is what was the concern. For me. Since I said we held a ticket for you.

I am the account holder of the tickets. We have 5. So, he can’t go without asking me and me sending him the tickets. I haven’t messaged him in a year, even on business nor a convo on phone in almost 2 years. I think I was concerned because we are to share the tickets. He hasn’t asked at all for any and I stopped asking him, but since there was money due this year  on the post season I gave him the heads up on the charge. I did not expect a reply , so was just stating that it appears to be her, because he would not reply. Why now? He has ignored all business communication for 2 years.

 So, the change had me concerned that maybe legally the response was that I was not giving him the ability to go with his share of the tickets. We fortunately and unfortunately have many financial agreements for the rest of our lives and I am always trying to protect those. I get nervous when there is a change.  His OW/Wife is very materialistic and greedy. Who knows when she will try and enforce some financial changes.

I have stepped back for several hours and decided not to reply. He knows when games are happening and can ask me for the tickets . I tried to be considerate, but I just don’t want to play the game. I agree. I have worked to hard to be sucked back in. He knows if he wants to go I would give him tickets, but not after we have made plans 1 week before a game he didn’t ask to go to.

In the beginning it was nice that I asked and he agreed to so much, but I also hate that it keeps me tied and a little on edge on when it may still implode on me. If that makes sense.

[marvin4242]

In the beginning it was nice that I asked and he agreed to so much, but I also hate that it keeps me tied and a little on edge on when it may still implode on me. If that makes sense.

Thanks for clarifications, and that is completely understandable. Fortunately you have the solution in your hands: constantly work to not get roped in, triggered, pulled in, etc. You already have the perfect solution: have him ask for tickets and if he doesn't ask you can assume he doesn't want it.

It took me a while to stop worrying, planning or sometimes even caring about my Ws actions and motivations. But the more I just let things stand at face value the easier it was to detach.

[OffRoad]

In general, what everyone said. Asked, answered done.

However, what does "share" the tickets mean? If you have five, how many is he entitled to? One? Half? Three one year and two the next? This matters in the equation of should you do something different next year or not.

[MadLuv]

Offroad- exactly. We have 5 tickets and we are to share equally. However, every year I asked and he declined ( I assume out of shame) 2 years ago I had the issue of his not responding anymore after I found proof of him cheating as far back as 2010. I told him that we were not friends and he had not been for a long time. I told him that when he decided to be accountable ( because even with proof he said he didn’t believe was I was telling him ) and reengage with his kids and leave his wife then I would consider a friendship. I didn't see any friendship until then.

So, after that when I had to message him on business he stopped responding. He withholds communication as punishment. I had to take him to small claims court because his cc expired on the account last year and he refused to answer me. So, that was a year ago on last years games. I have not contacted him since, even though I had things I needed him to resolve.  This whole season has gone by and he has not asked for any. The post season he would have already needed to, but when I messaged him on the balance due I offered the 1 ticket we weren't using and that was the reply.

I still firmly believe it was her. He is just an extreme avoidant. I don't think after him not communicating for almost 2 years would he answer on that. What I was concerned with was covering myself legally. Answering back that

Respectfully, no tickets have been requested

Then leave it at that to cover myself legally. I do have him on recording stating he couldn't go to any games last year and we should go and enjoy and if we couldnt sell them. I think his wife wants to go, but I feel he is making excuses why he cant, because he hasn’t seen his kids in 3 years and the hames are our family history. He knows that would be the nail in the coffin with his kids and like I said, S32 is not going with her and he knows it .

He has to be a father without her. He has cant force a relationship they don't want. His wife only cares about her and her kids and I think she doesn’t want him reconnecting with his kids.

So, that why I thought I should respond with the simple response that if he had considered going he would have had to request tickets and I got no request.

*** so we go to half the games and I sell the other half that are his and credit the account. Thats not in the divorce. I do it to be fair. Playoffs however it would be splitting seats. I dont think I can sit with OW, but I would if I had to. Thats why the response was ridiculous, because no way does he want us face to face.

