[beyondblessed]

BB- I agree, but here is the deal. It’s a lot of money. 15k a year. So, I also am not willing to give that back to him. So, that is where the issue is. Each year the price increases also. He pays until he dies. So, I would be a fool to give back that kind of money and I am laid off and with a fractured back and he left me uninsured. -

This is where the issue is. I would love to stop all our agreements, but that would just put more money in their pocket. Money that I gave up a career for. That I saved for our retirement. While I have no insurance, she is driving a Mercedes and drenched in diamonds. That makes me not want to give it back.  Hopefully, he will just disappear for another 2 years. He does want to go, but he has felt guilt so he hasn't. I just have to see how this plays out. If he opts out of what I just offered then I don't have to think about it again until next season. If he wants to start bringing her than maybe finally we can just agree on games and post season finally. Get in a routine. It has always been him not communicating. Maybe he will start now? If he does we can settle this and move on with a more defined agreement.

Im not in my 30’s or 40’s or 50’s. He left me at retirement. It makes a huge difference. I just have to work through what I can handle. It’s been a pretty quiet year until last week. For the most part.

 ML, thank you for clarifying your position, as I was not aware he was solely paying for these tickets.  That is a huge chunk of change to be dropping every year for something that his guilty conscience keeps him from enjoying.  Just more crazy to add to the already overflowing pot, I guess. 

His Owifey may seem to be living it up now, but it likely won't last forever.  These people are masters at pretending and showcasing every imagined success and highlight of their lives, but what none of us get to see are the scenes and clips that don't make the cut.  I think it's part of their deluded nature to work as twice as hard at presenting a false narrative when things aren't going well for them.

[MadLuv]

Coming up on 4 years divorced next week and my xsil posted she recently was in LV to visit her mom for her bday and see middle BIl and family. She who never wanted to meet OW and called XH ( her bil) weak. She posted. Pictures and in the background was XH and OW. LV was where we took our last wedding anniversary so it was a little jarring to see them standing in a place where we were. He also has been seeing a lot of his 2 brothers and family in the last 2 years. A family I had to pull teeth for him to see as he hated them all. It is just another thing that just makes you question if what he ever said was real or if he has now been so isolated that he is embracing and reconnecting with anything from his past . So, I guess I will probably unfollow x-sil also now as I dont need to see their bonding. Does me no good.

My D34 told me that in her cmas card he signed the card as his name and not Dad and he did the same on our sons card. Again, stating he wanted to see them, but no actions behind the words. She also said before she went on maternity leave that she went to the breakroom ( we all worked for the same company & she is the last to still be there) and employee called her to their table full and asked if she would tell her father how much the employees miss him ( he was fired 3 years ago next week the day before our 1 yr divorce anniversary) D34 said she could hardly contain herself with everyone not realizing he was fired and thinking he just left and thinking he is some great guy. She said,  you want me to tell my father you miss him? The lady said, yes. D34 said, I looked at her and in a raised voice said, I havent see THAT MAN in 3 years!!! She said, it felt good to just not care and let it out. So there is that….

[MadLuv]

So, I had the craziest thing happen and it really threw me off for a day or so. I got a email from our city parks and recs that the a father of one of the childrens memorial instruments in our musical playground wanted his child sign. We took them down, because all the instruments had been replaced and they did not match. The child was the grandchild of my XH asst day manager at his old job.

So, after 4 years of disconnection from that group and not knowing what they now knew or didn’t I was a little leary. However, she is classy and not a gossiper and so I felt it would all go well. I emailed her my phone number and she called me. I made arrangements to drop the sign off with her. We exchanged niceties and then she said the following

Madluv, I still can’t believe and match who I knew for decades with what I am hearing. I said, oh? Are there rumors and talking, because I wasn’t sure. Everyone thinks he is a great guy and I assumed they still do. She said, as soon as OWife transfer people started to piece it together. She said, that woman is nothing but troubles. She is a mess. She will take him for every penny he has. She thinks she is amazing and everyone should bow to her. She is a mess.

I was so shocker, because she is not a gossiper, but she seems very traumatized herself. She said, I can now looking back see some of the signs, but I guess I ignored or dismissed them because I held him to such a high standard. I couldn’t imagine he would do what he did and specifically knowing his kids work in the same building. She said, I felt so bad for them when he got fired. She said, ai was glad S32 quit. She said, I know D34 just had a baby so I haven’t seen her. I said, she just quit. She said, good.

She then said, I sometimes just think how did this even start? Like when did the switch flip? I replied, you and me both!!! I said, basically anyone that had an issue and came in his office he started some type of bond/relationship as their savior and it just seems it escalated. I said, in the middle of the #metoo movement!  I did tell her some of the ones I knew and that he had a 3 year unreciprocated relationship with. I said, he was literally in an escape fantasy world. She said, well I heard he doesn’t even live with his OWife anymore. I said, I know!!$ they are in different states. You can’t make it up. She said, maybe he is waking up. If he isn’t I am telling you she will be is Karma. I have been in this building for decades and she has been a problem the whole time. She is very difficult person.

Anyways… so interesting to hear that people are figuring it all out and gossiping and shocked. It was nice to get some real opinion of OWife as I truly have never seen her or met her in person. She did say that she herself has no contact with XH and doesn’t see any reason to ever reconnect with him know what she knows now. She just kept saying, I can’t believe the moral guy with such character is not that at all. I said, I know. Believe me. 30 years and kids. It’s hard to take it all in!

