[MadLuv]

Also, it is important to add that he has no relationship with his kids wither. He discarded us all. I think this would all be a mute point if he was still being a father.
I think the easiest solution is these 4 games are yours and these 4 our mine ( in total all 5 seats)  every other year each of us get to go to the playoffs totally. No sharing. That is what I am going to propose with a letter from my lawyer for him to respond to.

Thank you all so much. Having a vanisher with a highly controlling OW/wife is almost like dealing with a cult victim. Truly!!

[marvin4242]

Madluv it all makes perfect sense. I do want to ask if i may: does it seem maybe you are spending a little more emotional energy on this topic that is useful for you>

[MadLuv]

Hmmm, maybe? It’s an issue and I came here to maybe vent it out and continue to journal my issues in this process. Someone once told me to feel each pain and frustration and see it through. Dont let others tell you what is ok to feel and not. I want to figure it out and not brush it under the rug. Honestly everything about MLC is to much time and energy wasted. Yet we are all here after years. Who’s to say all of us after years arent still spending to much time and energy on this subject in general. You know?  So with that, YES. It’s too much time and energy. I agree!! 🤣

[marvin4242]

Thanks to be very clear I am in no way criticizing or commenting, it was just something posed as a question for you to think about. This place is great to vent, state, and even reflect on what is going on. I do it all the time. And honestly I had to work myself on this for a long time until it just became completely second nature, but it took a while. That is why I was asking.

The less energy you find yourself putting into the unstable crazy behavior of your MLCer ex the more energy you have for what is important, you and your kids.

[MadLuv]

Marvin… It was a little bit of a judgment or the question wouldn’t be posed. Personally, thats fine, because it takes each of us outside of our own MLC sitch to see what may be affecting us, even when we may not see it ourselves . It’s kind of like the LBS tough love ❤️ 😆

I also don’t come on here all the time anymore. This literally just happened a few days ago. So, since I haven’t had any communication from him in a year and 8 months I think anyone would worry a little on why now. What does it mean and be a little thrown off.  I honestly went NC to get out of all this and I like it that way. This last situation keeps coming back to make us communicate and never gets resolved no matter how hard I try. To be honest I think he likes that tether. I do not.

But, I love the little tough love replies. It always makes me dig deeper into what I am thinking and is it healthy. Is he still getting to me. What can I do about it if he is. So, thank you

This to shall pass. 🙏

[beyondblessed]

ML, it may be just me, but if you are tied to this agreement of sharing tickets, but him never wanting them, whether he's in agreement or not, I'd be finding a way to sever this agreement permanently because it's only keeping you tethered to him.  He has no access to you otherwise, and he certainly doesn't seem interested in these tickets or games anymore, so really it seems logical and much more convenient for you to petition to drop this arrangement and get tickets of your own with no attachment to him or her.  Let him get new season tickets for them, if including her is so important to him.  Problem solved and one less triangulation for you.

[MadLuv]

BB- I agree, but here is the deal. It’s a lot of money. 15k a year. So, I also am not willing to give that back to him. So, that is where the issue is. Each year the price increases also. He pays until he dies. So, I would be a fool to give back that kind of money and I am laid off and with a fractured back and he left me uninsured. -

This is where the issue is. I would love to stop all our agreements, but that would just put more money in their pocket. Money that I gave up a career for. That I saved for our retirement. While I have no insurance, she is driving a Mercedes and drenched in diamonds. That makes me not want to give it back.  Hopefully, he will just disappear for another 2 years. He does want to go, but he has felt guilt so he hasn't. I just have to see how this plays out. If he opts out of what I just offered then I don't have to think about it again until next season. If he wants to start bringing her than maybe finally we can just agree on games and post season finally. Get in a routine. It has always been him not communicating. Maybe he will start now? If he does we can settle this and move on with a more defined agreement.

Im not in my 30’s or 40’s or 50’s. He left me at retirement. It makes a huge difference. I just have to work through what I can handle. It’s been a pretty quiet year until last week. For the most part.

[xyzcf]

I just watched the Broncos get terribly beat by the Bills. Football brings back many good memories of what once was. I embrace these memories even though sometimes they rattle me, even after such a long time. We used to go to Buffalo and watch the Bills play, we had season tickets to the Broncos..those were good times.

Their actions are still quite bizarre at times and that throws us as well.

My therapist said something , that it's ok to be sad, but what is even more difficult is to be sad and feel alone...but we are not alone..others here can understand as we try to make sense out of the non sensible.

I understand that these tickets were something that you did together as a family, and you don't want the OW to spoil those memories as well. I too have moments where the OW's make me really angry, the life that once was mine is now theirs.

How can we ever stop spending emotional energy? I have tried, I have been in therapy, done the work, built a good life for myself..yet I still miss the life we once had. I could be wrong but perhaps those LBSers who are in other relationships, have found love again find it easier to let the past go...I don't know..just seems that way sometimes.

And then there are others who for whatever reason can be upset or engage in monkey braining about things...and sometimes that is not in our control.

Because I have chosen a different route in maintaining contact with my husband, I could ask him outright if I needed to about something like the shared tickets but what works for me, doesn't mean it works for others.

Just writing out some of what happens in our lives, even years later can be cathartic. You are trying to make sure that you are following the settlement laid out by the courts...sometimes you just can't win.

[MadLuv]

So true XY. I actually made our divorce agreement. My XH never hired an attorney and my attorney just wrote up what I asked. Of course at the time I thought we would stay on good terms and be able to work together. I had no idea
the depth of a double life he was living and hiding. His need to disappear rather than face it all. So now those agreements are becoming another pain in my side. I keep being civil and I think he tries to stay with what he agreed to, but she OW is starting to obviously feel some way about it.

If I was a guessing gal, my D33 having a baby and XH not being a part of it is starting to cause him some consequences. OW had a D27 had a GB last year and I am sure that he is now a reminder of his grandchildren.

I wish my XH wife/OW was just a normal person that we could all just get a long. I envy the fact you have some relationship with your XH. For all of you. I think its the best outcome for everyone if handled right. I tried for that, but OW is making it difficult for my XH to even have a relationship with his children and grandchildren.

I thought the Broncos were going to pullthat off until they didnt. They started out strong.
Thank you XY.

[xyzcf]

I thought the Broncos were going to pullthat off until they didnt. They started out strong.

I know! That first touch down so early in the game!!!

I wish my XH wife/OW was just a normal person that we could all just get a long. I envy the fact you have some relationship with your XH. For all of you

Each of us have different stories even though there are so many similarities. Although I know there are other women, they have all been kept deeply hidden. He doesn't live with any of them, didn't marry any of them and has never introduced anyone or even hinted that there was another woman to our daughter. I doubt I could be "friendly" if he was married to someone else. (being friendly does not mean that I consider him a friend).

I'll be with him for a third surgery in Feb, he stayed here at Christmas for 5 days and we'll all go together on a beach vacation in March as we have done for a couple of years. I tell myself whoever "she" is...how does she feel about his time spent with me? But then I can wonder all I want and I don't really have any clue of what he's up to.

Nobody prepared us for "this" and so we often just have to decide what works best for us..and as my therapist also told me, that can change from one day to the next.

I am sorry that you have to be reminded of the tickets every year. I feel that way each time I need to get out the divorce papers, recently to apply for Social Security...unfortunately, it's almost impossible to rid ourselves of them even if we want to (and I have not wanted to or I would have cut contact a long time agao), especially when there are children and grandchildren. The way they turn their backs on their children and grandchildren are evidence once again that it is not about us.