*** and, I have offered that we change our seats and split them into 2 and 3 in different locations so that this isnt a problem, but he didn’t want to do that. I also offered to completely take over the tickets and let him out and he also did not want to do that. That id why I think this is her responding.  Specially, since the email response is all about her going and not him responding at all about his son. It’s just not him. He does cruel and avoidant behavior covertly. He never ever mentions her to me and never refers to her as her wife.  So, like Treasur was stating. If it is her I am not feeling so safe communicating through that email anymore.

[OffRoad]

IMO, and take it as such, staying connected with something like this becomes an insane thing to do. If all you do is ask every year "Do you want any of the tickets" and are OK with either answer and can let it go, then fine. No drama. But unless you are capable of sitting with them both, or you are OK with them using two tickets and then no one who wants to hang with her wants to go,  the tickets should be divided to two separate areas. Period. You can trade who get 2 or three each year.

Doesn't matter who responded. Really it just doesn't. "Do you want ticket or tickets?" No, cool. Yes, cool. But if he is entitled to two, he should get two. Then everyone has to decide if anyone wants to sit with them.If each person in the family is entitled to one, then so be that.

Me? I'd take it to court to get full custody of said tickets, but that's me. If I've learned anything it's that staying linked makes it much harder to properly move forward.

JMO,  your mileage may vary. Heck, I'm no longer linked except by kids and I got decent home made peanut brittle for Christmas. Cool. I sent a Thank You back with children. Done. When I don't get any next year, won't care. It's very freeing. As a perspective.

[MadLuv]

Offroad-Oh, I agree and I have gave all those ideas. I am not working and broke my back and honestly don't need the expense of the games. The shame seems to be keeping him away. I think the only game issues are the playoffs. Other wise we are at different games if he chooses to go, but yes…. I stopped asking , because I’m not his mother and he wasn’t replying. I guess small claims court has them replying. His attorney nor him ever replied to my different suggestions on resolving the tickets. His attorney just said, if it makes you feel any better he doesn’t want to change anything he agreed to.

After consulting with higher powers I emailed him or them ( as you said I guess who cares)

Respectfully, no tickets had been requested. I put the ticket now up for sale, but with temps low it will be a hard sell if at all.

If you want to go to the championship game there are 3 tickets available. S32 and I are going. We have already booked flights, room and car, so it is to late for us to cancel.

I have offered and I’m done with it. I have a feeling he may request some next year and maybe that will get all this in some normalcy. I do think that I will print the schedule next year with the games available to him and send them by mail and have him check what games he wants and how he wants the tickets. To be honest the games are family and it was the one thing he hadn’t tainted by taking her and her girls. I wanted one thing that wasn’t tainted, but at this point I just dont care . I just want peace and not to deal with the insanity!!

[MadLuv]

Also, it is important to add that he has no relationship with his kids wither. He discarded us all. I think this would all be a mute point if he was still being a father.
I think the easiest solution is these 4 games are yours and these 4 our mine ( in total all 5 seats)  every other year each of us get to go to the playoffs totally. No sharing. That is what I am going to propose with a letter from my lawyer for him to respond to.

Thank you all so much. Having a vanisher with a highly controlling OW/wife is almost like dealing with a cult victim. Truly!!

[marvin4242]

Madluv it all makes perfect sense. I do want to ask if i may: does it seem maybe you are spending a little more emotional energy on this topic that is useful for you>

[MadLuv]

Hmmm, maybe? It’s an issue and I came here to maybe vent it out and continue to journal my issues in this process. Someone once told me to feel each pain and frustration and see it through. Dont let others tell you what is ok to feel and not. I want to figure it out and not brush it under the rug. Honestly everything about MLC is to much time and energy wasted. Yet we are all here after years. Who’s to say all of us after years arent still spending to much time and energy on this subject in general. You know?  So with that, YES. It’s too much time and energy. I agree!! 🤣

[marvin4242]

Thanks to be very clear I am in no way criticizing or commenting, it was just something posed as a question for you to think about. This place is great to vent, state, and even reflect on what is going on. I do it all the time. And honestly I had to work myself on this for a long time until it just became completely second nature, but it took a while. That is why I was asking.

The less energy you find yourself putting into the unstable crazy behavior of your MLCer ex the more energy you have for what is important, you and your kids.