[MadLuv]

Little update and also a funny little story to share

In the last 6 months I started to get my XH bills for Internet and gas from our condo ( where OW and her daughter live) He lives in a house they bought in another state. Anyways, I don't know why it reverted back to a paper bill, but all bills originally came to our main home since the condo was only for his need to have a home in corporate location.

So, I l kept thinking it would resolve, but it never did. I emailed XH and explained I was getting them and could he please contact the companies and resolve it. I get an email back and it states “ Hello, we have tried to fix this but we need the email and sign on “  we??? Great!! Talking to OW.  I replied, I gave it to XH in 2020, but sure here it is.

She came back with “ I apologize. XH said he never had access to the email . I don’t understand why your getting these bills?”

Now, I am frustrated. I decide if ai have to have a conversation with her I am going to answer with a little time table truth dart.I reply,
“All bills came to our main home as the condo was only used once a month when XH had to be at corporate . Until November 2020 when we separated. I assume something changed to revert them back to the original send to address.
I gave XH a folder with a spread sheet of all sign ons, bills, accounts and numbers. His  SS card, birth certificate, home loan info. He has always had access to all.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. It just part of untangling of 30 years that was dismantled quickly in 90 days. Things will pop up”

She came back again, I KID YOU NOT!!!! She says, I got the folder. I see the spread sheets. There are some things missing. I still don't understand why you would ever get our bills there, but XH told me he would take care of when he gets home. I will make sure you do not get anymore communication or notifications “

So, whats funny is that I think all along she was told we were separated and I think she had been to the condo and thought that was only his and I never lived there. I know that I found an email in june 5 months before he left, so they were involved I believe most of 2020. So, my little truth darts on when we actually separated and that the condo was not his full time residence was new to her.

What is funny is she obviously is texting with XH while this is going on and after that he told her he would take care or it and I never heard from her again. He was not expecting her to communicate so much and he is so avoidant he let it happen until she asked to many questions . Whats funny is when I sent the folder to him years ago I put inside other things to show that we were together. Cards, also I drew on the mortgage papers a drawing with a house and hearts etc. Things that tied us together and showed there was a relationship. I had a feeling then that someone was in the picture . I dont think he ever went through it. Obviously!!

I got a little laugh out of the fact that the truth always come out. My replies to her were unemotional. Just facts, but is was very clear that she could not understand why the bills from the condo would be attached to my house. I think mr avoidant had to do some explaining.

Side note… today I got bills in the mail again. Saturday, I got a text that their internet was out. So, not sure why I am now also getting texts, but when OWife said  that she promised no more bills would come she lied.  I cant believe 4 years later and I can’t get him to handle the smallest of things to disconnect our lives and I feared after the chief email that I assumed was her this was just the start.  I should not have to communicate with her at all.  I don’t think he likes it either. 🙂

[Dragonfly33]

Hi Madluv, nice to read your updates here. I think it's best to just ignore his bills coming to your place. Or you could just have it forwarded to his address by the post office. Here where I live, we can inform the post office of the new address and everything under a name of that person who now lives in a different place will be automatically forwarded to the  new address until such time the other person informs the companies of the new address. They are given then a deadline. Then they stop forwarding the bills. I would also not waste time communicating with the OW. Just ignore her emails. Don't give them the satisfaction. Wish you a nice week.

[beyondblessed]

ML, oh what a tangled web they weave <insert huge eye roll>   They run so fast at first and have such a head start, only to fall flat on their faces, even years later.  Eventually all their lies come back to bite them.  Actions and consequences, oh well.

And, if anyone knows the satisfaction of a well placed truth dart, it's this girl right here.  Sometimes the petty just needs a place to go, so I totally get it.  If anything, I'm sure OW is questioning a lot of things right now,  and it truly wouldn't surprise me, if your xh was hiding even more things from her than just the bills lol   

[MadLuv]

Dragonfly- gosh, how I wish I could. My name is still on the bills. I transferred responsibility but he never took my name off them and now they wont remove me. He has to. If I forward mail all my bills would go to him. Hmmmmm, lol!!!

Beyond blessed- 😂 I didn’t want to communicate, but when she kept coming back at me asking I really could not resist.

Not sure if anyone remembers but her SIL is currently in court for assault with a deadly weapon. I have worked hard to remove myself from all connections to him on line by google search and contacting any site that had my name and address. Best thing I have done, but as long as his bills are coming here and the addresses link we will link.

This has gotten so crazy. As a survivor of home invasion rape I do not want a felon linked to me through my XH and his choices. Who knows if he will need money and who knows what narrative XH has told. He could come break in here and rob me. At this point nothing is beyond belief. If you would have told me any of this could be a reality 4 years ago I would have called you all crazy. We have all been there, but now the felony charge? I mean it’s just not what I thought was in the realm. Also, his sister is in jail being convicted for repeated assault against family members, the other sister filed charges against her moms boyfriend for theft. The  list goes on. It is a thug family.

I think you can see where my concern is. I am single and I just want to feel safe.

[Dragonfly33]

Oh sorry Madluv, I thought it was just his name. Insist on your xh to remove your name right away, you don’t want to be entangled in his mess. Can you request to these companies to remove it since you are divorced already? OW’s family sounds very messed up. MLCErs really know where chaos is. Looks like the chaos their going through attracts another chaos. Hope this will be resolved soon Madluv.

[MadLuv]

Thank you DF. I did call the companies first before I reached out to XH and they said he had to do it. Contacting him was not something I wanted to do.  I have just decided to circle his name on the bills and return to sender and see if they will do something in the billing department. Cant hurt to try