[MadLuv]

Marvin… It was a little bit of a judgment or the question wouldn’t be posed. Personally, thats fine, because it takes each of us outside of our own MLC sitch to see what may be affecting us, even when we may not see it ourselves . It’s kind of like the LBS tough love ❤️ 😆

I also don’t come on here all the time anymore. This literally just happened a few days ago. So, since I haven’t had any communication from him in a year and 8 months I think anyone would worry a little on why now. What does it mean and be a little thrown off.  I honestly went NC to get out of all this and I like it that way. This last situation keeps coming back to make us communicate and never gets resolved no matter how hard I try. To be honest I think he likes that tether. I do not.

But, I love the little tough love replies. It always makes me dig deeper into what I am thinking and is it healthy. Is he still getting to me. What can I do about it if he is. So, thank you

This to shall pass. 🙏

[beyondblessed]

ML, it may be just me, but if you are tied to this agreement of sharing tickets, but him never wanting them, whether he's in agreement or not, I'd be finding a way to sever this agreement permanently because it's only keeping you tethered to him.  He has no access to you otherwise, and he certainly doesn't seem interested in these tickets or games anymore, so really it seems logical and much more convenient for you to petition to drop this arrangement and get tickets of your own with no attachment to him or her.  Let him get new season tickets for them, if including her is so important to him.  Problem solved and one less triangulation for you.

[MadLuv]

BB- I agree, but here is the deal. It’s a lot of money. 15k a year. So, I also am not willing to give that back to him. So, that is where the issue is. Each year the price increases also. He pays until he dies. So, I would be a fool to give back that kind of money and I am laid off and with a fractured back and he left me uninsured. -

This is where the issue is. I would love to stop all our agreements, but that would just put more money in their pocket. Money that I gave up a career for. That I saved for our retirement. While I have no insurance, she is driving a Mercedes and drenched in diamonds. That makes me not want to give it back.  Hopefully, he will just disappear for another 2 years. He does want to go, but he has felt guilt so he hasn't. I just have to see how this plays out. If he opts out of what I just offered then I don't have to think about it again until next season. If he wants to start bringing her than maybe finally we can just agree on games and post season finally. Get in a routine. It has always been him not communicating. Maybe he will start now? If he does we can settle this and move on with a more defined agreement.

Im not in my 30’s or 40’s or 50’s. He left me at retirement. It makes a huge difference. I just have to work through what I can handle. It’s been a pretty quiet year until last week. For the most part.

[xyzcf]

I just watched the Broncos get terribly beat by the Bills. Football brings back many good memories of what once was. I embrace these memories even though sometimes they rattle me, even after such a long time. We used to go to Buffalo and watch the Bills play, we had season tickets to the Broncos..those were good times.

Their actions are still quite bizarre at times and that throws us as well.

My therapist said something , that it's ok to be sad, but what is even more difficult is to be sad and feel alone...but we are not alone..others here can understand as we try to make sense out of the non sensible.

I understand that these tickets were something that you did together as a family, and you don't want the OW to spoil those memories as well. I too have moments where the OW's make me really angry, the life that once was mine is now theirs.

How can we ever stop spending emotional energy? I have tried, I have been in therapy, done the work, built a good life for myself..yet I still miss the life we once had. I could be wrong but perhaps those LBSers who are in other relationships, have found love again find it easier to let the past go...I don't know..just seems that way sometimes.

And then there are others who for whatever reason can be upset or engage in monkey braining about things...and sometimes that is not in our control.

Because I have chosen a different route in maintaining contact with my husband, I could ask him outright if I needed to about something like the shared tickets but what works for me, doesn't mean it works for others.

Just writing out some of what happens in our lives, even years later can be cathartic. You are trying to make sure that you are following the settlement laid out by the courts...sometimes you just can't win.

[MadLuv]

So true XY. I actually made our divorce agreement. My XH never hired an attorney and my attorney just wrote up what I asked. Of course at the time I thought we would stay on good terms and be able to work together. I had no idea
the depth of a double life he was living and hiding. His need to disappear rather than face it all. So now those agreements are becoming another pain in my side. I keep being civil and I think he tries to stay with what he agreed to, but she OW is starting to obviously feel some way about it.

If I was a guessing gal, my D33 having a baby and XH not being a part of it is starting to cause him some consequences. OW had a D27 had a GB last year and I am sure that he is now a reminder of his grandchildren.

I wish my XH wife/OW was just a normal person that we could all just get a long. I envy the fact you have some relationship with your XH. For all of you. I think its the best outcome for everyone if handled right. I tried for that, but OW is making it difficult for my XH to even have a relationship with his children and grandchildren.

I thought the Broncos were going to pullthat off until they didnt. They started out strong.
Thank you XY.

[xyzcf]

I thought the Broncos were going to pullthat off until they didnt. They started out strong.

I know! That first touch down so early in the game!!!

I wish my XH wife/OW was just a normal person that we could all just get a long. I envy the fact you have some relationship with your XH. For all of you

Each of us have different stories even though there are so many similarities. Although I know there are other women, they have all been kept deeply hidden. He doesn't live with any of them, didn't marry any of them and has never introduced anyone or even hinted that there was another woman to our daughter. I doubt I could be "friendly" if he was married to someone else. (being friendly does not mean that I consider him a friend).

I'll be with him for a third surgery in Feb, he stayed here at Christmas for 5 days and we'll all go together on a beach vacation in March as we have done for a couple of years. I tell myself whoever "she" is...how does she feel about his time spent with me? But then I can wonder all I want and I don't really have any clue of what he's up to.

Nobody prepared us for "this" and so we often just have to decide what works best for us..and as my therapist also told me, that can change from one day to the next.

I am sorry that you have to be reminded of the tickets every year. I feel that way each time I need to get out the divorce papers, recently to apply for Social Security...unfortunately, it's almost impossible to rid ourselves of them even if we want to (and I have not wanted to or I would have cut contact a long time agao), especially when there are children and grandchildren. The way they turn their backs on their children and grandchildren are evidence once again that it is not about us.

[beyondblessed]

BB- I agree, but here is the deal. It’s a lot of money. 15k a year. So, I also am not willing to give that back to him. So, that is where the issue is. Each year the price increases also. He pays until he dies. So, I would be a fool to give back that kind of money and I am laid off and with a fractured back and he left me uninsured. -

This is where the issue is. I would love to stop all our agreements, but that would just put more money in their pocket. Money that I gave up a career for. That I saved for our retirement. While I have no insurance, she is driving a Mercedes and drenched in diamonds. That makes me not want to give it back.  Hopefully, he will just disappear for another 2 years. He does want to go, but he has felt guilt so he hasn't. I just have to see how this plays out. If he opts out of what I just offered then I don't have to think about it again until next season. If he wants to start bringing her than maybe finally we can just agree on games and post season finally. Get in a routine. It has always been him not communicating. Maybe he will start now? If he does we can settle this and move on with a more defined agreement.

Im not in my 30’s or 40’s or 50’s. He left me at retirement. It makes a huge difference. I just have to work through what I can handle. It’s been a pretty quiet year until last week. For the most part.

 ML, thank you for clarifying your position, as I was not aware he was solely paying for these tickets.  That is a huge chunk of change to be dropping every year for something that his guilty conscience keeps him from enjoying.  Just more crazy to add to the already overflowing pot, I guess. 

His Owifey may seem to be living it up now, but it likely won't last forever.  These people are masters at pretending and showcasing every imagined success and highlight of their lives, but what none of us get to see are the scenes and clips that don't make the cut.  I think it's part of their deluded nature to work as twice as hard at presenting a false narrative when things aren't going well for them.

[MadLuv]

Coming up on 4 years divorced next week and my xsil posted she recently was in LV to visit her mom for her bday and see middle BIl and family. She who never wanted to meet OW and called XH ( her bil) weak. She posted. Pictures and in the background was XH and OW. LV was where we took our last wedding anniversary so it was a little jarring to see them standing in a place where we were. He also has been seeing a lot of his 2 brothers and family in the last 2 years. A family I had to pull teeth for him to see as he hated them all. It is just another thing that just makes you question if what he ever said was real or if he has now been so isolated that he is embracing and reconnecting with anything from his past . So, I guess I will probably unfollow x-sil also now as I dont need to see their bonding. Does me no good.

My D34 told me that in her cmas card he signed the card as his name and not Dad and he did the same on our sons card. Again, stating he wanted to see them, but no actions behind the words. She also said before she went on maternity leave that she went to the breakroom ( we all worked for the same company & she is the last to still be there) and employee called her to their table full and asked if she would tell her father how much the employees miss him ( he was fired 3 years ago next week the day before our 1 yr divorce anniversary) D34 said she could hardly contain herself with everyone not realizing he was fired and thinking he just left and thinking he is some great guy. She said,  you want me to tell my father you miss him? The lady said, yes. D34 said, I looked at her and in a raised voice said, I havent see THAT MAN in 3 years!!! She said, it felt good to just not care and let it out. So there is that….

[MadLuv]

So, I had the craziest thing happen and it really threw me off for a day or so. I got a email from our city parks and recs that the a father of one of the childrens memorial instruments in our musical playground wanted his child sign. We took them down, because all the instruments had been replaced and they did not match. The child was the grandchild of my XH asst day manager at his old job.

So, after 4 years of disconnection from that group and not knowing what they now knew or didn’t I was a little leary. However, she is classy and not a gossiper and so I felt it would all go well. I emailed her my phone number and she called me. I made arrangements to drop the sign off with her. We exchanged niceties and then she said the following

Madluv, I still can’t believe and match who I knew for decades with what I am hearing. I said, oh? Are there rumors and talking, because I wasn’t sure. Everyone thinks he is a great guy and I assumed they still do. She said, as soon as OWife transfer people started to piece it together. She said, that woman is nothing but troubles. She is a mess. She will take him for every penny he has. She thinks she is amazing and everyone should bow to her. She is a mess.

I was so shocker, because she is not a gossiper, but she seems very traumatized herself. She said, I can now looking back see some of the signs, but I guess I ignored or dismissed them because I held him to such a high standard. I couldn’t imagine he would do what he did and specifically knowing his kids work in the same building. She said, I felt so bad for them when he got fired. She said, ai was glad S32 quit. She said, I know D34 just had a baby so I haven’t seen her. I said, she just quit. She said, good.

She then said, I sometimes just think how did this even start? Like when did the switch flip? I replied, you and me both!!! I said, basically anyone that had an issue and came in his office he started some type of bond/relationship as their savior and it just seems it escalated. I said, in the middle of the #metoo movement!  I did tell her some of the ones I knew and that he had a 3 year unreciprocated relationship with. I said, he was literally in an escape fantasy world. She said, well I heard he doesn’t even live with his OWife anymore. I said, I know!!$ they are in different states. You can’t make it up. She said, maybe he is waking up. If he isn’t I am telling you she will be is Karma. I have been in this building for decades and she has been a problem the whole time. She is very difficult person.

Anyways… so interesting to hear that people are figuring it all out and gossiping and shocked. It was nice to get some real opinion of OWife as I truly have never seen her or met her in person. She did say that she herself has no contact with XH and doesn’t see any reason to ever reconnect with him know what she knows now. She just kept saying, I can’t believe the moral guy with such character is not that at all. I said, I know. Believe me. 30 years and kids. It’s hard to take it all in!

[MadLuv]

Little update and also a funny little story to share

In the last 6 months I started to get my XH bills for Internet and gas from our condo ( where OW and her daughter live) He lives in a house they bought in another state. Anyways, I don't know why it reverted back to a paper bill, but all bills originally came to our main home since the condo was only for his need to have a home in corporate location.

So, I l kept thinking it would resolve, but it never did. I emailed XH and explained I was getting them and could he please contact the companies and resolve it. I get an email back and it states “ Hello, we have tried to fix this but we need the email and sign on “  we??? Great!! Talking to OW.  I replied, I gave it to XH in 2020, but sure here it is.

She came back with “ I apologize. XH said he never had access to the email . I don’t understand why your getting these bills?”

Now, I am frustrated. I decide if ai have to have a conversation with her I am going to answer with a little time table truth dart.I reply,
“All bills came to our main home as the condo was only used once a month when XH had to be at corporate . Until November 2020 when we separated. I assume something changed to revert them back to the original send to address.
I gave XH a folder with a spread sheet of all sign ons, bills, accounts and numbers. His  SS card, birth certificate, home loan info. He has always had access to all.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. It just part of untangling of 30 years that was dismantled quickly in 90 days. Things will pop up”

She came back again, I KID YOU NOT!!!! She says, I got the folder. I see the spread sheets. There are some things missing. I still don't understand why you would ever get our bills there, but XH told me he would take care of when he gets home. I will make sure you do not get anymore communication or notifications “

So, whats funny is that I think all along she was told we were separated and I think she had been to the condo and thought that was only his and I never lived there. I know that I found an email in june 5 months before he left, so they were involved I believe most of 2020. So, my little truth darts on when we actually separated and that the condo was not his full time residence was new to her.

What is funny is she obviously is texting with XH while this is going on and after that he told her he would take care or it and I never heard from her again. He was not expecting her to communicate so much and he is so avoidant he let it happen until she asked to many questions . Whats funny is when I sent the folder to him years ago I put inside other things to show that we were together. Cards, also I drew on the mortgage papers a drawing with a house and hearts etc. Things that tied us together and showed there was a relationship. I had a feeling then that someone was in the picture . I dont think he ever went through it. Obviously!!

I got a little laugh out of the fact that the truth always come out. My replies to her were unemotional. Just facts, but is was very clear that she could not understand why the bills from the condo would be attached to my house. I think mr avoidant had to do some explaining.

Side note… today I got bills in the mail again. Saturday, I got a text that their internet was out. So, not sure why I am now also getting texts, but when OWife said  that she promised no more bills would come she lied.  I cant believe 4 years later and I can’t get him to handle the smallest of things to disconnect our lives and I feared after the chief email that I assumed was her this was just the start.  I should not have to communicate with her at all.  I don’t think he likes it either. 🙂

[Dragonfly33]

Hi Madluv, nice to read your updates here. I think it's best to just ignore his bills coming to your place. Or you could just have it forwarded to his address by the post office. Here where I live, we can inform the post office of the new address and everything under a name of that person who now lives in a different place will be automatically forwarded to the  new address until such time the other person informs the companies of the new address. They are given then a deadline. Then they stop forwarding the bills. I would also not waste time communicating with the OW. Just ignore her emails. Don't give them the satisfaction. Wish you a nice week.

[beyondblessed]

ML, oh what a tangled web they weave <insert huge eye roll>   They run so fast at first and have such a head start, only to fall flat on their faces, even years later.  Eventually all their lies come back to bite them.  Actions and consequences, oh well.

And, if anyone knows the satisfaction of a well placed truth dart, it's this girl right here.  Sometimes the petty just needs a place to go, so I totally get it.  If anything, I'm sure OW is questioning a lot of things right now,  and it truly wouldn't surprise me, if your xh was hiding even more things from her than just the bills lol   

[MadLuv]

Dragonfly- gosh, how I wish I could. My name is still on the bills. I transferred responsibility but he never took my name off them and now they wont remove me. He has to. If I forward mail all my bills would go to him. Hmmmmm, lol!!!

Beyond blessed- 😂 I didn’t want to communicate, but when she kept coming back at me asking I really could not resist.

Not sure if anyone remembers but her SIL is currently in court for assault with a deadly weapon. I have worked hard to remove myself from all connections to him on line by google search and contacting any site that had my name and address. Best thing I have done, but as long as his bills are coming here and the addresses link we will link.

This has gotten so crazy. As a survivor of home invasion rape I do not want a felon linked to me through my XH and his choices. Who knows if he will need money and who knows what narrative XH has told. He could come break in here and rob me. At this point nothing is beyond belief. If you would have told me any of this could be a reality 4 years ago I would have called you all crazy. We have all been there, but now the felony charge? I mean it’s just not what I thought was in the realm. Also, his sister is in jail being convicted for repeated assault against family members, the other sister filed charges against her moms boyfriend for theft. The  list goes on. It is a thug family.

I think you can see where my concern is. I am single and I just want to feel safe.

[Dragonfly33]

Oh sorry Madluv, I thought it was just his name. Insist on your xh to remove your name right away, you don’t want to be entangled in his mess. Can you request to these companies to remove it since you are divorced already? OW’s family sounds very messed up. MLCErs really know where chaos is. Looks like the chaos their going through attracts another chaos. Hope this will be resolved soon Madluv.

[MadLuv]

Thank you DF. I did call the companies first before I reached out to XH and they said he had to do it. Contacting him was not something I wanted to do.  I have just decided to circle his name on the bills and return to sender and see if they will do something in the billing department. Cant hurt to try